Chapter 7

Gail found herself in a cautious frame of mind.

The hours after her sex interval with Jimmy gave her time to think, and the more thought that she brought to bear, the more she recognized that she had done something very dangerous indeed.

Perhaps she had enjoyed herself immensely, but Gail had to remember that there were bigger stakes involved. There was her teaching career that she wanted so badly. She realized that it dangled on a tenuous thread, and that all she had to do was to continue an affair like the one that she was having with Jimmy and she could be ruined.

She was hardly able to sleep at all that night. She kept tossing and turning. She would see Jimmy's flailing body as he kept on pumping, then she would think about what the tragic consequences of their sexual activity could be.

She realized that she was on the horns of a dilemma, and it was up to her, she felt, to take the bull by the horns and see to it that the situation was met squarely.

The following day at school, Jimmy looked at her several times and smiled knowingly. It was a smile that indicated a certain intimacy that existed between the two of them, and the more she recognized how attached he was to her, the more hurt she was about the tragedy of the whole affair. If she let things get out of hand, she feared that events would overwhelm her.

She did her best to stay clear of Jimmy during the rest of the day. But he stayed after school and, after the last student had left, he walked up to the desk.

"Hello, Gail baby," he said.

"The name is Miss Johnson to you, Jimmy."

"I thought you said I could call you Gail."

"That was last night."

"What's changed since then."

"We're in a classroom, in case you've forgotten."

"I know where I am," Jimmy snapped a little peevishly. "But I love you and you know it."

"Let's not talk about it anymore."

"Oh yes, it's the very thing we should talk about."

"I really must be going, Jimmy."

"Look let's have us a little study session tonight. What do you say."

"I'm going out tonight."

"What" for?"

"If you must know, I have a date."

"Who with?" Jimmy looked at her with disappointment. "It's somebody you don't know."

"A student here?"

"No, not a student here," she said with heavy sarcasm. "It's a young man that I know. He's older than the students here."

"I guess you're trying to make a point," Jimmy said sadly.

"I'm sorry."

"You really know how to hurt a guy."

"That wasn't said to hurt at all. I wasn't trying to be the least bit derogatory."

"Maybe not, but you're hurting anyway."

"Jimmy, an affair like this just couldn't last."

"Just why the hell not?"

"As I said, look at the difference in our age."

"Hell, I've been to bed with women older than you. They don't seem to mind. Why should you?"

"I'm really not going to talk about it any more, Jimmy. I do have a date tonight. I must be going."

"I was good enough last night, wasn't I?" Jimmy said sarcastically as Gail began to walk away.

"I don't like your attitude." Gail turned and added, "It was just one of those things. Besides, in case you've forgotten, you were the one who made the first move. I never would have."

"You're sure about that?"

"Of course; if you recall, I was scared about getting involved in the first place. It's all your doing."

"I doubt that that is totally accurate," Jimmy said. "You acted like you were anything but opposed to the idea."

"No, I wasn't opposed once it got started. I'm only sorry that I did go along with it, Jimmy. Now you are able to stand up there and say that I had a hand in it."

"Well, that happens to be the truth."

"Let's not talk about it anymore."

"Okay, have it your way," Jimmy shook his head.

Gail left the room first, after which Jimmy stalked angrily down the hall.

As Gail shut the door to the classroom, she couldn't help but feel a tremendous sadness for Jimmy. After all, she had gone along with it completely, once that she had been able to put her fears aside.

She realized that she could not continue a potentially tragic affair with Jimmy, so she had lied to him about having a date that night. It was the only thing she could do under the circumstances, she thought as she left the building and walked toward her car in the parking lot.

She had to let the young man down as easy as possible. She didn't want to come out and tell him outright that she did not want to see him that evening.

Gail then thought about how tragic it was that her prize pupil had made love to her. If she had not been sexually attracted to him, the whole relationship could have transpired very smoothly. She could have given him help without the danger of the extra strings attached.

Now she would be spending a lonely evening at home, and she would no doubt be thinking a good deal about Jimmy.

She fixed a TV dinner for herself and had a glass of wine along with it. Just as she was clearing the dinner dishes from the table, the doorbell rang.

Gail promptly answered the door, being startled by the presence of young Jimmy.

"That's what I thought. I figured you'd be here," he nodded.

"Please go away, Jimmy."

"Are you afraid to even talk to me?"

Jimmy brushed past her, walking inside the apartment.

"I didn't invite you in," Gail said in a trembling tone.

"Okay, so I had to invite myself in. I want to talk to you. I've got to talk to you."

Gail closed the door, then walked over to a chair, sitting down.

"Okay, since I've got no choice," Gail shook her head. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about us."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"There's everything to discuss. I've got to have you, baby. Let's have sex again."

"Get out of here, Jimmy."

"You really can be mean and cold."

"I explained things to you as nicely as I could at school, but you had to insist on coming over."

"You lied to me. You said you had a date."

"It's a late date."

"Then I'll just sit until it's time for you to leave." Jimmy smiled. "I don't want you here. I don't have to make any explanations."

"I don't believe you have any date. It's past eight already, and you're still here."

"Okay, I don't have a date," Gail sighed. "But I had a very good reason for telling you that. I wanted to let you down easy."

"I don't see it that way."

"I'm sorry that you don't, but that happens to be true. I just can't put up with anymore of this. I want to be a teacher so bad, and I'm not going to risk everything to carry on an affair that would have to end sooner or later anyway."

"I never thought you'd pull something like this on me. When I left here last night, I had my head in the clouds."

"I suggest you get your head out of the clouds," Gail said. "Now please leave, Jimmy. I don't really care to talk to you anymore. As a matter-of-fact, I'm getting a headache just talking to you."

"That's real flattering to hear. One night I'm Mr. Superstud, giving you a great time. Then the next night I'm told that you're getting a headache just from talking to me."

"It isn't very pleasant to talk about these things."

"I guess not. Considering you're so emotional."

"You are making me feel that way, Jimmy."

"Okay, so I guess I'm going to have to leave here."

"I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry about it all."

"I'll just bet you are."

"You don't have to be nasty about it, Jimmy."

"I can't help but feel nasty, with you acting the way that you are."

"Please leave."

"And you were the girl who was going to help me win a college scholarship."

"I want you to succeed, Jimmy. I'll still help you with your studies. Believe me, I will."

"Oh yeah, I'm real impressed," Jimmy said angrily. "I really believe you're looking out for my welfare."

"Just because I don't want to carry on an affair with you doesn't mean that I'm not concerned about you as a person."

"Oh no, I guess you're real concerned about me as a person. You've got your pound of flesh last night. You got a good piece of ass, and I guess you figured that would hold you for quite a while."

"I don't like that kind of nasty talk." Gail began to raise her voice. "I guess you just can't stand hearing the truth."

"I guess I can't."

"Please get out of here."

"Okay, I will!" Jimmy stormed toward the door.

As Jimmy slammed the door hard behind him, tears began to stream down both sides of Gail's face.

It hurt her to have an argument with Jimmy. If he had only known, she thought, how much she really thought of him. Her feelings for Jimmy extended far beyond the realm of physical pleasure. They related to the love that she had for him as a person and the respect that she had for him as a student.

But Jimmy could not hope to understand the position she was in. She felt that, one way or another, a prolonged affair with somebody like Jimmy would have to end in some type of destruction.

And destruction was an eventuality that she did not want to face.