Chapter 8
SIBLING RELATIONS IN ADULTHOOD
A newspaper article recently told the story of an elderly couple who had been found dead in their apartment. The husband had died naturally from a heart attack. The woman was ruled a suicide. That part of the story was not unusual. Very devoted spouses have often chosen to go with their life's partner when both were old and lonely.
But this particular case was quite different. Although the couple had been known for years as man and wife, records made available upon their death showed them to be brother and sister. The names were withheld from the press for the sake of their three children, still living.
We would venture to say that if the truth were known there are a surprising number of brothers and sisters who cohabit as man and wife. The phenomenon may be highly unusual, but it is not unnatural.
A child whose first sexual experimentation or completed experience is with his sibling, carries this with him all his life. The incest barrier is nowhere near so great as if the situation had involved a parent and child or an adult relative and child. There is not the same degree of shame.
We often hear of two people marrying who have known each other all their lives, were in school together, lived nearby or even next door. In these cases, love bloomed at a very early age, the two became inseparably attracted and could not imagine life in adulthood without each other. Childhood sweethearts have proven better than average risks for marriage.
The brother and sister who have discovered something more than just a sibling love emotion and playmate in each other may grow up in much the same manner. They feel the same pangs of jealousy and miss each other in much the same way as sweethearts. And if they have shared a satisfying love experience in childhood, they often search for a similarly gratifying one with other women, usually to no avail.
As a well-known actress put it in a recent expose story in a national publication: "I've been around a lot in this crazy world. I've been to bed with a lot of men. I've been married several times. I always go back to my brother. Nobody can make love like him." We have heard the same idea paraphrased many times in our current research.
And there are probably just as many instances of sibling incest that occur for the first time when both have reached the ages of 18 or 21 or more. A 31-year-old industrial engineer suffering from extreme guilt told us of this incident: "We were both loaded. I hadn't seen Jean since she was 18-ten years ago. Hell, we went out drinking and talking over old times. The more drinks I had, the more I realized she had grown up to be one helluva woman. She was staying at my place and ... it just happened. We were kidding around like we used to, only this time we went all the way. The next morning we couldn't look at each other..."
Our research has turned up very few cases of adult homosexual incest among brothers, although the incidence rate is very high in childhood. Among sisters, however, Lesbian relations are not a rarity in adulthood, and the reason may be that they develop a more loving attachment throughout childhood. It is not uncommon at all to find a pair of unmarried sisters who have lived together almost all their lives. And a love relation has been established in some cases.
Again, the fascination of the general public with fantasies of sibling Lesbianism leads to many innocent living arrangements taking on an appearance of incest that does not actually exist. The professional teasers and prostitutes, too, make frequent use of the sister-sister erotic situation in appealing to prurient interests. An apparently legal pitch that is sent to many love club members reads:
"Hello. I believe we have some things in common. My sister and I have certain special interests and hobbies which we enjoy. We are very close and we love each other very much. We travel a lot together and we like to visit friends we make through correspondence. We like photography..."
By innuendo, the two girls have built a potent mental picture for the prurient minded. By a clever bit of letter-writing, they may induce their correspondents to send large sums of money for "personal and private photographs of us in action."
But the pictures too will be completely legal-two young girls "in action" playing tennis, swimming, etc. And the victims can hardly sue in court claiming they expected obscene photos.
In this day and time, although the strict laws are still on the books in almost every Western jurisdiction, we never hear of people being arrested for sibling incest per se. Yet in 17th century Britain, times were based on such charges. Our first brief case history is an example.
Case History (30):
THE TRIAL OF MAJOR THOMAS WEIR, CHARGED WITH INCEST WITH HIS 27-YEAR-OLD SISTER
On April 9, 1670, Major Thomas Weir was brought to trial in Edinburgh on charges of incest, adultery and bestiality. An original transcript of the charges was reproduced in the sensational RADILLAC REDIBIBUS, a rare document printed by Henry Hills at London in 1678. It reads as follows:
"Primo, That he enticed and attempted to defile his sister, JANE WEIR, when she was but ten years old, or thereabout, and that he lay with her when she was 16 years old, while they both dwelt in Family with their Father; and afterwards had frequent carnal dealing with her in the House of Wicket-Shaw in her younger years; and lastly, that after she was 40 years old, he lived in a state of incest with her, in his house at Edinburgh, where they dwelt together many years.
"Secundo, That he committed Incest with MARGARET BOURDON, daughter to his Deceased Wife."
Actually, both Major Weir and his sister stood trial together on the incest charges, and the verbal accusations of two witnesses in open court are quite interesting and certainly germane to our study:
"MARGARET WEIR, Wife to ALEXANDER
WEIR, Bookseller in Edinburgh, testified, that when she was of the age of 27 years, or thereabouts, she found the Major her Brother, and her Sister JANE, lying together in the Barn at Wicket-Shaw, and that they were both naked in the bed together, and that she was above him, and that the Bed did shake, and that she heard some Scandalous language between them in particular, that her Sister said, she was confident she could prove with Child. Furthermore, she Deponed that CATHERINE COOPER a servant of the Majors, told her that she had lain with MARGARET BOURDON his Wives Daughter, so that she would stay no longer in the House.
"ANNE Wife to JAMES SIMPSON, Bookbinder in Edinburgh, declared, That, on Monday preceding, and that day in the morning, that he confessed to her he had committed Incest with his Sister JANE and MARGARET BOURDON his Wives Daughter; as-likewise bestiality with a Mare in the West Country, and that he had carnally conversed with his Maid-servant BESSY WEEMS for two and twenty years." The conviction followed in these words: "The process being thus ended, the Jury did unanimously find the Major guilty of Incest with his Sister, and Bestiality with a Mare, and a Cow, and found him guilty of Adultery, and Fornication by a plurality of Votes. They also unanimously brought in JANE guilty of Incest with her Brother; whereupon the Deputed Judges Sentenced him to be strangled at a Stake betwixt Edinburgh and Leith, on Monday following the 11th of April, and his Body to be burnt to ashes; and condemned her to be hanged on the Tuesday following in the Grass-market of Edinburgh."
COMMENT: This case is mainly of interest for the insight it gives into the harsh attitude of public opinion that was at one time directed against those guilty of all "sex crimes," and adult incest in particular. In our contemporary society we rarely if ever hear of a case like this going to court and the sentences are far less stringent if and when such offenses are brought to trial.
At the same time, if Thomas Weir did actually do all the things for which he was executed, there was obviously an emotional problem present. An adult in his early forties who carnally cohabits with his sister, has intercourse with his daughter-in-law frequently, and performs coitus with animals, is hardly a normal individual.
Case History (31):
MARITAL INCOMPATIBILITY DUE TO HUSBAND'S LOVE OF HIS SISTER
"I could have killed any boy who dated her!" this 35-year-old married man yelled with dramatic impact as he unfolded the twisted story of his love life: "Back in high school-I can remember it like yesterday-I was a madman when she went out with a boy. I'd stay home and smash my fists on the table. I'd curse and scream out loud every dirty word I knew. I never went to sleep until she came home. I'd he in bed and think ... think about how I'd torture the son of a bitch to death who ever tried to mess with her ... the guy she was dating
. . . anybody! I used to kill cats and stray dogs sometimes and make believe it was her date. I'd put their leg in a vice and crack the bone ... then scratch out their eyes with my knife."
To all appearances, Jeff (a pseudonym) seemed perfectly normal as he went about his work as a garage mechanic in a large Canadian city. Yet in analysis, he "exploded" as he relived the tortures of his youth and the violent love for his sister that still persisted. Married and with two children, he claimed to "hate" his wife, called her a "tramp," a "slut," and "not even a good one at that."
Jeff had no difficulty in coiting with his wife. Erection was effortless and his performance was described by her as, "very satisfying, very aggressive, but a little rough." He was willing to seek help for the sake of his children, he said, but vowed that nothing could keep him from loving his sister.
Revealing excerpts from his admission follow:
"Denise is almost three years older than me, and I've loved her since I could remember anything. If mother or father punished me, and sometimes they beat hell out of me because I was always doing bad things, Denise would come in bed and hug me. She was all I ever had..."
"I guess I was ten-maybe nine, maybe 12-when I set fire to an old shack out in the field, and the fire marshal caught me. The police only talked to me, but my father whipped me so hard I was shaking. I couldn't stop shaking. It was like I had chills and I was going crazy. I wanted to kill the whole world!
"I got into bed with Denise and she loved me. She helped me. I got to feeling better in her arms.
She kissed me all over my forehead, my face, my arms, until I was. quiet. I had the urge-right then! I wanted her to kiss my penis! My penis was erect and I told her she had to kiss it or I'd get one of my spells again ... I'd scream and yell and my father would come in and beat me again, and I couldn't take any more, I'd go kill myself.
"Denise satisfied me. She couldn't help herself when I cried and begged her to do it. I don't think she liked to take it all the way then, but she couldn't help herself..."
"Whenever she came back from a date, I'd be in such a state she had to (fellate me) to get me calmed down. She swore she never did anything like that to her dates. I told her I wouldn't believe her unless she let me be the first to love her like a man does a woman.
"There was terror in her eyes when I said that!
"She knew she'd do it, knew she'd have to do it, because if she didn't I'd throw one of my spells and she couldn't stand to have my father beat me again until I stopped. She couldn't stand that because she really loved me!
"Oh, God, I love Denise! She kissed me that night like always and then I took her clothes off. She was 16, maybe 17. I'd never seen her all the way naked. I'd seen her (sex organs) and I'd had her breasts out ... nipples in my mouth. But I'd never seen her whole naked body before. I (coited with her) and I loved it. That was the only way she could calm me down after that...."
"I kept her from getting married and my father beat hell out of me again. I was 18 nearly. He wanted to send me away. I ran away anyway and joined the Army. In two weeks I was AWOL and went home and crawled in my sister's bedroom window and we made love. She talked to me all night. She gave me the strength to go back and turn myself in. I told her if she couldn't come stay near me, I'd go crazy again and end up in the stockade. She took a job near where I was stationed and I lived with her for over a year."
"She introduced me to this girl from town and I liked her because Denise liked her. Denise had me convinced I should get married and Carmen could be the same to me as she was. I fought it for a while, but I really liked Carmen because she had such a hot body. I wanted to (coit) so damned bad, but she wouldn't let me. She let me play a lot and that made me more hot for her.
"I married her then and we went to the mountains for a honeymoon. I liked to have sex with her. It was like I was attacking, hitting somebody. It was different. She ignored me when I'd have a spell, and I'd throw her to the bed like I was raping her. That's what whores and tramps are made for! She can satisfy me that way. But she doesn't love me like Denise. When I'm in bed with Denise, she takes over. She consumes me! She covers me with her body and I feel safe. I go back to Denise anytime I want to because she'll take me in and make me well again."
PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENT: Denise is a mother-surrogate to Jeff. Very early in life she replaced his own mother as the symbol of love, Yet no woman could withstand the neurotic and psychotic demands of a mentally disturbed child like this for long. That is, nobody but one with as masochistic a component to her nature as Denise.
So long as Jeff could continue to "have a spell" and be humored by Denise, run to her for comfort, love and approval, he needed no one else. Their complementary psyches meshed perfectly. And in his constant search to make her "prove" this strange devotion, he continued to set the stakes higher. And Denise continued to match his demands.
A certain degree of maturity showed itself when Jeff made the decision to marry. But Carmen's personality was far different than Denise's. In a way, she made something of a man of him for a while by not catering to his "spells" and "fits." He took out his tension with aggressivity (hate), which worked, up to a point. But this eventually would send him back to Denise, who was always waiting for him and provided the eternal crutch.
Unable to afford a complete psychoanalysis from a private consultant, he was referred to a mental health agency where therapy could be provided according to his ability to pay.
Case History (32):
ADULT LESBIAN "MARRIAGE" BETWEEN SISTERS
Our research tended to show that most of the alleged sister-affairs one hears about are pure fantasy. The prostitute "sister-acts," the erotic teasers and their ilk play to the voyeuristic and vicarious male taste. They are almost all fakes. Some may be actual Lesbians, but hardly sisters.
In order to find a truly legitimate case, since very few lasting relationships of this type come to the attention of police or analysts, we consulted a reliable woman, herself a Lesbian, who mixed socially with a predominantly "gay" crowd of females. Her brief report follows:
"I've heard a hundred girls say they've had affairs with their sisters-mostly when they were kids or adolescents. Some married girls have told me that they went to bed with their sisters while on visits away from their husbands. Certainly, it happens. But nobody talks about it in detail.
"Jill and Tisha in New York, I knew intimately. By that, I mean I knew all about them. They lived together in a Greenwich Village apartment. Jill was 24 and worked as a script-girl at a TV studio. Tish was a would-be model and actress. She was 19. They were both blonde, both beautiful, had gorgeous figures. There was nothing mannish about either one.
"My girlfriend and I used to visit with them a lot to talk over mutual problems that Lesbians always have-and to get loaded. Jill and Tish were the most loving things when they were with someone they trusted. I don't mean anything vulgar. I mean they would cling to each other on the couch like two comfortable purring, pussycats getting warm and cozy with each others' closeness. In baby-dolls or shorts, they looked adorable. They would kiss, caress, etc. Sometimes they would get a little carried away. They would stop before it got too interesting, although I've seen Jill kiss Tish's nipples-tenderly.
"They were the most loving girls I've ever known. Lesbians usually have so many temporary and tawdry affairs that Jill and Tish gave you a new lease on life, a new hope for the future.
"We had no secrets during those get-togethers. Jill used to laugh about having seduced Tish when she was three. They used to play house then arid Jill was the father, Tish the mother. She explained to Tish that a mother and father loved each other, and so did sisters. She claimed she implanted the idea so firmly in her mind that they played variations on the same theme until years later. A
"When Tish was ten she came home bawling her eyes out to Jill. A girl at school had ridiculed her about wanting to marry her sister. Gosh, I guess the poor kid was brainwashed-because they pretended she was a man and asked her if it didn't feel good. They kept playing around and experimenting until they discovered the use of each other's fingers. They slept together, so kissing and feeling and mutual masturbation was something they grew to know anytime they felt like it.
Jill went to work in the city when she was 20. They both dated several boys. They both had sex relations with several boys to see what it was like. It didn't do any good. Tish came up to New York last year and moved in with Jill. Jill had already given up boys and gotten into our crowd. Some of the girls were sorry to see Tish arrive, Jill was dam good in bed.
"They have such a wonderful attitude. They love each other and they don't care if you know it-so long as they like you, and you're 'gay' too. They were from a family in upstate New York, I think. They never talk about their parents, not even when they talk about their childhood."
PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENT: We seriously doubt that Jill and Tisha are as happy as they make out. One giveaway is the absence of any remark about their parents. One must suspect that there was some serious breach in the family, something which may not have been as blatant as the frequent beatings of the male in the previous case history, yet subconsciously potent.
The admission by Jill that she "seduced" her sister at a tender and vulnerable age does not provide us with the full story. Although it unquestionably played a powerful part in the situation which evolved, there were predispositions of undetermined origins present also, we believe.
Some other force had to be at work to push these girls into a lasting love liaison that is completely against our ethical and social mores. They seem to insist too much that theirs is the rare offbeat affair to surpass the happiest Lesbian's fondest dreams.
like the married couple who "bill and coo" in public to the point of bad taste, they go out of their way to prove to their "most trusted friends" that the "perfect love" is possible. We suspect a family divided by subtle conflicts that threw the two girls together in a feminine variation of the sister and brother in the preceding case.