Chapter 4
Dorothy Caldwell unlocked the door of her apartment and hurried inside, experiencing a kind of breathless excitement which she had not felt in ages. She switched on the living room light, for it was already growing dark outside.
Soon it would be dark enough by the time she had finished her supper. Then she would be able to spent the evening doing what she had been anticipating for a long, long time.
It had taken quite a bit of courage to ask Mr. Shipley if she could borrow his binoculars. Of course she had told him that she wanted to do some bird-watching over the weekend. And this fitted into the image which practically everyone at the agency had of her. They all thought of her as prim and virginal completely untouched by desires of the flesh.
If they only knew the fierce hungers that sometimes welled up inside her!
Usually she managed to hold them down by the sheer force of her will. There were unthinkable thoughts, wild urges which at times threatened to drive her mad.
Yet for the twenty-six years of her life she had managed to get by somehow without men or women either for that matter. Oh, she knew all the wanton kinds of debauchery that existed in the world. She had even been introduced to such evils once and it was probably this experience that had turned her into what she was today.
Of all people, it had been her uncle who had done the horrible thing to her. Uncle Gerald, who had come to visit them that summer she was twenty-one. He had been a cheerful man, always joking and laughing, always teasing her for not having a boyfriend.
But when nobody else was around, his teasing became almost obscene.
Now that she thought back on it, she realized that all the while he had had only one thought in his mind. And in those days she had been too innocent to understand.
It happened one afternoon when the two of them were alone in the house. She was reading a book on the living room couch when Uncle Gerald sat down beside her. For a few minutes he engaged in small talk, then suddenly he caught her in his arms and smeared his mouth cruelly on hers.
Terrified, she struggled to break out of his grasp, but he was too strong for her. His rude hands tore at her dress, slipped under her brassiere, squeezed her firm young breasts. He continued to kiss her, his hungry mouth smothering her frightened screams.
Then his hands were tearing her clothes away. She felt his fingers exploring the most secret parts of her body. She was overwhelmed by nausea and revulsion, yet unable to fight him off.
He was out of his head with desire, and she was so afraid that he might even kill her that she gave up the struggle. Lying motionlessly on the couch, she let him have his way. She closed her eyes and felt him moving on top of her, tormenting her body with unbearable pain.
When finally she could stand it no longer, she began to claw at his face. But by that time he was satisfied, and he stood up, leaving her sobbing on the couch.
She was so sick that she ran to the bathroom. Twice she fainted, but finally managed to make it to her bed. Uncle Gerald left soon afterward, and she never mentioned what had happened to anyone, for she had been too ashamed.
It was after this that she began to realize that she was somehow different from her friends. Other girls were frank about their occasional sexual adventures, and most of them seemed to find enjoyment in them. But she felt no sexual attraction at all to any man she met only a kind of suppressed horror and revulsion.
Worst of all, there were times when she did feel a kind of warmth and arousal but this was only when she found herself in intimate contact with another girl. Perhaps she would brush up against another girl at the office, or feel the nearness and warmth of her body. Her own reactions were sometimes terrifying.
This was why she had tried desperately to create a numbness of her senses, a physical deadening. But she had been only partially successful, for now and then the wild cravings would return to haunt her.
She did not want to be different, but on the other hand she had to find out what she really was, once and for all. Perhaps everyone was driven by unbearable needs and hungers. She had to know. It was for this reason that she was drawn by a kind of morbid curiosity to observe what kinds of lives other people lived around her.
This was why she had borrowed the binoculars.
And tonight was the night she was going to look into the secrets of other people's lives, to see forbidden sights. It was going to be even more exciting than she had believed. She tingled all over with eager expectation.
She warmed a can of soup for supper, but she was so filled with nervous tension that she could hardly finish one bowl. She put the dirty dishes in the sink and went through the apartment, turning out lights.
It took her nearly a minute to figure out how to adjust the binoculars and focus on the lighted windows across the way. Then she sat down in a chair and began to search.
There were dozens of windows, hundreds of them. And each one presented a possible scene of intimacy.
Most of the people seemed to be leading ordinary lives, dining or reading or watching television. Though there were a few drawn shades which aroused Dorothy's curiosity.
She moved the binoculars slowly from one window to the next, then, when she had reached the edge of the building, she moved to the next bank of windows below.
She caught her breath and sat up abruptly, sitting on the edge of her chair. There was a girl standing near one of the windows, a lovely young girl with pale blonde hair floating carelessly around her face in a pixie style.
The girl was beautiful enough to be a model, or even an actress. From that distance, Dorothy could not tell the color of the girl's eyes, but she guessed they were blue. And her lips were as soft and pink as rose petals.
Dorothy felt her heart quicken inside her. The tiny shivers of excitement began to ripple through her body. The old haunting urges were returning. Uncertain urges which she could not have put into words. But they were unmistakably roused by the delicate beauty of this lovely young girl.
Dorothy caught her breath when she saw the girl's hand slide down her back. She had pulled the zipper, releasing her dress. It fell away, and the girl stepped out like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.
She stood before Dorothy wearing only panties and a bra. Silently Dorothy prayed that the girl would not remember the open drapes and draw them shut. Her breathing quickened at the sight of such charming female loveliness.
The girl's breasts seemed full almost to the point of bursting out of the restrictive cloth of the bra. Her figure was trim and shapely, her charms tantalizingly covered by the tiny nylon swath of her panties.
Dorothy felt the wild surge of physical hunger a burning desire to see this girl completely naked. If only she could call out to her, plead to her to continue disrobing. She stared through the binoculars as though hypnotized, poised on the edge of her chair.
As though in answer to her prayers, the girl reached up and unclasped her bra. There was a buoyant tumbling of flesh as her breasts bounded free.
Dorothy gave a little gasp.
They were such round little tempting breasts, all creamy white and smooth. The circlets were the most delicate pink she had ever seen. And the hard little nibs were a slightly darker shade, almost crimson, in fact.
The girl raised her head proudly and cupped her breasts upon the palms of her hands. Her fingers began to rub and knead the twin mounds of succulent flesh. A tiny whimper of joy mingled with unspeakable pain burst from Dorothy's throat.
Hardly aware of what she was doing, she dropped one hand down and began to massage her own breasts, squeezing fiercely to make the pressure felt through the binding cover of her bra. Her pulse pounded into her head, warming her face as though she had taken a fever.
Now the girl was removing her panties, stretching the elastic top and sliding them down the slim curves of her legs. With a strange erotic impulse, the girl began to stroke her tummy, then caress lower. At the same time she began to weave a magic spell with her hips.
Dorothy gasped with shocked surprise when she found herself doing the same, but she did not stop. The tingling warmth of her emotion was too unbearably lovely.
A tiny sob burst from Dorothy's throat when the girl moved at last away from the window. But her sorrow lasted for only an instant, for the girl appeared in the next window. Dorothy watched as the naked girl fell across the bed and raised her arms, as though offering herself to a lover.
Poor lonely creature! Dorothy knew that she too must be filled with restless hungers desires that nearly overwhelmed her. How she would love to go over and comfort the young girl, to hold her in her arms and feel the soft wonder of her naked body, her firm round breasts and beckoning thighs!
It was an unworthy thought, and yet she could not drive it from her mind.
Dorothy caught her breath with a sudden gasp. The young girl had not been pretending for there was someone else with her, there in the room.
She caught the glimpse of a second nude body as someone fell upon the bed beside the lovely girl. Then she uttered a cry of amazement. The other person was also a girl. No, not a girl, but a mature woman who must be at least ten years older than the lovely blonde girl.
Dorothy tightened her grip on the binoculars as she stared intently at the intimate scene that was unfolding before her eyes. The two women were locked in each other's arms, their mouths crushed together in a passionate kiss.
Dorothy was aware of the fierce pounding of her heart. This was more than she had ever expected to see with the binoculars even in her wildest imagination. She had heard of such things as lesbian love, but never had she thought she would encounter it like this.
The blonde girl's lover was a large woman with full thighs and heavy breasts. Her hair was dark, and despite her obvious attraction of her own sex, she was feminine-looking. Dorothy found herself exploring both women's naked bodies with intense wonder and curiosity.
She felt a dry-mouthed hunger, a pang of jealousy. She longed to become a part of such erotic intimacy. At last she was beginning to know herself. Her unspoken hungers were finally taking shape. This was what she had been seeking. This was the reason she had borrowed the binoculars.
The two women were kissing on the bed their mouths had been glued together for more than a minute. Their bodies were writhing in unison. Hands stole across forbidden flesh, torsos undulated wantonly.
Finally the kiss ended.
Dorothy found herself gasping for breath as though she too had just torn her lips away from the burning lips of her lover. The dark-haired woman leaned above the other, supporting herself on her stiffened arms.
Dorothy could see the two women gazing longingly into each other's eyes, murmuring soft words of endearment.
Then the dark woman lowered her head and covered the other's breast with her carmine-red mouth. The blonde clutched her lover's head, clinging to her passionately while her breasts rose and fell with excitement.
The dark-haired woman's breasts were unusually large, and they swayed heavily as she leaned over her love-partner, devouring first one lovely pink circlet, then the other.
Her body was arched above the pretty blonde's, her buttocks thrusting upward, swiveling slowly with the intensity of the emotion she was experiencing. She moved her torso in such a manner that her swinging breasts stroked gently against pale white skin.
The blonde's excitement grew frenzied. She reached up and seized the burnette's breasts, tightening her fingers, pressing them into the soft flesh, With the point of her index finger she touched the blood-red nipple, stroking it, teasing it into throbbing hardness.
Dorothy drew her breath in sharply, for it seemed that she could almost feel the pressure of that finger on her own breast, rubbing her nipple, sending electric thrills through every nerve of her body.
In a moment the two women adjusted themselves so that their breasts came together, nipples probing, soft flesh pressed to soft flesh. The pillowy mounds of pale white crushed and seemed to blend together.
At the same time their mouths met, tentatively, then with frenzied hunger. Their bodies revolved slowly as both women teased each other, thighs straining, hands clinging feverishly. The women tightened their arms around each other. Their bodies seemed to melt and become one.
For a long time they kissed, and Dorothy detected a very slight movement of their heads which gave evidence of active tongues.
Finally the dark-haired woman began to crawl downward, placing adoring kisses on each part of the blonde's body which presented itself to her. First her lovely throat, then the upper curvature of her breasts, and finally the quivering splendor of her excited nipples.
Dorothy groaned aloud as she watched the brunette seize a protruding nipple between her lips and draw inward. The blonde arched up, tossing her head, submitting eagerly to the devouring caresses of her playmate.
After a moment of worshipful attention, the brunette moved downward again, kissing tender flesh with her eager lips. Her gaping mouth trailed across the tilted dome of the blonde's tummy, moving still lower.
A sudden frenzy seemed to take hold of the woman as she neared her goal. Her kisses became more fierce, her head bobbed and swayed as she clung with devouring lips.
The blonde girl rose up, moving her legs wide, tilting her haunches, straining to offer herself to her devoted lover. She reached down and caught hold of the brunette's shoulders, holding her in a firm, unyielding grasp a wordless plea for her to continue what she was doing.
The brunette's head was constantly active now as she moved her mouth caressingly. Every motion was thorough, designed to excite her love-partner to the heights of erotic pleasure. While she clung with carmine lips, she slipped her hands under the girl's buttocks and dented the soft bulbous flesh with her grasping fingers.
Both women were straining now, almost to the limit of their endurance. One was swept up in the joy of giving, the other captivated by the ecstasy of receiving.
Dorothy began to whimper with her own unbearable need. She knew that the blonde girl must be experiencing the most exquisite sensations imaginable.
If only she could trade places with her!
Strangely, the brunette began to worm her body even lower, to draw away from the enchanted loveliness of her blonde lover. Moving downward, she kissed the inner softness of the girl's legs, then her dimpled knees.
And all the while the blonde thrashed restlessly upon the bed, as though each touch of those seeking lips were just as delightful as any that had gone before regardless of what area of her body they came into contact with.
The dark-haired woman placed caresses along the full length of the girl's legs, then paused to kiss each shapely ankle. Taking one of the dainty feet, she ran her lips across the arch, beneath the sole, stroking the pale surface with her tongue. Each toe received devoted attention as it was drawn inward lovingly.
Continuous sobs were pouring now from Dorothy's throat. Her own passion was aroused beyond belief. The sight of such lovely wantonness was more than she could endure.
And yet she could not turn her eyes away for an instant. She did not want to miss even one subtle movement in this sensual act of love.
The blonde's composure was completely des-toyed now. Her body was tossing with wild frenzy. Her hands began to crawl up and down the bed, then seized her dark-haired girlfriend. Lifting her head, she spoke something. At once the other moved up and lay beside her, though facing in the opposite direction, her head near the blonde's waist.
Dorothy's face began to burn feverishly, for she knew what was about to happen now.
Twisting and turning on the bed, the two women came together in a passionate embrace. Their heads moved frantically, their bodies bucked and churned, their buttocks wriggled as each was caught up in the frenzy of love-play.
The blonde girl's fingers tore at the other's soft bottom, her nails biting deeply into pliant flesh. And at the same time, the brunette clung to her lover's hips with brutal desperation while she showered her body with a passionate barrage of kisses.
Dorothy's whole body was rigid now, aflame with her own hungering need. Her hands squeezed the binoculars as she continued to watch the scene breathlessly.
The lovemaking between the two women had become violent now as they lashed at each other like frenzied, ravenous beasts. It was horrible and unutterably beautiful at the same time. Dorothy was enchanted. As both women tensed, Dorothy knew what was happening, and she found herself screaming aloud. Though she could not hear them, she knew that they too were screaming as they clawed and bit and devoured, savoring each other's flesh. She could imagine their banshee wails as they soared through the final delirium of their ecstasy...
It was over, and for nearly ten minutes neither of the two women on the bed had stirred. Yet Dorothy remained fixed in her chair. Not once had she taken down the binoculars. She had fallen into a kind of dazed trance from which she wondered if she would ever find release.
Her own surging emotions were like boiling liquid pulsing through her bloodstream. Never in her life had she been swept by such fierce, hungering passions.
And she had believed all these years that her own senses were deadened beyond revival! She had managed to convince herself that she could do without sex. But in the last few minutes this illusion had been totally destroyed.
She knew now what she was and what she wanted. It was more than a mere want, it was a craving.
If she did not experience soon the wild abandonment of the kind of love she had just witnessed, then she was in danger of going stark, raving mad. That sounded too dramatic, and yet at that moment she felt that it was true.
She must find a way to release all her pent-up hungers. She must find a way...
Suddenly she was aware that one of the two women had gotten up from the bed. It was the brunette, who was walking back and forth in the room, now and then passing before one of the windows.
Then Dorothy saw that she was dressing. Which meant that she might possibly be going to leave, because the blonde girl still lay on the bed.
A tingling excitement seized Dorothy. She walked restlessly across the room, then returned to the window and peered once more through the binoculars. She had forgotten the precise window, and it took her nearly a minute to locate it again.
By that time the brunette was getting into her coat. It was true! She was going somewhere. Dorothy began to tremble. What would happen if she followed? She might even dare to speak to the woman.
And then?
It was possible that she too could be initiated into the secret society of Lesbos if the woman would only be kind to her. This was what she had always wanted and always feared. But why should she be afraid? Tonight she had discovered the darkest secrets about herself but she must not turn away in horror.
There were others like her. She knew that now. She must seek them out. She must free herself of the guilt and the fears. She must be true to herself, at any cost.
Throwing the binoculars onto the couch, she ran to get her purse, then raced down the hall to the elevator. Her heart was beating wildly. The moment she reached the main floor she hurried across the lobby and into the night.
At once she dropped every last bit of her reserve. What did it matter if people saw her running? She had to get there before the woman left the building. Right now, that was all that mattered.
There was a lighted marquee over the entrance of the apartment house. Dorothy slackened her pace, for there was nobody in sight. She had to pause for a moment to regain her breath. Her heart was pounding furiously, every nerve of her body was tingling with excitement.
She could not get the vivid image, out of her mind not that she really wanted to. It had been the most wantonly lustful scene she had ever witnessed, and it had changed the very course of her life.
She had to face the facts!
Just watching the two women making love had filled her with a wild hunger. She had stared in burning rapture, almost on the verge of screaming from the excruciating need she felt. It had been horrible and beautiful at the same time. Dorothy knew that she was moving relentlessly into another world. New things were going to happen to her.
She was convinced of that now. But still there was that ambivalence of fear and expectation that kept welling up inside her. She wanted this thing to happen and yet, perhaps it would be best if the woman did not appear.
No! That would be unbearable, now that she had gone this far. The woman must come down!
Dorothy clutched her hands tightly, feeling a sudden icy chill of panic. What if the woman lived in another apartment, in this very building? In that case she would not come down to the street. And Dorothy would have rushed here in vain. But she could not even bear to think such a thought. She had counted too much on seeing the woman.
But even then, she had formulated no definite plan. She had no idea what she would do.
Dorothy's breath stopped in her throat. A figure stepped out of the lighted entrance and climbed into a waiting cab. But it was a man, not the woman she longed to see.
In less than a minute someone else appeared. And this time it was the brunette, the very one she had seen racked with passion only moments ago. The woman who had performed for her while she spied through the binoculars. The woman whose kiss she longed to feel on her own cheek.
She was walking toward Dorothy, her shapely body swaying with a kind of lazy indolence. Their eyes met for an instant as the woman passed her, and Dorothy's heart leaped up. If she had not been choking with her own emotions, she might even have managed to speak.
But the woman walked on.
She had been pretty, and more feminine than Dorothy had expected, knowing that she was the partner in the lovemaking who had taken the lead. Weren't these women supposed to be mannish in their looks and actions? Perhaps it was not always so. All that Dorothy knew about such things was probably wrong or distorted. But she was willing to learn.
Dorothy fell in step behind the woman, remaining at a distance. The woman walked two blocks and stopped to wait at a bus stop. Dorothy stopped too, trying to appear calm despite the fact that her nerves were tingling and her whole body was feverish with wild excitement.
There was an instant when their eyes met again. She could have spoken to the woman but the moment passed, and it was too late. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. If only she had the courage ... she had to have courage. She knew about this woman, but the woman did not know about her. Sooner or later she would have to make the first move...