Chapter 1
Pixie Was Twelve
"I don't know if having sex with men from when I was twelve years old on up to now, when I'm sixteen, has done me any harm or not. I mean, how am I supposed to know? I don't have any way to compare. I don't think so, though. I think it helped me in a way. I mean, when I retire from the life in a couple of years I'll be pretty rich and I'll go to college and find myself a sweet guy with a good family, and I'll be set up for life. That's my mother's and my plan, anyway.
"I'm sixteen now, and my price is one hundred and fifty dollars a night, because I can pass for thirteen or fourteen with my hair in these pigtails and a good scrubbed, no makeup look. My breasts are small, too. That helps. And I haven't got any hips to speak of, and my pussy hair isn't heavy. And I'm lucky because I'm not tall. Mother is small, too, which explains that, I guess.
"I have to watch how I talk, though. I can't come on hip or tough or wise. You know. I've got to be innocent. like almost a virgin.
"That's my line-only been fucked two times before and only doing it this time to get money quick for an operation on my left foot which has a bone wrong in it and my mother is on welfare and the state won't pay for the operation, so I have to do this, but only once or twice and never again.
"I have my left shoe built so it forces me to limp. And barefoot I have to remember to limp. I never forget, either. I'm an old pro. I've got it all down pat. I do my thing about five times a week, sometimes more on the weekends and when the big conventions are in town.
"I don't want to talk about the life, especially. I do want to tell how I got stared with men when I was twelve. Listen, I was just barely twelve. Little Pixie looked about eight or nine years old, then.
"Jeeps! I've been a whore for over four years. I'd hate to have to count the prods I've sucked and had shoved up my cunt-and my ass. And the thing is, I dig it. I mean, I enjoy fucking and even sucking a good clean dick. And getting head wipes me out. I go up and off damned near every time. It doesn't take much good tongue to send me.
"I can do without an ass reaming, though. But that pays the most, so I put up with it. I put on a good act, too. But, like I said, I don't want to yak about the life.
"My getting started was pure accident, though. Mother was working at an office as a stenographer and couldn't make the money go far enough, so she got this idea of being a stenographer who would come to the big hotels at odd hours weekends and nights and do emergency jobs-take dictation and do typing-for businessmen and writers and like that.
"It was a good idea and she started getting a lot of calls.
"One night mother got a heavy call and it was late and she couldn't find anybody to leave me with. So she had to take me along. She had to leave me in the car while she went up in the hotel. It was a big one by the airport.
"About ten minutes later she came down and got me and took me to the man's suite. Mother had mentioned her problem and he insisted she bring me up.
"He was a nice old man in his fifties. Thinking back on it now, I guess he was about fifty-two. That first time-in fact, the first three or four times I did things with men are locked up in total recall. I have that kind of a brain. Mother does, too. Photographic memory. We remember everything. It can be a drag sometimes.
"I remember how he looked at me when I came in. He couldn't drag his eyes off me. He was a typical middle-aged businessman. He had a paunch and a receding hairline and crinkly blue eyes and smelled of good aftershave. I remember he had a big, heavy gold ring on his right hand. A lodge ring. And he had a plain wide gold wedding band on his left-hand third finger.
"He had a fake-out voice, though. I picked up on that right away, young as I was. He was a tire salesman and he had some 'very important last minute' reports and sales figures to go East in the morning mail.
"He lifted me up in his arms and smiled and I noticed he had three gold teeth. I'd never seen a gold tooth before. It impressed me. He breathed flavored air in my face and carried me into the bedroom and on the way he copped a feel of my ass. He plopped me on the bed and turned on the color TV and called room service and ordered a coke and some cookies he sent up for me.
"I liked him even more, then. He reminded me of my grandfather.
"I watched a Western on TV while he and mother worked. He finished dictating, left mother in the main room to type up his reports in triplicate, and came into the bedroom to see how I was doing.
"He closed the door. I heard mother's electric portable going clack-clackety-clack-clack. The TV sound was on pretty loud, too.
"I was lying on the bed. I had conscientiously taken off my shoes. I wore a blue top and a white blouse and white knee stockings. I had a small red ribbon-clip in my hair. I have auburn hair.
"His name was-I'll change it-his name was George B-, and he came right over and sat on the bed next to me.
"He asked me questions about myself, and his right hand started to smooth my top skirt on my thigh. Pretty soon, though, his hand was rubbing my leg under my skirt and he was talking soothing talk. His hand felt nice rubbing lightly on my thigh up near my panties, and his other arm was around my back, soothing my left arm, sort of distracting me.
"I had a bottle of coke in my hands, anyway. I knew he wasn't supposed to be touching me like that, hut he had provided me with the Coke and cookies-and it had cost him money! I'd seen him take out a big wad of bills and give the bellboy two of them. Mr. Baker had lots of money!
"In the meantime in the other room mother's typewriter kept on clacking away.
"George's fingers were edging onto my panties under my top. I pushed his hand. It came back.
"He said, 'I'll give you some money if you let me feel you under your panties.' " 'How much?' " 'A dollar.'
"A dollar wasn't much. I said, 'Five dollars!' I didn't expect him to give it to me. Why would an old man give me five dollars just to feel me down there?
"But he did! He took out that wad and gave me a five-dollar bill.
"I grabbed it quick and pulled me panties down for him. I gave him a good look. I lifted my top skirt up to my chin and opened my legs.
"I was skinny, then. And my pussy was all peaches and cream and a pink slit. No hair at all. Not a trace. Of course, I didn't have any breasts, either. I was just an undeveloped little girl-and that's what turned those men on.
"George was sweating. He glanced over at the door every few seconds. He had a hard on, I noticed. I knew that much.
"He said to kiss him and stick my tongue in his mouth. That was french kissing. I'd heard about it. When he kissed me I did what he wanted. I figured his five dollars was worth it.
He got tense and shivery when I did it. And at the same time he had his right hand on my bare little pussy and was feeling it with his fingers and trying to work a big, thick finger into the lips. I remember being a little scared. He was so big and strong. I was only barely twelve. I was out of my depth. This was strange, new life-territory. Especially when he did get that finger inside my slit and started exploring.
"He didn't try finger-fucking me. He didn't penetrate. But he did find my little undeveloped clitoris. The tiny 'hot place' I knew about and liked to rub myself at night, sometimes. He got his fingertip on it and started rubbing. First he put his finger to his mouth and got it loaded with saliva for lubrication. Then he put it in between my pussy lips and did a little tap-dance on that sensitive spot.
"I really started to get red in the face and started to squirm. It felt good, just like when I did it under the covers, but better, some way, because he was doing it out in the open and it was nasty.
"I got all hot and tight inside. I held my breath and it got stronger and stronger until I couldn't see straight and I was breathing like I'd been running ten blocks. For some reason George was breathing heavy, too. Well, I know why now, but then I didn't. I was a dumb little girl.
"Finally the hot, tight, good feeling went away, and I got loose inside. I took a big drink of my coke.
"George smiled. He was sweaty. He asked, 'Did you like that?' "I nodded. I blushed.
" 'Want me to make you feel good that way again, only by a different way?'
"I nodded again. How could he?
" 'Let me put my tongue in you there, and it'll feel even better.'
"I made a face. 'Your tongue?' He wanted to put his tongue down where I peed from?
" 'Yes. I'll give you more money. How about five dollars more?'
"I was astonished. I would have let him, for nothing more. I said 'Okay.' I kicked my panties all the way off. I opened my skinny legs wide.
"George got down lower on the bed, on his stomach, and kissed my pussy!
"I watched close. I almost couldn't believe it. I had two five-dollar bills crumpled up in my hot little hand.
"I was actually afraid he was going to bite me down there. But he got his mouth right down on my slit and started to work his tongue into me. And he was right ... it felt better that way. A lot better! I couldn't see how he could lick in there from where I peed, but he liked doing it. And I started to get a special ticklish sensation that made my eyes get big. And with it I got the hot, tight feeling. And it got strong! I'd never done it to myself twice in a row and I loved it. I was really surprised I could do it more than once.
"George had his mouth wide open on my whole slit and he had his tongue going up and down in it fast ... over my clitoris and over my cunt-hole and all over the inner lips and over the little hole I peed from-everywhere! I was wiggling around, squirming like a worm, it felt so good. I was breathing fast again.
"George took his mouth away from me and asked, 'Do you like it, Pixie?'
"All I could do was nod my head hard. I wanted to do it some more! My pussy was all hot and I had that tight feeling inside-all over.
"His eyes were happy. He got his mouth on me again like that and got his tongue going good, and I started to hold my breath. My body jerked a lot and I saw pinwheels. That was my first 'eating' orgasm, and it was a helluva good one. George knew what he was doing, "I got a lot of head from men that way before I was thirteen and got fucked for the first time. I got to love having a man eat me out. I went off all kinds of times during a half hour or so of that. And got paid for it, too!
"George kept on tongue-whipping my slit while I quieted down after that second come. Even while I was draining away I wanted him to do it more, so I could go off again. I even thought of asking for another five dollars. Kids learn fast.
"He was still down there with his head between my naked legs, eating my naked pussy, with my top flipped up to my waist and my panties around my left ankle-when mother walked in on us. What a heart stopper that was!
"Mother's face went through changes. So did George's. So did mine, I guess.
"Mother screamed-sort of like a banshee-and suddenly she was on top of us and clawing him good. Screaming! Wow. I was scared to death. I flew off the bed and ran into the other room. I huddled down in a chair. But I still had those two five-dollar bills tight in my fist. I heard them yelling. Mother yelling, all outraged and weeping and threatening. She was going to have him in jail. I don't know if it was legitimate or not. Not hundred percent real, I don't think. I think she got to calculating after the first shock.
"After about ten minutes of her making threats and moves toward the phone or the door, and poor George begging about his family and ruin and jail and how he'd pay her anything she wanted if she would not do anything-after a while mother started really listening and bargaining in a roundabout way.
"Poor George B-was sweating bullets. I could hear him pleading and begging and offering more and more money.
"Mother got to her greed point at four hundred. Four hundred dollars. And I heard it all. I even saw through the doorway into the bedroom-I saw him practically empty his wallet into her greedy hands. It was all the cash he had.
"Three minutes later she had me by the hand and was dragging me down the hall to the elevators.
"I kept telling her my shoes were back there in the bedroom, but she wouldn't go back. She had a funny guilty took on her face. She hadn't forgotten to take her typewriter, though.
"I expected to get a real talking-to once we got into the car. But she only wiped her eyes a little, and drove home. She didn't say a word to me about what had happened. Well-she said, 'I don't blame you, Pixie.' And the next day she kept me home from school, and didn't go to work herself, and took me downtown and bought me two new outfits and three new pairs of shoes.
"She got herself a couple new outfits, too! And we got some new furniture for the apartment. And I heard her tell the service station man she was going to bring the car around to have him put in a new battery and do some work on the something or other ... carburetor.
"She did say one thing more about what happened with George B--. She said, 'Pixie, that didn't happen. No matter what, you never did anything like that. You never let a man do that to you before! Do you understand?'
"I nodded, scared. And nothing more was said about it. Except I started to think-she never punished me for it.
"And then, a couple of months afterwards, she started taking me along on her jobs instead of leaving me with a sitter or letting me stay with a girl friend. She took me right up into the hotels, into the men's rooms, and told them she had no sitter and it was too dangerous to let me stay alone in the car.
"I started to figure out real fast what she was up to. She wanted it to happen again, so she could get a lot of money again. She dressed me real cute when she took me to the hotels. And when the man had a two-room suite she always suggested he order a coke for me to drink in the other room, 'out of the way' and she brought along comic books for me to read if the TV was in the wrong room. It was real luxury. Those were some of the best times I can remember.
"But it took a long time for it to happen again____"
There is such a commercial atmosphere generated by the foregoing narration that one easily loses sight of the topic which it explores. It would, in fact, be easier-and perhaps more profitable-to concentrate on the aspects of Faginism, the prostituting and/or exploitation of children for mercenary ends, such as when an older thief teaches a child how to pick pockets, and the like.
However, underneath the narrative lies the constant thread of nymphophilia, and throughout are found references to those things which "turn on" nymphophiles: the absence of pubic hair, the slim-almost mannish-waist of the child, the underdeveloped breasts, the innocence; all things designed, it seems, almost to perfection for the man who seeks to avoid a direct confrontation with the adult female. Nowhere in the version presented us are we led to believe that any of the (numerous?) men entertained by Pixie made an effort to have a sexual encounter with the mother. Given similar circumstances, and slightly different males, it would not be improbable at all to hear of troilistic developments which included the mother. For that matter, it seems a bit un-Faginish for the mother not to have instructed Pixie in the fine points of the "profession." Since her motives were mercenary, and since she seemed somehow to overcome her early hesitancies and scruples, it seems un--likely that she would not have at least instructed Pixie in the matter of attitudes and demeanor. As any good tradesman is aware, the asking price is immediately negotiable, regardless of the commodity.
Be that as it may, we are indeed given insights to the phenomenon of nymphophilia here, even if we must accept the difficult-to-under-stand premise that the males were somehow able to overcome their fears of the adult female in the next room. By that we mean it seems that the sexual confrontation which so frightens and inhibits the nymphophile would have been psychically activated by the mere near-presence of the mother. It might, indeed, have been a different kind of confrontation, but nevertheless the subject-after certain discovery-would be directly and acutely sexual. It is for this reason-since we have confidence in the authenticity of the narrative-that we feel ourselves leaning toward the exceptions to the accepted psychological postulates as taken in the conclusion of this book by means of a direct quotation from R.E.L. Masters. Dr. Masters, a thinker and de-bunker of considerable renown, is not quick to swallow the hackneyed psychologic cliches that more or less pervade the literature on the subject. It is he, for that matter, who insists upon the exacting term "nymphophilia" in preference to the somewhat inaccurate "pedophilia." It is with these thoughts in mind that we ask the reader to carefully examine that concluding quotation with an applying eye to this chapter. Such a comparison will doubtless give rise to second thoughts, if not a total reexamination, regarding the issue of "adult female confrontation."
An issue of some curiosity here is that Pixie "fell in" so well with the various situations. One would almost be willing to ascribe a physical hypersexuality to her, if it were not for the continuing references to monetary gain. She seemingly had heard of other young girls doing the same thing and was not against satisfying her curiosity in this respect.
Continuing with questions as to why Pixie had so little a problem (even the first time) with moral and social considerations leads us down another path. Let us try to understand Pixie's reactions in light of the responses of her mother. If we interpret correctly, the mother actually did have some minor reservations about what was happening to her daughter, even though the first incident was profited from, and even though it was not followed by a "mother-daughter" talk. We must assume from this data that the mother was actually battling with herself, and finally settled upon the usual human expedient of forgetting (sublimating, actually) the whole business. But then, she permitted the same thing to happen again. Just the fact the mother accepted another typing job under similar circumstances as the first, smacks of some pretty neat psychic engineering. So then, we can assume the mother was ambivalent about the whole thing, being able to neither desist nor promote, and eventually settling for the middle ground of self-contempt for her own weaknesses.
Although--likely so, this conclusion would certainly not have been deduced in the child's mind of Pixie. She could only-in the absence of any discussion about the events-assume acquiescence from the mother, and the expected future compliance on her own part. Thus, she was in a similar position with her mother, riding a crest of ambivalence, and being able to find no guidance.
Another contributing factor was the lack of "backfiring" incidents. We are told of no physically unwelcome events; for that matter, Pixie seems to have fallen in with most of the standard sexual practices with little difficulty. It is for this reason (notwithstanding her deflowering toward the last), that we are inclined to regard her as sexually precocious in sufficient degree as to class her an aggressor.
Plainly, the only trauma which occurred in Pixie's young life was a subtle-but possibly a very damaging-one. Only the passing years will divulge the degree of cynicism and self-hatred which centralizes about these precocious beginnings. It is not reasonable to assume that any young girl can come away scot-free from such encounters, if for no other reason than that she was deprived of her normal maturation and growing processes. There is something very necessary about the "anxious" teen years of the female in our society. It is a period of great wonderment and frustration, but these pains cannot be bypassed quite so overtly or simply.
"The second time it was a younger man. He was a writer. He had a screenplay ... or some pages of a script he had to have retyped in quadruplicate or something by the next morning for shooting.
"Mother had a big job.
"I was sent into the bedroom with my comics and the coke she had brought along this time. It was warm ... the coke was. I said so.
"He put some ice in a glass for me and poured in my coke. He was really nice. He had good white teeth and he had nice brown eyes and his hair was bushy and long. And he was skinny.
"His name was Nicholas G--. Nick had the same kind of eyes for me that George did. He couldn't seem to look away, and I think both mother and I knew it was going to happen again.
"It did-but not the way I expected. His scene wasn't eating little girls-it was getting little girls to eat him!
"Nick came into the bedroom and sure enough he closed the door behind him. He came over to the bed where I was camped, cross-legged, watching the TV.
"He said, 'Ever seen a naked man?' Flat out like that. No buildup. I guess he didn't want to waste time.
"Mother was in the other room, clacking away on her typewriter. I guess I knew what was expected of me. T guess I'm a natural whore. I said no, I never had seen a naked man. True. I started playing with my double ponytails.
" 'Want to see my prick?'
"I nodded, all wide-eyed. I was curious. I knew it would be big.
"It sure as hell was! Nick unzipped and dragged out a prod as big as any I've seen so far in my life of sin. I mean, that salami was at least eight inches! I imagine my little-girl's eyes bugged out at the sight. It was fat. Big around, and half hard. He grooved on watching w my face as he exposed himself to me, and he started pulling and hauling on the thing, covering and uncovering the big head.
"Nick came right up close to the edge of the bed and dangled that monster in front of my face. He said, 'Want to play with it? Want to touch it?'
"I couldn't breathe. I was eager to, but I had sense enough to say I'd better not. But I kept looking at it.
"Nick said, 'I'll give you a dollar to play with it.' Cheapskate. I shook my head.
"He went up to five dollars, then. And all the time that dick was hanging out in front of my face. I was curious as hell.
"I finally nodded and grabbed the five singles he handed me. I put them in my little white zip purse and reached out to touch that prod. It was moving a little with his heartbeat, and it was just about as hard as it could get when I put my little hands around it.
"It surprised me it was so warm! And thick! I was most curious about the head, and that little hole, and I wanted to see his balls. I knew men put their dicks into girls, down inside their pussy lips, but I couldn't imagine how he could possibly get that thing into any girl.
"Little did I know. Some of my heaviest tricks are with guys with King-Kong prods who want to slog it into a little girl. I've had my share of pricks with big pricks. I must have a rubber cunt.
"Nick said, 'Put the end of it in your mouth and suck it.'
"That blew my twelve-year-old mind! I shook my head violently. I didn't want him peeing in my mouth! I let go of that prod and started to move away.
"He sweet-talked me and offered more and more money, and reassured me he would never pee in my mouth if I did it. Well, he got out his wallet and took out a ten-dollar bill, then another one . ...
"A minute later I was sitting on the edge of the bed with Nick standing in front of me with his pants and shorts down to his ankles, and me with both hands full of that monster prick, and with my tongue out, licking the head.
"He told me what to do. 'Put the end in your mouth ... all the way in, Pixie. You can do it. You said you would.'
I put my lips on it and let my mouth open wider and wider and wider ... and I got the head all the way in. It tasted salty and then rubbery.
" 'That s fine, baby. Now suck it. Suck on it. And use your tongue, too. Move your tongue on it.'
"I tried to do what he wanted. I had twenty-five dollars of his in my purse, after all.
"I started to learn how to suck a man off. I couldn't get more than the head of that big prick in my mouth, but I did learn quick how to use my tongue underneath. And I used my lips a lot, too, going to and fro on it as much as I could. And I kept my hands sliding the skin on that long, fat shaft.
"Nick praised me a lot. 'Ummm ... great ... you're doing great, Pixie____' He was breathing heavy, looking down at me, watching my mouth take his dick, and my hands on it. His mouth was open, and he was sort of making movements with his tongue as I did.
"I kept waiting for mother to come in and see us. But her typewriter kept on clacking and tinging.
"My tongue and jaws started to get tired. I quit. He was really panting by then. His prod was fully hard, sticking out from his skinny middle like a pump handle. Wow, was it big! The end of it was drippy wet from my mouth.
"He said he'd give me a lot more money if I did it some more.
"Finally, I drank some of my coke and started in again. I got my lips around the head of it again and got it into my mouth good and started sucking and tonguing. I do about the same thing today, and I've got a rep as the best cocksucker in Los Angeles.
"Anyway, I was getting Nick up the line with my mouth, that first time out. He started pushing that salami deeper into my mouth. He really started to mouth-fuck me! He had his hands on my shoulders at first, then they were up on the back of my head. He was starting to get into real heavy breathing and moaning. His eyes were half closed and they had a kind of dull, hot, glare in them. And his prod was really hard! And I was getting scared! That thing was filling up my mouth and I couldn't get away from it! I didn't know what was happening.
"I was whimpering and sucking and he was groaning and starting to shake-sliding that big head deeper back into my mouth and making me gag-when mother finally came to the rescue.
"The door opened and there she was with some papers in her hand, and her eyes got big and she got pale as paper and she screamed, 'OH, MY GOD!'
It was beautiful. She put on a lovely act.
"Nick jumped like he'd been goosed by a gorilla. He got white, too, and gurgled, 'Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!'
"Mother got hysterical and ordered me into the other room. She really had a wild look to her. She ran right toward the door with me. She screamed she was going straight to the police!
"Nick did his act-all sobbing for silence and money, money, money . ... He got his pants up and grabbed mother and she shrieked____ It was great. I knew she was acting and she knew it, but that was deep down. On top she was really the outraged mother! She really had herself conned.
"They both calmed down and went through the changes and came out in the end with Nick offering three hundred for silence.
"The thing is, he started to get a little wise. He'd been around. He said I sucked too good to be a first-timer. He said it was a setup, a shakedown.
"Mother got huffy and started out of the door but came back when he pleaded again.
"Anyway-Nick had been right on the edge of coming when mother came in ... and he had the guts to offer another two hundred if I'd finish him off with my mouth.
"Mother was stunned. I didn't know what he meant. What was 'coming'? What was finishing off with my mouth?
"She hesitated. She looked at me. I was huddled in a chair.
"Nick argued that I'd already sucked him for about five minutes, so what harm was a few minutes more? And for an extra two hundred . ...
"He carried it to me-he knelt in front of the chair and asked me. 'Want to do it a few minutes more for two hundred dollars?'
"Two hundred! I guess my eyes got bright and greedy. I looked up at mother and she hesitated. She was really in a bind. She had to pretend and yet she wanted the money.
"Nick said, 'It could go a long way toward putting her through college. Five hundred.'
"The clever bastard. It was the cop-out mother needed. She said, 'Well ... if ... if Pixie is willing . ... '
"They both looked down at me. I got the message. I said, 'I don't mind.'
"So Nick and I went back into the bedroom, he closed the door, and mother stayed out there and started typing again. That work did. have to be finished.
"Nick did it up brown. He got me all undressed, and he stripped off all his clothes, too. Why not? He was paying plenty and he had permission now. He could do it right and really enjoy himself.
'"I felt funny being bare-assed naked with him, and him naked, too. But I had my curiosity satisfied about a naked man, at an early age.
"Nick put his hands on me everywhere. He took his time, too. Pretty soon, with him kissing me on my tiny, undeveloped nipples, and roaming his warm hands between my legs, and fingering me on my hot spot, I started to heat up. I got to where I wanted to suck his dick again, and not just for money.
"I was fascinated by its size and how it got soft and then so big and hard, and how his balls moved around in that hairy sack.
"I started playing with him while he played with me. He was getting me hot and tight. We were laying side by side, but in the 69 position. That way I could handle him and he could finger me.
"I started flopping his big, stiff prick around, and squeezing it hard as I could, and seeing if I could bend it, and how far backward I could push it between his legs. And all the time he kept tickling me in my slit and getting me hotter and hotter and tighter and tighter inside.
"I was wriggling and squirming against him, and nearly at my peak. He didn't tell me to start sucking him again. I did it on my own. I just had to. I got that huge hunk of dick in my hands and opened my mouth and started licking the head and kissing it and rubbing my lips on it all over, all the way down to his balls, and up again, and then I pressed my lips down over and around the head.
"I took as much of it as I could and I closed my eyes and sucked hard and used my tongue hard, too.
"I was all squirmy and hot. His finger had me wet for about the first time in my life and so hot I was gasping around that big soft egg-head in my mouth.
"I liked being special to grown-up men, and being paid to have fun with them like that. I didn't understand exactly why they were willing to take chances with little girls, like with me, and pay all kinds of big money to mother just to do sex things ... but if they wanted to, okay!
"That's still the way I feel about it. Thank God for the way things are. Girls have the advantage. At least when they're young.
"Nick was doing his share of jerking around. His dick was pounding with blood and it seemed to get bigger and bigger in my mouth. I was using both my hands on it, too. He kept saying, 'That's it, Pixie-move the skin up and down like that!'
"I wasn't prepared for what happened a few seconds later.
"Nick's hips were shoving up and down, driving his dick up against the back of my mouth. My head was bouncing. I kept on sucking hard. I knew he was about where I was-all hot and tight inside and feeling that great sensation. I thought that was all there was to a man's pleasure.
"Nick's breathing got all ragged and hoarse and he started shaking. Really-he shook! All he could say was, 'Suck! Don't stop-' Then he had my head in his hands-strong hands!-and he had that dick of his halfway down my throat, I think!
"I was fighting him, trying to get air. But he wouldn't let me get away, and he kept ordering, 'Don't stop sucking!' He was crazy! Out of his mind!
"Then suddenly he sucked air in a moan and went stiff-and a great big gob of stuff shot out of his dick into my mouth-way back into my throat.
"I was paralyzed and terrified. He kept groaning and shaking and shooting his goop into my mouth. It was like raw egg and I choked on it.
"He finally let go of my head and I pulled my mouth off his prick. I let that stuff dribble out of my mouth. I was dazed ... in a kind of shock.
"Nick was taking deep breaths and talking to himself, saying it was worth it, it was worth it!
"I got away from him and ran into the bathroom, t thought I was going to puke, but I didn't. I was crying, though, and sobbing, and spitting that stuff.
"That was my very first blow job. Five hundred bucks for my mouth's virginity.
"Mother blew it on a newer car. I got a couple new dresses.
"Mother never talked about Nick or what happened. I think she was ashamed. But when I asked to go along with her on her hotel stenographic jobs after that, she just asked, 'Are you sure you want to, Pixie?'
"It was a double or triple question.
"I said, 'Yes, mother, I want .to.' And she knew I was willing to do the bit again if it developed.
"I started being affectionate with the men, climbing up on their laps, and asking questions and saying how much they reminded me of my dead daddy....
"The George and Nick scenes happened more often. Mother played her part and I did mine.
When the John wanted me to suck him off when he had me alone in the other room, I would. Then when he shot off in my mouth, poor innocent Pixie went into hysterics that brought her mother running.
"We always got at least two hundred.
"After about three times after the time with Nick, I got tired of mother spending all that money that I figured I earned.
"We had a very discreet fight about it and finally she opened a bank account in my name and put two-thirds of all the trick money into it. And I made damned sure she didn't draw any out or avoid deposits. I got smart fast. Kids can be shrewd as hell.
"I'll never lose the memory of when I lost my cherry. I was only two weeks past my thirteenth birthday. I was just beginning to get a swelling in my breasts. And I noticed a few little hairs sprouting on my pussy.
"We went to a big, expensive Beverly Hills hotel. The man was one of the fat ones I don't like. And he was a repeater. This happened. Men would call mother when they got back on business again, and figure I maybe was available since 'the damage had been done.'
"It was touchy. Mother tried to keep up her act as long as she could. But getting first-time suckers who would take a chance on messing with me in one room of a suite while she clacked away in the other room, was a rare thing, actually, even if I flirted like a whore.
"So-when old Mr. T-called her, mother hemmed and hawed and even got a little red in the face.
"She finally let me talk to him. It was to be 'Pixie's decision.'
"I told him I liked him and I wasn't mad at him for what he did to me (he'd paid me twenty dollars to give him a hand job) and I wouldn't be afraid to see him again. I said I wasn't interested in doing that nasty thing for him again, though ... except I had to have money for school clothes and mother was laid off her regular job.
"He also had a small typing job for mother, so we went over to the hotel.
"Once up in his room he wanted more than a hand job; he wanted to be the first one to fuck me. The big old fat slob in his three-hundred-dollar suit!
"It was flat-out whoring, and it bent mother's mind out of shape, that first time. But she played it perfectly, maybe without knowing it. She was weeping and carrying on ... beautiful.
"I wasn't keen on the idea of being fucked. I knew it would hurt, and I had a memory of old
Mr. T-'s prod-a thin white bone of a thing with a pink head on it and a pair of balls in a tight little gray-haired sack.
"It was a cute prod, as pricks go, but it was a good length, about six inches, and at least another inch was covered at the base with fat. Which was lucky for me. Rubber cunt or not, seven inches of that kind of a prick would have been a killer for me when I was only barely thirteen.
"Mother and he jockeyed bout money. Mother brought up my 'college fund.' T-was into a nationwide chain of furniture stores. He could afford anything.
"Finally mother came down from a thousand dollars to seven hundred. Deal.
"He sent down for champagne and cake and ice cream for me, and a coke. I wanted a cold coke.
"So we had a little party, he wrote a check, and I went into the bedroom and got naked for him.
"Mother was crying. She really was.
"He came prancing in, saw me naked on the bed, and nearly drooled. He got out of that suit and his cream-colored shirt and blue tie and nylon shorts and socks and shoes ... in quick-time.
"T-was just plain fat! He hung in folds of fat all over the place, especially his belly. He came onto the bed like a white whale. He had a hard on, too. He started fondling me and kissing me. 'Have to get you interested first, don't we?' He licked my little nipples and pressed a finger into my pussy. I could feel him-testing to see if I was still a virgin. Then he found my clit and started fingering it. 'You like that?'
"I nodded and said, 'I'd like it better if you could lick me down there.'
"He blinked. 'You are not so innocent as before, are you? Licking. Well, all right.'
"He surprised me, then. He grabbed me, grunted, and lifted me onto his chest so my legs straddled his head. He winked up at me, at my surprise. He put his big hands on my ass and pulled me closer and closer to his mouth.
"I got the idea. I giggled and wriggled forward till my naked pussy was smack up against his mouth. He inserted his tongue in my slit.
"When he started flipping his tongue in me I was on the way! Before I knew it I was squirming my pussy against his mouth, tightening my legs on his head, and breathing fast and hard from the hot wind-up feeling, like each touch of his tongue in there was winding up a big spring in my belly and each little bit of winding made it hotter.
"I knew I was going to go off and I wanted to and I wanted to enjoy it and not have him know, so he'd keep on. Also, I guess I wanted to put off getting my cherry popped. So I held my breath and shook a lot when his licking in my slit drove me over the edge. God, I loved it ... I still do love getting head.
"But old T was no fool. He knew I'd gone off. He pushed me down away from his face and smiled. 'Was it good, Pixie?'
"I blushed and nodded. He'd caught me.
" 'I'm glad. I'll do it to you again in a minute, but now I want you to turn around and do me the same.'
" 'I'm only supposed to let you . ... '
" 'This is part of it. For seven hundred dollars, Pixie, I want you to suck me, too. Or I'll stop the bank from paying the check.'
"The bastard! I turned around on his chest and grabbed his prod and bent over quick and gobbled it. I sucked good! I pumped him up and down fast. I whipped my tongue in little circles. I had him groaning and tensing up in a minute. I wasn't going to stop, either. I was going to suck him all the way. Then let him try to fuck me!
"But he was wise to that, too. He let me suck like a little maniac for a few minutes, until he really got close to shooting off. Then he pushed my head away.
" 'Now you're going to get it, Pixie. And you're going to do it to yourself.'
"He grunted and hauled me around to face him, and pushed my legs open so I was practically sitting on his prod. That thing was jumping against my left thigh. He put his hand around his prod. There was about two inches over his hand. He said, 'Raise up on your knees, Pixie, and sit on it. I'll keep it from going too deep.'
"I believed that bastard. I trusted nice old
Mr. T--. I rose up over that prod and let him get me in position, and I let myself down . ... I was scared. My heart was jumping in my chest, my mouth was dry, and I was icy and hot at the same time. I felt the pink head of his dick inside my pussy lips, and felt it pressing up against that thin curtain of tissue that was the difference between virgin and not. It started to hurt when it stretched. The more I pressed down the more it hurt. I bit my lip and couldn't bear it anymore. I started to lift up. But that rank old man quick as a flash got both his hands on my hips and pulled me down!
"Shit, I was only thirteen, and not a big girl for that age at all. I was caught by surprise. And that prick of his-that big bone-was all set, all in position . ... I didn't have any strength or leverage to resist the pull down! Suddenly I was torn open! Christ-it was like tearing off a big hangnail-live skin ripping. You know how that feels! Only a dozen or so times worse! I let out a shriek! That dick of his was goring up into my belly all the way! Just rip-slain! Suddenly I was full of prick! I could feel it all the way up into me!
"I guess my eyes bugged out. All I could feel was that thickness in me, and so far in it felt awful-terrifying! I thought sure he had gone all the way into my stomach or something! My cunt was a ring of fiery pain around his thickness. I wanted off! It hurt like hell! But he wouldn't let me go. He strained me tight down on him so he was absolutely buried in me, with that throbbing thing. And he was grunting, holding me, watching where he was in me. There was some blood. I saw it, too.
"I let out another squall and screamed for mother, but she didn't come in.
"Seven hundred dollars.
"He had my pussy squashed down on his hairy crotch so tight, I probably had close to seven inches in me. Christ-thirteen years old and I had to take it that way. A hundred dollars an inch.
"No wonder I don't really dig fucking even now.
"That old fart had his fingers digging into my naked waist to hold me in place-and his fingers hurt, too, but that was only on the fringe of my mind, then.
"He started jogging me up and down on that long bone he had sunk into me, and he was gasping away while he did it, and watching the blood smeared on his prod and on his hair. And me howling and crying. He had to have guts to keep a hard on through that. Of course I'd sucked him almost to a come only a minute before, so he was primed.
"He thumped me up and down about a dozen times and he was puffing and twisting and grunting, but with a different sound-high and squeally.
"Then I swear I felt that big dick of his squirting off in me. It jumped in me and I could feel that goop squishing out. The veins in his head were all purple and standing out like snakes. He was doing that awful grunting and groaning. Then he stopped thumping me up and down so hard on his dick, and let me go. His hands let go.
"I dragged myself off that bone and I was one big ache in the crotch and belly. I was really crying.
"Mother came in then. Maybe she had been listening and peeking. She took me into the bathroom and soothed me and washed me.
"When we left, he was asleep. Pure guts. What a bastard. I have to admire him.
"After that I mostly faked enjoyment when I was fucked, or was fucking. Lots of Johns dig having a little girl climb on top. A lot of them dig the master scene where they crush a little girl; they bang their dicks down into me like they were driving spikes.
"They paid very well, and I developed a great act.
"Mother and I worked that system until I was fifteen. Then I had a chance to work through an exclusive, high-class call-girl organization in Hollywood. They have never had a girl busted.
"I make so much bread now . ... Well, I still look about fourteen. I keep plucking out most of my pussy hairs.
"I'm making it big while I can. Then. I retire and go to college and go square and straight.
"But the man I marry has got to be great at giving me head. I can't get enough of a good, fast, smart tongue."
Society, in the course of condemning the nymphophile, sees and admits to a pitiful occurrence, and sometimes even attenuates its opprobrium of the "poor" man, after having been told repeatedly that he "cannot help himself and that he reacts pretty much mindlessly, obeying only impulse.
Here again, we might pause to wonder at the oversimplification of such sentiments. Frankly, we detect very little in the preceding narrative to indicate that any of the males had become impassioned beyond control. They certainly were aroused, and heated and pulsing to the point of spending money, and excited enough (in one instance) to negotiate for the privilege of continuing; but we fail to sense the overriding obsessiveness with which the nymphophiliac is supposedly afflicted. Here again we find ourselves taking a second look at the time-honored bromides which persist and persist.
As for Pixie, the key probably lies in the fundamental manner in which she regards what she has done, which in turn has to be influenced by the mother's view. It is simplistic to accept the stated motives (greed, need), and yet we cannot be sure what truer motives to assign.