Chapter 6
She relieved herself, and then ran the water for a hot bath. She had, before the last several days, usually just contented herself with showers, but she was beginning to learn the reason that so many women took baths. It was a useful way of easing tension, and putting one in touch with one's body. It stimulated the nerves, allowed the muscle fiber to stretch out, and gave the body an invigorating wash and soak in an atmosphere of total warmth and comfort that was not unlike the womb. You could let your entire body, save for the head, experience nothing but this embryonic state of suspension, for the body did tend to float, and let all the worries that tended to crimp up one's body float away with the tension.
Her bottom was still quite sore, and the heat would do nothing to harm that situation. Sitting in the tub was not really the comfort that it normally was, so Janet had to keep most of her body underwater most of the time so that the backside didn't have to absorb most of the body weight at the bottom of the tub. This was not all that unpleasant a thing to do, for it kept most of her under the magic spell of the water for a longer period of time, and she relaxed herself so that her pores would open and spill their guts. The rising steam from the water filled her nostrils with soothing heat, and she thought about all that had been going on. There was hope because Phil knew now there was a problem, and was not only willing but eager to eradicate it. He would get some hints from the psychiatrist that afternoon, and then they would have to go from there. Everything went back, ultimately, to his parents and their way of rearing the family. All of their offspring had turned out with very serious problems. Somehow, Phil had managed to at least make a decent life for himself. He was still at least maintaining a certain contact with his family. The others were no doubt never going to have anything to do with their parents, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing for them, it had to leave a certain hole in their lives that could not be otherwise filled.
She also marveled at how this incident had enabled her to come to terms with several things in her own past that hadn't been tearing through her like Philip's troubles had. But nonetheless had kept her from attaining several things that now seemed to be so near and real. She had long ago given up the thought that she would ever feel in command of the elements of her life, but she now was sure that she would be able to. And she couldn't get over how clearly the experience was loosening all of these things from the dark recesses of her mind.
The dreams that she had experienced during her catnap had left a profound effect on her. The colored lights that had begun the series of dreams had obviously been the scenery that one encounters when going on a journey inside the mind. Once there, things began to happen that were more like what one goes through during life, but just strange and flowing on, to make one realize that one is asleep, and having fantasies.
And what fantasies she had had! The one about her parents had been spooky, though in an affectionate way. She had been long out of the nest, and put their deaths behind her. There was no point in mourning, and her life had turned to be okay. She could look at them as people that she loved and missed, but she had long since cried her last tears about them.
They had never been terribly affectionate when she was young. They had not kissed each other very much in front of her, and didn't put their arms around each other either. Mother and father had both lavished their affection toward her, but not unto each other. That was strange, because they had always seemed to like each other, and her mother had never gone out and tried to find another husband. They had been left a pretty good insurance settlement, and were able to live a life of relative ease.
So she had always assumed that they had done it in private when she had thought about it years later, and just to have children, and she had been the only one. That was why they had smiled at her in the dream, she thought, because they had suddenly decided to have a baby, and since that baby was now a grown woman watching them in her dream, they had naturally turned their attention to her, and smiled thinking about how nice she was going to eventually be. This was just the way that she thought about it, a thought that she hadn't touched in a long time, and had just stored away in some part of the mind where memory was inactive.
The dream with Mr. Simpson was another matter, very strange, and not terribly accessible, but she decided that she would try to get to the meaning of that one. Her being kept after school was definitely the fulfillment of an adolescent fantasy of having the teacher she had a crush on give her some extra attention. The spanking fantasy was different to interpret, and she now also remembered that at first she had thought she was going to be raped. Okay, that was obvious enough. She expected that the rape, which would be intercourse, was something that also carried the element of having something done to her that she was powerless to prevent. That was how the crush worked. She wanted to have sex with him at that time, although she wouldn't have been able to handle that. Therefore, she had only craved attention, but at the same time knew in the back of her mind that what she really wanted was the joy of intercourse, that she was simply too young to appreciate, But the rest of it puzzled her. She had ended up getting spanked instead. She hadn't expected that, and although she had enjoyed it, as she now also had accidentally discovered, she couldn't figure out what that was doing in the dream.
Suddenly, it heard her. The force of the idea seemed to strike her with such power that she imagined that a thunderbolt had shot out of the sky and nailed her right in the bathtub.
It was all so easy that she had been overlooking it, and couldn't believe now that she had been unable to see it in the first place. What all of that meant was exactly what had just happened to her now. She had, without expecting to, and after having anticipated the same thing as that dream, made the same finding. She liked bondage. She had been expecting intercourse in the dream as the fulfillment of a dormant, long forgotten fantasy. She had this time been expecting her husband's fucking her well as the thing that would truly give her physical satisfaction. But her ass had been bared and spanked, after she had received much in the way of verbal abuse. She had found that she had liked the ass whipping, and had even gone so far as to attain in both cases the finest orgasm that she had ever had. At the end of the dream, she had felt so free that she had done that performance, and made everyone marvel at her skill and beauty. Now, she felt she had made the breakthrough that would grant her the things that she had always most wanted to be as a woman.
She was truly stunned by the way she had been able to divine this. She thought to herself now that it was a true pity that she had never been able to go on to college. At the waiting job, she had never been exposed much to people who would be considered to "be intellectually inclined. She had never been in the habit of thinking herself bright, and the only thing that she had looked for in coming out of high school had been to make the largest amount of money that she could in the shortest period of time. The jobs she had taken had been varied and short. She had learned to work a switchboard, had been able to become a good typist, and had managed to pick up a little stenography in the bargain. So she had managed to do alright for herself, and she was in a good position. She had met Phil, and had married him, a situation that now was looking as rosy as it had just a few months before. But she had never really become the full human being that she had wanted to become.
I'm young, she thought to herself. There's any reason that I can't go to school. I can register for the coming semester, and go either full or part time. I can take the time out to have a child or two. At that point, I can skip a few months, or arrange to have the baby over the summer, and register for night school. Phil would gladly come home after work and mind the baby while I go to classes. He brings home a good bit of work anyway, and I won't end up being in his way. I can be home in time to spend an hour or two with him before going off to sleep, and then the weekends and summers will still be ours. Live up to her potential. Maybe she had simply denied herself too long, and kept too much of her potential sealed off in an area isolated from the rest of her where it would remain unused. While it would be untapped, it would also not frustrate her. She had done it out of the conviction that her life was destined to go in a certain path, and that there was nothing that she could do to change that. She had shut off those areas so as not to feel that she had been cheated out of something in life, and tear herself apart with no good reason.
But now things were different. Now she could once more start to move out and seek new challenges, knowing that she would still have the comfort of being cared for. No longer was this a one woman show that had to depend only on her resources to see her through. Now, ironically, that she had committed the rest of her life to someone, she had the independence to fulfill those sleeping talents that now loomed so large.
It was also ironic that the thing that had finally given her the charge of her life that she had so craved was this horrible problem of Phil's. The means to her liberation had been in the subjugation to her husband, and that had only become a possibility thanks to the neurosis that Phil had suffered with these many long years. How strange life was, what odd turns it took. How often one achieved something by allowing oneself to be swept along by its precise opposite.
Well, she thought to herself, if I can overcome these things that have been with me all these years, then so can Philip. She knew that it was going to be much more difficult in his case. The problem was much more severe. The problem went much deeper, and it had been more strongly reinforced. It would be a not too short process, it was liable to cause much pain, and they might not ever succeed in completely wiping it out. But they were going to try. He had given her the wherewithal to tackle her problems, and she would now give him the wherewithal to tackle his.
The water had succeeded in cleansing her, in relaxing her, and also she came to realize, in helping her to get down to some serious thought about some heavy problems. She was sure that the solutions would be reached. They were going to be each other's salvation. They were going to open the doors to a new life for the other. They would give each other entry to all kinds of possibilities that they would not be able to reach without the help of the other. They would each overcome their hang-ups and troubles, eradicate them, and prevent them from being passed on to a new generation of impressionable youngsters, their own eventual brood.
As she thought of all of this, she also reasoned that the condition of one's body had a tremendous effect upon both the mental makeup and the psyche. A tight, constricted body didn't have any outlet for the problems that the muscles held in. The problems therefore stayed in the body where they festered and made life miserable, like a germ that spreads into a major infection. She suddenly realized that the physical exercise that she got had left her body just a little too sore, just a little too tight. These frequent baths were helping to clear up that situation. It had been years since she had done any kind of dance exercises. She would begin doing those again, perhaps even attending some yoga classes.
In fact, she thought, they could join an exercise club together, and swim their troubles away. Phil definitely needed to loosen up. He was in fine health, and his body was well shaped, if hardly muscular. He could use the loosening up process as well. It would allow the nerves to stimulate those areas of the brain that had locked in his unpleasant memories.
It was now getting near to five o'clock. She decided that she was going to go out for a walk. The weather was warm outside. It was the middle of May now, and the weather had turned nice about a month before. There had been a decent amount of rain, but the past two weeks had helped to clear things up, and the weather had been a consistently nice reminder of what remained ahead in the coming months.
She couldn't wait to go to the beach, she thought to herself. What would really be ideal should be to go to some deserted section of the ocean front where there would be no one likely to come by and disturb them. They could go to one of the public beaches along the smooth, sandy ocean front, and walk for a couple of miles to a place where no one came by. There, they could make themselves comfortable, and strip all of their clothes off. They could take some sun tan oil, and give each other the kinds of massages that you dare only attempt in the seclusion of the bedroom. She would do him first. She would sit astride his naked ass. She would feel the massiveness of his toasting buttocks beneath her pussy. She would most likely be situated so that her slit was over the crack in his ass cheeks. She would take a stick of cocoa butter, and begin to spread it over his back and shoulders. The sun would hit the butter, and also warm his skin up so that the butter simply melted into him. She would then work her hands into his back, and knead the rippling flesh around his shoulder blades and neck. She would work her way all down his sides, taking care not to induce a tickling jag that might cause him to tense up again, and run the hands simultaneously up and down each side of the spine.
Then, once that was done, she could concentrate on the core of his personage, the spine. The spine, she knew, being the core of the central nervous system, more or less affected the entire body, since the nerves that ran up and down it reached through every part of the human anatomy. She would begin with just making him aware of the nerves. She would run her fingers up and down the spine. She knew that he was very sensitive on this count. At first her fingers would barely tickle him. Then, once getting past that phase, she would do it very quickly. This always made him jump, and would probably serve as an aphrodisiac. Then she would touch the spine, placing her fingers along it so that the four fingertips were directly against it, and push down with an easy, gradual pressure. She would do this until she reached the bottom, and then would come back up to the top.
From this point on would begin the heavy duty work. She would have to get off him for this, and as she climbed off, she would give him a quick slap to revive him generally throughout the body. Then once this was done, she would kneel at his side and begin the final release treatment.
She had had this demonstrated for her one night by a man that she had dated for several week shortly after getting out of business school. She had subsequently shown the technique to other lovers, and they had attested to its extreme effectiveness. She would bend her arms at the elbows, and then stick them into his back. She would then push down, rubbing the both elbows in little circles up and down the spine. This was inevitably something that went a long way towards loosening the spine up. The most effective part of it was to take one elbow, and plant it firmly at the base of the spine. When it was there, and its presence felt, push just a little harder than normal, and do the rotational motion. This always managed to send intense waves of pleasure up the entire spine and outward through the various nerve endings, tingling every portion of the skin that they touched, every muscle, every organ in the body. With only one arm occupied with this, the next thing was to run one of the spare fingers up and down the spine very quickly, inducing the same kind of intense pleasure that hopeful had aroused him to erection before.
After this, the best thing was to simply repeat the entire process, end it with the base of the spine treatment, and then briskly rub the entire surface of the back, taking care to rub the muscles underneath, and flip him over to coat his front with the creamy butter. One especially nice thing about doing it here was that one was able to ride the resulting erection while buttering up the chest. This they would certainly do, providing of course that there was no one else around who was not engaged in the same activity.
Janet suddenly realized that a small cloudburst was coming by, and as it blotted out the sun, she felt several small raindrops begin to fall. She began to walk toward home, and as she got nearer, the quick shower began to increase in intensity. It never got to the point where she stood a risk of getting drenched, but she quickened her pace slightly, and arrived home at about the same time that the rain more or less ceased. She stood outside and allowed the last drops to fall on her. She found much fun in this. It was, she decided, very symbolic. Here she was, throwing away the last vestiges of her past troubles, plotting the ridding of similar problems in her husband, and the rains of heaven came down upon her, washing her clean. She suddenly realized that she was not carrying the symbolism out to the furthest extent. She ran to the back yard, and stripped off her clothing. It was starting to come down just a little bit more heavily once more, and she danced about in the large back yard, letting the water soak her completely and turn her into a new person. She was soaked head to foot, and the rain stopped again. She was ecstatic. She felt remarkably refreshed. The water from the sky had left her feeling cleaner and purer than she could remember feeling in a long time. This was a sign from heaven, she thought to herself, a sign from God or from the gods that what they had decided upon was blessed and holy, something that would change the course of their lives for the better.
She picked up her rather soaked clothes, and opened up the back door, walking inside. Just as she did, she heard Phil come up the driveway. She took her clothes to the bathroom, toweled herself off as he put the car into the garage, and vigorously frisked her dripping hair as she heard him open the front door.