Chapter 2
MOTHER AND SON LOVERS
Alfred L. Koerber, in the American Journal of Sociology, writes: "If ten anthropologists were asked to designate one universal taboo, nine of them would name the prohibition of incest." In Social Structure, George P. Murdock reports the findings of a study of the cultures of 250 societies. In each, incest was banned; not one permitted father and daughter, mother and son, sister and brother, to have coitus or to marry.
Psychiatrists and gynecologists, however, are changing their views concerning the prevalence of mother-son incest. Once it was believed the rarest form of incest; today, with more and more case histories being revealed through psycho-therapy (and many coming to light by the open bragging of a newly-freed generation), it is becoming clear that incestuous relations between mother and son are almost as frequent as those between father and daughter.
Donald R. is a good example of this type sex aberration. He came to a psycho-therapist at age 43, after having had sex with his mother since he was 12 years old! Dissatisfied with the slowness of his therapy, he switched to hypno-therapy in an effort to speed up his self-understanding and his self-help. He came for help a few months after the death of his mother and after a frustrating series of sexual experiments which included homosexuality.
In condensed form, let us read Don's story.
I was a bastard. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 13, and after I was born, life became so miserable for her with her mother-her father was dead-that she took me and ran away. She eventually lived with a man from the time I was two until he was killed when I was ll, though they never married. I remember him pretty well, although he was never good to me. He did provide a nice home for us, and I guess he cared about my mother, but he and I never spent time together-I mean like fishing, playing ball-things like other kids' fathers seemed to do.
When he died, he left quite a bit of insurance and this house we live in, to my mother. She'd always drank pretty heavy, right along with Ed, my step-father. After he died, she went to pieces. She stayed at home, drunk, for days after the funeral. She wouldn't let me go to school; wouldn't see friendsjust cried and drank.
I was almost 12, which made Adele, my mother, only 25. She was always slender, pretty, and had a beautiful shape. I'd often seen her naked, and it had bothered me a little. A few times, I'd had to masturbate after seeing her breasts and cunt, but it hadn't stayed with me. I was fairly normal-played ball, hung around the other guys' houses, did pretty good in school.
The first few days out of school were fun for me, then I got bored and told her I wanted to go back to school and get out of the house more. She begged me to stay home for a while longer. Then she got the idea that a trip would do her good, and we went to a lake resort in the Sierras. It was a nice cabin, with a motorboat and all, and it was my first timeout in the open, so I had a ball.
The first afternoon there, Adele began to drink heavily. I wanted to go swimming, and she said she'd go too. She began to strip off her clothes, and I just couldn't take my eyes off her. She was drunk, all right, but she knew what she was doing to me. She stood in front of me, running her hands over her breasts and down over her hips, shoving out her pelvic area seductively.
"I have a pretty body, Donnie, don't I?" she asked. I nodded, and didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted to do, because my prick was busting through my pants, at the sight of the hardened nipples and the slit I could see clearly through the pubic hair.
"Have you ever had a girl?" she asked boldly, smiling at my embarrassment. "I know you play with yourself-I've watched you. What do you think about while you're doing it? What girl?" I didn't answer. My hard on was driving me crazy. "Or is it me you've been thinking of?"
She'd hit the nail on the head, and I fidgeted in embarrassment. Then she came over and began taking off my pants. "Don't be ashamed, Donnie, that's a natural thing for a boy to do. I know I have a nice body. I've known that since I was about your age. Don't be ashamed to want a woman."
She had my pants off, and my shorts and now she knelt down before me, stroking my cock lovingly. I felt like I was going to burst and I knew that she was going to put it in her mouth. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed her head and pulled her mouth up to it. She drove me wild, just teasing the head of it at first with her tongue and lips. Then she drew it deep into her mouth, and began to alternate between short, nibbling sucking and deep, thrilling trips into her throat. I lasted less than a minute before I came in her mouth. She drained me completely dry, then continued to suck until I had another erection. Then she went over to the couch and laid on her back. She was moist and hot, when I touched her hotbox. I was fascinated by the wet redness of it, and by the protruding lips. Without her telling me to I put my mouth down to her soft, hairy cunt. I gently used my tongue at first, until she drew my head closer and let me know she wanted me to lick harder and farther in. She began to moan and writhe, until I had to hang on to the cheeks of her ass to keep my tongue in contact with her inner cunt. When she came, she let out a little cry of joy. Then she quickly slid under me, playing with my penis, which was ready to burst again.
"Oh, Donnie, baby-put it inside me-hard-quick." It was as if I were a grown man (she said later) and as I put it inside, she put her legs up around me and began a rotary motion with her hips. The muscles inside her vagina seemed to cling and draw me in deep, and I continued to plunge in and out, as her motions became faster and faster.
She turned my mouth to hers, and I stuck my tongue deep into her mouth. It was like a firebomb bursting inside me when we both came. She pulled me off her and began half-masturbating me, half-sucking me, until I again had a hard on. This time, she got on her hands and knees. There was a mirror on the wall that allowed us to see ourselves in this position. I seemed to instinctively know what to do. I seemed able to go even deeper inside her from the back, and again, we seemed to come at the same wonderful instant. Later, we took the sixty-nine position, and made each other come. During the course of this, I also performed analingus on her after she had licked my anus to start.
We stayed at that place for ten days, and we tried every way of sex that we could think of. I didn't feel wrong about it, mostly because she didn't, and she kept telling me that it was all right. She seemed so happy, and she cut way down on the drinking while we were there. We swam, fished, took nude sunbaths-always with sex mixed in. When we went back, the authorities made me return to school. Adele went to work as a clerk in a dress shop. Later on, when I was about 15, she bought the shop.
Until I was 16, I think Adele and I were really happy-like we were married, in a way. I don't think she had other men, but she did date. I know she would sometimes come home after a date and crawl into bed with me, telling me she was all hot, but couldn't bring herself to have sex with the man she'd been with. But when I was 16,I started dating, and with my sex appetites and knowledge, I never went out twice with a girl unless we could have sex. One night, I brought this girl home.
Adele was out somewhere, and we were on the davenport, doing a sixty-nine on each other, when Adele walked in.
At first, she was furious. She told me to get out and to not come back. But the girl I was with got into the act. "What's the matter? Jealous, just because you aren't getting your ass regular?" she asked as she lay there naked, making no move to untangle her body from mine.
"Why, you little tramp," Adele said, "you wouldn't know what a good screw was. Get up off your fat ass, and we'll show you how it's done by the big girls and boys!"
She stripped and actually pushed the girl off the couch. I was embarrassed, but when I saw Adele naked, hot for me-and when her mouth closed over my prick-I knew that the other girl had been just a zero, compared to my mother. The girl was fascinated. She watched us for awhile, while Adele performed fellatio and analingus on me, and I massaged her nipples. Then we had intercourse from the front and the back, finally using "The tree," which Adele liked best of all. The tree starts out with me sitting on a chair and Adele straddling me. While I put it in and she works her body up and down, I put my hands under her butt and help her. Meanwhile, we look into each other's eyes and tongue kiss. Then, after we're going good, I stand, still holding her butt. She wraps her legs around my hips and, with me helping by jouncing her up and down, we come. Adele says I go deeper into her that way than any other, and she almost faints with ecstasy when she comes that way. I couldn't do it when I was smaller-she was too heavy for me. While we were doing the tree, this girl sat there, masturbating herself, almost without realizing it. Adele and I had almost forgot she was there.
Adele walked over to her and took her hand. "No need for that, kid," she said, half-sarcastically. "There's enough man here to go around."
That night, on the bed, I learned most of the possible three-way combinations, using two women and a man. First, I lay on my back and Adele straddled my penis, while the girl straddled my face and I performed cunnilingus on her while Adele was screwing me. Then I had the girl from the back while I sucked Adele until she came. Then we had a "daisy chain" where each of us performed orally on another, all at the same time. I was shocked a little, believe it or not, to see Adele and this other girl eating pussy. Later, I asked Adele about it, and she said she had often done it when she was a girl, but she didn't get any kick out of it, like she did when she gobbled my prick.
That damned slut of a girl used that night to blackmail me! She threatened to spill the beans about me and my mother, unless she got into some more sex orgies. Then she brought another guy-a boy I went to school with. I thought I knew about sex, but that was something else. The only thing I balked at was sucking his dick, although he sucked mine while he was screwing Adele from behind, and I was performing cunnilingus on the girl.
From then on, Adele seemed to grow out of our relationship. She began to go out more, and once or twice, she brought men or a couple home. But it worked the opposite on me. The more I had others, the more I wanted Adele. I became jealous and I dropped out of school. I took a job in a garage. (Don owned his own body shop and garage from the time he was 25.)
The one way I had never had Adele, was in the anus. She never would let me; said she was afraid that it would hurt her, although I often fingered her anus while we were screwing, shoving my finger way up and rotating it furiously. As she went out more and more, I became more and more in love with her and more jealous. We began to quarrel a lot, and she'd punish me by not having any sex for days. Sometimes, she'd bring others home and have orgies there, but not allowing me to even watch.
One night, we'd had a big fight and she had gotten drunk-stony drunk. I undressed her and put her to bed, and as she lay there on her stomach, I licked her anus. I wanted to punish her, I guess, and I was wild with wanting her. I got some vaseline and rubbed it thickly over my penis and inserted some in her anus. Then I straddled her butt and put it in. I hadn't realized how good this could be, because it was my first time. But her vagina was naturally bigger and more expanded, and when the tightness of her ass-hole took hold of my penis, it was a brand-new sensation. She stirred a little in her stupor, and I used my fingers to massage her cunt. She half-snapped out of it, but she didn't try to move away. I came three times that way. From that time on, it was my favorite way of sex.
Next morning, I was like a starving wolf. I woke her up when I put the vaseline in her, and before she could resist, I was pushing my stiff dick up her ass-hole. Surprisingly, she went along with the movements and even helped me to masturbate her.
Even more surprising, she had an orgasm about the time I did, and let me know that she wanted more.
We became close again for a while, after that, but I had this hang-up about anal intercourse and Adele liked it better other ways. I began to be unable to do it any other way, and get real satisfaction. Finally, Adele gave me an ultimatum-first, her way, then, if she felt in the mood-anal intercourse. It was frustrating for both of us. I would start with a good hard on, after she'd sucked me, then, when I'd insert it in her cunt, it would begin to wilt and would go completely soft before either of us could come.
She began to go out more and more, only now, she'd stay away for days at a time. Meanwhile, I was going nuts for want of her ass. I tried to get it other places, but most girls would balk at trying it that way first, and if I tried it straight, I'd lose my hard on.
There was a queer that did odd jobs around the garage. He was about fifty, and a real, out-and-out faggot. We had a shower there for the mechanics to clean up before they put on street clothes, and I watched this fag strip, one day, and step into the shower. I was horny as hell for some ass-and I mean ass-and I stripped and followed him in. He was more than willing, and he sucked me a little, right under the running water. Then he bent over and I soaped my my dick and shoved it in his ass. It was all right for a few strokes, then the damned thing went limp on me! I panicked at the thought of what was happening to me. I was getting so I was unable to even maintain a hard on, unless I had Adele in the ass! Oddly, after I had had her that way, I was often able to maintain a hard on long enough to have her other ways. I managed to keep pushing, soft as I was, and I did come, but it hurt my guts and abdomen. Later, I threw up, when the old guy tried to shove his tongue in my mouth, and I fired him on the spot!
I found this whore, and the same thing happened. I went soft, right in the middle of screwing her. I had to face the fact that I was going to have to find help, medically or psychiatrically, or else go off my rocker. I pleaded with Adele to help me-work it out, somehow. She tried, I guess, but by that time, she was too far away from me. I was 41; Adele was 54, but still a shapely, attractive women and still as sexually active and desirable as when she was a teen-ager.
I started going to a psychiatrist, but I couldn't afford the frequency of treatments that he recommended. I had always been interested in hypnosis, and decided to try hypno-therapy.
I didn't feel any so-called guilt about the incestuous aspects, honestly. I was purely selfish. I wanted help in getting back to a regular, freewheeling sex relationship with Adele! I still don't feel any real guilt about it; probably because she didn't and never taught me to feel it was dirty, sinful or really wrong. I am sorry that it has spoiled me sexually for any other woman. That's why I'm trying to get help, now that Adele is dead. She was killed in an auto accident. I'm well-off now, with her insurance, her business and my own garage.
But, I still can't find sexual satisfaction with a woman. Maybe, if I could build up to a point where I could enjoy normal sex, a woman would eventually give me what Adele did. Men are out. I tried that. Straight sex is difficult for me, and disappointing to every woman with whom I've tried. So-I'm in a sort of no-man's sex land, and I have to work it out. A man my age, and all I can do is masturbate, while fantasizing that I'm having anal intercourse with my dead mother! How's that for a sex hang-up?
In Don's case, the conditions were ideal for him to develop the natural mother fixation which is present in most young males, to varying degrees. He became, in her eyes, the "man of the house" upon the death of the man she lived with. Don's relationship with this man was vague, with little personal attachment. This, combined with his bastardy, are in part responsible for his lack of guilt in incest, because, in his mind, he was not replacing a man whom he respected or loved. In fact, other psychiatrists feel that Don may have had a deep but unrecognized urge to "punish" his unknown father, as well as the man who had brought about this situation, by refusing to marry his mother, then dying.
Don's mother, Adele, was, in spite of her voracious sex appetites and skills, a juvenile in the sex field. This is shown by several acts that formed a clear pattern. Her pregnancy at 13 shows an early promiscuity and lack of moral fiber. Her running away from home with a small baby shows juvenile recklessness. Her living with a man for many years also shows a lack of maternal responsibility. It was, Don's doctor feels, a case of two infants-almost like brother and sister-in their thinking processes-coming together in a sexual relationship. Note also that Don seldom refers to Adele as "mother" but usually calls her by her given name-a significant clue to his feelings toward her as a sex partner, rather than a parent.
An important factor in Don's eventual salvation is a medical one. With the amount of sex that Adele had indulged in from early childhood, she undoubtedly did have a larger than average vagina. Although Don's penis is, by most standards, more than adequate, he did subconsciously begin to lose some of his sexual enjoyment as time went by, and his penis reached its full growth, while Adele's vagina continued to grow larger. Unconsciously, Don may have begun to doubt his ability to satisfy his mother, because of little hints she may have given-and the obvious fact that she turned more and more to other men for gratification. This probably started Don thinking about the possible tightness of Adele's anus. After trying anal intercourse, Don was so fully gratified that it became an obsession with him Naturally, his sexual block and ultimate partial impotency, was self-imposed.
Recommendations for Don were difficult, for psychiatrists are in agreement that the most effective help must come from the self-understanding of the patient.
Don has come to understand his problem and is trying to work it out rationally. He is not essentially a promiscuous man; due to his long-time sex activities with his mother. However, he has been dating two women, both much younger, and both not having been married. One, a psychology major, is working with Don carefully. She knows the story and they are experimenting sexually, with fair results, as reported by Don. The other woman is, at 30, a virgin, she claims, and she too knows the story, but thus far, has been unable to bring herself to have sexual relations with Don, unless he indicates that he is interested in marriage.
Don has foregone masturbating, and thus, the fantasy of anal intercourse is fading. His doctor believes that eventually, Don will return to a normal sex pattern, though it may not happen with either of these two women. The prediction is that one day, Don will meet a woman who physically resembles Adele, and she will kindle in him all the original, uninhibited passions that his mother did. The one unanswered question is: if and when this happens, will the woman respond to Don?
The case of Myra H. is not typical, in many ways; yet may be all too common. The reason for this evasive statement is that Myra is a semi-literate farm woman, and one of the few from this strata of society to seek help from a psycho-therapist, for obvious reasons.
Myra is typical, if surveys such as the Kinsey Reports and other findings can be taken seriously, in that she was the victim of incest as a child, from her father, two uncles, and an older brother. Brother-sister incest is the commonest of all forms, while a startling number of girls who will talk of their early sex experiences reveal that they were introduced to sex by the "feeling up" or cunnilingus performed by an uncle.
Myra was able to afford psychiatric treatment when her son, David, was killed in Viet Nam. She sold the small farm in Pennsylvania and came to California. Myra, though uneducated, had the shrewdness of a wild creature who has had to battle the elements and the land, as well as men, all her life. She was an excellent psychotherapy subject and strove mightily to apply the knowledge of her inner mind to her day-to-day living habits.
Myra's problem was her uncontrollable yen for young boys. She is a woman of 39, and, after she learned to use make-up and visit beauty parlors, and to dress decently, was a very attractive woman; especially in view of the hard life she led previously. In her own words, then:
My husband, Joe, knocked me up when I was 14. I'd been pregnant once before, but got rid of it. Virgins were rare in the hills of Pennsylvania, and Joe didn't make much fuss when he found I'd had other men and boys. I didn't tell him of course, that I'd lost my cherry to my own brother, nor that my daddy had had a slice of the cake a few times, too. But Joe did know about my Uncle Will getting into me when I was only ll. Everybody did, because my daddy caught him and beat the hell out of him, and Uncle Will left the county, 'cause my daddy swore he'd shoot him on sight.
Uncle Will was my daddy's youngest brother and he was only 15 then. We'd been raised together, and it just seemed natural to us, I guess, to be fooling around. We went swimming this day, and he dared me to go bare-assed. He dove under the water and began to put his fingers inside me. Later, we stretched out on a big rock, and he began to play with me again, until I got all hot. He came at me like I saw dogs do-all panting and humping, and I enjoyed it. We didn't get caught that day, but about a week later, he got me in the barn and daddy caught us. He used a horsewhip on Will, and he left. I don't know where he is now.
But, before that, my brother, Ben, had got to me-lots of times. We used to sleep in the same room, but in different beds. I slept with my younger sister who was only four, and Ben slept on a cot by himself. I was 10 when my breasts began to show-not much, but Ben spotted them right away and teased me about them. I used to undress right in front of him. I guess maybe I got kind of excited to think that my body was beginning to be good enough to attract a boy's attention, even my brother's. We had an outside toilet, and one day I walked in (the door was off it's hinges) and found Ben playing with his pecker. It was all hard and red, and he was jerking away, with his eyes closed, panting and having a real big time. I just watched him, and all at once, he shot a stream of watery-white juice-right out of the outhouse! I was fascinated and just stood there. He opened his eyes and saw me and he was mad. He stuffed it back in his pants and started screaming at me, called me a snoop-assed bitch. I ran for the house and up to my room. Daddy was out in the fields, and my sis was taking her nap.
I wasn't really scared, except I thought Ben was going to hit me, like he sometimes did. Instead, he just stood there, mad-like, and took his dinker out, pumping on it like crazy.
"You wanted to see it-take a good look!" he said. "Fact is, take a suck of it!" He threw me down on his bed, straddled me, and let it touch my lips. I kept them tight closed over my teeth, and he put his fingers at the back of my jaws and pushed hard until I opened my mouth. Then he plunged it in. At first, it gagged me, but then he began to be gentler, and I began to run my tongue around it. I enjoyed the look on his face, I guess. I was proud, in a funny way, that any boy would want me, like I was a grown woman. Then he came in my mouth. It was so far in, I couldn't do anything but swallow it. It was funny, the way Ben changed. He took it out, and began to kiss me and cry a little. He kissed me gentle at first, then began to stick his tongue in my mouth, while he put his hands inside my panties and began to massage my slit. I got all wet-like, and I even reached down and helped him shove his finger in deeper, so he hit the right spot. Without saying anything, he took my panties off, kissed my slit, running his tongue in, and then he got on top of me. I was a little scared, but I wanted him to put in his pecker. When he did, I went wild. I always heard that the first time was hell for a girl-and I was only 10-but it didn't hurt after that first thrust. I bled a little, and that scared Ben, but he kept on. After a while, I put my legs up around him, and he burst inside me, all hot and gooey. At the same time, I felt like a skyrocket or a Roman candle had shot off inside my cunt. I know now that I came, just a second or so before Ben did.
We did it again, and it was even better. Then Ben told me to "go wash out and pee good," so I wouldn't get pregnant. I hadn't begun to really menstruate yet, but Ben was scared. I did like he said, and he even helped me wash out inside me.
After that, me and Ben did it a lot, but when he put it in me, he always used a rubber, after that first time. When he'd get real hot, and wouldn't have a rubber, I'd suck it for him and he would do it for me, but we were careful not to get caught by daddy. That was how my Uncle Will came to screw me-he caught me and Ben, and he cornered me one day and said if I didn't do it for him, he'd tell my Pa about me and Ben.
I didn't like it with Will-not like with Ben. He was in too much of a hurry-scared, I guess, so that I didn't even come. I was afraid to tell Ben about it. Then daddy caught Will and drove him off.
It was about a week after that, that daddy sent Ben out of town for overnight, up to another uncle's place near Wilkesbarre. That night, daddy said he wanted to talk to me-in his room. I got ready for bed and made sure my sister was all right, and went in. Daddy was under the covers. I knew he always slept naked, and I wondered what he was going to do. Honestly, I didn't think he had anything about sex in mind.
"When Will stuck it into you, how did it feel? How did you feel?" he asked bluntly. I didn't know whether or not to he, so I told him the truth. I said it felt partly good, partly bad. "Did he come in you? You know what come is?" daddy asked. I told him that Will had come, but I didn't.
"Did you want to?" he asked. He had now put his arm around me and was feeling my little breasts, though I had started wearing a brassiere and my pubic hair was really growing.
He kissed me-hard-like, on the mouth. I didn't feel much of anything, except maybe a little fear. He slid my nightie off, and began to kiss my breasts. Meantime, the covers had slid off him and I could see his big, hard pecker. It was so much bigger than Will's or Ben's that it scared me; yet it fascinated me. I wondered what it would feel like inside me, after Ben's, which wasn't very big. Will wasn't very big, either-not like this one.
Then he moved down and began to stick his tongue into me, running it around the lips, then plunging it in. He began to masturbate, and I was getting all hot, so I took his hand off his dick, and I masturbated him. Then I turned around and crawled on top of him and sucked it, while he was going like wild in me with his tongue. After a minute, I came and he couldn't stop himself. I just swallowed it, then kept on sucking until he got another good stiff on. He was like an animal when he mounted me, and it hurt a little, even if I had been getting regular screwing from Ben. But I came, and he kept on and came twice in me. He kept saying as he sucked my tongue and kissed my titties, "You're way better'n Millie ever was-way better." I came once after that while he was kissing my slit. Then he began to feel guilty, and he begged me, then ordered me, not to tell Ben-or anyone.
After that, I had Ben a couple times a week, and my daddy maybe once or twice a month. Daddy was scared I'd get pregnant, and he used to pull out, just before he came. This wasn't much good for me, so I tried to come quick. With Ben, it was different-a lot better. We used to go all night, when we didn't have to get up next morning. We never did get caught, although Ben walked in one night and caught me and daddy. It made him mad. He hated my Pa from that moment on, with a deadly hate. When I got pregnant with Joe, Ben left. My Pa took out after Joe and made us get married. I hated Joe, sex-wise. He was just a clod-him on top, me underneath-he never cared about me corning, just so he got his rocks off. Joe screwed the hell out of me right up until two days before Davey was born. By that time, I had come to dread sex with him. Once, I even had Pa, when I was over visiting, but he was drunk, and no good for either one of us.
I knew that more than anyone, I wanted Ben, but he'd taken a job in Scranton, and didn't visit us for a year after Davey was born. By that time, Joe was drinking heavy and slutting around town with anything that would screw him. I was boiling over inside for some good fucking and sucking, but I had to settle for masturbating, except for the Sunday morning sessions when Joe was hung over, and was like a rabbit-on and off before I could get warmed up to even him. Once, I asked him to suck me, and he slapped the hell out of me. After, he screwed me in the ass and I hurt for weeks.
Joe's father had left him a big place, and he worked hard at it. Then he had a heart seizure and the doctors told him to get some hired help. We couldn't afford much, so Joe took to hiring the local kids-boys who were used to farming and who worked pretty cheap. We had two or three around most of the summer.
The first one made the move at me, without any coaxing or me leading him on. He was about 14, I guess, but he was a big hunk, and dumb. I had taken Dave and gone down by the creek, while he slept in a basket. I dangled my bare feet in the water, then, it felt so good, I took off my clothes and went in for a quick swim. As I was about to come out, I saw this Johnny, half-hiding in the bushes and he had his dink in his hand, masturbating. I guess it had been out-of-sight, out-of-mind for me, because when I saw that thing, I just got all hot, really horny, like I used to with Ben. It almost made my mouth water. So I just walked out of the creek, and stood facing this kid who didn't know I knew he was there. I rubbed my breasts and my stomach and between my legs, all the while, keeping an eye on him. He was so flabbergasted he almost stopped his masturbating to watch me. He showed himself, his dink still out, hard and stiff as a poker. He was red-faced, but bold enough. "Why'nt you let me show you how good this can be?" he said, grabbing it again and waving it proudly. I didn't know at the time, but he wasn't just right in the head. It didn't make any difference in his manhood, I'll tell you. I was so hot for him by that time that I could have eaten his tool in one gulp, but I didn't want him screwing me. I told him I'd let him lick my slit, and I'd play with his. I just wanted to get him worked up more. I couldn't even wait for him. I laid down and pulled him down so his dink was by my mouth, and I began to really go to work on him. I showed him the way to suck me while I was sucking him, and I swear, before he came once, I'd come at least three times. Then I sucked him hard again, and let him fuck me. I didn't want to, because I was scared of getting pregnant, but by that time, I needed him inside me, good and hard, so bad that it hurt. I came good, two or three times before he shot off, and I managed to push him off me before he really came inside me. I moved quick, and finished him off with my mouth, and he wasn't mad at all.
He worked for us that whole summer, and I made him buy some safeties, and we had some real good times. But I went into town one day and a girl friend of mine told me that the big-mouthed kid had been hinting at the good laying and wild blow jobs he was getting out at Joe's place, so I had Joe fire him.
The twin boys from the next farm worked for us for a few weeks. They were 13, and green as grass. I worked on them sneaky-like; I'd take my bath in the big tub-we didn't have any inside plumbing-and call one of them to hand me something while I was standing there, stark naked. After I'd get them worked up, I knew they would head somewhere to masturbate, and I'd follow them and watch. Once I'd got one of them I knew all I had to do was to tell him not to tell the other, and that would be the first thing he'd do-they were so close.
Joe never suspected. He was always busy doing light things, and he never trusted anyone to do a thing unless he was right at their elbow-especially the younger ones. We had a regular hired man, a colored man about 50, who lived in a room over the barn, and Joe was with him most of the time.
I went swimming a lot, and asked the boys to come along. I'd always let them see me getting into my bathing suit. It was one of them that suggested that we swim naked one day. It was the first time I'd let them see my whole body from the front, and it really made their eyes open and their peckers stand out stiff. They were twins, but not in their dinks. Jerry, the dark one, had a cock like a man. I asked him if it got that way from playing with it so much, and he got red as a beet, because I'd watched him masturbate several times and knew all about the size of it. When I asked if either of them had ever screwed a girl, they laughed. I was amazed to find that they had been laying a couple of girls from a nearby farm for more than a year-and the girls were at least 16!
Once the ice was broken, it was easy, and fun. They were green, but willing, and how they loved to screw. We tried it every way, with the three of us working at once, but they never sucked or screwed each other. I'd suck one while the other screwed me. Once or twice, we tried both of them getting in me at the same time-one from the front and one from the back, but it didn't work so hot-they were too awkward and one's pecker was too small to do me any good, unless I really was able to use my legs on him and help him.
One of them drowned the next summer, and for a while, Jerry sneaked over to see me and we had some good lays. He was funny-he liked me to suck him off, and he'd actually have an orgasm while he was licking my slit, but he didn't go too much for straight screwing. Then he moved away, and I was back in the same old sexless rut-once a month or so with Joe, not nearly enough to keep me cooled off.
When David was eight, Ben came for a visit, but when he met Joe and saw little Davey, he wouldn't have anything to do with me. Daddy had tried a couple of times, but Joe never did like him, and wouldn't let us be alone at all. I talked with Ben and told him how it was with Joe, and how I needed more sex, but he wouldn't. I got a kid from up the road to run some errands for me, and we had some fun, but he was 17, and built like a full-grown man, and he didn't go for any mouth jobs at all. He was too much like Joe-on and off, and to hell with the woman. And besides, Joe didn't like him hanging around and chased him off.
David was ll when Joe died. My daddy died less than six months after that, and I was alone there, with two farms and nobody to run them. Ben came back and took over the home place, but he got married right after that. I got two hired hands, a married couple, to help with my place, and after a while, Ben paid me off for my half of daddy's place.
One night, this old bastard who worked for me sneaked into my room and jumped me. He must have been 60, but he was like a stud. I fought him and hollered and his wife came running, and that was the end of that. They left next day.
I hadn't paid much attention to David-I mean, about his getting to be a big boy. Then one day, I went to the outhouse, and there he was with his dick all hard and red, playing with it. I'm not making excuses, but when I saw him all I could think of was the fun that Ben and I used to have. David looked a lot like Ben, and Ben and me bore a strong family resemblance. Anyhow, I just stood there and Davey was so far into his fantasy that he couldn't stop-until he came, even though he knew I was watching.
I went back to the house, telling him to come up right away, that I wanted to talk to him. When he came, he was embarrassed and fidgety, but I told him not to be ashamed, that all boys and girls did that sort of thing. Then I asked him what he thought about when he played with his pecker. He hemmed and hawed, but finally told me he thought about a girl in school, who was always rubbing her hand on his dinker through his pants, and whose slit he had put his finger in a couple of times-but that was all. I pressed him as to just what he wanted to do with her, and he guessed he wanted to put it in her. While we were talking, I could see him getting a hard on again. I began to take off my clothes, and Davey kept his eyes glued to my breasts and my slit. I told him that if he was going to be doing that to a girl, he'd better let me show him how. He took his clothes off and I let him suck my breasts, until the nipples got hard. Without my telling him, he put his fingers inside my slit, and I played with his dinker for a while, then got down on my knees between his legs and plunged my mouth down over it. I used my tongue and sucked and stroked it until he was squirming and moaning and calling "Mom-ohhhh, Mom-do it, do it!"
I taught him right then, how to use his tongue and fingers to make me come, and for weeks, that's all we did-the oral way. I wanted him to put it in, but he was afraid. He said it was wrong, because he'd heard in Sunday School that it was bad and sinful to do it to a girl unless she was his wife. In his childish thinking, because nothing had been mentioned about sucking, he didn't think that was sinful. But he gave in one night when we were in bed. We'd sixty-nined and played with each other and he was all hot again. I told him to just put the head of it between my legs, and rub it against my thighs. He didn't want to, but once he'd started, I took over and slid it inside me. Once he'd plunged it all the way, he gave a gasp and got right on top of me, and from there on he was all man. He was like Ben-gentle, but good and strong. When he learned how to find the exact spots inside me and to massage my anus with his finger, he was a perfect lover.
Davey never was good in school, and he quit when he was 15 and worked the farm. We lived like lovers, and in most ways, Davey was a real man. I doubt if anyone ever suspected that we were actually lovers, mother and son. He got so, after awhile, he could just come in the house, kiss me with his tongue working inside my mouth, and put his hand on my slit, and I'd have an orgasm.
He was drafted when he was 18, in spite of us trying to prove that he was the sole support of the place, and did all the work of the head of the household. I begged old Eggers, the draft board head, but it was no use. I even tried to offer the old bastard some screwing, but he wouldn't budge.
When Davey went away, I was lost. I felt just like I had when Ben left, and when the one twin had drowned-like I'd lost a lover, or "a husband. I felt a lot worse than when Joe had died. I didn't know what to do. I was still young, still sexy as hell, and I didn't want the clumsy farmhands like Joe messing around with me. I wanted a young, eager, appreciative boy-one that would consider me-try to please me. I tried to get some young fellows to work at the place, but the young men were all going into the army, or else they were leaving and taking better jobs in the city. All that were left in the Pennsylvania hills were older men, and the ass-chasing married men who just wanted a quick piece. I finally had to hire an old man, but he was a drifter and a boozer, and he lasted less than a month. He didn't even look at me as a woman, even if I had wanted anything to do with him.
Then I got an idea. I started to teach a Sunday school class of boys, about ten to twelve. There was this one boy especially, a big dark-eyed boy with curly blonde hair, like Davey's, and I started to ask him to come out and help me with little things. I didn't dare to try anything at first, until he gained confidence in me, but I often would wear a short skirt when he was there, and no panties, and it was easy to show him a lot of hungry pussy. He never let on, though, if he was excited by it. One day, we were cleaning out a shed and he got really dirty, so I told him he ought to take a bath before he went home. I filled the tub and helped him undress, just as if it were the natural thing to do. I rubbed him with soap, and when I began to stroke his dinker, it got hard and beautiful. I rinsed him off, then took it in my mouth and made him come. He really got with it then, and I got undressed and we really went all out. He knew more than he had pretended, I found out. But we were so carried away that we didn't hear his father drive up to take him home. When the old boy walked in, Lester was on top of me and we were sixty-nining like crazy.
I had to leave town. The boy's father spread it all over town, and believe it or not, two days later, they brought out a petition with over two hundred names on it, telling me to leave. I sold the place and came to California, where I took a job as a housekeeper in a children's home. You know the rest.
"The rest" as she put it, was that she became involved with three of the boys in the home, was found out and charged with molestation and contributing to the delinquency of minors. She served ninety days, and was then paroled on the condition that she seek professional help and that she never again try to work around children.
When she came to the therapist, Myra was a pitiful thing. She was sex-starved, thin, slatternly. She sincerely wanted help, but she was still a child in her sexual nature. She felt that unless she could find a substitute for Ben, then for her son, David, she could never enjoy sex with a man again. She just didn't like full-grown men. After a few weeks of psycho-therapy, Myra revealed that she was in love-wildly, joyously in love. She even brought her new love to meet the psychologist. To his horrified astonishment, Myra introduced him to a boyish-bobbed, masculine attired lesbian! That the woman looked like a young boy was undeniable.
Questioned about this sex relationship, Myra seemed ecstatic, raving about the tenderness and fullness of sex with Edith, and her delighted surprise at the enjoyment she got from a dildo used by her lover. (A dildo is a mechanical contrivance shaped like a penis, which is strapped to a female's hips, and inserted into the vagina of her sex partner. Many are ingeniously made of pliant, semi-hard material which can be manipulated to simulate the movements and the hardness and resiliency of a male penis.)
Note: Several psychiatrists are of the opinion that brother-sister incest is a very common occurrence, particularly in poorer families where the living conditions cause sleeping in the same room. Others also believe that the isolated conditions of farm living tend to throw brothers and sisters into a stronger sex relationship. In the few cases which are open from beginning to end, a strong brother-sister incestuous affair, such as Myra's and Ben's, very often results in sex aberrations of a serious nature in later life, for one or both of the parties involved. As far as Myra knew, Ben was able to resume a normal, happy married life.
Myra's fixation for Ben, having been transferred to her son, David, became doubly serious for her. When her son was killed, Myra secretly gave up on her sex desires, feeling that he could never be replaced. She made foolish, futile efforts with other young boys. In fact, however, Myra would have had to bear a second son, and have raised him under the exact conditions as her David, if she were to have duplicated her sex robot son.
Perhaps the artificial world of lesbianism is the answer for a temporary happiness for Myra, but case histories tend to deny this. Where she will go, once the glitter has worn off her new female love, is problematical. Myra's sessions in which she spoke in complete honesty about her sexual desires, leaves one vital gap in this female-female sex relationship. Myra confessed several times that she truly enjoys fellating a young boy. Not to be frivolous, but in the newly-formed lesbian relationship, it is unlikely that she can satisfy this longing.
AUTHOR'S ADDENDUM: In keeping with the purpose of this book, the pertinent parts were submitted to or sent in condensed version to each party who agreed to allow their case history to be used. When Myra read hers, she had no objections whatsoever. But she returned the manuscript with the excited notation that she had broken off the lesbian relationship after she had met and fallen in love with a young man. She was, remember, 39. The young man to whom she claimed to have become engaged, was 17! Upon further questioning, she did admit that he was unemployed, and was a so-called "flower child." She discontinued her therapy, and when last heard from, had taken most of her money from the bank and had purchased a "camper" and headed for Colorado, where her latest love had convinced her, they would find Utopia.