Conclusion
In the introduction to this book, an attempt was made to spell out the differences between the swinger and the swapper. As has now become evident, there is a great deal in this book which can properly be called swapping, but which, at the same time, does contain some of the elements of what is properly called swinging. Since there seems to be an overlapping gray area because of this, it might be well to remark a little further on the apparent differences between these two groups.
The swapper is a person who wants to be certain to get equal value in return for what he gives up. It can be no more simply stated. Of the numerous swappers we have met, we invariably noticed that the husband was displeased if he thought the other man, the one who was with his wife, was getting the better part of the bargain. Likewise with the females. Swappers seem to us to be only temporarily selective, putting undue values upon pure sexual techniques and physical attraction. In a word, most of them appear fickle. They also seem easily disenchanted, and are very quick to move on to greener pastures. Few of their relationships with other couples are of significant duration.
The swinger lives a different kind of life. He or she is also selective, but in a different way. Sex is not the sole criterion. Consider the following ad which appeared a few years ago in a Los Angeles "underground" newspaper.
Swinging singles or marrieds for various parties; only requirement that you like people and sex-and that you are people. Stick-in-the-mud swappers need not apply. Helen and Ralph, P.O. 1088, City.
The message here is that applicants must be sexy as well as uncritical. Swappers are more and more critical of the physical qualities of a couple first and all other qualities second. It boils down to the age-old dilemma of trying to please people who are picky for the wrong reasons. We say wrong reasons with the specific knowledge in mind that sexual and/or other pleasures really have nothing much to do with physical attraction. When we discuss the difference between swingers and swappers, we really are addressing ourselves to the problem of human values and the individual's human sense-of-value. How many persons in history have been made miserable because of hasty choices based on physical considerations?
Now, for contrast, let's look at what Elaine Stanton, a reliable and interesting writer for various Hollywood publications, has to say in her book Divorcee a Go-Go:
Swinging has a definite sexual connotation, and that is the underlying reason people are swingers or attend swinging parties, or, to much lesser degree, live in "swinging-singles" apartments. But, whereas the swappers swap for the exclusive purpose of sex, and usually without much interest in the nonsexual aspects of the swapped partner, the swinger is pursuing a way of life of thinking. Eroticism, carnality, and off-beat sex practices are all part of it, of course, but it is a pure misimpression to think we do not also like each other very much. I have never gone to bed with a man at a swinging party that I would not also introduce to all of my business friends.
Throughout history, men have sought to express themselves freely. Within a certain framework, this can even be said of those who sought to limit the lives of others. There is, in our view, no reasonable method or excuse of advocating freedom while at the same time taking it, and the insouciance of these hypocrites makes it all the worse.
Dryden, for example, wrote in Threnodia Augustalis :
Freedom which in no other land will thrive, Freedom an English subject's sole prerogative.
He gave good insight into the depth and permanence of the English Common Law, from which our own devolved. Never in the minds of men of old did it occur that all men were entitled to the same qualities of living or born with the same rights. Dryden himself, never regarded as a "small" man, realized that one nation bestowed a greater thing upon its people than did others, but did not seem to realize that these inherent principles were the born-right of all men.