Chapter 14
Bernie opened his eyes and stared up at the small light fixture that hung from a chain directly over him. He looked about the small room wonderingly. His throat felt very dry and his whole body seemed to be floating on the narrow bed. He looked down at the sheet that covered him. It was like a morgue. He'd never seen one, but it was as he would imagine it.
He tried to move his arms, but something held them at his sides. He didn't know if it were something real or just something in his mind. At any rate, they wouldn't move. He tried to turn his head. That worked all right. His arms must be strapped. How funny! He smiled at the thought. It didn't really matter, since he had nothing to do with his arms anyway. And he didn't blame them for tying him down.
His face reddened slightly as he remembered. God, what a fool he'd made of himself! No wonder they tied him down.
But he was always doing that. How foolish he must have looked, for instance, laughing at the dance and nobody paid any attention to him because they knew he was drunk. What a silly fool! And what must Mike have thought later that night when he'd come in and found Bernie sitting in the middle of the floor with the rifle across his lap. What a fool, he must have thought.
Rose, too. He remembered how she'd looked at him, wild, still trembling, as though the big man were still chasing her down the middle of the street.
It seemed like a long time ago. But it was only yesterday.
"I gotta use your car," Mike had said. His breath was rasping, his eyes were wide with fear.
"It's Sarah," Mike said. "We gotta find her!"
"Sarah?" Bernie looked at the two people who stood over him, and he frowned in confusion. "Sarah?" He stared wonderingly at the rifle, like a child's toy across his lap. He pushed it away.
"She's gone," Mike said. "She took off somewhere and we gotta find her."
"Ah'm worried sick," Rose said. She dropped down on the couch. "Ah don't know what he told that child, but Ah'm worried sick, Ah tell you. Ah don't know what to do."
"What?" Bernie said. He shook his head in confusion.
"What, what, what, what!" Rose said. "You just sit there, Bernie-you just sit there! You don't understand anything. Did you see that man grab at me? Did you see him chase me right outside your door and grab at me? Because Ah told him the truth. Ah finally told him in words what he shouldda known, because Ah told him the same thing every day of his rotten life. And now she's gone and Ah'm worried sick, Ah tell you."
Mike suddenly turned to Rose. "I'll use your car," he said and it was a command.
"Wait," Bernie said. He got up off the floor. He didn't know why, but he had to stop Mike. He knew this by instinct and he grabbed Mike by the shoulders and pushed him down on the couch next to Rose. "Just wait!" He fought desperately to clear his mind.
"Ah can't keep up with it," Rose said. "Ah just can't keep up with it any more. Ah called all her girl friends and checked all the trailers in the court where she might be. Then Ah thought she might've come here. Even though that man might still be here, Ah came back."
"We gotta find her," said Mike.
"Ah should never have left her alone while that man was in this town," Rose was saying. "That's what happened to her. Ah know it!" Her hands began to work desperately. "If he took that child away, if that's what happened to her...."
"I'll kill him," Mike said, almost under his breath. His eyes blazed with strength.
"Now listen," Bernie snapped, suddenly finding his voice. "Now listen, Mike, you stay here. You hear me? You stay here and wait till I come back."
"Where are you going?" Rose said.
"There's something I have to do," Bernie said.
But while he was still talking, Sarah appeared in the doorway and the words died on his lips.
She was wearing her Sunday dress, the one she'd been saving for the trip. But it was wrinkled now. She clutched a small beaded purse in her hands while she looked from one to the other.
"He's gone," she said finally.
"Thank goodness!" said Rose. She ran to Sarah. "Thank goodness you're all right! Ah was so worried! You gave us such a scare, honey." She ran her hand over Sarah's long hair, fussing stupidly with it. "Ah was so worried, honey. It's past three A.M. Do you know that?"
"He's gone," Sarah said again.
"Who, honey?" Rose said, and suddenly her hands tightened on Sarah's shoulder. "Honey, what happened?"
"Nothing, Mama," Sarah said simply. "Nothing happened."
"Baby, what are you talkin' about?" Rose shook her daughter roughly. "Where did you go, Sarah?"
"I went to the Bel-Plaines Motel."
"Sarah!"
"I went to see my daddy." She spoke calmly. "He wasn't there, but I waited for him. I went to tell him to please go back home and leave us alone. I went to tell him I was happy and to please be happy too."
"Oh baby, baby!" Rose led her daughter to the couch and sat down next to her.
Bernie watched them in wonder. "I was going," he said and he pointed at the door. "I was going." But he said it under his breath and no one heard him. "Baby, you shouldn't have gone there."
"I had to, Mama. Don't you see. Someone had to."
"If that man hurt you, honey ... If that man laid a hand on you...."
"He didn't hurt me," Sarah said, twisting and untwisting the chain of her purse. "They stopped him. They were gonna call the police!"
"They?" Rose frowned, searching her daughter's eyes. "Who, honey?" Suddenly Rose's voice was strong. "Sarah, Ah want to know what happened there! Now you tell me!"
"He wanted me to go away with him. When he came in, I was afraid because he didn't look like my daddy. He said I was trash. He said he knew all about what was going on in that trailer, and I was trash!"
"Oh, baby!"
"And he said I wanted it!"
"Honey!"
"He said I always wanted him-"
"Oh, my God!"
"He grabbed at me and tore my new dress-"
"He tried to kiss me! He tried to kiss me. Mama! Not his way! The way-the way-" and she looked at Mike and there was terror in her face.
"Ah shouldda known," Rose cried. "All along Ah shouldda known." Suddenly she hugged Sarah tightly, and her hands worked desperately through Sarah's golden hair, trying to smooth it out, to put the long strands back in place. While she worked, she said over and over, and it was a cry, "Ah shouldda known!"
"I'm all right," Sarah said, recovering slightly and pushing away from her mother. "Honest I am!" She tried to smile. "I screamed and people came in and they pulled him away and the held him and they were gonna call the police and I said, it's all right, he's my daddy!" She laughed suddenly, wildly. "He's my daddy!" The laughter died as quickly as it had been born. She stared forward, not looking at anyone. "They let him go and he went away. And he'll never bother us again."
"Honey, you shouldn't have. You shouldn't have."
"I had to, Mama!" Sarah said angrily. She withdrew a small handkerchief from her purse and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Now I have to go home and finish my packing."
"Sure you do, honey," Rose whispered, moving to her daughter again. "But first you're gonna have a nice bath and a nice nap."
"I have to finish my packing," Sarah said sharply.
"All right, honey," Rose said, drawing away. She followed her daughter out of the apartment. At the doorway, she turned back.
"Bernie," Rose said, "about Cy...." Her voice was touched with nervousness. "Ah don't think we need the police. Whatever he did, Ah guess he couldn't help it."
Bernie nodded, agreeing. After Rose left he looked at Mike, who was staring at him, and Bernie knew he was staring because Bernie had agreed.
Finally Mike got up and moved up the short hallway to the dressing room. After a moment he came back with a small red carton of shells he'd been saving in one of the bureau drawers and Bernie watched while Mike began to load the rifle.
"Get out of the way," Mike said to Bernie, who had moved to the door, blocking it.
"Put the gun away," Bernie said. "Put it back in the closet."
"Get out of my way or I'll have to shoot you, too."
"Listen to me, Mike," Bernie said and suddenly his mind was clear. "You've got to be happy. Do you understand that? You owe that to me. Otherwise what was it all for?"
"Aw, Bernie, for-"
"Shut up! I'm telling you something. You've got to live a long, long time. You've got to live two lifetimes-yours and mine! Do you understand that? Whether you know it or not, you owe that to me and nothing can change it-not even you."
Bernie reached out and took the gun from Mike.
"You just stay here," he said. "Do you understand that?"
Bernie stared up at the light fixture and it seemed to sway while he watched it. In one ear and out the other. The little bastard, Bernie thought, and he grinned. But it was Bernie's fault, because Bernie had never taught him to obey. He'd taught him to do some tricks that were real cute, but he'd never taught him to obey.
It didn't matter. He closed his eyes again. He must lie still. They were watching him and he must lie still and breathe evenly so they'd see he was all right. Then they'd have to free his arms.
He smiled a secretive smile.
Sooner or later they'd have to let him go and then he could move and everything would be all right.