Chapter 3
Donna lost the baby in April. I was surprised at the lack of emotion the miscarriage produced in both of us. I didn't want the kid and I made no effort to hide my feelings from Donna. Although I never told her my reasons, I think she sensed that I didn't plan to be around very long and I looked upon the prospect of having a child as I would have looked upon having a leg cut off. It would tie me down too much and prevent me from going where I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted. Because I didn't want it, I think Donna adopted the same attitude. Our relationship was deteriorating rapidly.
James Liggett lost his job the week after Donna had her miscarriage. I was surprised that his tricky heart didn't conk out completely that afternoon when the general manager and the plant superintendent both landed on him.
Myra Lawrence was the only person besides me who knew just how that gigantic screw-up in orders happened. How the quantities and delivery dates on those half-dozen purchase orders to Space Age Metal's major suppliers got so loused up that not even Jim Liggett really could be sure what had been so badly botched at our end.
Oh, he suspected. That's for sure.
When it was all over, when all the shouting and accusing in his office died down and his resignation had been verbally accepted, Donna's brother-in-law came looking for me. I'll never forget the look on his wide, beefy face that afternoon. He didn't openly charge me with tampering with the more than a quarter of a million dollars in purchase orders that had been screwed up. He just hovered there in the doorway to my office. He was a big, broken hulk of a man and whatever he thought but lacked the proof to say was there in his pale, tired blue eyes.
"You'll be moving into my office, tomorrow," he managed to mutter, his voice low and forced, as if the word hurt coming out."
I made myself keep looking across the desk at him. I tried to look sorry about it. In a way, I guess I really was sorry. But not enough to lose any sleep over. I'd shafted him but good and even though he may have guessed the truth, he could never make an actual case out of it.
"Look, Jim," I said slowly, "why don't you and the wife drive over and have a few drinks with us tonight? Donna's still real low over losing the baby and I'm not in a very happy frame of mind myself. Not just because of the baby, either, believe me. This thing with you, is terrible, and I'm sorry it happened, seriously."
Jim's expression didn't change. Then he shook his head and said, "No, we won't be over, Paul. Thanks anyway." Turning to leave, Liggett said: "What you should do, Paul, is take Donna out on the town and raise hell tonight. Celebrate your promotion. God knows you worked for it."
I knew what he meant by that last statement and he knew his meaning had gotten across. I watched him shuffle from the office, nodding and exchanging hushed goodbyes and handshakes with other employees he'd worked with over the long years.
When I let myself into our apartment in the pleasant suburban community of Elm Grove, Donna was standing with her back to me looking out the window a few isolated, feathery white flakes of snow were attempting to turn back the calendar, but they melted as soon as they touched the dull, brown lawns. I'd noticed a few tulips and lilies in one of the neighboring flower beds.
"You wouldn't think to look outside that next Sunday will be Easter," Donna said quietly. There wasn't anything at all in her voice and she didn't turn around to flash me a welcoming, wifely smile.
Of course, we hadn't really bothered with the pretense of love for a long time. Donna didn't have much left but her pride. She'd stopped trying to encourage lovemaking sessions after the previous New Year's Eve when I'd completely ignored her.
She had been waiting for me in the nude that night when I got home from the office. She had draped herself over me and even guided my hand to the pink-tipped breasts that had at one time delighted me. She was eager, in an almost pathetic way, to go to bed, but I made some weak excuse and yawned at her lovely, naked body.
I remember that Donna looked at me for a long moment that night. I could see the pleading lights of love dim and go out, their place soon to be filled with humiliated despair and dull disillusionment.
We hadn't know for sure that night that she was pregnant, but I thought she was and I suppose that was one of the reasons sex with her just didn't appeal to me any more. The other reason, of course, was Myra Lawrence.
Donna went into the bathroom crying after I turned away from her and I fell asleep almost instantly, dreaming of the dark exciting promise of Myra.
I shook the memories from my head and realized what Donna was talking about. Next Sunday was Easter. I chuckled to myself and I walked over to the bar to pour myself a drink. I'd make the grade ahead of my schedule. According to my master plan, I was to be promoted to purchasing agent by Easter and I'd done it three days early.
What the hell, I thought. Why not start collecting on my winnings right away? The thought of climbing on top of Myra and feeling her beautiful body squirm with passion under me was enough to break me into a sweat. Why waste time? I headed for the door.
"Think I'll go back to the plant and put in a few hours moving some of my stuff from that hole-in-the-wall to my new office," I said as I passed Donna. She was standing at the darkening living room window, looking absently into the street below.
I looked outside, too. From our second floor apartment, I could see down into the windows of the apartment building on the other side of the driveway. A guy and his wife were curled up comfortably on the couch. He was reading the newspaper and she had her head resting on his shoulder. In the dimly lit room it was impossible to tell if she were even awake. It certainly was a cozy peaceful scene. I suddenly thought of myself envying the dumb slob in that other apartment, but then I shrugged and grinned. I had my own cozy scene planned, and it would be piece-ful too.
"Good-bye," Donna said in her wooden, listless voice. She was wearing a green jersey frock and her figure had returned already. She was still a hell of a good looking girl, but she wasn't the same starry-eyed, passionate female I'd married. Her body was as fine as ever, but it was without life. Like marble, she was beautiful and cold to the touch. Donna just didn't give a damn about anything any more and I knew I had driven her to that attitude. It worried me sometimes. Not much, though. She had served her purpose as far as I was concerned and that was that.
If anyone was keeping score, they could have chalked up two victims for Paul Norman at that point. Jim Liggett and Donna. It wasn't the sort of thing a guy feels good about. I didn't hurt either of them for any sort of sadistic kick.
Donna didn't fit into my long-range plans. I'd never loved her and I think she knew that when we were married. I guess she figured I'd change ... or that she'd change me. No chance! We were a million miles apart in most respects and she just didn't want the same things out of life that I wanted.
Now that I'd sandbagged her brother-in-law out of his fat job, the next item on the agenda with Donna was a divorce.
She was still at the window when I got to the door. Then I decided to shave, shower and change clothes. She probably suspected that I wasn't going back to the office when I changed into another suit, but what the hell. If she didn't know now, she'd find out later. I really didn't give a damn.
She finally turned from the window when she heard me come back into the living room. It was almost totally dark outside by then and the only light in the room was the table lamp I'd flicked on before going into the bathroom.
"You haven't had anything to eat, Paul," she said softly. "Don't you want me to fix you something?"
"No thanks," I said, shaking my head. "I'll get something on my way downtown."
Donna looked straight at me. Her eyes were tired looking and hurt. "You've got what you wanted through me, didn't you, Paul?"
I just shrugged, tossed her a smart-ass grin and moved through the room to the door of the apartment. "Don't wait up, baby," I called back to her as I left. "Hard to tell what time I'll be back."
"Why bother coming back at all?" she shouted. "You're a no-good bastard, Paul, and I don't care if you ever come back!" That outburst was the most emotion she'd displayed for weeks.
As I left the apartment building, the light, fuzzy white particles of snow had stopped coming down and the dark sky was clear again as I drove along the suburban Cleveland streets in the direction of Westover.
Donna has me pegged, all right. She had said what Jim Liggett has thought but hadn't had the guts to say. They were both right. I was a no-good bastard.
But I was going to be a rich, successful no-good bastard. Donna and Jim were just unfortunate casualties of my "moon shot." Tough.
Suddenly the moonlight came through a dark glob of clouds and glinted luminously through the windshield of my station wagon. I grinned up at it.
It was getting closer all the time. Someday, I'd have it in my hands.