Chapter 3
Eva had managed to get all of the wrappings off the frozen food and put it on the stove by the time she heard Ralph's car come into the drive. She stiffened at the sound, knowing what lay ahead, hating it. Every night was the same, complete and utter boredom.
Nevertheless, Eva straightened her dress and pasted a smile on her face, moving towards the front door as it opened.
The man who came through the opening was tall and lean, his oversized frame sticking through his skin here and there. His face was longer than it was wide and the dark eyes seemed out of place set in the pallid skin. He grinned broadly as he slammed the door behind him. "Hi," he said simply.
Eva fought for self control "Hello, darling," she said. "You're late."
Ralph shrugged and extended his hand. Eva saw the flowers for the first time. "Sorry," he apologized. "One of my accounts needed going over."
"Ruth told me," Eva said, taking the flowers without comment. After all, she thought, why should she say anything about it. Didn't he bring her flowers almost every night. It was sickening.
Ralph looked around the room. "Where is she?"
"She had to leave," Eva said.
Ralph sat in the chair and exhaled an exhausted sigh. "Too bad," he said. "She could probably use a good home-cooked meal.".
"Hard day?" she said, working at starting a conversation.
Ralph shook his head, looking up from his paper. "Not really. The usual. Rather quiet I'd say."
Eva fought to remain calm, going through the motions of putting food on the table. She felt strange, worse than she had at any other time in the last few years. It was as if all of her discontentment was coming to a head.
Eva looked around the tiny room, noting that every imperfection ... the dirt on the ceiling, the cabinets that needed painting, the old stove, everything, became an obstacle that she wondered if she could surmount.
And there was Ralph. Eva looked through the door at the man sitting in the chair. He wasn't handsome, nor bright for that matter. What a damned fool she'd been to marry him in the first place.
Eva lighted a cigarette and turned the flame up beneath the coffee, her mind spinning gears. Some prize her husband had turned out to be. A dull middle-aged hore who hadn't yet reached his twenty-fifth birthday. A damned good trick if you could manage it ... and he had. Ralph had a job that he thought was good and that was the end of it as far as he was concerned. He'd never get beyond where he was and the man couldn't care less. About all he cared about was the pension he'd come into in some thirty more years. Eva shook her head, almost afraid of what lay ahead of her with this man.
"Hey," Ralph called from the other room. "Dinner ready yet?"
Eva surveyed the table, making certain everything was in place. Hamburger, peas and mashed potatoes ... the magic diet of suburban couples. "It's ready," she answered.
Ralph shuffled into the room and looked briefly at the table, rubbing his hands together. "Looks good," he said.
Eva nodded, wondering how come he'd been born without taste buds. This was the sixth night of hamburger and he still attacked it like steak.
Ralph took her by the hand and drew her close, kissing her on the cheek. "Have I told you that I love you," he grinned.
Eva pulled away, almost afraid she'd be sick at his touch. "No," she said, managing a smile.
"I do," he said, sitting down. "More than anything else." He laughed, adding, "Excepting food maybe."
They ate in silence, broken only by a now and then request to pass something. When the meal was finished, Ralph sat back expansively, toying with the remaining coffee in his cup. "Tomorrow's Saturday," he announced.
Eva looked up at him. "A good observation," she commented, adding, "Particularly since this is Friday."
Ralph laughed and lighted a cigarette. "What I meant is that I think I'll go up to the cabin and do some fishing. Care to come along?"
Eva shook her head. "No thanks. You have your fun." In her present mood she .had no desire to go to the shack her husband generously called a cabin. Shack was even too good a name for the run-down pile of lumber he had built near Big Bear Lake. It's single advantage was coolness. But even that couldn't lure Eva to the wilderness of the woods.
"Mind if I go?" he asked.
Eva smiled, again the action was forced. "Why should I? You've been going there almost once a month since we got married. You suddenly feeling guilty?"
"Not at all," he said. "I guess I can't get used to a wife allowing me to go away that often."
Eva laughed and pushed back from the table, beginning to clear the dishes away. "Why? Were all your other wives more strict?"
"I didn't mean that," he protested. "It's just that the other fella's wives aren't so generous with their husband's time. "I sure do love you."
As he reached for her, Eva managed to avoid the outstretched hands. "I've got the dishes to do," she scolded.
"The hell with the dishes," he said. "Let's go to bed."
"Later, Ralph," Eva stalled, revolted at the thought of being made love to by her husband. She wished he'd leave for the cabin right this minute. She liked the thought of two days alone. Eva had already begun to think of what she could do with the time. It boiled down to finding a man ... or men, depending on how lucky she was.
Another plane flew low overhead. She drowned it out with the noise of the garbage disposal. Eva had never been able to understand why the cabin held so much fascination for her husband. She'd been there ... once. That'd been enough. It was a dirty, cheap way to live. Eva could still remember being repulsed by the bugs and other crawling things. Ralph could have the place. She wanted the comforts of home. Eva looked around her and hid her shudder, wondering if anyone in her right mind could call these comforts.
Ralph's voice cut into her thoughts. "I thought I'd leave early."
"Fine," Eva said absent-mindedly. "You want me to fix a lunch?"
"Don't bother, honey. I'll stop along the way and have breakfast." Ralph got to his feet and started from the kitchen, pausing at the doorway. "Hurry up with those dishes," he said. "I've got plans for the evening."
Eva stalled with her work in the kitchen as long as she could. But the time came when she had to admit there was nothing left to do.
Her husband put down his paper and smiled when he saw her come through the door. "You've got too many clothes on," he said, reaching for the buttons on her blouse.
Eva pushed his hand away gently. "I'm tired, Ralph. Not tonight."
"Another one of those headaches?" Eva nodded and remained silent. "You should see a doctor."
"I will," she promised, settling into a chair across from him. Eva wondered if there had ever been another man as gullible as her husband. He believed every word she said. To him every sentence she uttered was gospel. In a way she wished he'd just once call her a damned liar.
For a long time the couple sat in silence, Ralph reading his paper, Eva staring at the wall, her thoughts fighting each other for room. Outside the house, the crickets worked at a symphony, fighting against the constant noise of evening traffic on the nearby freeway.
Eva's boredom pressed in on her. For six long years she and Ralph had done nothing but sit here night after night. Oh, they went out now and then ... to a cheap movie or some friend's home. But he didn't dance, hated nightclubs and wouldn't think of wasting his money in a restaurant. So Eva was forced to stay home and twiddle her thumbs. And how she hated it. Right now she knew that she'd gladly take off her clothes to the first man that came along if he'd promised to show her a good time. Diner at Ciro's, dancing at the Biltmore, the late show at the Coconut Grove .nd then a drive along the beach.
Eva smiled to herself, conjuring up her dream of escape, wondering why she'd been fool enough to get married.
The last part was easy and she damned herself for having fallen into a trap. Ralph had been Ruth's boy friend in the beginning and taking him away had been a challenge. And at first it looked at if she'd really gotten herself a catch. Ralph's father owned one of the biggest stores in the valley and he'd been grooming his son to take over. But they'd only been married a year when the business failed. It was then that Ralph had found his rut at the bank. In five years he'd had a few raises. But it had become painfully obvious that his superiors saw in him what she'd failed to notice earlier. Ralph was a plodder. And as such his promotions would be few and far between.
The first few years of marriage hadn't been too bad. What Ralph lacked in initiative he made up in passion at home. But in two years something had happened and he'd grown cold. He still had a few romantic impulses but they were more like duty than desire.
So Eva had been left high and dry. No fun on the outside and less sex at home. It was about then that she'd begun to look for other companionship to fill the gap.
Eva lighted a cigarette and tried to drive the thoughts from her mind. It seemed amazing to her that she'd been able to get away with cheating for this long. Certainly, she'd thought at the beginning, he would suspect something. But she soon found that she was married to a man with blinders.
Oddly enough, this had caused Eva to lose her last ounce of respect for Ralph.
But in the last year the internal drive she felt had grown worse. Now it had begun to worry her. She felt like someone who'd begun drinking on a social scale and now couldn't let go of the bottle.
Eva glanced at the television set. It brought back memories of the afternoon. Not of the man but of what he'd done to her.
And that's what frightened her. It didn't seem normal to be sitting a room with your husband and not being able to think of anything but the possibility of having a man tomorrow.
She got up and sat on the couch beside her husband, fingering the hem of her skirt. "Why don't you take off my blouse?" she said softly.
Ralph looked up, surprised. "Your headache?"
"Gone," Eva smiled.
"I love you," Ralph said sincerely, putting his hand around her shoulder.
Despite her growing want, Eva drew back at his touch. Here was something she didn't understand. Other men could fondle her and her skin would tingle. But it didn't work with her husband.
Eva gritted her teeth as he did what she asked, his hands caressing her.
When she was ready, he picked her up gently and carried her into the bedroom, placing her tenderly on the bed. "Damn, you're beautiful," he smiled.
Eva watched him, already sorry that she'd started this. The desire she felt wasn't for her husband. She tried to pretend that this was another man, to answer the commands of sex she felt pressed against her.
But it was no use, she couldn't get her passion off the ground. So Eva did what she'd had to do too often in the past ... pretended that she enjoyed what he was doing to her. She panted at the proper time and moaned when it was appropriate. And, as her husband relaxed, Eva knew that she hadn't been fullfilled.
The truth returned, as it did every time Ralph got romantic. Her husband was a lousy lover.