Chapter 12
"What do you think, Stu?"
"I think this one is going to be your baby."
June stopped eating. "It's all in a day's work but frankly the idea disgusts me-and frightens me a little too. I like Lou and Clair. I don't relish trapping them into exposing that kind of thing about themselves."
Post smiled at her. This was a long way from steel cabinet Harlon, girl computer machine. "Ethel may have been lying and you don't have to follow through on it."
She shoved her plate impatiently away from her. "You don't think Ethel was lying and I'd better follow through on it, or quit my job. This is what we're hired for."
It wasn't until Post felt the let down of disappointment that he realized he'd been hoping that this time June wouldn't go through with a scheme to spy on their neighbors. She wants to be a woman and a friend, he told himself, she just hasn't found out how to do it yet.
He knew what was keeping him in this dirty business. It was June. If he quit now, he'd lose the chance of winning her love. It was the day by day intimate proximity, the make-believe marriage, that was slowly tearing down her defenses.
Much as he hated what he was doing, he didn't dare stop.
"There's only one thing, Stu," June said. I think we'd better take some tapes of this. Lesbians are notoriously shy about discussing their problems. On the off chance that one of the girls might go into the rationale for her behavior, we should make a permanent record of it for the Institute."
Post felt sick to his stomach.
"And," June continued, "in any case we'll get the patter of their seduction line."
Then she saw the look of disgust on his face. "I know just how you feel, Stu, believe me I do. But science has got to know about a disease before it can hope to treat it."
"I'm coming to think that's just a rationalization for nasty minded voyeurism. At least in Tijuana, the peepers pay a price of admission for the right to watch sex games in action."
June flushed deeply and left the table.
The next three weeks were a horror for Stu. She didn't talk to him except when others were present.
If they'd really been married, Post knew what he'd have done. He'd have given her cute little fanny the spanking it deserved and then turned her over and made love to her until her tears became sighs of pleasure and they could be happy together.
As it was he felt helpless. He couldn't feel like a man with June and he did feel like a louse with their friends in the neighborhood. When he went to the Institute, it was all he could do to be civil to Dr. Prique. While he was supposed to be working, he would catch himself day-dreaming his speech of resignation.
Post knew that June had been working on Clair and Lou. A couple of times, coming home early from the Institute, he found them, together and separately, in the living room with her.
Finally one Tuesday morning she broke the long silence. Her voice when it came was as chilled as a blast from an overactive air conditioner. "Tomorrow's the day, Stu. Lou's coming for lunch. I've got this all worked out. If you can't feel like cooperating, I'll be forced to report your dereliction to Dr. Prique."
Stu wanted to tell her what she could do with Dr. Prique. He also wanted to tell her he was beginning to think he had made a serious mistake in loving her. But reason and training told him that this was a last ditch defense of June's own sickness. Without being aware of what she was doing, part of her was deliberately trying to scare him off so there would be no chance of his making a woman out of her.
He waited until he could force his voice to be cordial. "What is it you want me to do?"
"I'll drive you into town on the pretext that I want the car. You'll come back with me, of course. But you'll crouch down in the rear where you can't be seen and sneak in through the garage door. Dr. Prique sent some men over with the proper equipment last week. It's all set up. The only thing you have to do is stay hidden in my dressing room and keep feeding tape into the recorder. Okay?"
"All right," he said. "Let's get started."
On the drive-June didn't go to the city, but turned into the hills as if she wanted to get back to the clean outdoors-he could tell she was nervous. He knew she secretly felt as guilty as he about what they were doing but this was more than that and it puzzled him. He caught her chewing her lip several times.
As soon as they were back home, June put him in the dressing room on the off chance Lou might drop in early. But she didn't and the waiting seemed interminable.
At last he heard the front door open. After a bit, the sound of clinking dishes drifted in through the dressing rooms walls and he realized he was famished but it was too late to think of that. It was quite a while later that the tapping of high heels and chatter of voices approached their bedroom.
"It was such a bargain, Lou, I couldn't resist it. I left it out expressly to show you. What do you think?"
Lou's voice, low with a breathless quality, answered. Stu clicked the tape recorder on and hoped that the mike strapped to the wall would pick it up. Or, maybe, he hoped it wouldn't. He wasn't quite sure. "I think it's darling but I'd like to see it on you."
"That'll only take a minute of accomplishment," June said.
There was a few moments of silence and then Lou's voice again, "You have a lovely body, June. Your breasts are like two cunning golden delicious apples. And that tiny waist! I find it hard to believe that your sex life is as blank as you make it out to be."
"Oh," June sounded hesitant. "It isn't that Stu leaves me alone. It's that Le can't. To be frank, Lou, he just can't satisfy me."
Damn her! Damn her! Damn her! Stu knotted his fist and soundlessly pounded his thigh. Why the hell did she have to say that. Because it was true! He hadn't been able to satisfy her. Couldn't she know how he'd feel, hearing her say that. Or did she plan it purposely?
"Strange you should say that." Lou's voice again, sounding a little eager, Stu thought. "I have the same problem with Mike. He means well, the poor darling, but tie's clumsy. A little too gross. I guess all men are."
"Oh, Stu's clumsy enough, all right." June's words came with a nervous rush. Post still could not imagine what had her so on edge. "He breaks at least one dish a week."
"I didn't mean that way, silly. I mean in the way they make love, they way they go about touching a woman. Look, here's the way a man would stroke a woman's arm and here's the right way to stroke it."
"What a world of difference!"
"All the difference between revulsion and desire. I know. I have the name difficulty with Mike."
Stu heard Lou give a tinkle of icy merriment and began disliking her on the spot. Mike was a good guy. He didn't desire a wife who made sport of him behind his back.
"Really, June, he's so funny. We'll be sitting together chatting while we're getting ready for bed. I'll have taken my dress off, the way you are now, and suddenly he'll get a peculiar look on his face and lunge at me."
"You poor darling!" From the genuine sympathy in June's voice Stu realized she was confusing Lou's excuses for her abnormalities with June's brutal treatment at the hands of her husband. Stu was amazed. He'd never known June to become so involved in an "interview."
"Yes, June, he practically tears my brassiere and panties off my body. How much better it would be if he'd take them off like this."
There was a long silence during which Stu shifted his weight uneasily. Was she actually removing June's brassiere? Why wasn't June bringing the "interview" to a head. What more could she want? They already had Lou's rationale: men are clumsy brutes. They had her approach: let me show you how it should be done.
Lou was speaking again. Her tone seemed a little more husky to Stu. "And this is how the panties should be removed."
Stu wished he could see what was going on in there. A flapping noise interrupted his speculations. The tape needed changing. As quickly as he could, and still be soundless, he stopped the machine, took off the old tape and hooked up a new one. While he was working, he thought he heard sounds from the bedroom but he couldn't be sure.
He heard the sound again. It was a moan.
Post began sweating. This thing was getting out of hand.
Then June spoke. "Oh, Lou, you mustn't do that. It's not right.""
"Silly, I'm not doing anything that your own mother didn't do when she used to wash you. June you're tense. I can feel how taut your muscles are. That lovely body won't stay lovely if you mistreat it this way. You need someone to gentle the strain out of it. Stu can't do it for you. Men don't know how and they're too damn selfish to learn."
Lou's contempt for men was out in the open now. Stu could visualize her, sitting on the bed, her nostrils flaring as she spoke and those evil hands on June's body.
"Look, June, your muscles are beginning to relax already. You know you want this as much as I do. Listen to your body, June. It's crying out with need."
The only reply was a deep gasp of pleasure.
There was another silence, the most hideous silence Stu ever experienced. He didn't know what to do. Desperately he wanted to storm into the bedroom and break that unholy rite up. But things had gone too far ... Now June would only be humiliated.
He was to blame for this. He'd known how confused June was about sex recently with the ambivalence brought upon by her own newly awakened cravings and her still existing fears. He should never have told her about Ethel's accusations against Lou and Clair. Right now she was primed for this sort of thing. He'd let this damned job harm Juney. God, if only he'd have the chance to make things right again. He sat crouched in the hot dressing room, his head in his hands, hoping this experience wouldn't leave permanent scars on June.
He heard her voice blurred with excitement. "Ohhh, it feels so good when you touch me there."
And more moaning.
Then June spoke again. "It isn't fair that I should be having all the pleasure." Her voice sounded shamed but compelled, almost hypnotized. "Let me take your clothes off, Lou."
"All right, darling, if you wish."
"Now what do I do?" June's voice, low and uncertain.
"Well, you put your hand here and your mouth there and then relax and let your body tell you what to do."
In the godawful silence that followed Stu imagined Lou's face smiling with triumph. She'd brought it off, damn her. He wondered how many women confused and hurt by temporary marital troubles she'd tricked into perversion.
The activity in the bedroom was growing violent now. Stu heard the bed springs creak, the rustling of the spread and heavy panting sounds.
"Oh, Lou, that feels good. It's wonderful. Do it again."
"June, you don't know how I've wanted you. I've been watching you ever since you moved in here. June, please, kiss me there."
More thrashing noises and grunts of excitement and then two feminine voices raised in a loud keening of pleasure. Something splashed on Stu's shoe. He realized he was crying.
There was another long silence. Then Stu heard someone moving quietly around in the bedroom. Finally Lou's voice soft but definitely victorious murmured. "I'll see you later. But don't worry, June. It'll be very soon."
He heard Lou's steps leave the bedroom, fade away and he heard a door slam. Stu continued to sit where he was. He didn't know what to do next. He wondered if he could look June in the face. He even wondered if he wanted to.
After a long time he slowly got to his feet and went into the bedroom.
June was lying on the bed, face up, naked, staring into the ceiling. Silent tears streamed down her face.
"I guess now we both know what's wrong with me," she said, her voice rough with self loathing.
Stu walked over to the bed and picked up June's nude body. He held her close without attempting to make love to her.
"Nothing's the matter with you, Juney." His feeling of protection toward her made him sound very definite and sure of himself. "You've done nothing that many girls don't do in their teens. You did it today for the same reason. You were torn between sexual desire and fear of men. Your body took what seemed to it at the time a safe way out. Those girls live to have normal, happy marriages and so will you."
When he got up and started removing his clothes he saw fear flicker across her face. "No, dear, I'm not going to try to make love to you now. Don't you see, Juney, we've a whole lifetime for that. We can afford to take our time, to go slowly until you're quite ready for it."
After he was free of his clothes he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom; shifting her weight in his arms so he could turn on the water faucets. She was docile in his arms. He set her down in the shower and, taking up a bar of soap, scrubbed down her entire body, even shampooing her hair. Then he washed himself.
He told her while he was towelling her off that they weren't going to try to forget this incident. It was a part of their lives, a part of their growing up. "Don't you see, Juney, I grew up, too, listening in the dressing room to you and Lou. I realized that in my egotism I had been pushing you too hard. I let my own needs blind me to your problems."
She didn't say anything but she took the hand that was drying her in her hand and kissed it. Her face had grown calm and untroubled. Looking into June's clear hazel eyes, Stu knew that today's events would always be a memory but that they would leave no scars.
For the first time in a long, long while, he was proud of both of them.