Case 1
"I could feel his huge, smooth penis rubbing up against me in the dark..."
NAM E: Mason, Ida. AGE: 33 HEIGHT: 5'5" WEIGHT: 134 lbs.
REASON FOR REFERRAL Trauma result from sexual relations with a bull.
DOCTOR: How long were you in Spain?
IDA; About five weeks. It was the first time I'd ever gone abroad.
DOCTOR: Then this was your first bull fight
IDA: Yes. And I didn't go until my last week. I'd heard about the cruelty of the bullfight and I didn't know whether I'd be able to stand it But I went anyway.
DOCTOR: Describe your sensations as you were sitting in the arena.
IDA: The color... the sound. I don't know if I can describe everything that I felt I think it was the spectacle itself; the idea of the presence of death in the arena that excited me. The matadors.....
DOCTOR: Then you were excited by the men in the arena?
IDA: Oh yes. I remembered I gasped when the matadors first came out, with their tight pants. I mean, you could see all the muscles in their asses move, and you could see the pricks bulging out from the front of their pants. I remember thinking that the matadors must get sexual pleasure from playing with death. I remember wondering how they treated their women.
DOCTOR: But the matadors weren't the main source of your stimulation.
IDA: Oh, no. They were brave and strong. But it was the bull that I was attracted to. The bull was even braver and stronger. For they had to cut him before they could fight him. All of the odds were in the matador's favor. I remember thinking how nice it would be to comfort the bull just before he went out to die. It would be a wonderful thing. It was a fantasy.
DOCTOR: But it didn't remain just a fantasy.
IDA: No. I watched them kill the bulls. I watched those great animals fight with all their strength until their blood flowed out of them and soaked the sand. And then I knew what I had to do...
She could still hear the roaring inner ears, even though the arena had long since emptied, and the Spanish night was closing over her. Still Ida sat in her seat near the front of the arena. In the moonlight she could still see the bloodstains in the sand before her. She shuddered; she wanted to leave, but she knew she could not. There was something about this vast space that held her in her place. There was the smell of death, and Ida could feel her thighs begin to tremble.
"You are here alone, Senorita?"
Ida turned to the sound of the voice. It was one of the matadors who had fought earlier in the day.
"I can't get over how beautiful it all was," Ida said, aware that her voice had taken on a dream-like quality. "I can't forget how beautiful you were out there on the sand."
"You too are beautiful, Senorita, if I may say so."
Ida smiled her thanks, and the matador sat down beside her. Perhaps she was beautiful, Ida thought. Other men had told her so. Looking in the mirror, she could understand how men might be attracted to her. She had an attractive face, and long blonde hair that fell down across her shoulders. Her breasts were not large, but they were firm. One man had even told her that they were the kind of breasts mat men love to suck on.
Yes, Ida thought, she did have a beautiful body. Her legs were long and her waist was slim. Still, there was something missing in her life, and she did not know what it was. Perhaps, she thought, she was afraid to find out Perhaps the matador would show her.
"I'm surprised no one had come along to throw me out," Ida said.
"We are a very easy-going people," the matador said with a thick accent, letting his hand fall onto Ida's leg. "We try not to force people to do anything they do not want to do."
Ida could feel the man's hand brushing up and down her thigh. She thrilled to the thought that just a few hours before that same hand had done battle with one of the great fighting bulls. She did not try to move away. The hand moved higher, pulling up her skirt
"Sometimes it's hard to know what you want," Ida whispered. "I don't even know why I stayed here in the arena."
The matador reached over and licked Ida's ear. Ida trembled. For a moment she had imagined that there was a bull beside her, reaching out to kiss her.
"Perhaps you were waiting for me, Senorita."
"Perhaps," Ida said. With that she turned to him and spread her legs. The matador's hand slid up her thigh and came to rest on the bulge of her vagina. His hand on the nylon of her panties rustled in the night
She did not speak again, and there was no need to. The matador now understood that Ida had given herself to him, although he-nor she-did not fully understand why.
But he did notquestion providence. The woman had her mouth open under his, and her tonguethick and tense-had darted into his mouth and was licking the insides of his cheeks. The matador responded, closing his lips over the tongue and sucking at it, then thrusting his own tongue into Ida's mouth for her to do the same.
Ida sucked on the matador's tongue. At the same time, she put her hands down at her sides to enable him to unbutton her blouse. This the matador quickly accomplished. Ida reached behind her back, unhooked her bra, and flung the garment out onto the blood-stained sands where earlier she had seen the bull die.
Now the matador's hands and lips were everywhere.
"Senorita," the matador said, "you have beautiful tits... beautiful." He cupped them in his hands and squeezed them softly, running the tips of his index fingers over the tiny, hard nipples on the ends. Ida closed her eyes and tried to remember the sounds in the area earlier in the day; the picadors, and their horses, the band, the presidente. And the bulls. The enormous charging bulls with the monstrous organs swinging free below their belly.
Now the matador had gently lifted one of her breasts with his fingertips and taken the nipple into his mouth. He gently sucked on it.
This was good, Ida thought. Very good. It did not seem strange at all that the two of them should be sitting on concrete benches in the middle of a deserted bull ring making love. Spain was bull rings and bull rings were love, or so at least it seemed.
The matador began to suck harder and Ida put her hand on his neck and gently urged him on. At the same time the man had slipped his fingers past the nylon of her panties and was toying with the lips of her vagina. It felt good to Ida, and she hunched forward on the lip of the concrete and spread her legs. She sighed as she felt the matador' s finger slide into her body.
Ida imagined she could hear the snorting and pawing of the bulls in the arena as the matador sucked on her breasts and fingered her vagina. She had visions of a huge bull charging toward her, and then stopping a few inches away. His long tongue came out and licked at her bare breast...
"Oh," Ida moaned. And she could fed the insides of her thighs growing damp.
"Come," the matador whispered around the nipple that he held securely between his lips. "I want to feel you coming on my finger."
Ida continued to come, as long as she held the image of the bulls in her mind.
The matador sucked at the other breast for a few minutes and Ida continued to flow. She could feel her juices soaking into her panties and skirt And still she came.
"Senorita," the matador said, breathless, his body heaving up and down, "I can stand it no longer!"
Ida knew that she could not resist him, even if she wanted to. And she did not want to. The matador was connected with the bulls and the bulls were what she craved. If she could not have a bull, she would have its master.
Ida raised herself on her bands, and the matador hooked his fingers over the edge of her panties and pulled them down off her ankles. Ida stepped easily out of them, and flicked the garment into the ring along with the discarded bra. Then she sat back down on the lip of the concrete apron, leaned far back and lifted her legs up into the air. Then she spread them apart
The matador groaned passionately, and sank down onto his knees, between her legs. He stayed there for a few moments, content to play with her vagina, and stare up the orifice into the dark warmth of her body. And then he brought his head down on her.
The matador's hands caressed the insides of Ida's thighs as his tongue and mouth worked on her vagina. Ida could feel the suction of the matador's mouth pulling her vaginal lips in between his teeth. He nibbled on them gently, then released them only to crane his neck and being his tongue up along the groove of her genitals. Once he lifted her up and tongued her anus.
It was wonderful, Ida thought It was something a bull might do; it was an animal act, and that excited her. She bent forward and grasped the matador's hair, pulling him even further down onto her.
"Don't stop," Ida whispered. "Be an animal. Take me like an animal!"
Her words had the desired effect on the matador. His head bobbed up and down even more quickly, and his tongue began to drive ever deeper into her body. Ida grabbed hold of her knees and spread them out as far as they would go. The matador sighed and moved his tongue in further, lapping at her distended clitoris.
Ida had never experienced such a sensation before; it felt as though a thousand tiny tongues of flame were licking over her body.
Ida raised her legs and let them drop over the matador's back. He reached under her body and grasped her buttocks, digging his fingers into the soft flesh of her buttocks.
Ida's passion had served to distend her vagina and the matador's mouth was now inside her body, mouthing and tonguing all her soft parts. And he had grasped her clitoris between his lips and was sucking it Ida closed her eyes and imagined a great bull charging toward her; it stopped as it reached her, and dropped down on its forelegs, nuzzling between her legs; Ida locked her legs over its great horns as the great tongue slipped out of the dripping muzzle and lapped at her crotch.
Ida trembled as she felt her vagina contract, smearing come all over the matador's face. The matador sank back, gasping for air.
"My God!" the matador exclaimed, "I have never made love like this before, Senorita. It is like being in the ring, facing the bull."
There was a singing in Ida's ears. He had said it was like being in the ring! She must do something to show the matador how she felt!
Even as the matador leaned against the concrete, wiping a hand across his face and struggling to regain his breath, Ida reached out and laid her hand on his swollen crotch. The matador sighed and leaned back even further, too tired to do anything but accept passively what Ida was about to give him.
But Ida was inexhaustible, filled with new strength born of unnatural desire. In a moment she had stroked his crotch to the point where the swollen penis was bursting inside its cloth prison. Then she slowly unbuttoned the matador's pants.
His large rod thrust out at her. Ida could contain herself no longer. Very quickly she pulled down his pants, breached beneath for his penis, and cradled his testicles in her hands. The matador began to moan softly, and rocked back and forth.
"Senorita, you are driving me mad!"
But Ida barely heard him. Her consciousness was caught up in the closeness of the bull ring, and the smell of the animals. She almost imagined shecould heard the roar of the crowd, cheering for her, urging her on. The matador's penis was the spear on which she would impale herself.
Taking a deep breath, Ida leaned forward and sucked the matador's penis into her mouth. Drunk with pleasure, the matador cried out and beat at the concrete with his hands.
But Ida had a firm grip on his buttocks, and his penis was completely inserted into her mouth; she could feel the muscles on its underside writhing as the pressure of his semen built up inside his testicles. She liked it this way, she thought, she liked the feel of alt of him inside her, the head of his rod bumping against the back of her throat She had never done this before, yet now it seemed the most natural thing in the world. The matador had stuck the bull with his sword, now she was stuck with his penis. Somehow the act made her feel closer to the great black animals who fought so bravely.
This thought made her even more excited, and Ida reached down between her legs and thrust her middle finger up into her soaking vagina. That felt good. She began to masturbate, even as she increased the sucking on the matador's penis. Her free hand tickled his testicles, running over their surface, pinching the sack of skin and then stroking them.
"Senorita!" the matador cried, "I must put it in you! I'm going to come! Please!"
Yes, Ida could feel the first few drops of come rolling down her throat, sticking to the roof of her mouth. And she wanted the matador in her when he ejaculated.
"Hurry!"
Quickly Ida released the matador's penis, lay back and thrust her legs out to either side of her. The matador moved very quickly, laying on top of her, thrusting his hips forward, driving his stiff rod home to its warm target
He came almost immediately, in perfect unison with Ida's third orgasm.
Both of them cried out and clung to each other in the still night as their juices spurted from their bodies and mingled. Theirs was the sweet smell of stickly love assailing their nostrils, and the feel of their come running out of their bodies, down their legs, forming puddles on the concrete benches. The matador collapsed on Ida. But Ida's excitement was just beginning. Summoning all her strength, she pushed the matador off of her and sat up. The matador sat looking at her, an expression of disbelief clouding his eyes.
"I never knew it could be like that, Senorita," he said thickly. "It was like heaven. I was coming...I thought I would never stop."
"Did I make you happy?"
"Oh, yes, Senorita. Happier than I have ever been in my life."
"Then you must do something for me." Ida's breath caught in her throat She wondered if she would have the courage to say what must be said.
"I will do anything you say, Senorita. I am your servant
"...Then take me to the bull pens."
DOCTOR: What did the matador say when you asked him to take you to the bulls?
IDA: At first he seemed confused. I mean, he knew that most women were afraid of the bulls, and couldn't even stand the bullfights. But I was finally able to convince him that I really did want to see the bulls. And not just any bull, but the biggest and the strongest...the one that had been chosen for the most important fight the following day.
DOCTOR: Do you think he suspected what you wanted to do with the bulls?
IDA: Not at first I think he thought I just wanted to look at the bull But then I told him I wanted to be left alone in the pea Then I think he knew. At least he started breathing real hard. But he took me to where I wanted to go; the bull's name was Thunderbolt, at least that's the closest I can come to translating it into English. The matador took me to Thunderbolt's pen, and he left me there. It's impossible for me to describe to you what I felt when I stood outside that pen and looked at that beautiful creature. I started to come all over again.
"Easy, Thunderbolt," Ida whispered into the stillness. "Easy, my darling."
The mighty animal snorted and pawed at the ground. His nostrils flared out to one side. Ida seemed to remember reading somewhere about bulls having poor eyesight, and depending on their sense of smell. Then the bull could smell her. She wondered if he could tell that she was excited ...and she wondered what he would do about it.
Ida knew that the bull could kill her in a matter of seconds. It would only take one quick charge, and then it would be over.
But she must have the creature. Of that there was no doubt Without another thought of the consequences, Ida climbed over the rail fence and stepped into Thunderbolt's pen.
The bull suddenly stopped very still.
"Thunderbolt my darling. Easy, now, I won't hurt you."
The bull had stopped pawing, but its nostrils were still flared very wide. His small eyes followed her every movement as she walked up to him and laid her hand on his nose. A great muscle rippled in his back, and Ida closed her eyes and put her hand on his back.
"You're so strong," Ida murmured. "And I want you so much!"
Suddenly Ida tensed. She could feel the bull's muzzle on her bare chest. She had left her bra and blouse back on the floor of the arena, and now she was glad. There was no garment to interfere with the bull's attentions, and she preferred it this way. Everything must go smoothly. She could feel her nipples begin to pucker and stand out from her breasts.
The bull seemed to notice to; and he could smell the woman's passion. He made an animal sound deep in his belly, and began to lick Ida's breasts.
The bull's tongue was very long, powerful and smooth as it came up under her breasts and began to lap at them. It was so wide that one lap took in her entire breasts, and Ida lived for those brief instants when the nipple was in the exact center of the warm softness. And then the tongue was past, and her breast flopped back down on her chest. Then the tongue would be back, lifting and lapping again.
Ida moved her body slowly back and forth so that the bull's tongue touched both of her breasts. Once the animal took a breast between its lips and Ida cried out with passion.
He knew, Ida thought He knew what pleasure she was getting.
Ida groped behind her until she found the wooden rails on the fence. She braced herself on them, then pulled herself up.
The bull's tongue lapped lower and lower. Ida pulled herself up another notch, the bull's tongue was in line with her belly. Ida reached down and lifted her skirt up above her waist so that her moist vagina was completely exposed.
The bull immediately sensed what Ida wanted him to do. He lowered his head still further, and then brought the entire length of his tongue swooping up along the crack of Ida's vulva. Ida bit her tongue and spread her legs out, hooking them over the rough wooden rails.
Now the bull had his muzzle against her vagina, spreading the wet vaginal lips further and further apart Ida's breath was coming in short, quick gasps, trickling in labored sighs into her tortured lungs.
Bracing herself against the wooden slats she reached down and grasped the bull's horns, holding him in closer and closer to her body. All the while she whispered in his ear, urging the animal on and on.
Once again she was coming in a continual stream of love juice, bathing the bull's snout, face and neck. The bull made snorting noises, and continued its licking.
"I want you, Thunderbolt," Ida murmured, getting down from the fence, "I want you."
Quickly she made her way around to the animal's side and dropped down to her knees, feeling in the dark along the beast's belly. Suddenly she gasped.
She had touched the animal's penis; and it was larger than anything she had ever imagined. It thrust down out of his body, and was fully a foot and a half in length, hard and quivering with the beast's passion. Regaining control of herself, she reached up with both hands and began to stroke the member, clutching it in both hands and pushing the wet skin up and down as fast as she could.
The beast stamped one foot, but did not move Every muscle in its body had gone completely rigid.
"My Thunderbolt," Ida whispered, "my lovely Thunderbolt"
She kissed the member while her mind raced. She must find some way to take the huge organ into her body. But how?
Her hand came to rest on a long leather strap that was used for leading the animal abut She quickly grasped this, and threw it over the beast's back. Thunderbolt spread his hind legs out to the side and lowered the bottom half of his body. Ida lay on her back beneath the beast, facing its hindquarters. Next, she reached up and grasped the ends of the leather strap. This done, she anchored the soles of her feet on the beast's hocks, and pulled herself up by means of the leather strap.
Higher and higher she raised herself, straining her back, feeling her soft flesh rub against the bull's hairy belly. And she was seized with trembling. Even so, she knew that she would not stop, could not stop. And she knew that she had dreamt of this moment all her adult life. It had been a secret dream, a suppressed dream. Until she had come to Spain.
And then she had seen the bulls. Then she had known that she must feel one of the great animals moving inside her body, knew that she could never be content until she had.
And now mat moment was at hand. Another inch, another half-inch...
The quivering head of the bull's organ was against the entrance to her vagina. Ida braced her feet, turned her knees out to the side, and brought her hips up. At the same time, Thunderbolt began to hunch his hindquarters down.
It was going in! Ida thought IT WAS GOING IN!
The penis was massive. To move too quickly would hurt her. The bull seemed to sense this, for he stood very still, letting Ida control all the movements of her body. She eased herself onto the head of the penis until it was finally insider her. And then she pushed her hips forward still more.
It was going in. All of it was going in, filling her up completely. It felt as though she now contained within her a mountain of throbbing, pulsating flesh.
In up to the hilt! Ida screamed silently. It seemed impossible to her that such a thing had occurred; but it had. She could feel the massive head pressing against her womb; she could fed the long animal hair rubbing against her belly and buttocks.
"Oh, my Thunderbolt," Ida whispered passionately, "empty yourself in me!"
Now her arms were growing tired. She did not know how much longer she would be able to hold on to the leather strap she had throw around the animal's haunches. She gripped the ends of the strap even tighter and brought her hips up one more time. And then she felt the animal's muscles begin to twitch, and she knew it would not be long before her insides were flooded.
Any moment now...
DOCTOR: And then this beast ejaculated inside of you?
IDA: Yes. It was a fantastic feeling.
DOCTOR: Tell me again how you approached him in his pen.
IDA: I told you. I came up to him, and he did not move away or try to harm me. He immediately started to lick my breasts. Then I moved in under him. I could feel his huge smooth penis rubbing up against me. It drove me wild. Everything happened just the way I explained it to you. What's the matter, Doctor? Don't you believe me?
DOCTOR: I believe you believe what you've told me, Ida. But I also believe your fantasy life has taken over reality inside your mind.
IDA: Well, I can always find another psychiatrist who at least believes me!
DOCTOR: But that wouldn't solve your problem, Ida. You see, I do believe you had intercourse with the matador. However, I think you were raped. Not simply seduced of your own free will.
IDA: No, no! I wanted the matador to do those things! He had been with the bulls!
DOCTOR: No, Ida, he raped you. Since you have a puritan background, your mind was not able to accept this. Probably you did enjoy the experience; and it was this pleasure that you could not forgive yourself for. Isn't this true, Ida? Try to face reality.
IDA: No, no! I had the bull! I wanted the bull!
DOCTOR: No, you wanted to punish yourself, Ida. That's what you wanted. In fact, you may even have wanted to die rather than face the fact that your body had been violated by a man to whom you were not married. Having been to the bullfight, death was on your mind; and you began to fantasize about death, and about the ultimate experience of being raped. Rape by a fighting bull. This, to you, would be the ultimate punishment. Is this true, Ida?
IDA: Yes, yes! He raped me, Doctor! I can never forgive myself!
DOCTOR: Yes, you can, Ida. And we've already taken the first step toward discovering what it was that made you think you had to punish yourself in the first place. Soon we will have the answer. Then you will be well again.