Chapter 8
I just walked and walked, not knowing what to do or where to go.
I finally decided to get a room in a hotel to spend the night. That was a waste of time, I walked the floor all night.
The next morning I had a good stiff drink for myself. I never believed that drinking would help a problem, but I didn't know what else to do at the time. Well, here I was, a smart girl like me fucking up her life.
I didn't think that losing Lane would affect me as much as it did — if only I could go back in time and start all over with him — but that was impossible so why think about it.
I just had to make a new life for myself. I wondered what I was going to do next. I had done so much in my short life that I should write a book. No one would believe it though. I wondered what job I would be suited for. I knew of one, but I decided to stay away from sex for awhile. All sex ever did for me was get me in trouble. I figured that I would get a telephone operators job.
Now there was a job where I wouldn't even see a guy to get tempted by.
I went down to the telephone employment office right then and there and applied for a job.
I took another hotel room for the night and the next day I found out that the job was mine. I went through a period of training and split shifts. It wasn't too bad of a job. I never did like females too much and here I was surrounded by them constantly.
I got close to a few girls that I had lunch with. One girls name was Tina. At first I thought she was gay, but I changed my mind when I met her boyfriend. He brought one of his friends one night after work, so we could double date. We went dancing at a club that was crowded and smoky. I had a dance with Tina's boyfriend and felt what she saw in him. What a lump he had. I knew right then that no matter how much he said that he loved her, that he could be had. I decided to be good and leave him alone. Boy, I must really be changing, I never would have let a piece like that go, a few months ago. I made sure that I didn't see him anymore, and I stopped going with Tina.
After that I didn't hang around with anyone in particular. I went to the movies and dancing by myself. I met a few guys at the dances, but they didn't move me. I think I was turning into an old maid. Ha, Ha, me of all people.
One night I was walking through the hippie part of town and I saw a dirty looking motorcycle bum, but there was something about him that attracted him to me. I tried to get his attention, but nothing I did worked. I went back to the same street again the next night, but didn't see him.
On that street there was a bar where he had first had his bike, so I figured that it was the place where he hung out, so I made it my hangout also. I got to know most of the kids that hung out there. They weren't too bad, but they didn't have the best habits. They were all heads, you know, pot smokers, etc. I smoked a few sticks with them now and then. I got high but I got the same effect from drinking and that at least was legal. A lot of the kids went on a trip almost every week. The LSD kind. What dopes they were. Life wasn't hard enough. They had to kill themselves slowly. You'd think that if they didn't like something about themselves they would try to change it rather than try to get it from drugs. After all, when you came out of it, the same thing was wrong with you anyway.
A lot of the kids used the excuse that the bomb might drop any day and so instead of taking the chance and waiting until it did, they started to kill themselves. I did want to try a trip, but after I had read about what could happen from the after effects, I chickened out.
One kid that hung out in the bar went on trips and he said they were great, but one day while on the trip he jumped out of a window claiming he could fly, and there he was splattered all over the sidewalk.
Another one that I know of, a girl, graduated from STP and a few months later, she wound up in the bobby hatch, completely insane, there she would stay for the rest of her life. I wasn't about to get caught in a trap like that.
One day my sexy bike friend entered the establishment. He was high as hell on something, but that was the day he noticed me.
Terry was really a hunk. He told me that he lived in a commune and didn't leave it too often. I asked him to take me there someday. The next day was Sunday, so we planned to go then.
He rang my bell about seven in the morning. I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and off we went.
When we got there I was shocked, and I don't get shocked often. Everyone was just lying around stoned. Man, that place was as good as any drugstore. Anything you wanted to get high on, they had. Terry, to me, didn't seem to fit in here. Not that he was so far above them.
The place smelled like rotten meat. I could tell by looking at the tub that it was never used. I felt like a hospital walking around that place. I asked Terry how he could live in such a filthy place. He told me it was an easy life, no one to tell him what to do. I said that just because there was no one to tell him what to do, that didn't mean they had to turn into a bunch of slobs. Maybe that's what was wrong with them, they can't make decisions for themselves. Some of the kids were fourteen and under.
I asked Terry how they ate, he said that some of the kids' parents sent them money every month and others went begging or stealing and then selling them. I was thinking to myself how stupid the parents were, not to know what their children were doing to their lives. They talk about the generation gap, I think that a lot of parents have a brain gap. I couldn't stand the filth anymore, so I asked Terry to take me somewhere else, He said he didn't realize how bad it was until I brought it to his attention and that he was going back to his gang with the bikes. He said maybe if I met them I would get a better impression of him.
A few days later he picked me up and told me he was going to meet his gang. It was in the desert, and it was desolate, but better than the commune. The guys had been drinking beer and they were half crocked when we got there. I was the only girl there but those odds never bothered me before. I felt safe as I was with Terry anyway. There were only five other guys.
A little later in the evening the pot came out and the guys all got high including Terry. A little later I noticed Terry was acting different. One of the guys told me they had put some LSD in his beer, and he had never taken it before. They wanted to see what his reaction would be. We saw his reaction, all right. He ran off in the desert screaming that someone was following him.
One of the guys made a grab for me and said now I was his girl for the night because Terry could do me no good, the condition he was in. Then the others started to argue who was to have me. As they were arguing, I tried to sneak away, then another one grabbed me and wrestled me to the ground and started to kiss me. Another one came up and pushed him off me and started to kiss me himself.
This was getting too much for even me so I pushed him away. They all started to yell and argue and then they decided I was for all of them. A few of the guys held me down while another one took off my clothes. I was being grabbed all over my body. At first it was gentle, then it started to get rough as they all wanted to be the first. They took off their clothes and one by one they kissed me and rubbed their bodies against me. Their disgusting bodies all over me.
"Let's see what kind of a cunt she's got." One of them yelled out.
They lifted up my rear end and held my legs apart. Then they took turns examining my crotch. They stuck their fingers in me one at a time, then as they took their second turn they all stuck two fingers in.
"My," said one of them, "her cunt is so dry, I'll have to eat it a little." As he did, two of the others held it open for him. The more I struggled the more he seemed to enjoy it.
The other guys were running their hands all over my body. They were pushing each other away trying to squeeze my breast. One guy was hung on my tits, as he called them. He kept grabbing them and biting them. Another one kept kissing me all over the face. His breath was terrible. They all smelled bad.
Then one of the guys decided that he wanted to put his prick in my mouth. They forced my mouth open and he stuck his big uncircumcised smelly prick in.
"How do you like this big cock in your mouth?" he said.
I answered him by biting down on it as hard as I could. He hit me with his fist, but it was worth it. I noticed that he was bleeding.
When another one tried to grab me I kicked him in the balls. He didn't hit me, he was in too much pain. I started to run away again but was tackled and knocked down to the ground again.
Another guy started to eat me, and then he bit me. I knew then how much I had hurt the guy I had bitten, and the thought of it made some of my pain go away.
"Let's fuck her." One of the guys called out. They carried me to one of the bikes and one at a time fucked me with the motor running, making the action seem more than it was.
After they all screwed me, one guy held my mouth open so that I couldn't bite him and put his prick in and out until he got hard again. All the guys then did it. It didn't bother them that I was gagging and could hardly breathe.
One of the guys decided that he wanted to come in my mouth while another one stuck it in my cunt from the back. One of the guys was fucking another one in the ass. The one that was, decided he wanted to fuck me the same way. He pulled the guy out that was in my cunt and with one shove he stuck his prick up to the hilt in my asshole. I saw stars, it hurt so much. Then they all wanted it the same way. One guy had a real big one. He kept alternating between my ass and my pussy. God, the pain was terrible, I didn't know how much more I could take. I kept feeling pricks going in and out of me, until I didn't remember anything anymore.
The next morning or was it the next morning? I didn't know, I couldn't move without feeling pain and I was covered with blood, from head to toe. It was so quiet I thought I was alone, but when I opened my eyes one of the guys was standing over me and asked me how I felt.
I couldn't answer him and then he shot something in my arm, telling me that it would make me feel better. A few minutes later the pain began to go away and I felt high. He must have given me codeine and Spanish fly, because all of a sudden I wanted sex. I didn't know what was happening. The guy took out his dick and told me to suck on it and I would feel better. He was so repulsive, but I couldn't stop myself. I ran my tongue up and down his joint and then put the head of it in my mouth and started to suck. He came, but I still wanted more. The other guys came over and I sucked them all off, swallowing every bit of sperm. I was past the point of seeing and smelling. All I wanted was sex, anyway and every way.
One of the guys was still hard, so I jumped on him and we fucked. As we were fucking I was sucking on another ones' prick. This went on and on, fucking and sucking with me the aggressor. All I wanted was SEX, SEX and more SEX, and cock. I couldn't get enough. The pain started to come back, but I couldn't stop. I wasn't as dizzy as before and when I looked around me I counted about twenty faces.
Then I saw a girl and I grabbed her and started to eat her, one of the guys was finger fucking her in the ass, but I pulled him away from her and put him in my ass. I don't know what happened after that, as I must have passed out. When I came to, the pain was back and the desire was gone.
I heard men's voices and they were saying that a few more fucks couldn't hurt me and then they would drop me off at a hospital.
I felt someone fucking me and I couldn't move. In a haze I felt him pull out and then someone else was on top of me pumping away. I must have passed out, because the next thing that I knew I was in a bed in a hospital of some kind. A man was touching my arm and I screamed. Before I knew it I had on something that felt like a straight jacket. I seemed to be crawling around on my knees.
I heard someone saying that they couldn't give me anymore drugs or it would kill me. My mind was starting to work now, but I couldn't get my body to respond. I was crawling around like an idiot. I tried to talk but not a sound would come out. I felt like a caged animal, I began running into the walls which were padded, Oh no, I thought, could I be insane. I tried to calm myself down and little by little I found my voice.
"Please, please," I heard myself say, "Help me, I'm alright now, I can't stand the pain anymore, please help me."
I saw someone looking at me through a small window in the door. He asked me my name and a few other questions. I must have answered them sensibly, as he opened the door and removed the straight jacket.
I noticed I didn't have any clothes on. He handed me a robe and led me to another room. There was a bed in it and so I laid down and passed out.
When I woke up, which I thought was a few minutes, I discovered that I had been unconscious for a week. I still had pain but not as bad as before.
The doctor told me that if I hadn't been brought to the hospital when I was, I would have been dead by now. They were giving me light drugs to help ease the pain. As he was talking to me I dropped off to sleep.
When I woke up and tried to move, I found that I could with little discomfort. The doctor came in and I told him I was starved and he said that it was a good sign I was getting better.
I could only nibble on the food though and then I threw it up.
When I started to feel better the doctor told me I had been given a combination of drugs that could have driven me out of my mind. My insides were ruptured and I had the clap. Then he told me that because of that I could never have children. I didn't know how to accept this new twist of fate. I had never liked children too much, one way or the other. But I wasn't going to let that bother me now as I was thankful I was alive.
It was raining outside but to me it looked like a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end. I knew I was getting better because I began to worry about the bills. I was here a month in a private room and private nurses around the clock.
I asked the doctor about this and he told me my husband had taken care of everything. I suppose I gave them my name, when I was out of it. Funny, I guess no matter what I did, he would always love me.
The nurse brought me in some flowers and when I read the card it was from Lane, with the message "please take care of yourself."
The next week I was able to get out of bed so I walked around and got to know all the patients on my floor. I always did have great recuperative powers. Every day I walked more and got stronger. I had lunch with the doctor and he had lust in his eyes, so I gathered I didn't look too bad.
I gained back ten of the twenty pounds I had lost, even though I was skinny I still could do alright. Boy, I thought, for a girl who was giving up sex, something went wrong.
Those bastards I thought, if I ever see any of them again, I'll de-ball them. What a wonderful thought that was. I could picture a guy holding his pecker in his hand with blood all over it. Every time he wanted to pee or make the scene he would think of me. That's a much better punishment than death.