Chapter 15

They didn't, of course. The barn was merely a hot, musty place with some old, rusted farm implements and broken harness straps and part of an old surrey, in it. But Lena found it interesting. Then they climbed up into the haymow. They had scarcely gotten up there, when there was the sound of a car, coming up the driveway. It drove around in back of the barn and parked.

Lena said: "For goodness sakes, I wonder who that is."

Wade looked at her and grinned and his eyes were hot and bright looking, his face a little flushed. She could see a pulse beating at his temple. He put his finger to his lips. "Shhhh!" he warned. "I forgot to tell you. About this time every day, a fella and girl from the village come here."

"What on earth for?" Lena wondered.

"Oh, just to smooch a little, hug and kiss, some. Look!" He suddenly lay down on the rough boards of the hayloft and put his eyes to a crack between the boards. "If you lie down like this, you can see down below see everything that goes in. Let's spy on them. They won't know we're up here. It'll be fun."

"But suppose they catch us?" Lena said.

"They won't if we're really quiet. Get down here. Hurry up. They're coming in. Don't make a sound, now."

Curious and a little excited about this strange game, Lena got down on the floor, next to Wade and put her eyes to a crack. She saw that it was true. You could see quite clearly into the. bam below. She saw a boy about seventeen and a girl about fourteen, come furtively into the structure, holding hands and looking all around.

"You're sure it's all right, Jerome?" the girl said. "Suppose someone comes? I get scared every time I come here. If we should ever get caught..."

"Oh, don't be sue a scare-cat, Sally," the boy said. "Who'd come here? We're as alone as if we were on a desert island." He went over then and removed a long, leather covered seat from the abandoned surrey. He set it down on the floor, sat down on it and pulled the girl down next to him.

Immediately, they began hugging and kissing and whispering endearments to each other and Lena, watching, could hardly keep from giggling. Wade was right, she thought, this was fun. They looked and sounded so silly to her.

But then a moment later, while they were kissing, Lena saw the boy, Jerome, unbutton the front of Sally's dress and slide his hand in there. Lena knew, of course, what Jerome was doing the same thing Wade had done to her, that day.

She kept waiting for the girl, Sally, to get angry, make Jerome take his hand away from her breasts. But she didn't. In fact she placed her hand over his, held it there, seemed to enjoy the forbidden caressing.

Then Lena saw Jerome's other hand go up under Sally's dress all the way up. And it stayed there. Sally's dress was now pushed halfway up her thighs and Jerome's hand was up under it even further and Lena knew that it was up there, all the way! She watched Sally's thighs open and close spasmodically. Then their lips broke apart from the kiss and Sally hugged Jerome's neck and crooned: "'Oh, Jer, honey, you know just how to drive me crazy, you know that! ... Oh, honey, I can hardly stand it! ... Oh, don't stop, don't ever stop!"

Jerome didn't. But with his other hand, now, he opened the top of Sally's dress all the way to her waist and pulled it apart and off her shoulders, so that she was bare to the waist. Now she lay back on the seat and Jerome's free hand moved to first one apple-hard-and-round breast, to the other, feeling, squeezing, teasing the aroused tips.

Watching all this, Lena found herself breathing hard and now almost consumed by the same urges and desires she sometimes brought upon herself in bed. She also felt shame at spying on a scene such as this. And at the same time, a terrible undeniable curiosity to see the rest of it; she somehow knew there would be more. She wanted to get up and run away from this terrible yet wonderful thing, or at least roll over and not be a party to watching it anymore. But she couldn't do that; it was as though she was frozen, hypnotized by the scene below.

Below her, now, Jerome had paused in his caressing, to completely remove Sally's dress and then her cheap, cotton underpants. Next, he himself undressed and it was all Lena could do to suppress a gasp of surprise, shock and admiration, commingled, when she saw him.

Lena was so wrapped up in the happenings in the barn below her that for several moments she wasn't aware, even, of Wade's hand, under her skirt, on the smooth plump backs of her thighs. When she finally was aware, it was in a not unpleasant way at all. His hand felt good there. Yet she knew she couldn't allow him to do that. Impatiently, she reached back and forced his hand away.

A few moments later it was back again, but Lena was so interested in what was going on below, now, that she couldn't be bothered with such a minor detail. What was happening below now, she had heard about, had talked about with other girls her own age, but it was something which she really had never been able to comprehend; she had never been quite sure it wasn't just talk or something.

But it certainly wasn't, she saw now. Sally and Jerome were both on their sides, now, facing each other and Lena could plainly see what they were doing. The amazing part to her was, that she could tell, by the things Sally was saying and by what she was doing, the way she was helping Jerome, that she wanted it to happen. Lena had always assumed that it probably really wasn't very pleasant for a woman or a girl-how could it be and that the man would probably have to force the issue. She saw, now, of course, that wasn't so at all. It was Sally who was forcing the issue, so to speak. Then she heard Sally let out a great cry of what was unmistakably animal pleasure. And then they moved close together in a verede embrace. Then the rolling and heaving and surging began...

By then, Wade's hand had progressed in its subtle approach up the back of Lena's thighs, under her skirt, until it had achieved, unnoticed by her in her excitement at what she was viewing below, to its predestined goal. As she became aware of what he was doing, she also became aware that her own breathing was labored and that wild pleasures were flashing through her, centered in her most intimate parts. It seemed almost as though there was some correlation between what was happening below and what was happening to her. It was at that moment almost as though she was Sally and Sally was she and the two activities had blended into one.

After awhile, the two below, rolled apart and lay limply, getting their breath back. By now, though, Lena was experiencing such new, such exquisite sensations, she could no longer fight them. She just gave in, accepted. She put her mouth over her wrist, bit it, to prevent herself from crying out the way Sally had done below.

Soon, then, the girl and the boy below, swiftly dressed and almost sheepishly, left the barn. Lena heard the sound of their car driving away. She wanted to move, knew that she should but then that would stop the delicious feelings coursing all through her. Too, she managed to convince herself that she could hardly stop Wade, if she wanted to; he might get angry and hurt her. Then, too, he would probably get tired in a minute, anyhow, and stop of his own accord.

But that didn't happen. What happened was that soon

Lena felt renewed fumbling beneath her skirt, felt her panties being withdrawn and when she tried to protest, Wade's hand pushed down in the middle of her back, rendering her practically helpless. Then she felt his weight over her and something else happened then. She knew what it was but couldn't let herself think about it, even; she could only endure. Then she screamed for him to stop but of course, there was nobody to hear her.

The year before, while riding horseback, Lena had lost any physical attributes of virginity, so that there wasn't considerable pain and soon what little there was, was outweighed by other compensations and Lena found herself not only yielding but enjoying. The weight upon her and the rhythmic motion seemed then, to become the only, the most natural thing, in the world. She could hear the sound of her own pleasurable moaning.

After a few moments, Wade moved and quickly turned her over. He just as quickly assumed his own same position. Only now, he leaned up over her on one hand and with the other, unbuttoned her blouse all the way, loosened her bra. Then that hand was on her breasts, squeezing, moulding, while the rhythmic movements went on, unabated. Finally, his lips replaced his hand and the rhythms speeded up and Lena had never known anything like it and thought that if it didn't end soon, she would surely die because how could anyone long endure such acute pleasure that was almost painful and unbelievable...

When it was over she cried and would not let Wade comfort her. She told him that she never wanted to see him again. But he talked to her, softly, gently and persuasively, reminding her that the girl, Sally, hadn't minded, hadn't thought anything about it and that lots of girls did that and what was the difference as long as nobody knew? He lectured her on what would happen, if she told anybody. He swore that he would say she led him on and that she was a bad girl and he'd seen a boy from the village doing it to her, too. He frightened her half to death hut he got his message across. When he was finished, Lena wouldn't have told anybody for the world.

She was surprised, when she got back home to her room, to look in the mirror and see that she wasn't changed in any way, that nothing showed; she was apparently no different than usual.

But she could hardly look at Wade, the next day, nor for several days after that. But then, at night, she began to remember and dwell on what had happened in the barn and what she had seen with Sally and Jerome. And she wondered if it would really be so awful, if it really mattered, anyhow, if she let it happen once more, just once more, of course.

So it did, the next day, after they again watched Sally and Jerome. This time, Wade told her that she was just naturally a very healthy, extremely passionate young lady and since she was going to do it anyhow, the best thing was to completely let herself go, not to be embarrassed, nor have any inhibitions.

This time, she did that.

For the rest of the summer, Lena received, between watching Sally and Jerome, first and being tutored by Wade, later, a thorough education in all the subtle and various ways of physical love. And secretly enjoyed every moment of it, despite the in between times when she was often consumed with guilt feelings and fears of being caught. But the prematurely aroused natural urges in her were stronger.

Then the terrible thing happened. One day Lena's father, suspicious for some time, now, followed them and caught them. There was a big fight in the bam between her father and Wade. Her father finally lost, got knocked out by Wade, who ran from the place and none of them ever saw him again. But seeing her father lying there so still, his face all bloodied, Lena was sure that he was dead and it was all her fault. She screamed and became hysterical and finally fainted.

When she came to, her father was kneeling beside her, tears in his eyes, telling her that it was going to be all right, everything was going to be all right. Later he and her mother had a long talk with Lena, explaining to her all about seduction and that there was nothing intrinsically wrong in the actual act of what she had done, but that she was indulging in it prematurely. They explained in long detail which she understood, why this was bad and wrong and why it must never happen again.

Lena was grateful to them, for being so understanding and helpful, yet she couldn't control the terrible guilt feelings that now engulfed her. The following week, she learned that her father's business had suddenly failed. From being a practically wealthy man, he was not reduced to being almost penniless. They had to sell the farm and their big house in Hartford, the car and most of their possessions, to pay debts.

In Lena's juvenile mind, she twisted this around to believe that it was her fault that it had happened. It was God's way of punishing her. Then a week after that, Lena's father shot himself. Lena again became convinced that this too, was a direct result of her own sinful acts. She was so shocked by her father's sudden death that she went into cataleptic shock and had to be taken to a hospital for treatment. For awhile, she almost died, herself. When she came out of it, she no longer could even remember Wade Hamlin or the events that had happened between them, that summer.