Chapter 1
It was like someone suddenly throwing a switch unleashing a great, boiling, uncontrollable current. The moment Ed Boland saw Lilly bend over to reach for her apron and rubber gloves from the drawer next to the sink, he felt a tingling, surging desire for her. In that sudden, vivid moment, Lilly's firmly packed buttocks pushed hard against the tightness of her flannel skirt, outlining the round firmness of her derriere. The shininess of her stockings emphasized the long, slender perfection of the backs of her legs, making her more desirable than ever.
Compulsively, Ed stubbed out his cigarette with nervous, jerky movements and rose. It was really getting to him, the way random movement from Lilly enflamed him with a raging need of her lush, full body when he least expected it. What was wrong with him? Was he becoming some kind of insatiable sex maniac?
He quickly moved to Lilly, who'd straightened up and had her hands behind her, preparatory to tying her apron strings. The posture emphasized the slimness of her waist and the high, sharp tilt of her lovely, pointed breasts. Ed reached for the inviting bosom without thinking.
The moment he touched Lilly's breasts and felt the excitement of her supple flesh, he knew the same reaction had raced through her. She spun about abruptly, her eyes wide with desire, her hips already beginning a suggestive, swaying motion, her moist lips open and moving toward his.
The embrace was nearly violent. Surely, it was violent the way her tongue probed his lips and her body began thrusting against him. Boland felt the same uneasiness again. This was too much more than love, too much more than desire; it was nearly obsession.
Lilly's mouth covered his, her arms clutching him tightly as her tongue flickered against him. Her hands swept low over his hips, her body causing a tantalizing friction.
Boland sighed and reached a hand under the crook of her knees, drawing her off the floor and into his arms. In brief foments, they were in the sleeping area of her small utility apartment.
As he deposited Lilly on her low bed, her hands were already busy, working away at his shirt and trousers. He knelt before her, seeing the passion in her exotic, high-cheeked face, the full lips and large, expressive eyes. "Oh yes," she said. "This is going to be good ... and strong."
Desire and fulfillment were a pattern they knew well. Boland moved at her blouse, tugging it from the waistline of her skirt, then parting the buttons. Already, her body was writhing with expectation. A low, sensual moan came from her lips.
Her large, lovely breasts peered out through a pink bra. In a moment, this was gone, leaving the stately breasts free to the touch. They were full and round, the saffron colored aureolas drawing his fingers with the sure knowledge that the touch would excite her into even further passion. He pressed his lips to them avidly and already the small room was filled with her low, feral moaning. Was it possible? The insistant writhing of her hips excited him all the more. Insistantly, he tugged on her panties as she cooperated by lifting her lithe legs. With this done, she shuffled quickly into a position where she could accommodate him with comfort and efficiency.
Their bodies merged, causing each of them to gasp from the intense pleasure of the sudden, jarring contact. They moved expertly together and even as Boland realized this acute state of proficiency, something within him cried out warningly ... too much ... way too much ... and way too dangerous.
Essentially a gentle man, Boland felt anything but gentle now at the sight of Lilly before him, her eyes closed, her soft moanings and thrusting hips urging him and carrying him to the inevitable and frightening goal of a passionate, animal release.
He was aware of their separate gyrations, of hips gliding over loin with a tremendous precision,, a dramatic build-up of friction and sensation. When it came for Boland, release brought him gasping in her arms, still aware that her body writhed and held a greater excitement than his. To his nose came the familiar scent of her warm, alive body; the slightly pungent scent of her perspiration, mingled with her lavender perfume.
To his jarred, excited senses came the awareness of Lilly drifting slowly back to an awareness of the present. Her hands still clutched at his arms. He was still experiencing the silky feel of her long legs, tight against him, the pulsing in her throat, the insistant taboo of her heart.
Then it changed.
Lilly pushed at him and moved away. "No," she said abruptly, "It's no good, Ed. It isn't any good any more."
Stunned, Boland sat up to face her.
"Aren't you happy?" he asked.
Lilly reached for a cigarette. Her breasts, still firm, dangled invitingly with her motions, making him aware how momentary and futile his own release had been. In a way, she was right. Release and satisfaction should mean something. Lying together, naked and comfortable should be a part of the after effects. That was just as important.
Now, watching her, fear came into his feelings, fear mingled with a new desire he could not possibly hope to fulfill.
"I'm happy from what we just did, yes. But from everything else, no, Ed; absolutely no; That's the trouble, and I'm tired of it."
"I thought-" Boland said, stumbling, "-we had everything all worked out ... all planned."
Lilly shifted her long legs, making him wonder if she were aware just how much he wanted her again. "It isn't enough," she said. "It simply isn't enough. What we do in bed just isn't lasting anymore. It used to be. It would last for a while. One night in bed would last sometimes as long as a week. Now, I don't know what it's done to us, making us flare up like that." She took a long puff on her cigarette, causing her bountiful breasts to heave invitingly. It was all he could do to resist reaching for them. He moaned inwardly. Even if he did, would it do any good? "I want to make love, Ed," she said. "I need it, I like it but not the way it is with us. It's too frightening ... too desperate. It almost seems abnormal."
Boland watched the hypnotic nakedness of her body. Even like this, in her anger and desperation, there was a strong, compelling beauty about her. He knew it was wrong to need that much, to be attracted that much to anyone, but he could not help himself. That was the trouble. She could not, either. Now she wanted to do something about it.
"We've never done anything abnormal."
Lilly uttered an ironic laugh. "It depends on how you look at it." She stretched her legs and a shudder of pleasure went through her. Almost by accident, their legs touched and Boland let out a sigh. He reached for her thigh, trailing his hand over it. For a moment, he thought it would be enough to start things up again. He wasn't sure how he would manage.
But Lilly moved away from him. "You see! Pretty soon, we will end up doing something abnormal. I don't see how it can be avoided. You can't be ready yet. But you want to. Look at the way you're staring at my breasts, my legs. Lord knows, I'd probably go along with it the way thing are. That's the trouble, Ed. We excite each other too much."
Boland struggled to get some understanding and to look away from her glistening body. Both required a great effort. Each time this happened lately, it was as though he'd never had Lilly and carried with him the awful, intensive first longing. "You say you won't marry me until I become something more than a science teacher.
Okay, I'm nearly through with my master's degree. We'll be able to look for something then."
"Six more months," Lilly hooted. She frowned and pulled the covers up over her breasts. "You still have to take the State Licensing exams. You will have all sorts of red tape. Six months of this ... I don't know if I can take it."
Boland placed his hand on her leg. "Lilly, you knew I wanted to be a teacher when you met me. You knew I already was a teacher. You're a teacher, too. You know how it is. I don't understand."
His hand on her leg excited her, there was no question of it. It took effort for her to move from him again. "I can't stand the idea of being cooped up in a hick town all my life and known as a kook, just because I have long hair and high cheek bones. I can only guess what would happen if anyone found out about you and me having a love affair like this, coming to my place to make love. We'd probably be tarred and feathered. Let's face it, Ed, people in this dumb town don't have sex, they procreate. Even the kids are different. The girls at high school wear tight sweaters to show off their blossoming bosoms and they develop a cute fanny wiggle. But they don't do it for sex. They do it for sex appeal. They want to get out of one boring household and into another. The only thing they'll change is the style of furniture they buy on time payments. But as far as the sex goes, that's just a lure, a deadly, well-baited lure."
"We could go away," Ed said.
Lilly mocked him savagely and moved her leg away from him. When she saw this did not good, she stood and reached for her robe. It could not hide the fact that Lilly had fine, full hips and a bountiful bosom. They both knew it. This was what troubled Boland. It was awful, having nothing on your mind but sex and desire. It was miserable, being able to go through the motions and having nothing left to show for it.
"Where could we go, Ed?" she asked savagely, miserable at the effect they had on each other. Boldly, she removed the gown and stood there briefly naked before reaching for her half slip. "A junior high teacher and an elementary school teacher. Big deal. It's too easy for us to be underpaid and oversexed. No thanks, Ed, I can't take it. We're not even married and you're broke."
"I've explained that loan business," Boland said. The sight of her, hurriedly slipping on a bulky knit sweater to cover her breasts and arms aroused him. "My folks loaned me money from school. I've got to get it back to them. Their business isn't doing well and that's all they have in savings."
"Excuses, excuses," Lilly fumed, moving to a chair and sitting. After an angry moment of watching him, she hitched her legs up under her and covered them with her skirt. "Dammit, this is miserable. I want you to look at me, but not like this. Let's face it, when you're broke, everything is hell. I've worn too many pair of forty-nine cent stockings from J. C. Penney and I think I'd rent out my soul for a black, frilly bra with some embroidery on it."
Boland smiled. "I'd like to see you have that, too. It would look good on you. I'll tell you what, I'll get them for you, Lilly. You're too beautiful not to have them."
Her face suddenly went soft and a tear appeared in her eyes. "I suppose you'll start eating less for lunches, just to buy me undies so that we can get ourselves all worked up like this again."
"As long as a person gets a pint of milk for lunch, he can't be in bad shape."
"Ed, I don't want to be bitchy. I just can't take more of this."
"We'll work out something," he said. "You know we will. Just give this a little more time." He moved toward her, his hand touching her shoulder.
Lilly exploded. "Don't touch me!" she cried out. "You know what happens. I can't take it any more."
Boland froze. Looking closely at her, he saw for the millionth time how desirable she was. Her thick coils of long black hair hung like sensual drapery about her long, finely chiseled face, splashing over her back in shiny glints as it caught the dim light. Her eyes, large and expressive, were beautiful even when mirroring her misery. The loose cords in her throat stood out, as if underlining the graceful beauty in her neck. And even now, in spite of the sweater, her bosom had that jaunty, upward tilt.
Boland felt helpless and numb as the contact with her skin caused the electric tingle to generate through him. Lilly's eyes reflected a helpless rage that Boland saw her struggle with herself to fight the reaction that coursed through her. Her lips curled, her hands trembled and she virtually threw herself at him in a frenzy, their bodies meeting hard and tightly. "Damn you, Ed," she cried, "this is the last time."
Through Boland's mind ran two conflicting, yet strangely similar ideas. The first was the idea of possessing her again, of feeling her nakedness clasped about him, of joining his body with hers in search of that moment of release and ecstasy they had come to know so well. On the other hand, he recalled a lesson he'd been giving his seventh graders in science. With great pains, he'd showed them how rats, on the verge of starvation, became more fertile than normal rats. A dying tree will suddenly begin sending shoots and spraying seeds to the wind. A leaf plucked from a cactus or succulent will suddenly begin sprouting roots.
Was this some parody of the same thing. Ed and Lilly, no longer able to work out their problems, suddenly finding themselves possessed with a hair-trigger sexual reaction to each other?
Boland's pulse quickened as his hands probed under her sweater, finding the excitement of clasping her breasts. She uttered a low moan that struck him to the quick. He lifted her and carried her to the bed as she continued moaning.
This was as immediate and energetic as possible. As he tugged on her skirt, Lilly's hips began a lively writhing and thrusting. Her hands dug into him, her nostrils flared and her mouth gasped for air.
The suddenness and intensity with which he and Lilly moved together was strong and frightening, approaching even newer thresholds of a wild, uncontrolled frenzy. He trembled and shook. His skin prickled with anticipation and his body was filled with adrenal shock. As their bodies arched and thrust together, Boland discovered he was more of a lover than he'd ever been, more than he'd ever wanted to be even in his wildest dreams. He was neither proud nor ashamed of the frightening cries that escaped Lilly.
He knew this was not causing her pain. It wasn't like that. As her nails dug into his back, he realized it was simply more sensation than she was used to, more sensation than she actually wanted. He knew in a terrible moment of realization that unless they did something and did it soon, the very attraction that held them together would conspire to turn them fearfully away from love and its most physical expression, sex.
With intensity, Lilly's legs tightened about him and her body tensed as wave after wave of release coursed through her in spasms. When he saw how acute it was, his own satisfaction chilled and frightened him and for a moment gave him a flash of insight into the problem of a drug addict, trying to stop the gnawing, aching need. Then his own release came, no less active than hers, and he was aware of Lilly, having the same frightening reaction he'd just known. She was aware of the thrusting passion of the man in her arms, driven and nearly wild; a product of reacting to her and her great attraction for him.
They collapsed together, lying in a heap, more like two exhausted wrestlers than two lovers. "I always wanted a full, happy sex life," she said between breasts, "and mostly we've a good one.
But lately, Ed, it's been driving me out of my mind. Please get out. Leave me alone. Don't come near me. Don't touch me. Do something to get us out of this. But please go away now. Leave me alone!"
Still shaking and breathless, Boland began dressing. He watched her regain her breath as he dressed and even now, he ached with want of her and with desire, but more slowly ... the old way.
Stuffing his shirt into his pants, he watched her turn away from him, her face toward the wall. Her bare back made a smooth, haunting line, the delicateness of her spinal column standing out like dainty beads under her taut, shiny skin.
Suddenly, he wanted to cry, to drop to his knees beside the bed and brush his cheek against that lovely bared back, to pull her into his arms and stroke her and comfort her and reassure her.
She broke the spell with a sudden shudder. "What's going to happen to us, Ed?" she said. "The hell of it all is, I love you."
"I'll do something," he said. But when he had his jacket on and was walking tip-toe out her back entrance, through the alley and across the empty lot and down the next block toward the lighted street that led to his own woefully small apartment, he could only shudder and wonder, what? What can I do?