Chapter 7
THE BLACKBALLED
Every club has members that it blackballs, throws out, for various reasons. Non dues paying is one of them. The Youth Exchange, with all it's expensive demands, has yet to discharge a woman for non-payment. Having the members pay for services in advance is the chief reason for this record. Yet, the Youth Exchange has blackballed several women for being too harsh or too disturbed with the boys.
The sexual nature of the Exchange cannot help but bring out people's maladjustments. Female prostitutes know that some of their male clients are "dumpers", men who enjoy inflicting pain on them. Although there are prostitutes who agree to being whipped, spanked and humiliated for a price there are limits to how far they can let these sadists go. More than a few female prostitutes have been killed by sadists who went too far.
The Youth Exchange discourages "dumping" from their female clients since the club deals with very young boys. Trudy, the Negro nurse who enjoyed humiliating white boys was a mild "dumper" who knew where to draw the line. The Youth Exchange did not throw her out because she had returned the boys in good shape with no more than well spanked buttocks to remember her by. Yet there are women who did not draw any lines. So far a number of boys have escaped the clutches of these mad females and a few had come close to being murdered. The Youth Exchange bends over backwards to avoid these incidents. When boys come back from their assignments they are "debriefed" in order to determine the mental and emotional climate of the women they had serviced. If a boy tells of torment in the hands of client this woman is quickly dropped.
On my list of members there were a few women who had been blackballed by the club. I went to see them to find out just why they had been turned out of the Exchange.
CASE HISTORY: Margo, age 39.
The subject is a widow who lives alone in a five room cottage located in a rural area. She has long dark hair that hangs to the middle of her back and flashing black-eyes. When I drove up to her cottage I was greeted by several snarling, barking dogs. The woman called them off and, when I told her who I was and what I wanted, she brought me into her house.
The place was dirty and there were half eaten apples all over the floors giving the cottage a heavy smell of cider. Even before interviewing the woman I could see that she was disturbed. She sat on the edge of her chair as if poised for flight while she spoke into the tape recorder.
"I don't know why the Exchange dropped me. I treated the boy they sent me nicely. He had plenty to eat. I grow apples. Look at all of them.
"My husband was a son-of-a-bitch like all men. He made me work twelve hours a day, seven days a week to keep the goddamned place going. He really didn't have to work me that hard. There are lots of help he could've picked up cheap to do the heavy stuff. I hire them and I have nothing but time now. I'm sure glad my husband died. The bastard was killed in an auto accident. I got his insurance. The first thing I did with it was to send away for a boy.
"This fourteen year old named Jimmy shows up. He's no movie idol but he looks good and virile. My husband was always too tired to have sex. All he wanted was to make more and more money growing apples. I was tired, too, but never too tired for sex. What would it take ... five minutes?
"All men are sons-of-bitches. Excuse me for saying this to you but you can't be any different. Boys? Well, they're just little sons-of-bitches. They still could be trained right. Jimmy is only fourteen but he could still be trained right, still whipped into line.
"I tell the boy that I don't want to be raped even though I am paying for sex. He answers that he's here to do everything I want and in every way. I say I'll take him up on that and I bring him into the next room. There is a pipe overhead that I'd tied leather straps to. I tell him I want to tie his hands to the pipe just so I can do all the sex without being afraid he'll run away or rape me. Jimmy says he doesn't mind and puts his hands up under the pipe. I strap his hands tight and I can see he's secure.
"Now that I know he can't be the bastard he really wants to be I kneel on the floor and take off his shoes and socks. Then I pull off his pants and jockey shorts. The boy has a nice big thing and it is ready for sex. I then get another leather strap and tie his ankles together so he can't move. 'Won't we be more comfortable in bed?' he asks me.
"'Shut up, you bastard!' I yell at him. 'I'm the boss."
"The kid shuts his trap after that. His penis gets softer and softer and I ask him where was the sex he had just a minute ago? Was he trying to take it from me. Was he going to claim he's tired?
"Jimmy swallows hard. "I ... I'm just not used to being tied up like this,' he tells me.
"'You'll get used to it,' I say. 'I should've tied up my bastard husband like this when he was alive. This way I can have the sex I want."
"I take off my clothes in front of the boy. His penis gets hard again. I stand in front of him and impale my body on his stiffness. I hold on to him. It feels good to have the boy's flesh inside me. He's only fourteen but he feels like a man. I grab his behind and keep shoving fast until the boy does his thing. At that time my husband was dead in his grave for only a month. I wish he could have seen me.
"I move away from the boy and he tells me that the straps are hurting his wrists and ankles. I say nothing. He can't do anything to me. I'm the one who can do things to him. I get down on my knees and use my mouth. He gets hard right away and, after I work on him for a couple of minutes, he has a climax. As he gets soft once more I chew on him hard and he tells me to stop. I ignore him and keep chewing. 'Please!' he begs. 'Let me alone: I'll do everything you want if you'll just untie me!'
"Oh, how I wish I could just bite him off! How I wanted to bring my teeth together and slice that meat in two. He'd never get to be a man after that. He'd never get to be a son-of-a-bitch. I stand up again and face the boy. He looks scared. 'What's wrong?' I ask him. 'I thought you wanted to have sex in all kinds of ways."
"'I didn't expect this,' he tells me and looks down at himself. His meat is blood red and there are teeth marks on him. 'What are you trying to do?' he cries.
"I tell him not to be such a baby. I was only giving him good training. No boy liked school but, once they got their education, they came back to thank the teachers.
"The boy moans and groans but I leave him hanging there for another hour. I just sit in a chair and look at him feeling glad to know that he's all mine to do with as I pleased. He does have a nice body. His skin is sunburnt and there is just a bit of hair over his penis. In a few more years there would be hair all over his body just like my husband's. In a few more years his flat belly would swell up and stick out like a knocked-up woman. That's what my husband looked like: a hairy, pregnant woman. And I wanted him even then because he was all I had. And he didn't give me that fat, ugly body of his when I asked for it. The only times he took me was when he was in the mood. Then he'd go plop on me and do it fast. He really raped me but how could I complain. When he was satisfied he snored in his sleep.
"But I was keeping Jimmy awake. He wasn't going to fall asleep on me and he wasn't going to rape me. He was going to have sex when I wanted it for a change.
"The boy begs me to let him loose because his arms were killing him. I like to hear him beg. I'm training him good. He was learning to do what a woman asked. I untied his hands and he slumps to the floor rubbing his shoulders. I untie his legs but he still just lies there moaning. 'It hurts,' he says in a little voice. 'I didn't expect this."
"I help him over to the bed and he just lies there moaning and groaning. I figure that he's hungry so I pick some apples and give them to him. He doesn't eat a single one. I guess they're too green for him.
"Jimmy gets out of bed later and keeps examining his body in the mirror. He pulls on his meat and tells me that he doesn't know if it will get stiff again. I tell him that he got to get hard because that's what I've paid for.
"'Maybe I should go back to L.A.,' he says. 'The Exchange will send out another boy with no extra charge if I don't please you."
"I can see that this kid isn't much good. I send him packing and tell him to have the club send a bigger, stronger boy who can make love all the time. Jimmy leaves without thanking me for my hospitality. He's a city boy and those city people never did have any manners.
"All the time I keep waiting for another boy to show. Instead I get a letter from the Exchange. They tell me that the membership is full up and they are dropping some of the newcomers like myself. Inside the envelope is my membership fee and amount I had sent them for the first boy in a single check. They didn't send the money I had spent on the boy's air fare, though.
"Something is fishy, I know it. That little bastard, Jimmy, said something against me and that's why I was dropped. See? Like I told you ... all men are bastards."
The extent of Margo's sickness was obvious. Because of the unhappy life she had led with her husband both in and out of bed she now wanted to correct it with young boys. She wanted to "train" them into being the kind of lovers she wanted her husband to be. Like so many mentally disturbed people she was not aware of her sickness. To Margo she was right and the world was wrong. In her mind there was nothing wrong with tying up a young boy, performing a painful sex act upon him and then leaving him suffer for an hour while she just watched. Jimmy made his escape as soon as he was able. There was no telling how far the mad woman would have gone if he lingered and continued to submit to her twisted needs.
CASE HISTORY: Peggy, age 46.
When the Youth Exchange gets requests for memberships it cannot determine the mental condition of the large majority of these woman. Some of the requests clearly show a woman to be disturbed such as one case in which the membership application contained every obscene word in the English language along with words so badly scrawled that they could not be determined.
The subject, Peggy, sent in a very neat and politely worded request for membership yet she turned out to be one of the most disturbed women the club had ever come in contact with. The forty-six year old spinster lives in an apartment building that she also owns. She makes her living out of rent money and so has the time and the cash to spend on her erotic desires. The Exchange did not mind this. But it did not know just how far out her desires went.
Unlike Margo this pleasant looking woman showed no outward sign of mental illness. She was neatly dressed and her hair was cut short and in place. At first she thought I had been sent by the Youth Exchange to explain to her why her application had suddenly been withdrawn. Even though I explained who I was several times she never quite seemed to believe me.
"You must be an official in the club. They had to send someone. But, if you insist on playing this game I'll go along with you.
"As you know I'm a single person, very neat in my habits. I did not give into my immoral desires until late in life. Today you hear of young girls no more than thirteen and fourteen having babies. Well, I was never like that. I never allowed a boy to touch me until I was twenty. Even then I just permitted kisses.
"I waited until I was thirty-seven before I indulged in that final immorality. Thirty-seven! I am not making excuses. I have sinned and I expect punishment. If one does not suffer in this world they will suffer in the next. The piper must be paid, I always say.
"My virginity was lost to a man I met on a cruise ship. I knew I should have been strong but I gave in and my purity was gone. Although I prayed all that night I knew that I was never going to get my purity back. But, no one could really throw stones at me. I had been strong for a long time which is more than I can say about the young people of today who jump into bed with the first boy who asks them.
"The next sinful experience came two years later. Two years later, mind you! This hardly marks me as a very wicked woman. Some women can't go two days without sin.
"I prayed and managed to avoid men for another five years. Then I weakened to an extent where I had three men within the next three months. I knew that my flesh was getting weaker and I punished it. After each sinful experience I whipped myself and spread my filth all over my body. I mean filth my feces. This disgusts you and it disgusts me but one must be humbled after one sins. The flesh that had sinned must be mortified.
"Are you sure you are not from the Exchange? Be honest with me. I'm being honest with you. If you have been sent here to spy on me go right ahead. I am hiding nothing as you can see. I will confess my sins to anyone. How else can a person expect to enter that better world?
"If you wish to continue telling me that you are a writer I will accept it. Now, where was I? Oh. Yes! Mortification. Adultery is a grave sin. Those men I had lost myself with had been married. If they had been single the sin of the flesh would not have been as serious although, mind you, it would have been serious enough. That is why I joined the Youth Exchange. I knew that young boys were single. If I was going to sin then I wanted it to be with single men.
"Now, I am a woman who is most correct in her habits. You will notice that I did not request a boy below the age of seventeen. I cannot see why there are women who would wish to cause children as young as twelve to sin with them. But, that is what they will have to answer for. Boys of seventeen and eighteen, however, are really young men and not children.
"I was sent a seventeen year old named Chris after I joined the Exchange. He was the kind I wanted. He was tall, muscular and very masculine. My weak flesh hungered for him the moment I laid eyes on him. When he took off his clothes I could see the sinning part of his flesh hanging very long and tempting. What strength I had to resist sin was now gone.
"I unclothed myself and exposed my sinful parts to the boy. He told me that I have a very nice figure. This is true. As you notice I am of proper weight and I keep myself in trim through diet and exercise. It is awful the way some people let themselves go. But, that is neither here nor there. At any rate this young man hungered for my body. His sinning flesh aroused and lengthened to its most tempting state. I threw myself into his arms and the boy pressed me against the bed.
"His maleness filled me and excited my weak flesh. I pushed up aginst him so mad was I for sin. I wrapped my arms and legs around Chris as he rammed and rammed as an animal would. And, for this moment at least, I was an animal.
"The seventeen year old moved with powerful strokes and brought me to the very peak of excitement. He sent forth that virile part of him and I cried out in sheer evil joy. The young male grasped my body, rubbed against me, thrilled me until his virility lessened and his sinning flesh withdrew from mine.
"'Wow, lady!' Chris told me. 'You sure are a great lay!'
"These words choke in my throat but I wish you to know everything. You can tell the Exchange that I am no liar. Oh, I forgot. You insist you don't belong to that organization.
"To continue. Once the young man was off of me I knelt on the floor. He assumed that I desired to engage in that unspeakable French sin and placed his maleness against my lips. I told the seventeen year old that I wished to pray and ask forgiveness. I requested him to help me.
"'I'm not religious, lady,' he told me.
"I didn't expect that you were,' I answered. 'You young people are without moral fiber today.' Then I told him what he was to do. There was a whip I kept in the apartment for just such mortification. I had used it on myself many times but I am afraid that I've never punished myself fully. This took the arm of another person.
"The boy did not want to do it but I insisted. He found the whip and told me that the whole thing was crazy. I told him to lay the whip on me as I knelt before him. I told him to insult me, to spit on me as he whipped.
"Chris finally brought the whip down on my back. It was a very light stroke. I had given myself much harder ones. I yelled at the boy to put himself into the punishment and not hold back. The whip came down again. 'Harder!' I screamed.
"It took Chris at least a dozen strokes before he began to hurt me in the fashion I wished. I stretched out on the floor at his feet so he could cover my entire sinning body with the whip. I felt my buttocks being cut and gloried in the knowledge that my sin was being sliced away by the very one I had indulged myself with.
"The boy stopped and claimed that he couldn't whip me any longer because of a 'cramp' he got in his shoulder. I knew that he was lying to get out of punishing me. Young sinners want to indulge themselves without paying the piper. I told him that he had to be whipped now." he had to be whipped now.
"'Take it easy, lady,' he said. T don't dig being beaten. You may get your kicks that way but I don't."
"I could see that he did not have the moral fiber to accept punishment so I bided my time. I pretended that I had given up all ideas of punishing him and made drinks. I do not mean of the alcoholic variety. I would not keep a drop of that evil brew in my house. I gave him a cola drink ... with four sleeping tablets mixed inside. It took him a half an hour before he dropped off to sleep and I tied his hands and feet together with wire and then pulled him off the bed. He fell to the floor hard but he did not wake up. He would wake up soon enough.
"I rolled him over on his stomach and applied the whip hard. He mumbled. I struck him again and he opened his eyes. Chris was very groggy and he could hardly speak. 'What's this?' he managed to say.
"'Repent!' I cried and whipped him again.
"He tried to roll away from me but I was after him all the time. He tried to get up but the sleeping pills and the wire held him down. I whipped until bright red marks criss-crossed his entire body.
"How many women who belong to the Exchange also consider the moral welfare of the boys they get? I am sure that I am the only one who purges the sin after it has been committed. I am the only one concerned about the moral welfare of these young men and boys.
"Chris kept telling me that I was insane. I suppose, to the immoral, morality is insanity. I told him that we must mortify our flesh in order to purify it. I was going to show him the way. I urinated on him and he cried out as the hot stream spread over the red stroke marks.
I told him that he could do the same to me. 'Let me up,' he said. 'llntie me and you'll see what I can do to you. If you want pain and punishment I'll oblige."
"I was glad that the young man was finally seeing the light. Before I let him up I defecated on him and spread the feces all over his sinning flesh. The further down one is humiliated the further up one will rise.
"Now that Chris had taken his purging I untied him. The first thing he did was to punch me in the face. I wanted punishment but this blow was unexpected. The young man went into the bathroom and cleaned himself off. He stayed there for a long time and, when he came out, he was still staggering under the effects of the sleeping tablets. He grabbed his shorts and put them on. 'You're not leaving now,' I said. 'We have a week together."
"'No we don't,' he answered. 'I've fucked some pretty crazy women but you take the prize."
"I trust that you'll forgive me for using that Anglo-Saxon term but those were his exact words. I want the Youth Exchange to realize the kind of young men they send out. Just because one indulges in sin one does not have to use the words that describe it.
"Chris left and I was sure that he'd get in some kind of accident since he was still very sleepy. But, I suppose he did manage to get back to Los Angeles because I soon get a letter from the club returning my membership fee and the money I had sent to get the seventeen year old. I was informed that my membership was no longer welcomed with the excuse that the club was overcrowded as it was. Now, I'm not unintelligent. I know a phony excuse when I see one. Just why I have been excluded from the Exchange? You tell me. I know that you're from that club and you are spying on me. Is this some kind of test? If it is go back to that Exchange and inform them that I have passed it. I will continue to purge sin both from myself and the young men I sin with. If your group cannot stand a woman of strength and moral fiber then I do not wish to become a member after all! Good day, sir!"
It is clear from Peggy's ravings that she is very unstable. Her conviction that I was a spy reveals her paranoic character. At first glance the middle-aged spinster appears to be well adjusted and sane but madness boils beneath her calm surface. She is torn apart with her desire for sex and the idea that it is evil and required purging. The extent of her purgings are, in themselves, sexual perversions. The desire to whip and be whipped has erotic undertones that the Marquis de Sade had discovered centuries ago. The desire to give and receive the urine and feces of another is an even grosser and greater perversion. The spinster, in reality, had used a larger "sin" to cover a lesser one. She "punished" herself for the "sin" of fornication with her warped sexual needs. Chris, the boy who had endured the woman's madness, had managed to escape with his life. The woman could have easily given him one pill too many. The fact that he only punched her in retaliation after she had set him free bodes well for his self control. Another boy may have beaten her to death in anger. It was little wonder that Peggy was blackballed from the Youth Exchange. One act of murder would have brought the entire operation out into the open.