Chapter 1
FATHERLY RAPE
"For our purposes, it is sufficient to keep in mind that incest behavior is not as uncommon in certain (lower-level) segments of the community as one might be led to believe, even though accurate statistics are at present lacking.
"The case files of social agencies, of welfare departments, public health clinics, etc., all give testimony to this fact. It also appears, from the clinical experience of psychoanalysts, working mostly with individuals from the highest socio-economic levels of society, that incest behavior of one kind or another (for example, fondling, "sexy" kissing, manipulation of the genitals, petting, and in some instances, complete coitus) is frequently present in the histories of these upper class individuals."
One thing is certain today about our young people. They all have more money to spend than any similar age group in history. Even the so called "poor" families give allowances to their youngsters. The money may come from an unemployment check or from welfare, but regardless of its source, the teen-agers get their share.
"I was nearly thirteen when my father forced his way into my bedroom one night. It was just after I had taken a shower. The door opened, and I was standing there by the bed, drying off. He looked oddly at me and he opened his pants and exposed himself. He had an erection. He said he got it from watching me come out of the shower. His tone of voice tone of voice told me he thought it was my fault that his penis got that way. I didn't even see him watching me, but his and my mother's bedroom was across the hall.
"He told me, 'Here, Tina, this is for you. I want you to look at it.' I just stood there. I couldn't look at it. But he came over to me and made me lie down on the bed. I didn't want to, and he raised his fist. I felt like crying, but I was scared. 'Don't argue with me. This is going to be beautiful, baby.' I was afraid he'd hit me, so I got on the bed. I still had the towel around me.
"He jerked the towel off me, and he got so excited he didn't even take off his pants. He put himself inside me and I cried. He cursed me, telling me to loosen up. I was all tensed up and afraid of something bad happening to me I even thought it might kill me. I was so dumb.
Then he got off and decided to mount me once again. He forced my thighs open. He poised and then gave a sudden push. I wriggled and he pushed again and I felt him hit my obstacle. I was frightened. He was hot with lust and I could smell liquor on his breath. He grasped my buttocks firmly, shifted his position and then lunged like a mad man. I cried, "Oh no, oh no!" I felt him split my hymen and slide into me. I could feel his knob. He was feeling my body, the flesh of my full breasts my sharp nipples and the warm supple flesh of my navel. He was deep in me. I raised my hips to try to get relief but it only drove him deeper into me. I felt him flood into me like a great tide as he held my hips and bounced once again. I felt him move out. It was painful.
"He was talking fast and breathing hard ... suddenly he gave a little cry. I was bawling my head off. He hit me after he got off me, and told me to keep my mouth shut. I was afraid to tell anyone. After that, he was around all the time, and sometimes came in my bedroom at night after my mother was asleep. He told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. He would also kiss my breasts and my vagina all the time. He would do this sometimes when my mother was in the house. I would just shake all over, scared that she would catch us. He seemed to think I was made to be his plaything, and there were times I thought he was always thinking about fooling with me. As scared as I got, and sometimes brave enough to ask him not to touch me, it didn't do any good. He always threatened me with pain and violence if I opened my mouth. He made me masturbate him sometimes, too. It filled me with revulsion.
And he put his fingers inside me, too. Once he got bold enough to ask me to go even further, but I was so terrified I ran out of the house. He hurt me for that later. He pinched my breasts until I screamed with pain."
How long this would have gone on it is not certain. Tina became very nervous and her schoolwork suffered. Apparently her mother didn't notice anything unusual at first, probably because it is difficult for a lot of mothers in this situation to believe the truth, it being too horrible and repugnant to them, and so beyond their kin. But Tina's father, although she didn't realize this at the time of their sexual experiences, was a periodic alcoholic. He would go long stretches without alcohol. But when he drank after these dry periods, he drank quite heavily for several days at a time. The solution to Tina's immediate problem with her father came during one of these alchoholic periods. Here is Tina's account of what happened at that time:
"Mom was gone one night and my father came home late from work. He was pretty plastered, and mad that his supper wasn't ready. Mom had made it, but he wouldn't listen to me. He used that as an excuse to rant and rave about women and everything. He started to slap me around and when I started to cry, he hit me harder. Then suddenly he stopped. He told me to get into my slip and shut up. Then he went to the liquor store and came back with a bottle of whiskey.
"He brought the whiskey and a glass up to my room, and made me walk around in my slip while he sat on the edge of the bed. and drank. Then he made me take off my slip and walk around with nothing on. I was scared to death of him. There was something different about him. I didn't realize he was so drunk, although I knew he had been drinking as he did sometimes. He had never been so bold before, nor acted so strange. He made me walk over to him, and then he touched me all over with his hands. He squeezed my breasts, which weren't very big then, and he put his hand on my vagina several times. He was rough, too. When I stiffened up, he slapped me on my behind and told me to mind him.
"I told him, finally, that I was tired of walking around and that I was getting cold with no clothes on. I thought he might have pity on me. But it only made him madder. Then I started saying, 'Daddy, I'll be good, only please don't hurt me.' Then he took a couple of big drinks of whiskey. I guess it choked him. He spluttered and told me to lie down on the bed. He was very rough and he hurt me when he got on top of me."
Her father moved to the floor in front of Tina and spread her legs open. Kneeling in front of her, he lowered his head to her crotch and kissed the silk-covered pussy. Tina sighed and straightened her legs out, giving him more room. His tongue went out and teased her until she moaned and said, "I can't stand much more of this playing." Her hand slipped down inside her hairy cunt and she worked her fingers through the hair. One finger parted the hair and touched lightly at her clitoris. She murmured and raised her hips.
He took hold of her and moved her down slowly, taking his time. He moved forward to lick her body. It was so soft, the hair so tightly curled to her skin it seemed as if it were painted on. His tongue parted the curls and sank into her hot slit. She sighed and pushed herself to the edge of the bed so that his face was buried in her.
He kept making me spread my legs farther apart. It was horrible and I started to cry again. He slapped me hard across the mouth and said I was deliberately spoiling everything for him. He called me a brat and a "teaser." Then he started blubbering like a big baby.
"As he was trying for the fifth or sixth time to get inside me, my mother walked in the door. She screamed. I screamed with her. Then she rushed over and hit my father with her purse. He fell off the bed and she kicked him. She kept kicking him and screaming. It was the most horrible sight I've ever seen in my life. I ran out of my room and mother ran after me. She told my father to get out or she'd call the police. My father staggered out and packed some clothes, while mother and I held each other, crying and screaming. My father left then, and my mother locked the doors. I never saw him again. My mother made me stay with friends for a week and I guess that's when she got rid of him for good. I also went to a doctor who said I was not pregnant. My mother, oddly enough, never asked me about what all had happened, but she cried a lot at night and was nicer' to me than she ever had been before. She also looked a lot older after that."
The scars of these experiences lingered a long while with Tina. She became very nervous and developed a pronounced stutter. This speech impediment gradually gave way to a slight lisp in her speech. She was very afraid of older men and spent a lot of time brooding, staying at home when she could have gone out, passing up dates with boy friends of her own age. She had various dreams which were filled with phallic symbols.
Tina's mother became over-protective toward her after the above incident, but never told her daughter that "all men aren't bad," nor attempted to explain her father's behavior to her in any manner. Her mother, who had been practically a teetotaler prior to the incest occurrence, later began drinking heavily and going out with various men. For a while, her mother would just be brought to the door by the men, usually in an extreme state of inebriation, but Tina states that later on, some of the men stayed overnight. She heard her mother having sex with some of them "more than once."
When Tina was in her late teens she became attracted to a "nice boy." It was a doomed relationship, however. In their sometimes long and hot petting sessions, Tina felt strong desire for the boy and he for her. On one occasion they went too far in their amorous play, and the boy unzipped his trousers and took out his erect organ. This caused such a reaction in Tina that she became hysterical. The boy stopped dating her and told his tale to the other boys, who kidded her and teased her openly at every opportunity. Tina relates that she had a "nervous breakdown," and was taken out of school for a semester. In a different class she fared slightly better, but it was years before she felt any passion for any member of the opposite sex. When spoken to by a boy, she would begin to stutter violently, otherwise she still retained the slight lisp.
When Tina did fall for another boy, she was several years older. She liked him enough to overcome her fears of intercourse or as she puts it: "I wasn't afraid to be naked with this boy." But she asked him not to display his penis. "I don't want to look at it, please," she told the boy. Apparently he was understanding enough not to be humiliated by this strange request, for they had a successful first coitus and several subesquent acts of intercourse. "We made love in the dark, though," Tina relates. She eventually lost out in this love affair, too, but it was not under adverse conditions.
An older man, however, caused her trauma to recur, and this is what led Tina to therapy. She was waiting at a bus-stop one day when a man of about fifty stopped his car and offered her a ride. When she went over to get into the car she saw that his fly was open and "his penis was out and erect." She screamed and had a hysterical seizure. She was taken to a nearby hospital by a passerby and the case was referred to out-patient psychotherapy for treatment.
It was the mere sight of the penis that brought revulsion and trauma to Tina. Analysis helped her to understand this fear, and countless dreams were discussed and analyzed during this time. She is now happily married but admits to a deathly fear of having a female child. She says she loves her husband very much but is afraid of similar events happening within her own marriage. So, she doesn't fully understand incest, and will have to overcome her feelings of jealousy and shock toward her daughter, if she has one, and mistrust of her husband as well. In her case, the analyst thinks that tackling one problem at a time is the best policy for Tina. She has overcome some fears, but others are still repressed, and of those that are latent, they should not develop unless circumstances become too closely parallel to her other childhood experiences.