Chapter 2
I remember I was almost twelve years old, one man recalled during an interview, when my Aunt Lena came to live with us. She was my mother's sister who'd been living back East, come out to Frisco for a visit. She was a few years older than my mother, in her mid-thirties I guess, not bad looking but obviously heading toward spinsterhood. I didn't think about it then, but now I had the feeling that she didn't date much and probably she never had a man-sexually, I mean.
As for me, I was getting pretty damned sexy. I had my pecker in my hand at least once a day, jerking off, like I'd been doing for at least six months. Most times I'd do it in the bathroom, where I could pull off into a piece of toilet paper and flush the evidence down the drain right away. If my parents suspected what I was doing in there so long, they didn't say anything. I think they thought I had a couple more years before puberty and wasn't interested in sex.
I never asked them any questions about sex. I got all my information from older boys. Some of them even had pictures which showed a girl with her titties bare and her legs open so I could see the hole up between her legs. The hole was called a "snatch" the older boys informed me with their advanced knowledge, and that's the place a guy shoved his pecker when it got stiff. I wanted to get some pictures like that for my own, but nobody seemed to know where to get them. I wanted to borrow them, too, but the boys that had them wouldn't let them out of their sight. Not that I blamed them. Every time I looked at them, my pecker got stiff and hard. So when I got into the bathroom, I'd close my eyes and concentrate to remember all the details of the pictures.
Except one time I forgot to lock the door, and Aunt Lena walked in. I was really going to town. My pecker was up good and hard and my fist was busy jerking it up and down, and at first I didn't realize the door had opened. Then I opened my eyes and saw the woman standing there, staring at me-not at me, exactly, but at part of me, the stiff pecker standing up in front of me, throbbing in my hand. Quickly, I put my other hand over in front of it to hide what I was doing, and that seemed to break her trance. She moved away with an apology and closed the door behind her.
A cold sweat broke out on my body. Suppose Aunt Lena told my parents what I was doing. I didn't mind being punished, really, but they might keep a close eye on me to see that I didn't keep doing it. And I sure as hell wanted to keep pulling my pecker, because I enjoyed it so much. I was completely out of the mood now, but I delayed going out of the bathroom, afraid of what I'd have to face out in the house. I knew I should keep jerking off, or else I'd have cramps, but the bathroom door was still unlocked and I half-expected my father to come barging in to give me hell.
Instead, I just got up, pulled up my underwear and my trousers and flushed the toilet. My pecker was still stiff under my clothes, and the bulge stood out. I washed my face and hands a couple of times until the stiffness went down. But when I went outside the bathroom, nobody said anything about what had happened, so I guessed Aunt Lena had been too embarrassed to mention what she'd seen. Then, my aunt was so calm and so friendly, I began to wonder if she'd seen anything at all-except me sitting on the toilet seat. Thinking that, I began to feel much better about it all.
It was after dinner, while we were all sitting in the living room watching television that I began wishing that Aunt Lena had actually seen my jerking off my pecker. There was something incredibly sexy about having a female watch you do it. I remember when I was younger, the boys and the girls used to show each other what they had, but while it seemed naughty, it wasn't really stimulating. Now that we were older and knew what it was all about, the girls wouldn't do it anymore. A couple of the boys had sisters, and they delighted in telling us how they'd peek in on their sisters while the girls were undressing or taking a bath. I envied them, and I wished I had a sister I could see naked. The thought of that made my pecker start up again, and I had to cross my legs to keep the bulge in my trousers from showing.
I tried to think of something else. The television program was dull, but my parents were sitting on the couch watching it. Across from me, my Aunt Lena was sitting in a chair, reading a magazine, Her skirt was pulled up above her knees, and it was the fist time I'd noticed that she legs at all, and very shapely legs at that. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. Her bare legs fascinated me, and I began wondering how it would feel to take out my pecker and inch it up along those legs, forcing them apart, and shoving myself up deeper along her thighs to the spot where her snatch was.
Well, you can imagine what effect those thoughts did to my pecker. Before I knew it, it had gotten stiff again, and it was pressing and throbbing against the cloth of my underwear and trousers, and I was afraid I was going to let go any second. I looked up guiltily, but Aunt Lena was engrossed in her magazine and paying me no attention. My parents were still watching the television program. When I looked back at Aunt Lena, I noticed a subtle change in her-her legs were spread, ever so slightly.
I caught my breath and stared. I wet my lips. I could feel my heart pound wildly. I could see right up between her legs, along the white thighs, straight into her crotch, where her white panties were snugged right into the crack of her cunt. I could even see wisps of pubic hair around the edges of the thin panties.
I started trembling, and I was afraid I was going to come right then and there in front of everybody. Then I got the shock of my life. Aunt Lena looked up from her magazine, smiled at me, and opened her legs even wider!
I could see everything she had. Sure, she was wearing panties, but they were pulled tight into her crotch, and when she spread her legs they pulled even tighter over the crack, outlining it in exquisite detail, and some wiry black pubic hairs sprang out along either side.
It was a lost cause trying to hold back then. I was already too far gone, and the sight of that crotch was too much for me. I groaned as my stiff pecker lurched up against my trousers and began throbbing and spurting away like crazy. My father hadn't noticed, but my mother asked me if I was okay, and I gave her a big smile and said yes. When I looked back at Aunt Lena, her legs had moved together and she was intent on her magazine. Funny. I could have sworn she'd opened her legs on purpose so I could see right up into her crotch. But I couldn't figure out why a nice woman like her, and a relative of mine as well, would do something like that. After awhile, I decided the exposure had been accidental.
Meanwhile, I had a soggy set of underwear to contend with. I waited until my pecker had gone down, then got up and walked hurriedly into the bathroom. The front of my trousers were starting to show the wetness, so after I'd mopped up the mess with some toilet paper, I went into my bedroom and changed.
Nothing much happened the rest of the evening, but when I was in bed that night, I started playing with myself and thinking about the glorious sight I'd seen. Needless to say, my pecker went up stiff and hard while I envisioned Aunt Lena sitting opposite me with her legs wide, showing me the insides of her legs and her pantied crotch, with her hair and cunt outlined like it was etched on the cloth....
My father worked during the daytime, which was when my mother liked to do her shopping. I made a third discovery the next day when I went home during the noon hour for the school lunch I'd forgotten to take with me that morning-Aunt Lena liked to sleep late. I let myself in the house and walked through, looking for signs of life. I found more than I was looking for in the den, where Aunt Lena was stretched out asleep on top of the rollaway bed, with her nightgown pulled up around her waist and her naked legs spread.
I stopped dead in the hallway and just stared. Her hair was splayed out over the pillow, and her eyes were closed. Her breasts rose and fell under the skimpy covering as she breathed. But it was down between her legs that held my attention. Underneath the black hair I could see on her what I'd seen on those pictures the boys had shown me-her cunt, which looked like a giant pair of lips between her legs. I remembered thinking how nice it would be to kiss those lips.
That thought shook me out of my trance, and I realized that my pecker was up good and hard. I held my breath and wondered if I dared jerk off in front of Aunt Lena while she was asleep. I knew I sure as hell wanted to. I also knew that another opportunity like this might not come again very soon, it at all.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I unzipped my fly and took out my pecker and began pulling on it. It got bigger and harder then I'd ever remembered, and I was really enjoying it. Hell, those other guys just had a picture to look at-I had me a real live woman! The fact that she was an aunt of mine didn't bother me. Like I said, she'd been living back East all this time, so it was as though she was a stranger.
So there I was in the doorway to the den, pounding away on my stiff pecker while I stared at Aunt Lena's wide-open cunt. Then I glanced up at her face to make sure she wasn't waking up-and suddenly her eyes were wide open, and she was smiling at me!
My pecker was stiff and throbbing so much it didn't register at first in my brain. Then, I stopped, embarrassed, and fumbled with my fly, wondering what in the devil I could say to explain what I was doing. But Aunt Lena only began laughing and motioning me to come into the room. She didn't even try to put her legs together or cover herself up.
Suddenly her voice penetrated my numb brain. She told me not to be embarrassed that she understood how I felt. She said I was getting to be quite a man and she was pleased that I found her so attractive.
"You do think I'm attractive, don't you?" she asked me.
I nodded, gulped, and found my voice. "Yes," I told her. I tried not to look at that spot between her legs, but my eyes kept being drawn to it.
She said, "Then come over here and get a better look at it."
Like someone in a hypnotic trance, I moved into the den toward the bed. It was funny. I still had my fly open, and my pecker was still standing up stiff and hard in front of me. Aunt Lena patted the mattress beside her and told me to sit down. I sat down. She asked me if I'd ever seen a woman like that before, and I told her no, only in pictures. She asked me if I'd like to see all of her, and I nodded. That's when she lifted her nightgown up over her head, took it off, and threw it aside.
Her breasts were small, like apples, and they juggled when she moved. I stared at them, and she asked me if I'd like to suck on them. Before I could answer, she took my head in her hands and guided me toward her breasts. My heart was pounding like crazy, and I couldn't think straight. My mouth opened and took in one of her nipples, which got hard and stiff, like a little pecker, inside my mouth. Aunt Lena kept moaning and stroking the back of my head and neck. After awhile she pushed me away and asked me if I thought she had nice breasts. I said yes. She smiled and asked me if I thought she had a nice cunt, and I hesitated but said yes. It surprised me that she'd use the word "cunt" like that, but that's just what she said.
Then she surprised me again by asking me if I'd like to kiss her pretty cunt. I guess I just stared at her for a minute, wondering if I'd heard correctly. Then she laughed and said that she had lips down there between her legs that were very nice for kissing. I'd noticed they looked something like lips, but I'd never thought of actually kissing them. The whole conversation was pretty embarrassing, and I stammered a lot, not knowing what to say to her.
"Is there something else you'd like to do to me?" she asked.
I nodded and said, "I'd like to stick my pecker up inside you." I was surprised how easy it was to say-just like that.
She grabbed me and hugged me. She said she'd like nothing better, but it wouldn't be right because she was my aunt and I was her nephew. Besides, she said, she might get pregnant, and she couldn't have that. Disappointment must've shown on my face, because she said she could do something even better to me.
She made me stretch out on the bed beside her, and she turned her body around so she was facing my stiff pecker. She took my pecker in one hand and caressed it, while the other hand gently massaged my balls. She said I was a real big boy, and someday I'd make a girl of my own scream her head off with pleasure.
Well, right then and there I wanted to scream my own head off with pleasure. I'd never had anybody take hold of my pecker and work it over, and I knew then I'd been missing plenty. It was standing up so straight and still and throbbing away like crazy I thought I'd raise right up off the bed.
As I watched, Aunt Lena's head got closer and closer to the tip of my pecker. She wet her lips, and I held my breath as her tongue almost touched the end of it. Then she edged closer and planted a wet kiss right on the top. A shudder ran up and down my body, and I wanted desperately for her to do it again. An instant later, she did it again, with the same results. Right on the tip of my pecker, a few drops of moisture had collected around the hole, and her tongue slid out from between her lips and touched the moisture, licking it up.
It was an experience I'll never forget. I still have wet dreams about it sometimes.
I thought even then that she was purposely trying to get me very excited. And she was succeeding, you can be sure of that. She started nibbling on the end of my pecker, using her sharp teeth to nip at me like a hungry animal. Then she opened up her mouth wide and took the end of it between her lips and began sucking on it. I began trembling all over, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I came. But I wanted it to last longer, so I tried my best to hold off.
She moved her body across mine, forcing me flat on my back, while her mouth opened up and swallowed all of my pecker, right down to the balls which she played with in her hand. Her head moved up and down, up and down on me, with her lips pressed tightly all around the shaft of my pecker. It was the sexiest thing that could ever happen to me, I thought. And I was sure of it when I noticed that with her legs straddling my face, her cunt was suspended just a few inches above my nose.
I stared at her cunt wonderingly for a moment. I'd never expected to see one up so close, and I was surprised to see that the quivering, moist folds of flesh still resembled a pair of lips. I recalled her asking me if I wanted to kiss them-and now, suddenly, I had the urge to do just that.
I reached up to grasp her buttocks and raised my head slightly to plant a wet kiss on those hairy lips. It tasted funny, sort of damp and salty-but very pleasant. And her body shuddered with the contact. Her lips left my pecker long enough for her to gasp, "That's it! Do it again. Kiss it! Lick it! Stick your tongue deep inside me!
She was giving me such a good time I couldn't refuse if I'd wanted to. And I didn't want to. I had the feeling that I was going through an experience denied most boys, something that might never happen again, and I wanted to make the most of the moment.
So I kissed her there between her legs. I licked her cunt. I stuck my tongue deep inside her. She began shuddering and rolling around on top of me so much I had to hold onto her to keep her steady. And I felt myself coming, big and strong, the way I usually felt it coming from way down deep inside me sometimes when I hadn't masturbated in a couple of days. She took her mouth off me just before I began spurting, but her lips worked all up and down the length of my pecker while it throbbed and shot streams of white stuff all over the bed.
When it was over, I just collapsed, tired but happy, on the bed, hoping none of the stuff had gotten on my trousers. Aunt Lena rolled off me and sat up on the bed. She smiled and patted my limp pecker and asked me if I'd enjoyed it. I said yes, but I was beginning to feel a little-well, strange, about what had happened. Way back in my mind I'd been thinking, wow, wouldn't it be swell to tell the other guys about it. Then I knew they wouldn't believe me. After all, how come it hadn't happened to them, since they had aunts and other relatives who lived with them?
I knew I couldn't tell them anyway, because Aunt Lena started warning me not to-not to tell anybody, not my best friends, and especially not my father or my mother. They wouldn't understand, as she said. I wasn't sure I did. I had a few feelings of guilt, but my excitement had overwhelmed them; not the feelings returned, and there was no passion to cloud the obvious fact that what Aunt Lena and I had done was very wrong.
Wrong or not, the man confided, "a stiff pecker, as the saying goes, hasn't any conscience. Needless to say, Aunt Lena and I did it again. There were many a lunch hour after that first session, where I ate something a hell of a lot more interesting than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He chuckled. "Besides being nonfattening, Aunt Lena didn't stick to the roof of my mouth!"
Despite his obvious attempt to make light of the situation, it seemed clear that the man was troubled by his behavior, both when he was a boy experiencing the mouth-genital contacts and when he was telling of it. He recounted in some detail his further adventures with his aunt, which were repetitions, for the most part, of his initial encounter. He was at age twelve unconsciously aware of the Judeo-Christian taboo, not only against oral sexuality but against sexual behavior between relatives. His growing shame and guilt feelings were further strengthened by his aunt's understandable insistence on secrecy.
Authorities in the field, among the Indiana University Institute for Sex Research, have noted that in the case of sex offenses involving minors, secrecy depends largely upon the ability of the minor to keep quiet about the sexual escapade, especially if the behavior is a one-time affair or if it is repeated infrequently. If the sexual behavior is repeated often, this of course increases chances of discovery by someone not participating in the act.
In the present case history, the subject, though racked by feelings of guilt and shame, managed to subdue these feelings before the onslaught of his passion. After all, he wasn't supposed to masturbate either, but he wasn't giving that up. However, he and his Aunt Lena performed their sexual feats once too often.
My mother was out shopping again, he recalled. As for my father, he never, never, NEVER came home during the daytime-except this one time. Aunt Lena was having her period, so I couldn't kiss her down there, but she was doing it to me. I was lying on her rollaway bed with my fly unzipped and my stiff pecker sticking up inside her mouth. She'd taken off her blouse and bra, and her breasts were hanging free, because once in a while she'd stop sucking on me and bend over to drag her nipples across my pecker, which made me even more excited.
I got a big kick out of watching her lick me all over and take my pecker in her mouth. Sometimes she'd have my pecker in her mouth and use her tongue to push it from one side of her mouth to the other, so her cheeks would alternately bulge on one side and then the other. Once I laughed and told her she looked like a squirrel I'd seen at the zoo. I remember she laughed back at me and said if I didn't behave myself she'd really act like a squirrel and eat up my nuts. I didn't understand that at first. Then I remembered some of the guys referred to their balls as nuts, and I laughed too.
I was about to tell her again that she looked like a squirrel, so I could hear the joke once more-when I looked up in the doorway and saw my father standing there, a look of complete astonishment and disbelief on his white face.
It was the end of the world. I knew that for sure. I panicked. I tried to push Aunt Lena's head away, but she thought I was playing and she held onto my thrashing hips and sucked harder on my pecker. I kept crying out, "No, no, no!" When her eyes glanced up at me, I pointed and managed to say in a hoarse voice, "My father!"
She got the-message. Fear veiled her eyes, her mouth left me, and she stood up, trying to cover her naked breasts as she turned. When she moved, so did my father. By the time she'd turned completely, he was in front of her, his face a mask of fury. His clenched fist leaped out and struck her full on the face. She uttered an outcry and staggered backwards, crashing into the wall, but before she could fall to the floor, my father was in front of her again, fists leaping out to hit her-in the face, on the breasts, in the stomach. Once, he raised his foot and kicked her between her legs.
And all the while he was calling her names-a filthy, rotten slut pervert, a monster doing something like that to an innocent child.
I watched, horrified, as Aunt Lena's face spurted blood, as her pretty little nose twisted, as her lips became bruised. I leaped up and tried to stop him, but he shoved me aside roughly. If my mother hadn't arrived a few seconds before the police, summoned by the neighbors, I think my father would have killed the poor woman.
The aunt's face was disfigured and several bones in her body were broken. The bones healed, but inadequate plastic surgery failed to cover the scars inflicted on her by the irate father. The woman also was indicted on charges of committing an illegal sexual act and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The father was still angry, but the mother feared the publicity that would ensue, with the result that the charges were finally dropped, although the judge did suggest that perhaps Aunt Lena should consult a competent psychiatrist.
"I felt it was partly my fault," the man said during the interview, "so I refused to testify against her, even though my father threatened to beat me if I didn't. My mother was pretty shocked by what had happened, too-but after all, the woman was her own sister, so she persuaded my father that Aunt Lena had received enough punishment."
Whether or not the punishment was suitable to the crime is not for us to say here, even though a crime was obviously committed. Nevertheless, the man interviewed seemed little the worse for wear as a result of his early experience in oral sex with an older woman. Admittedly, it did influence his sexual preferences, for the main portion of his erotic behavior is and has been centered about oral-genital contacts, either as an end in itself or as a highly important preliminary to vaginal intercourse.
It is interesting to note that the father came from a low socio-economic family, while his wife was raised in a higher income group which in general is more sexually permissive, which explains in part their particular attitudes toward what happened. While some ambivalence is evident in their son, it is fortunate for him that he made a suitable psychological adjustment.