Chapter 9
Lloyd felt like an orange after it came out of the juicer. His emotional well being was like a roller coaster that had gone off track. His mind was racing a mile a minute and he felt like a grist mill grinding out a year's supply of corn in one afternoon. He felt drained and tired, but somewhat relieved in knowing the truth.
Geoffrey finally went home. Lloyd asked him to leave. He couldn't bare having him stay. He needed to be alone with the information. He needed time to think. It wasn't every day the woman he loved turned out to be the sexual toy of half a town and he wanted to digest the information and sort out his feelings. Claire Banner was a cutest, most sensual girl he'd ever made love with and Lloyd was hurt deeply by the truth, but he desperately wanted to hang on to what they seemed to have and he needed time to think to make sure what they did have was worth the bother.
He lay down in his bedroom and listened to the gentle raindrops as they hit against the roof. They were coming down gently. It was getting late and Lloyd's plans for visiting Claire at the hospital were slipping further and further away. He knew she didn't want to see him and maybe that was for the best, but something deep inside his body kept whispering for him to go anyway. If he could just see her he'd know how he felt. If she would just see him he'd be able to sort things through easier.
Lloyd watched the ceiling fan spinning overhead. The whirring of the blades felt soothing to his ear. He wanted so much to look over and see Claire sleeping next to him, but the bed was empty just as it used to be and Lloyd felt the void in his heart. He'd fallen in love with Claire. It was after that he learned the truth and feelings as deep as Lloyd's couldn't be turned on and off like a common kitchen faucet. He wanted to hate her for what she had done with those men, but he couldn't. The more he thought about her the more he missed her.
"Oh, Claire, why?" Lloyd asked out loud. He couldn't understand why she'd lied to him. There was no shame in not being a virgin. There was no humiliation in having sex with other men before him. If she loved him truly, she would have been truthful right from the start. Why did she have to lead him on that way?
Lloyd wondered about it. When he first made love to Claire it was as if she were a virgin. She seemed to be experiencing her first orgasm and her first taste of real love. Lloyd thought about that. He wondered if it wasn't so. She played the part well, he thought, but maybe she wasn't playing. If Claire had never experienced real love making then in a way she was a virgin. Something triggered in his memory that gave him the answer. Claire was, in a sense, a virgin of love. She had never experienced love making, just sex.
Lloyd felt a rush of hope filling his veins. He reasoned that because she had never made love before she was a virgin of sorts and it made him feel good knowing he was the first man she'd actually made love with. He almost went to see her, but memory of Eddie stopped him. He could see Claire in that locker room standing next to him and he could see the boys bare chest and unzipped pants. If she loved him as she claimed then why was she in the locker room fucking another man? Lloyd reasoned he hadn't actually seen them making it, but he remembered what the boy said. What else could it have been, he thought.
Lloyd lay back down and stared at the fan again. He watched the blades going round and round. He tried to focus on one blade and when he managed to follow one the others appeared to be going the other way. He counted the tiny holes in the filigree pattern then found himself trying to count the plaster peaks on the ceiling design. Lloyd felt so alone.
He wanted to turn back the clock and start again. He'd take it back to the night he met Claire then up to the night they made love for the first time. He wouldn't go to Geoffrey's for poker again. If he had it to do over again he would erase all of that. Len and Lizbeth might still be alive then and Claire would be home with him now, lying next to him in his warm bed.
He wondered if Duke Dillon was one of her Johns. Lloyd imagined Claire had teased him just the way she had teased him and Duke got carried away. Lloyd knew he was a gentleman, but he also knew how rare that was. Most men who underwent the sort of teasing Claire gave would have taken it from her no matter what. They wouldn't have excused themselves or given themselves time to cool off. Maybe Duke came over for his piece and Claire had changed her mind and he became angry, or maybe he wasn't trying to rape her after all. Maybe he just caught them in the act. Lloyd thought back to the night. He remembered seeing Duke on top of her that way, his cock about to penetrate, Claire's legs wide. He remembered hearing her call for help.
"That isn't the answer." he said aloud. "If she were just doing it with him the way she did with the others she never would have screamed for help when I knocked at the door."
Lloyd drifted off to sleep. He was worn out. His eyes closed and before he realized it, he was dreaming. The locker room was dark and when Lloyd walked in he saw Claire. She was standing next to the drinking fountain and her dress was up over her face, but Lloyd could still see her eyes. She looked sensually at him, but there was a glint of fear as well, enough to make him believe she didn't want them touching her that way. She was letting all the Tennis players have a feel of her body and Lloyd had to get over to her and stop them from fondling her. He was fighting through heavy fog to get across the room, but the more he struggled, the further away he got.
"Lloyd, help me." she called out, and he struggled more.
"Claire, I'm trying." he shouted, but his voice came out of his mouth in the form of musical notes and the black tailed figures rose up to the ceiling then popped like bubbles.
Lloyd tossed and turned during his dream. He wanted to get to her and save her from them. He gave one hard shove through the fog covered room and broke through winding up at Claire's side and as he took her hand to lead her from the other men she reached up and smirked at him. Her eyes were the color of pink grapefruit and her teeth had low hanging fangs. She tried to bite him, but Lloyd pulled away. Just as he looked at her the second time, Claire struck him leaving a gash in the side of his face. Lloyd woke in a cold sweat.
"Claire, no." he mumbled remembering the nightmare. Lloyd looked at the clock. It was eleven. He had to see Claire. He had to ask if she really loved him.
When Lloyd got to the hospital it was quiet. No visitors came in after eight and he had to sneak quietly to her room. The nurses at the nursing station were busy and he managed to sneak by without being noticed. He stepped down the hall toward Claire's room, but as he got closer he noticed the light still on. She was awake and there were voices coming from her room.
"In the morning."
"Okay, can you pick me up then, I don't think they'll let me drive."
"Sure Claire, I'll be here."
Lloyd tried to make out the man's voice, but he didn't recognize it. He wanted to know who would visit her this late. He was jealous all over again.
"I'd better be going, Claire, if they catch me they'll get angry."
"Okay." she said.
Lloyd slipped behind the water fountain and ducked down pretending to tie his sneaker. He didn't want the man to notice him. When the man came out, Lloyd took a look. It was Stanley Lane. He couldn't imagine why Stanley was there after eleven. Lloyd went to Claire's door. The light was off now. She must have just turned it out after Stanley left and was planning to go to sleep. He stepped in and softly called her name.
"Claire." he said in a whisper. "Claire, are you still awake?"
"Who is that?" she asked, turning on the light. She saw Lloyd and was happy to see him.
"What are you doing here, it's late." she asked.
"I had to see you, I had to."
"Did the nurses see you?"
"No."
"Close the door, Lloyd."
He did. Lloyd could tell Claire was glad he came. She looked surprised, but happy. He wanted to talk with her and tell her he knew and that it didn't matter.
"I've been thinking about you tonight." she said.
"Me too, about you, I mean."
"Lloyd, I'm sorry about before."
"That's okay, Claire, I understand. You were upset."
"It's more than that, Lloyd."
Claire began to sob. She wanted to hug him and tell him how she really felt. She outstretched her arms and he came to her.
"Oh, Claire, don't cry, I still love you, I do, I always will."
"I've been so bad." she sobbed.
"Forget it, it's in the past." he said.
"You don't know ... "
"I do, I know everything, Geoffrey told me, it's okay." Lloyd said. He knew for the first time that everything was, in fact, okay. It didn't matter to him what her past was like, it only mattered that they were together. He loved Claire and that was the only fact he wanted to deal with.
"But I lied to you, Lloyd, I've done it with so many different men." she said.
"Claire, don't think about it, okay."
"How can you say that, Lloyd, I've slept with scum, I've balled my own brother?"
"Let's forget it now, we'll worry about it later. I just want to hold you, Claire. I just want to feel you in my arms again."
Claire came home from the hospital the next morning. Stanley was there to pick her up, but Lloyd was there too. The two men spoke civilly to one another. Stanley wanted Claire to return to work at the club and she promised to as soon as her leg healed. Lloyd didn't like the idea, but he figured Claire was free to do as she pleased, and besides, having her away from Lake View West might remove temptation.
Margaret left Stanley after Lizbeth's death. She just ran off leaving him a note. Stanley couldn't have been happier. He wanted Claire back at the office. Stanley had plans for Claire.
Lloyd took her home to his place and moved her things in the next day. They talked it over and decided to give it a try. Lloyd wanted to be close to Claire and she wanted to be near him too. He watched over her for the first few days. Claire was able to get around, but not without pain. She had crutches, but her tiny frame had difficulty maneuvering around the apartment. She was able to make lunch for herself, but when Lloyd came home he prepared supper and they spent evenings together watching TV, talking and laughing.
"Lloyd, how do you feel about me going back to East Lake View?" she asked when he came in with supper.
"What I feel isn't the issue, Bonn. You have to do what you have to do."
"Stanley wants me back."
"Yeah, I know." he said, with frustration in his tone.
"I swear, Lloyd, I won't let anything happen between Stanley and me. I never did it with him." she said.
"Please, Claire, I don't need a run down here, just go back to work and we'll forget any of this happened."
"We can't ignore it, Lloyd."
"Why not?"
"Because, that's why. It happened, I lied to you. We can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend none of it took place. That's no way to start a future together."
"On the contrary, Claire, I think it's the only way." Lloyd said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to drag up the ugly past for either of them. To Lloyd's way of thinking the past was the past and no amount of remembering seemed healthy. "I think we should begin our relationship from this day forward, Claire."
"But, I lied to you."
"So, you lied, so what. That was then, this is now."
"How can you be sure I won't do it again?" she asked.
Lloyd looked at her with concern. What was she trying to say? Did she plan to lie to him? Was she planning to make it with the guys at Lake View East after all, including Stanley?
"I don't follow you, Claire."
"Nothing, forget it."
"Yes, let's okay. Just get well and forget what's gone before us. We can start fresh and if we trust each other and remain honest our relationship will be a god one."
Claire ate in silence. She didn't want to talk about it anymore and Lloyd didn't either. He felt uneasy about what she implied though. Claire as much as admitted she couldn't be trusted.
The next day Lloyd went off to work and worried about Claire all day. What did she mean last night, he kept asking himself. Did she plan to make it with men again or was she really going to try and be faithful to him and him alone.
Lloyd tried to forget about it, but the harder he tried, the more impossible it became. He went home early telling his boss he was coming down with the flu. Lloyd wanted to have a long talk with Claire. He wanted to settle things once and for all. When he arrived home, Claire was gone. Her crutches were gone too, but there was no note. Lloyd checked the closet for her things. He felt better seeing her clothes still in the apartment, at least she hadn't run off the way Stanley's wife had. "Stanley." Lloyd said.
Lloyd rushed out to his car and drove toward the club. He knew Claire had gone to see Stanley. Why else was he in her hospital room? He came to tell her how he felt about her. Lloyd figured the only reason Stanley wanted her back was so he could make it with her in the office. Lloyd was jealous of Stanley. It was a feeling he'd carried around for a long time. Stanley and his mother had an affair once and Lloyd felt it was Stanley Lane's fault his parents broke up. He'd hated the man since then and he wasn't about to lose his girl to the man too.
Lloyd sped on toward the club wondering how he might approach Claire. He didn't want to come off too jealous, but he didn't want her walking all over him either, the way Lizbeth had. It was time to toughen up, Lloyd thought. No more could he be the patsy for these women. He had to lay down the law and be a man.
When he got there all was quiet. He saw Randall over by the lockers and he went over to talk with him. Claire's car was in the lot and before he barged in he wanted to ask the guys if she'd mentioned why she'd come by.
"Hey, you must be Lloyd?" Randall said, shaking his hand.
"That's right, how'd you know."
"Claire told me about you. She described you to me. I was dating Claire before she met you."
"Oh, right, she talked about you. Claire really likes you."
"Yeah." Randall laughed. "Not enough though."
"She break your heart?"
"You might say that."
"Have you seen her, Randall?"
"Yeah, she's in with Stanley. Claire is laying down the law to him about what she expects around here, she's a real tiger that one. Stanley will give her whatever she wants, I'm sure. He's been miserable since she left."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, moping around, he's been a real pill. I'm glad Claire will be working here again, I can use the rest. She sure did a lot here."
"She's a pretty bright kid, I'll say that."
"Hey, would you give me a hand with this fence over here, Lloyd. One of the boys broke it last week and I've been trying to get it fixed since. I need you to lift this post for me while I pull out the wire, okay."
"Sure." Lloyd said.
He helped Randall with the fence post and together they managed to fix it so the members wouldn't accidentally cut themselves. Lloyd liked Randall. He could tell Randall was one Claire didn't sleep with because if she had he wouldn't be so hungry for her.
After they got through, Lloyd said he was going over to the main building to find, Claire and Randall said he'd come along. He needed to reschedule Ronnie's hours and the sheet was on the board outside Stanley's office.
"If we're lucky we'll be able to hear Claire setting him straight. She's a real pistol, that one. She's the only employee we've ever had around here willing to speak up to Stanley. He's a dick most of the time, but Claire just tells him where to go. I like Claire. She's got guts."
"I like her too, Randall, as a matter of fact, you're the first to know this, but I hope to ask Claire to be my wife."
Randall was stunned for a second or two. He was happy for Claire, sure, but he secretly hoped now that she was coming back they might get together again. He was in love with her too.
"Oh, that's great." Randall said, halfheartedly.
"Sorry, I should have realized." Lloyd said, seeing the hurt in Randall's eyes.
"No, it's okay, Lloyd. If Claire is happy then I'm happy for her. I'll miss her, sure, but she couldn't ask for a nicer guy."
"I appreciate that, Randall, I really do." Lloyd said.
Lloyd felt pride in having the reputation he had. It was something he worked at and something he wanted others to admire. Most of the men he knew were animals when it came to the ladies. They would use the girls and treat them disrespectfully, but Lloyd held them in high esteem.
His father was that way too. His dad was a gentleman and treated his mother with respect. It was Stanley Lane who broke them up. He went after Lloyd's mother with a lust so strong she couldn't resist. Lloyd's mother was a lot like Claire. She loved to flirt. She, too, was a virgin when she married and Lloyd figured it was too much for the woman having only known one man in her life.
"You know, Randall, I really love Claire."
"Yeah, I can understand the way you feel. She's always been special to me too. Hey, I can't complain though. Claire went out with me for awhile. I never expected that much from her if you want to know the truth. I'm not the best looking guy in the world. She's a real beautiful lady, Lloyd. I've never been out with a girl as pretty as Claire. Most of the girls I see are hags. It made me feel important to date Claire Banner."
"There's nothing wrong with you, pal, you're a good guy. I know, because some of my friends are the worst. You seem to me like one of the best."
"Yeah, well, I might seem like a nice guy, Lloyd, and I guess I am, but when you have a face like mine it doesn't matter how nice you are. The girls laugh and they won't go out with you. When you have a mug like mine it's a pretty lonely life."
"She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?" Lloyd asked.
"Hhmmm." Randall sighed.
"I'm really sorry, Randall. I know how you feel."
"Yeah sure, look at your ugly mug." Randall said sarcastically. "Hell, I'll bet you have the broads coming to you. Lloyd. Nice looking guys get all the women, that's just the way it is. Hey, it isn't so bad. I'll get to see her at work and we'll always be friends. I can live with that, Lloyd, and besides, I feel good knowing Claire will be taken care of. She deserves a man like you."