Chapter 4
Gail was not a beautiful girl, but like many women who resemble their father, she had clean, strong features that made her handsome, rather than pretty. She was nervous, but not frightened, as she watched the car pull up at the station. Brad was driving, her mother was in the front seat with him, and Bryan in the rear.
She was impressed with Bryan's growth and his good looks, and his quick smile as he ran toward her with his arms open, warmed her inside. After all, she told herself, I am coming home.
Over Bryan's shoulder as he enfolded her in a bear hug, she tried to analyze Brad's thoughts. If his crest-fallen stance and his sour face were any indication, he was in a bad mood. His letter had been written in desperation, she knew. Now, as she looked "t the placid face of Hazel, she reaffirmed her determination to do something about this nasty situation that existed within her family.
They walked toward the car, Bryan carrying her two bags, still smiling broadly. Deliberately, Gail approached the side of the car where Brad was sitting, his window open, and bent and kissed him on the cheek. He said weakly, "Hi, sis-good to see you."
Gail walked around the car and opened the rear door. She got in and seated herself partially before she bent over and kissed her mother on the cheek, saying, "Hi, Mom."
Hazel had not missed the slight nor the coldness that her daughter displayed toward her, and it increased her determination to put Gail in her place quickly, and for good.
"How was the trip, dear?" Hazel asked casually.
"Tiresome."
"Oh-" Hazel hesitated, "-well, you'll have all summer to rest up, my dear."
Gail turned her attention to Brad, who was looking at her in the rear-view mirror.
"How've you been, brother?" She had always called him brother since he was a baby. They had been a lot closer than she and Bryan, for Bryan was always the independent one, resenting her motherly help or intentions.
"Pretty good, sis." Brad was dreading the family showdown he knew was soon to come, and the humiliation and hurt that he knew his sister would be subjected to. There had been a cold war between him and his mother for three weeks. Even at .his high school graduation ceremonies, it had not softened on either of their parts.
But he had determined to make a clean breast of it to his sister, relying on her to make some sense of the sordid state of affairs in their household. He hadn't the slightest idea of what she might be able to do along these lines, but he had a blind, desperate faith in her common sense and strong will.
Bryan put her suitcases in the trunk, then went back for the other two she had brought and loaded them in. He got in beside Gail and said in a comically imperious manner: "Home, James!"
The byplay on the last name of all in the car served to break the tension, and on the drive to the house, the conversation dealt with Gail's accomplishments at college, whether or not she had any boyfriends, and generally light subjects. But each of them knew that it was a masquerade, and that the serious talk that had to come later would be bitter and probably divisive.
The boys had done an excellent job of cleaning and brightening Gail's room. Bryan had even picked some of the rambling roses which roamed the brick wall at the back of their home, and had arranged a vase full on her dresser.
In spite of the emotional storm that was brewing, they all enjoyed the first few hours of Gail's homecoming.
In the living room, after dinner, Gail tried to lift the pall with light banter and stories about some of her experiences at school. She asked suddenly, "Either of you two ever try pot?"
Both Brad and Bryan were surprised, and Bryan blurted, "Do you smoke pot, sis?"
"No-" Gail laughed. "But I wondered if this jerkwater town had kept up with what's happening."
"That was a nasty thing to say!" Hazel snapped. "You didn't expect your brothers to be dope addicts, did you?"
"No, Mother, I didn't!" Gail said in a controlled voice.
"Well, then-" Hazel sniffed haughtily, letting her attitude suffice to indicate that she wanted no more of that sort of talk.
"Mother," Gail said coolly, "We're not old fogeys. We're young. Fun is not against the law. I was just kidding."
Hazel bristled at the challenge and the inference that she was too old to appreciate the casual humor that her daughter had intended.
She rose and hobbled toward the door to the hall. "Well, if that's your way of telling me that I'm too old to talk with my children-" She snorted derisively, eyeing her daughter with disdain.
"Oh, Mother-I didn't mean that. Can't we just relax and have some light talk?" Gail said placatingly.
"Well," Hazel said huffily, "When you've all had your 'light talk,' I'd like to talk to you, young lady. I'll be in my room." She hobbled out.
Brad, Bryan, and Gail exchanged glances. Brad shrugged and Bryan waved a hand in a deprecating gesture.
"Don't mind her, Gail," Bryan volunteered. "She's been bitchy for a couple of weeks now." Bryan knew full well that his mother's edgy mood had been triggered by her nasty confrontation with Brad, but he didn't volunteer the information. He was quite content to remain neutral, on the sidelines, secure in his own position of favor.
Gail sobered suddenly, concentrating her attention on Brad.
"We'll talk later, Brad," she said. "And, no matter what she says, I still want to hear your side of it."
"You'll lose!" It was Bryan butting in. His manner was jocular, but there was a bitterness in his voice that belied the fact that he was taking this family powwow lightly.
"Not necessarily!" Gail snapped testily. "And-" she turned her gaze on her youngest brother, "I've got some things I want to talk over with you, too."
Bryan bristled. He resented her coming home and, within an hour or so, acting as if she were running things.
"Leave me out of this hassle!" Bryan glowered at his sister, suddenly struck with the resemblance in attitude between her and his mother. She had all the domineering traits of her mother, he thought, and if life were going to be livable for him while she was here, he would have to make some concessions and try to win her over to his side. At the moment, she didn't seem to be on anyone's side, but was more like a knight in shining armor, impartially dealing out justice to all.
Gail was suddenly struck by the attractiveness of her younger brother. She studied him carefully, from his bright, beautiful eyes to his tapering hips. She could see why girls would fall all over each other to get at him. He was a very handsome young boy, and his ready smile and quick rapport with most people, put him in command instantly in most situations. She had known this as they were growing up, and in a strange way, she had always feared Bryan. There was an ability within him to bend with the gales or to ride the waves of prosperity, and to always come up smelling like roses.
"You can't be left out of any family affairs," she said seriously, staring directly into Bryan's eyes. "I didn't come home to play games, Bryan. Things have gotten pretty mixed up around here."
He wondered just how much she did know about him and his mother, or about Brad and his male and female loves. Bryan was suddenly struck by a deep curiosity about his sister's sex attitudes and actions. He wondered if, at college, she was promiscuous. He eyed her body, noting that she had nice breasts and generally, sexy lines to her shape. He wondered how she would be in bed, and if she would be as free and uninhibited as his mother was. With other resemblances so obvious, Bryan wondered if Gail might have some of the sexual traits that her mother had. He was vaguely aware that Gail could really upset the apple cart of his life, and Bryan wasn't yet ready to be rousted from the comfortable nest. "I've got no problems."
Brad looked at his brother with a faint sneer. He was tempted to put in a sharp rebuke concerning his brother's bed activities, but he thought better of it. They were all getting jumpy, and it wouldn't do anyone any good. Hazel was a master at taking advantage of the disconcertation of anyone-especially those under her dominance.
"You've got a long way to go, Bryan," Gail said coldly. "You'll have your say, don't worry, but you've got a lot to learn about things."
"Maybe not as much as you think!" Bryan said coyly. "Remember, sis, you've been off the scene for a while. You may have a few things to learn!"
"All right," Gail said imperiously, disposing of the matter with a wave of her hand. "We'll get together. After all, I do have two brothers."
"Gee, thanks!" Bryan gave her a mock bow as he headed for his room. He paused long enough to shoot her a wicked grin and say mockingly, "Good luck with the warden."
After he had gone, Gail sat thoughtfully for a moment before she said to her older brother, "What about him, Brad? Is he with us or against us in our fight to unseat the Queen Bee?"
Brad looked sober, giving her question due and deep consideration. Finally, he said, "He'll be tough to handle if you're not careful, because of Mom." He shot a quick glance at Gail's face to see if this shocked her. He had only vaguely hinted in his letter to her about Hazel and Bryan. At the moment, he had been far too troubled by his own problem to think or care much about Bryan.
"Might as well tell me right out," Gail sighed and squared her shoulders.
"Well..." Brad hesitated and dropped his eyes in embarrassment, "I suppose you know about me and Mom. You .must have known what was going on, even before you left for school."
"I can guess!" Gail's jaw set angrily.
"I don't know when or how it got started, but it did. I don't even know if I really 'wanted to!" He said in a desperate appeal for her understanding. Gail stared at him, seeing the weakness within him, knowing that he would be no match for Hazel in any contest of wills.
"Don't torture yourself," Gail said, nodding. "Whatever happened, I know it was ninety-five percent her doing." She frowned and shook her head in disgust as the pictures crossed her mind of what must have taken place.
"And now, she doesn't want to let you get away-not even to go to college?"
Brad nodded miserably. Gail made a gesture of impatience at his hang-dog look and attitude. She couldn't understand the lack of fighting spirit and individuality in her brother. She had so much of it herself, she was dismayed that Brad wasn't the fighter she was for personal rights.
"We'll change her thinking about that!" Gail said firmly.
"I ... I don't know." Brad said cautiously. He didn't know how to tell his sister that he was a homosexual. He knew that she was his sole hope Of being able to be free of Hazel's dominance, and he was afraid he might disgust and antagonize his sister with his revelation.
"Just leave that to me," Gail said, nodding emphatically. She found that she was actually warming up to the challenge. Hazel had made a nasty mess of things, but Gail was going to see that she not only cleaned up her mess, but that Hazel would not create any further ones.
"What about Bryan?" she asked bluntly, and her tone told Brad that she wanted a straight, hard answer.
He felt relieved that he didn't have to face her with his homosexuality, but he felt like a rat as he thought about his brother.
"I've never seen them..." he began tentatively, not meeting her eyes, " ... but I'm sure that she's got him in the same trap that she has me in. Only..."
"Only Bryan-likes it ... makes a game of it. Is that it?"
Brad glanced quickly at her, surprised at her astuteness. He nodded.
"Yes. Or, at least, he doesn't fight her."
"And what happened when you did?" Gail pressed.
"I ... I guess I lost my head. I ... I told her to..." he blushed and looked away, " ... go fuck herself!"
In spite of the seriousness of her mood, it struck Gail funny. It was so appropriate. It tickled her to imagine Hazel's fury. She chuckled to herself and said, "Good for you!"
"Yeah ... good for me. After that, she really clamped down. She won't give me the money to go to college anywhere but here in town. She told me I can have anything I want, if I stay. The car, clothes, money..." He spread his hands in a helpless gesture.
"Just don't give up so easily. And when I put the pressure on her, you stand by to back me up. After all, she is wrong, and there are laws!" There was a mean curve to Gail's mouth as she clamped it shut. She looked like a formidable opponent, Brad thought as he stared at her with open admiration.
"Don't push her too hard," Brad said in sudden fear, "Or she'll just toss us both out."
Gail looked hard at her brother. "Would that be so bad?" She challenged. "I never knew what life felt like, until I got out on my own."
"But you're different. You never did have any trouble with Mom," Brad remarked.
"You mean I never took any of her crap!" Gail snapped.
Brad shrugged and stood up.
"I'll back you up, sis," he said without too much enthusiasm, "but just be careful."
He left, and for a few moments, Gail sat staring into space, collecting her thoughts for the coming confrontation with her mother.
She went to her room and changed into a comfortable pair of lounging pajamas. As she stood before the mirror, she couldn't help comparing her body with that of her mother's. She was puzzled at the sexuality of her mother for one, perhaps both, of her brothers. She looked at her own well-formed body, turning this way and that and judging herself candidly. In any contest with her mother, Gail felt she would win. She recalled the brazen way that Bryan had looked at her earlier, and she wondered if it became necessary, if she could actually use her body as a lure to get him out of Hazel's influence which was warping him emotionally, even though he probably didn't realize it.
Gail frowned as she thought of the severe damage Hazel had already inflicted on Brad. It might be difficult to remove the scars from her oldest brother, but she still hoped there was time to salvage Bryan.
With these thoughts, she psyched herself into a vicious mood by the time she tapped on her mother's door and entered.
Hazel was propped up in bed. She had been reading, but her mind hadn't been on the magazine article. She too, had been mentally preparing for the skirmish with her daughter. Hazel didn't underestimate Gail, but she counted on the fact that Gail might be taking Hazel's position of power a bit too lightly. She would point out a few things to her daughter, about the basic economics of their situation.
But Hazel smiled pleasantly and put the book aside. "Sit there, dear," she said, pointing to a comfortable chair near her bed. She fluffed her pillows and propped herself up comfortably, so she could see Gail's face.
"Now..." Her smile was still sweet and motherly. She waited, letting Gail make the opening move.
"There's no sense in pretending that this is going to be pleasant, Mother," Gail said in a business-like tone. "Something has to be done about Brad-and Bryan. Brad's ready to go to college and you have no right to choose his school. You're being selfish to keep him here with you, and not thinking at all about what's best for him!"
Hazel's smile had faded, but she was not frowning. In a vague way, she admired her daughter for her spunk.
"And what makes you think that you know what's best for Brad, more than I?"
"Brad himself. He did write to me, you know, and we did have a little talk a while ago. I know I don't know all of the story, but enough to know that it's ugly!" Gail wasn't giving an inch.
"Ugly? That's an odd word to use in connection with a mother's love for a son, isn't it?" Hazel eyed Gail confidently, sure of her position of control.
"Come off it! You know what I'm talking about, and it isn't love. It's sick, ugly sex-incest is the word, Mother!" Gail said scornfully.
The pretense vanished on both their parts. Hazel's eyes were icy, and Gail's face was flushed with anger.
"Is that what Brad told you?" Hazel flared, on the defensive in spite of her confidence. She sensed that Gail might be guessing, for she didn't think that Brad had had the courage to make a clean breast of everything.
"He didn't have to!" Gail retorted. "I saw what you were trying to do before I went away! But, since it's gone this far-yes, he did tell me that you had lured him into playing your sick sex games with him!"
"If you use that word 'sick' again, I'll slap your teeth right down your throat!" Hazel shouted, moving toward the edge of the bed in her awkward, crab-like motion.
"You do and I'll really put you in a hospital!" Gail stood up, her fists balled, tensed to meet any physical attack her mother might make. Hazel stopped, her gown up around her hips, exposing her crotch and thighs. Her feet were over the edge of the bed and she was supporting herself with both hands behind her, preparing to slide off.
She stopped, staring hard at Gail. For the first time, her confidence wavered, but she refused to let it show in her expression.
"Just what did you think you were going to do, rushing home like a guardian angel?" Hazel knew that the first round had been a draw.
"Whatever I have to, to get the boys away from you!"
"And just what might that be?" Hazel sneered. "There are laws."
"Against rape, too, remember." The thought had been a sudden inspiration to Hazel. It at least gave her a chance to regroup her forces to take the attack, while Gail thought about the possibility of her mother accusing her oldest brother of raping her.
Gail stared in disbelief, loathing for Hazel curling her lips in a grimace.
"You would, too, wouldn't you?" she said raspingly.
"If you force anything, yes!"
"And Bryan? What would you say about him?"
"Leave him out of this!" Hazel was growing nettled at Gail's persistence.
"Did you?" Gail pressed, sensing that she was gradually forcing her mother on the defensive.
"Are you telling me that you think you can walk in here and take both Brad and Bryan away from me? You and your silly imaginings?"
"Brad is going one way or another. If you won't be decent enough to see that he gets a college education, I'll help him to leave-maybe even take him back with me. We can make it without you, you know!"
Hazel glared at her, musing to herself that, Gail, at least, could do all right without her help, or anyone's, for that matter. But Brad was another story. Hazel had been giving a lot of thought to his actions and attitudes, and she was firmly convinced that Brad was a homosexual. She wondered what Gail would think of that.
"And what if Brad wants to stay here? What if he doesn't want to leave me-and his friends?"
"He wants to get away, don't worry about that. He just needs a little backbone. Now that I'm here, and he has someone to stand up for his rights, he'll go, all right."
"Have you ... talked to Brad about his ... well, let's say his sex life-and before you get filthy-mouthed again, I mean his life outside this house?"
Gail looked puzzled for a moment. It had never come to her mind that perhaps Brad did have a girl that he might be interested in-even tangled up with sexually. That would account for Hazel's jealous efforts to keep him near, Gail realized.
She caught herself rationalizing, and she dismissed it from her thoughts. She had to go through with it now, and whether or not Brad had other interests beside getting his education, Gail was going to do everything in her power to see that Hazel had nothing more to do with Brad, except to provide him with his rightful chance for a college education. It was what her father had wanted, she knew that, and there must be sensible men of the law who would see that Brad and Bryan were cared for properly.
Gail sat down on the edge of the chair, still tense, but regaining her self-control rapidly. She had no intention of trying to out-slug her mother, or out-scream her. She wanted to do it legally and permanently.
"We may as well understand each other," Gail said firmly. "I'm going to get a lawyer. I think Brad is entitled to an education and that the law will see that he gets it. I'm not trying to get anything for myself. I got an idea of what life can be like away from you, and I'll do all right. But you've got your rotten hooks into Brad-maybe Bryan, too-and I'm going to break it up, but good. If you want to be sensible and set aside some money for Brad's schooling, I'll settle for that. If you want to fight it out, it will all be out in the open-all the filth you've dragged him into. Then, perhaps the courts will declare you incompetent, and put you where you belong-in a nuthouse. Either way, you're going to lose Brad and Bryan!"
It was obvious that Gail meant what she said. Hazel's mind was racing as she saw defeat staring her in the face.
"You ungrateful slut!" she spat. "Now let me tell, you what you've stuck your nose into, and see if you want it aired around!" As she formed the attack, Hazel's confidence came rushing back.
"If you go to some big-mouthed lawyer and try to make it look like I'm crazy, or that I'm an oversexed cripple that is using her boy as a sex plaything, I'll tell the whole truth-the real reason that I did have sex with my own son. Interested in hearing about that? Well, you're going to, whether it makes you throw up or not!"
She tensed, crouching over and jutting her jaw out as she ground out her words. "Your brother is a queer! He's in love with another boy! Do you understand what I'm saying? I'd do anything to stop him from being a cocksucker-even go to bed with him myself! Do you hear me? I'd do anything!" Her face was flushed with emotion, her eyes wild. So vehement had she become that she almost believed her own story.
"And if you want all that to come out in court, then we'll see just who needs a headshrinker!" Hazel ended her tirade with a triumphant snort. She had seen Gail shrink back in the chair, stunned at her accusations against Brad.
She realized suddenly that Mother might just be telling the truth. Brad had acted strangely, but Gail had excused it because she felt he was embarrassed at having had to seek her help and have her find out about his sexual relations with his mother. Gail had already studied enough psychology to realize that the circumstances were more than right to have caused Brad to become a homosexual. The domination of Hazel, his self-shame at his incestuous actions, this could have readily driven him to a homosexual relationship.
"Well--? " Hazel challenged, more at ease now.
"I'll ... I'll have to talk to Brad. I don't believe you!" Gail tried to sound brave, but it came out lamely.
"You do that! And when you find that I've told you the truth, you needn't even apologize. Just take your things and get out of here. I'll fight for my sons. I don't need your meddling."
"Your sons also happen to be my brothers," Gail said angrily. She was angry with herself for having fouled up the situation even worse than it was before. She cursed herself for not having gone directly to an attorney for advice, then facing her mother when she was sure of her ground.
It had dazed her momentarily, and she needed a time to recover. Gail had a logical, unemotional mind, and she liked to consider all possible contingencies before she went into a fight. And this was rapidly developing into a savage battle. She somehow felt she was overmatched and outgunned. Hazel always did give people that impression when she argued with them. It was difficult to fight down the desire to run away and to let her have the field.
Gail started for the door, still undecided as to what her next move was. She half turned, but the cold sneer of contempt on Hazel's face drove away her hopes for a calm, more mature discussion of the subject at that time. She went out into the hall and stopped before Brad's room.
She saw a light coming from beneath the door and she tapped lightly, waiting for him to invite her inside. She walked in, and saw that he was lying on his bed, fully dressed, just staring at the ceiling. He raised up, his eyes shining with interest as she came in and shut the door behind her. His own expression showed concern as he saw the glum look on her face.
Gail sat on the bed near the foot, unsure of how to begin.
"Pretty rough, huh?" Brad ventured. He had heard their raised voices, but they had been too muffled for him to understand the words.
Gail nodded. She looked furtively at her brother's face. Brad was a handsome boy, she thought, but was he really effeminate? Was she trying to read things in his expression and his eyes, or was he really a homosexual? She felt anger rising within her as she asked herself the question: just what does a homosexual look like?
"It's going to take some doing, Brad," she began. "And if I'm to help at all, I have to have some answers from you."
Brad glanced sharply at her, sensing that his mother must have exposed more than just their sexual secrets.
Gail could think of only one way to open the talk-the direct way. "Hazel says you're a homosexual ! "
She was staring hard into his eyes and Brad dropped his gaze momentarily. Then he, too, realized that it had to come out in the open, or Hazel would crucify all of them.
"Are you?" A long moment had passed before Gail asked him the question.
Brad licked his lips nervously, searching her face for an indication of her reaction to the discovery. He nodded his head, somehow feeling relief at getting it out of the darkness.
"I ... I couldn't help it!" he blurted out. "You don't know how it was. She ... she ... was like a black widow spider ... her and her sex, sex, sex!"
Gail waved a hand to reassure her brother that she was not condemning him.
"I can understand more than you think," She calmed him, her own thoughts in a muddle. "And-I'm not blaming you at all. Let's get that part straight. The one bad thing is that it makes it harder to do anything about her." Gail was remembering the look on Hazel's face as she had said that she would do anything to keep her sons with her.
"She wants me to get out." It came out flatly, with a tinge of despair.
Brad sat up straight and grabbed her hand. "No! You can't, Gail. Don't leave! Don't leave me now!" He was begging, and she managed a wry smile and patted his hand.
"If you leave, I'll leave!" Brad was wide-eyed with terror at the thought of being left alone now, with his battle for survival.
Gail's eyes opened wide. She turned the thought over in her mind. Perhaps that was the leverage she was seeking. Hazel was desperate enough to do anything-even to accept Gail into the household again, to keep Brad with her. And it would give them time to work out a plan of escape. It would also allow Gail time to get close to Bryan, to find out his attitudes, if she and Brad were to leave together. She might even be able to devise a scheme where all three could leave and try to find a normal life.
She patted Brad's hand as if he were a frightened little boy. "All right, Brad. Just stick to that. Whatever happens-whatever she threatens-you just stick to that idea. If I leave, you leave. Rut, we need time, right now. There's still Bryan to think of."
Brad was so relieved that he picked up her hand and kissed it, tears of gratitude springing to his eyes. He had been alone with his problem so long, he had begun to think it was hopeless, and now he had found a friend.