Chapter 4

"And if Hognose should rear his ugly head around here while I'm at work," said Harry as he walked briskly out the front door, "Remember to shoot first and ask questions afterward. He's no man to mess with, especially if he's aroused."

There's that word again, thought Priscilla as she watched her father's portly profile disappear down the flagstone walk to where Zoltan was waiting beside the Cadillac. After hearing about how dangerous a man Hognose was, she was dying to meet him. I bet he's got even a bigger one than Zoltan, she mused, her mind suddenly seized with erotic memory.

"Now that your father's gone, Priscilla, I've something to tell you," said her mother, thereby shattering the raunchy reverie of her teenage daughter.

"Yes, Mother," answered her daughter perfunctorily, though her mind was obviously elsewhere.

"Over your father's objections-he would just as soon you remain a hick all your life-I have decided that it's about time you acquired some social polish. We've kept you cooped up in this backwoods town for too long as it is."

My sentiments exactly, Mother dear. Could she be coming around to my way of thinking? Does my stir craziness show that much?

"Therefore, so you can learn how to behave in polite society and meet other nice girls, I've decided to send you to a finishing school in the east for the fall term. Now, I know you have never been away from home, except for our once taking you to Lincoln, but I think the experience will be good for you. Travel can be very broadening, and it's about time you met somebody besides Zoltan. Not that there's anything wrong with Zoltan, it's just that he's not from our class."

"Mother, you don't have to be so snobbish."

"Call me what you may, but I know that marriages between different classes rarely work out."

"I guess you and father prove that, eh?"

"Don't be impudent, child! Your father and I may have our differences, but at least we've stayed together for almost twenty years."

Twenty years too long, if you ask me. You two should have gotten a divorce long ago.

"And what makes you think I'm so interested in Zoltan?"

"I didn't say you were, Priscilla. But I've seen the way he looks at you. In case you don't realize it, you're not a child any more. You're growing up, and that's why I've decided to send you away to school. I know you'll miss Zoltan and your private tutors, but it'll be good for you to make new friends. If you don't, you're liable to stifle in this hick town. Please don't get upset, Priscilla, because it's for your own good that you leave Hog City for a while."

"You'll get no argument from me on that, Mother, I'm in complete agreement with you on that score. The only trouble is, I don't have any clothes to wear. You know how snappy those eastern girls dress. I don't want to look like a hick when I arrive at wherever this school is you're sending me.

"In a small town in upstate New York. The school overlooks the Hudson River. It's a very beautiful setting. Yes, I agree with you that you'll need a new wardrobe, and that's why I'm sending you to Lincoln today. As soon as Zoltan returns, I'm going to have him drive you there. You can use our charge account at Brandeis' and I'll give you five hundred dollars for expenses."

"Just to go to Lincoln? Why, that's less than fifty miles away!"

"It's better to have restroom much money than too little, my dear."

"I guess you're right, Mother, but it still sounds extravagant to me."

"Of course it's extravagant, compared to what others less fortunate can afford. But there's plenty more where that came from, so please don't worry about spending it. Besides, it's your money. All the income from your trust fund had been banked regularly, and when you turn eighteen you can spend it as you see fit. Until then, however, I and your father decide."

"You mean I'm rich, Mother? In my own right?"

"Yes, but don't let it go to your head, and another thing, don't tell Zoltan. If he finds out he may try to run off with you. He wouldn't be the first Hungarian chauffeur to do so. That sort of thing happens every day, sometimes to the best families. I don't want it to happen to ours, understand? Don't get me wrong, Priscilla, I think Zoltan's a competent and charming individual, but I don't think he's the man you should marry."

"Who said anything about marriage?"

"I guess, like your father with Mister Hughes, I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I doubt very much that you'd be the kind of girl to run off with her chauffeur. That usually happens to only wealthy wallflowers no one would pay any attention to if they weren't rich. You are pretty enough to turn the head of a prince, Priscilla. Even if you weren't wealthy you could make it. You are a very beautiful girl, in cape you haven't noticed, you really are."

"Mother, all mothers think their daughters are beautiful, even if they aren't. I'm just ordinary, and besides, I'm too skinny to interest boys."

"I'm not talking about boys, Priscilla, I'm talking about men. Boys are dirty-minded brats-the less you have to do with them the better. Men, on the other hand, are more mature and know how to treat a young lady properly. They are also more secure, both financially and otherwise."

"But I thought you didn't like men, Mother."

"I don't, but I realize it's better to be an unhappily married woman than a lonely old maid. A woman alone has no position in society. She needs a man or she is nothing. You are what your husband makes you, Priscilla, and don't you forget it!"

"Don't gel so excited, Mother! But really, is social position everything? I mean, isn't happiness important too? As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather be a happy hick than a sad socialite."

"You think you would, but you're too young to realize what's important. The fairy tale version of living happily ever after is, I'm afraid, a cruel hoax. Life isn't meant to be easy and it isn't, especially when you must share it with someone else. But bad as being married is, going it alone is far worse, so I suggest you think about finding an appropriate mate sometime in the near future."

"But, Mother, I'm only seventeen. Isn't that a little early to be settling down?"

"I wasn't much older than you when I married your father. If you don't get married, you'll never be able to escape living under the shadow of your father."

"But isn't that kind of like marrying on the rebound?

Going from the frying pan into the fire? After all, if what you say is true, I'll be leaving this place next month for finishing school."

"Only until your father finds a way of getting you back to Hog City. You know how he views the East Coast, especially New York."

"Sodom and Gomorrah, right?"

"According to his hick way of thinking, yes. To him, even Omaha is beyond redemption. A more confirmed provincial I've never met. Do you know that although he runs a hundred-million-dollar corporation, he's never once been out of this state? I'd call that unnatural behavior for a businessman in this day and age."

"Maybe he's happy right here in Hog City."

"The funny thing is, he isn't. He's admitted to me that the only time he was happy was when he lived back on his little farm, and that's only in retrospect. I sincerely doubt if he's every been happy, what with his dyspepsia and hard-driving ways. Although he's been successful, he really doesn't fit in anywhere except down at Muldoon's; farmers hate him because they think him a turncoat, while other businessmen brand him a hick. It's no wonder he turns to spirits so much. You see, child, although I disapprove of his profligate ways, I fully understand the reasons he is like he is."

"Then why don't you try to change him?"

"Ever try to teach an old dog new tricks?" she asked. "That's about how easy it'd be to transform your father. I'm afraid he's too stuck in his ways to change at this late date."

"And what about you, Mother? Are you happy?"

"True happiness is a rare and fleeting thing that few people ever possess, even for a short while. It is enough if we endure without a great deal of sorrow, my child.

Measured by that standard, our family hasn't done too badly. Although we have our difficulties, we are still rich, white, Protestant, and in good health. What more could we ask for? I'd say we're pretty well off, compared to most people."

"I think we could do a whale of a lot better, if you want my opinion, Mother."

"Ah, the enthusiasm of youth! I, too, once felt like you do, that anything is possible if we try hard enough. I suppose that's the voice of inexperience speaking. Wait until you've lived as long as I have, Priscilla, then you'll think more realistically about what is possible in the short span of the three score and ten years allotted to us by the Lord."

"But Mother, you're not even forty yet. How can you have given up hope already? You've still many good years ahead of you in which to accomplish what you want, you really have."

"Priscilla, I hate to say this, but my life was over the day I married your father. Before that dismal date I was filled with hope for the future, hopelessly in love with a handsome, talented man of immense charm. Unfortunately, Lothario was not the man my father chose, and like all of us he had his weaknesses. Father found his price, paid it, and that was the last I ever saw of him. The one love of my life was gone forever. All my hopes were dashed by the cold hard cash your grandfather used to buy off my boyfriend. Can you imagine a crueler thing for him to do? Well, I'm about to do it. Priscilla-" she put her hand on her daughter's shoulder, "-Harry Mannlicher is not your real father. It was Lothario Lochinvar, not him, who planted the seed in me that produced you. Why else do you think you have such fine, aristocratic features instead of the stout peasant torso of your father?"

"Mother, what are you saying? You must be mad!"

"I had to tell you before you went away to school, perhaps never to return, except on the arm of a prince."

"And you talk about me believing in fairy tales!"

"I know I sound like a cynic most of the time, Priscilla, but what I really want is for you to find the happiness I missed by marrying your father, I mean Harry."

"As far as I'm concerned. Mother, he's still my father." Tears formed in her eyes. "Maybe not in fact, but in every other way he is. What you have told me only explains the way I look. In every other way I take after Harry, who raised me since the day I was born."

"And I suppose I get none of the credit for your having turned out the way you are?"

"Yes, Mother, you do. Because of your selfish devotion to a missing lover, a spineless weakling who ran out on you-a real man would have remained no matter what the consequences-you've denied Harry the one thing he's needed most, companionship, and I don't just mean the hand holding kind either. I mean in the bedroom, where it really counts!"

"How can you say such a thing? You, my very own daughter, calling me cruel!"

"But you most definitely were, Mother dear. Surely you must know how strong the sex drive is in man? To deny him much-needed release was both a mental and physical torture that as far as I'm concerned was inexcusable!"

"And just how do you know so much about the sex drive in men? Have you been playing around with the boys in town? Or maybe with Zoltan, eh? To tell the truth, I've been tempted by him myself on more than one occasion. like Lothario, he's dark and handsome, and un-like your father, he's imperially thin. Sometimes I think he must have some royal blood in him, he looks so aristocratic. I bet he's fantastic in bed. Several times I've heard servant girls discussing how divine he diddles. Yes, I could see why you'd be tempted by him."

"Honest, Mother," she lied, "All I know about the male sex drive is what I've learned from books."

"Smutty ones, you mean. Probably got them from your father. He goes in for that sort of thing. Also pictures of nudie cuties in lewd poses."

"He wouldn't have to if you'd let him ball you now and then."

"Priscilla, how dare you speak to me-your mother-in such a vulgar way!"

"It's the truth, Mother, and you know it!"

"Would you want to go to bed with him if you were in my shoes?"

"If I were his wife, I'd consider it my duty."

"Then you'd probably perish in the line of duty, my dear. Have you any idea what it feels like having two hundred and fifty pounds lying on top of you?"

"It wouldn't be so unpleasant if he wasn't just lying there."

"Priscilla, you have been playing around with Zoltan! Only a girl who's had experience would talk like you do. Maybe you'll get pregnant-that'll teach you!"

"like it did you?"

"I'll let that pass."

"If you don't believe I'm still virgo intacto, Mother, you can have me examined by a reputable physician."

"In my day, a midwife was considered sufficient for the purpose. Since you're so insistent about your virtue, I'll take your word for it. But since you are, by your own admission, inexperienced in the art of lovemaking, all conclusions you make regarding it are obviously erroneous."

"You've gotten so rusty, I'd hardly call you a current expert in these matters. How long has it been since you've been balled, eh? Not since your wedding night, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong, Mother dear!" Her words dripped sarcasm.

"You'll not take that tone with me, you impudent child! Why, I've half a mind to spank you for your sassiness."

"By your own admission, Mother, I'm no longer a child, so you can forget about putting me over your knee. You know what you're behaving like, Mother? like a horny woman, that's what!"

"My personal life is none of your concern. I'm sorry I ever started this conversation, I really am."

"You ought to get laid, Mother, it'd do you wonders, it really would. I'm sure if you'd ask him, and maybe slip him a c-note or two, he'd plank you. Though as to whether he'd enjoy it is doubtful, you being so out of practice and all."

"You have gone too far, girl, you really have. As your Mother, I should be treated with respect."

"Only if you deserve it, and from my way of thinking you don't."

"And why not, if I may be so bold as to ask?"

"Because of the way you've treated Father, that's why!"

"Because I cut him off after our wedding night? You know what might have happened if I hadn't? Fornication might well have injured your fetus. How would you like to have been born deformed, eh? A freak for the rest of your life, and all because in a moment of weakness I gave in to the pleasures of the flesh!"

"That's ridiculous and you know it, Mother. You resisted his advances because you wanted to punish him and your father for what they had done to you. You couldn't have been that pregnant when you got married, or he would have noticed. I wasn't any fetus, I was still an embryo when you got married. So please don't tell me you abstained because of any concern on my behalf. You did it out of selfish, vengeful motives that you should have gotten over long ago, but didn't. You certainly are a grudge holder, aren't you' Or was that Lothario fella so hot a lay that you still miss him?"

"Yes, he was, and I do still miss him," replied her mother, her eyes downcast in shame.

"Maybe you ought to try some of daddy's domestic stuff? You might even grow to like it."

"I did, once, and found him like oatmeal."

"What do you mean?"

"Done in three minutes." She giggled.

"Surely you can't judge a man's lovemaking ability on the basis of one sorry performance. "Give him a second chance, will you, I'm sure he"s improved, even if you haven't. All these years that you've been lying fallow, he's been surreptitiously playing the field."

"He has, has he? And just how do you know this?"

"Zoltan told me."

"And what else did that tattle tale relate to you?" Now it was her voice that was dripping sarcasm.

"That he didn't like you."

"And just why doesn't he like me?"

"Because he said he doesn't like frigid women."

"And what makes him think I'm frigid?"

"That's the impression he got from Father."

"Who has a loud mouth and a high impression of himself. Well, I'll have you know I am not frigid, and you can tell Zoltan that I'm prepared to prove it to him."

"But not to Daddy?"

"Tell me truthfully, daughter, which man would you choose?"

"Zoltan, but then, I'm not married either. You owe

Daddy the duty to wallow with him."

"And that's just what it'd be like-wallowing with a pig. He's so fat it's repulsive."

"And if he lost weight would you change your mind?"

"Not-likely. He has some character defects that are even more repulsive than his flab."

"like what?"

"like getting drunk, running around with other women, and smoking smelly cigars."

"All of which, save the last, were directly caused by you failing to perform your marital duty in the bedroom. He wouldn't be getting plastered all the time or planking secretaries if he had a reason to come home."

"But he does. You're here," she said smugly.

"You want me to go to bed with him?"

"That isn't what I meant, daughter. If he was a responsible parent, he'd see the baleful affect his extracurricular activities have on you."

"You're still side-stepping your responsibility for his behavior, Mother. All his wrongdoing, if it is that, was caused by you and your selfishness. Why don't you share what you have with him?"

"like I have my fortune?"

"Let's not bring money into this. You know as well as I do that he increased what you owned ten fold by his efforts."

"Father would have done the same, had he lived."

"I doubt it. Although Grandpa was a shrewd devil, he wasn't half the hard-boiled businessman Daddy is. Sure he would have succeeded, but not as much. Daddy didn't take anything from you that he didn't give back a lot more."

"Just the same, I gave him his start."

"Your father did, you mean."

"Touch‚"

"Don't look so sullen, Mother, I'm not trying to make you suffer. Surely you've suffered enough already, not having enjoyed sex for the past seventeen years. I don't know how you did it, to tell the truth. Was it hard?"

"Extremely, but I'd vowed never to give in after that once, which was needed to consummate the marriage. Otherwise, it might have been annulled, and you'd have been born illegitimate. To continue carnal relations with Harry would have been an insult to Lothario."

"Don't you think seventeen years is a long time to have carried the torch for someone who cared so little for you he chose cash instead?"

"We all have our weaknesses." Tears formed in her eyes.

"Which we should try to transcend. He didn't. Maybe you can."

"And what is my weakness?"

"For worthless poets like Lothario, who was undoubtedly one of those gold-diggers you were just warning me about."

"How dare you make such an unfounded allegation!"

"Oh, yeah? Which did he ultimately choose, you or the money?"

"The money, but that doesn't mean he didn't love me."

"Only that he loved money more."

"I never thought of it that way. Could I have been wrong all these years? Could I?"

"There's no doubt of it in my mind. Love obviously blinded you to his true colors, which were shown when your daddy dangled that money in front of him."

"And I showed mine when Lothario dangled that big dick in front of me. Oh, how I miss his humping!"

"At least give Daddy a second chance, if only for my sake, please?"