Chapter 15
The wind and rain swirled Naomi's opened raincoat about her like bat wings as she walked head down through the darkened Back Bay streets. The rain splashed against her flesh through the tears in her dress, but she walked unmindful of the discomfort. Her face was pinched and drawn, oblivious to the small puddles she splashed through, so intent was she on her thoughts.
Now what? Go home? To what? With my mother hating me as a prostitute! I'd only bring her shame and misery. Back to Line? After what he did to me. After what he thinks! No! Randy? He might change his mind in a couple of days. But it would always be there. The fear. Knowing he'd throw me out when things got too tough. That he didn't really care. So then, there's nothing. Absolutely nothing!
The rain beat down harder and she seemed to be walking aimlessly. With no direction. No purpose. She was going. Just going. Any place. No place.
Maybe they're right. Maybe I really am ... a prostitute! Ready to sell myself, she pondered. I don't feel anything when they use me, take me. I just wanted to be loved and wanted, if only for those moments. Those short moments of love in a man's arms. Loved for myself. Is it wrong to want nice things? To, most of all, want to be cared about, needed, and wanted? And this is the only way they'll have me. With my body.
Ohhh! she groaned inwardly. So lost. So alone!
Her eyes penetrated the darkness around her, relieved only vaguely with rain blurred street lights. She heard a sound behind her, the low hum of a car motor, and she turned to see a dark silhouette inching along the curb, following her.
It had, apparently, been following her for quite some time. Ignoring it and hurrying along in the night turning corners sharply didn't shake it. So she stopped.
The car pulled to a stop at her side. The mist-covered window rolled down and a man stuck his head out to call.
"Pretty wet out there, Miss."
Naomi ignored him, aware of the intent behind the remark.
"Going any place in particular? Want a lift?" he shouted.
She was about to turn away. Where to?
With a sway of her hips she walked over to the car and put her hand on the door, looking at the man. He was an old man, fat and disgusting.
"What do you want, man?"
As if she didn't know!
"Hi," he greeted her nervously.
Then his eyes opened wide as he saw the torn dress and her bare honey flesh gleaming through.
"Looks like you had some trouble!"
"Might say that, mister. Might," her words trailed off.
"Looks like you could use some help," he said suggestively.
"What have you got in mind?"
He licked his lips with anticipation.
"Well," he drawled boldly. "First thing would be to get you out of the rain."
Silence.
"Then you could dry off until the rain stopped. After that, I could take you home," he told her hopefully.
"Haven't got a home!" she responded.
There was a gleam in his eyes when he finally answered, "Then you could stay with me for a while?"
Naomi straightened up and looked the car over. Big. Expensive. A man of means. Just how much?
"Can you afford me, Mister?"
His eyes roamed her body, her breasts and thighs.
"I don't come cheap!"
"If the merchandise is worth it, I'm willing to pay the price."
Deliberately, she pulled open her dress to bare her whole body to him. Her luscious gold skin glistened where the rain struck it. And she could hear him suck in his breath at the sight.
"Worth it?" she snarled. "Feel! See for sure."
His fingers gingerly reached through the window and trembled at her smooth softness. "How high?"
"My own apartment, clothes, money ... the works!"
"Okay," he told her. "Get in. I'll take you to my place for tonight. It's too late to do anything else anyway. Besides, I want to-to test the merchandise before I pay for it!"
Naomi gathered her raincoat and dress around her and moved to the other side of the car. There was a pretended eagerness as she slid onto the seat next to him. Quickly, he pulled away from the curb and headed down the rain-swept street.
In the darkness of the car he couldn't see her face, couldn't see the flooding tears that sheened her face.
After a little while he stopped, drawing into a vacant parking lot.
"Come on, Baby," he said hoarsely. "Let's have a sample right away. Let's see if it's really true what they say about girls like you!"
She'd sold herself, and now she was the itchy pants nigger slut again in the arms of a white man. She hated him. Hated herself.
At first she wanted to resist. To fight him off. Just to show him she was no different from a white woman. But then desolation and need wrung her barren, dry of all hope, all reason. And her legs spread willingly.
His mouth and hands were hot on her, crushing her body into his. Her body quivered with his gentle touch. And amid the strangling waves of re-morse, guilt, hate, and loneliness, rose the hunger and need that found its mate only in her loins, at the mercy of a male.
"More. More!" she beseeched him, tugging at his clothes.
"You're good. So good!" his words were lost in his maddening crush to her mouth. "God, so good."
His moans were echoing in her throat.
You're damned right I'm good, ofay! Her anger cried out in the echoing silence of her mind. I'd better be good! I've got to be good!
That's all I've got left now ... All!