Chapter 5
"You haven't said three words to me all day, dad, why?" Carl asked.
"You didn't want to hear what I had to say last night when you called, why listen to me now?"
"Last night there wasn't anything you could have said to change my mind, dad."
"So, you hang up the phone on me?" Jesse shouted.
"I was finished talking, that's all."
"Ya, well, so am I!" Jesse stormed into the kitchen for a piece of Alice's pie and Carl followed close behind. Carl wanted to tell his father about Miranda. He wanted to ask about love and get his father's advise, but Jesse wouldn't have a thing to do with it. He refused his son all the time and this would be no exception.
"Please, dad, won't you just listen to me?" Carl begged. He wanted a normal relationship with Jesse. He watched television, he saw what a father son relationship was supposed to be like. It hurt him deeply whenever Jesse ignored him this way, but Carl was determined to make his dad listen.
"Miranda asked me to watch a movie, that's all. I like her, dad, I have for a long time."
"What long time, you just met her?"
"Yes, but she's been coming into the store for a long time. I've watched her, dad. I've seen her come in for milk and eggs a lot."
"What are you telling me, that you spy on our good customer's?" Jesse ranted. "Alice, did you hear that, this boy spies on our customer's. The next thing you know he'll be kidnapping them and raping them."
"Jesse!" Alice shouted. She was appalled by her husband's implication.
"Carl would never do any such thing, and you know it."
"Do we, Alice? Do we know what this derelict is capable of, really."
"Dad, please stop this." Carl begged. He couldn't stand it any longer. His father came up with new names to call him almost on a daily basis, and they cut to the bone.
"I'm not a derelict, dad. I'm me, Carl. I don't hurt people and I don't rape them." Jesse turned around and started out of the kitchen but Carl blocked his passage. He wasn't letting Jesse run out on him any more. They were going to discuss this and clear the air.
"Get out of my way, you sorry derelict." Jesse yelled.
"No, I want you to talk to me, dad."
"Jesse, hear the boy out." Alice pleaded.
"What's to hear? I don't want to know what he did to that sweet little girl. She was one of our best customer's and now what? We'll be lucky if we ever see her again. You had no right to go over there, Carl. You should have said no."
"Dad, I love Miranda Saunderson." Carl said. His mother's face went blank when the words slipped out of her son's lips. He loved a woman, she thought, my dear Lord, my son loves a woman. Visions of tiny grandchildren came to her mind and suddenly she was prepared to fight Jesse no matter what it took.
"Listen to the boy, Jesse. He loves this girl." she said.
"Love, what is that? This boy has no concept of love. Look at him." Jesse barked, pointing to Carl. "He's an overgrown idiot, a clumsy, stupid fool. He'll never be able to support a wife, what? Don't talk to me about love. This boy loves only himself, that was evident when he hung up the phone on me last night."
"Dad, I didn't hang up on you, I was simply finished talking. Ma, make him listen to me." Carl pleaded. Why was Jesse so upset, he wondered. Was it because he hung up without giving him the chance to object? Carl knew his father would object. He always raised objection whenever Carl wanted to branch out, but Jesse objected just as strongly when he didn't. What was the man's problem?
no more talk." Jesse shouted. "I'm done with the talking. You want to pretend you're normal fine, but don't expect me to play this stupid game."
"What's the matter with you, Jesse?" Alice shouted. "This boy is more normal than half the youth in this stinking city. He don't use drugs, he don't drink, he don't smoke nothing, what do you think is normal? Carl is a good boy. He's got a learning problem, so what. You think he's not normal because his letters get jumbled up in his head, aaaah!" Alice threw up her hands.
"I drink." Carl said. His words brought stillness to the room and Jesse took it upon himself to break it.
"Great, now he's a drunk, don't stick up for him no more, Alice, you don't know this boy. You don't know what he's capable of doing."
"I'm not a drunk, dad." Carl said, calmly. "I just said I drink. I had a glass of wine last night over at Miranda's."
"Wonderful!" Jesse shouted. "So you think you're in love with a girl who's got a drinking problem, that's just great. Fine, you keep seeing that slut and soon she'll have you swilling the stuff like water."
"Miranda is no slut, dad!" Carl took offense to his father's slur. He didn't mind Jesse calling him names but he wouldn't allow him to bad mouth his girl. Miranda was a sweet lady and he wouldn't stand idly by and listen to is father run her down.
"How the hell would you know?" Jesse shouted. "You don't even know what a slut is."
"Yes, I do." Carl said.
"Oh, my God." Alice sighed, taking a seat at the table.
"A slut is a woman who lets men fuck her all the time." Carl blurted.
"Mama-mia!" Alice wailed.
"What kind of talk is that in front of your mother? Have you gone mad? Tell her you're sorry, go on, tell her. You don't say that filth in my house, you understand me?"
"You say it all the time, dad." Carl stated. He was confused by his father's reaction to the word.
He'd heard Jesse using it with some of the female customer's in the store.
"I never use such language!" Jesse denied.
"Holy Mary, mother of God." Alice moaned.
"Shut the hell up with that, Alice, for God's sake, we don't need to hear that on top of everything else."
"Don't you yell at me, you sorry old man!" she snapped.
"So you finally admit it then." Jesse quipped. "Old man!"
"I know my son, that's what I admit, and my Carl don't make up stories. If he heard you say that word, then you said it. My Carl don't lie." Alice banged her fist on the kitchen table and gave Jesse a stare that would shatter glass. She defied her husband, and for the first time stood up for her son fighting for Jesse to recognize his manhood.
"Carl is a full grown man, Jesse. He's not stupid like you say. He's bright and kind and intelligent. What, you think he needs to stay around here and work in the back? My Carl can go anywhere. He can get a job anywhere and he can fall in love with a woman, he can drink if he likes, he can even make babies if he wants to. You don't tell him he can't no more, Jesse, no more. My Carl is a man, you speak to him like a man!" Alice's voice got lower as she spoke. It was a winding down after saying all the things she wanted to say but never had the courage. Jesse was stunned at his wife's behavior. Alice yelled at him before but she never defied him. She never defended Carl's manhood, and Jesse was confused.
"You don't know what you say, Alice. This boy is not full grown up here." Jesse said, pointing to his head. "He don't understand about certain things. Love? What does he know from love?"
"I know it's when you care more about the other person than you do yourself." Carl said.
"See there!" Alice snapped. "He knows plenty."
"Shut up, boy. You don't know shit about life. This Miranda, she takes you home, she gives you wine? Then what, huh? Did she make you take your pants down, Carl. Did she make you touch her or did she touch you?"
"Mama-mia, I don't believe this." Alice sighed again.
"If you're asking if we made love, the answer is no. She kissed me, that's all."
"Kissed you, what, on the dick she kissed you, Carl?"
"For God's sake, Jesse, stop this talk." Alice shouted.
"No, dad, the lips." Carl yelled. "She just kissed me on the lips."
"And you let this slut violate you?" Jesse screamed.
"Miranda is no slut, dad, stop calling her that. She is a lovely lady with a kindness about her I've never seen in anyone I've ever known."
"From who do you know, Carl?" Jesse demanded. "You don't know anybody else. You keep cooped up in the store all day and you stay in your room all night, doing God knows what in there, so who do you know?"
"I only meant she's a lovely lady. Kind and gentle."
"And she drinks and she forces you to kiss her mouth!" Jesse screamed.
"She didn't force me, dad, I let her do it. I only wish I could have kissed her back."
"What, she have you tied up, you couldn't kiss her, what?" Jesse wouldn't stop shouting. He overreacted in a way more unlike anything Alice or Carl had ever seen. The veins in his neck bulged like ridges and the purple blood in them made him look as if he might explode any minute. His face was deep red, and his mouth splattered saliva with every yell. Carl couldn't understand Jesse's reaction, and neither could Alice.
"No Dad, I was too nervous to kiss her. She's so beautiful." Carl said, softly.
"Leave the boy alone, Jesse, can't you see he's upset now. You have no right to treat him this way." Alice insisted. "He's your son, for God's sake, not some reject you found pilfering through your garbage can. Carl is in love, Jesse, can't you be happy for the boy?"
"Ma, please, I'm not a boy." Carl said, angrily. "I'm a man, okay. A full grown man. I have feeling and dreams, I understand about things like work and love. There is nothing abnormal about me so please, stop calling me a boy, and stop treating me as if I were retarded. I get my letters mixed up, so what. I can read a little, I can read numbers just fine. I'm not a mental case, so please stop treating me like one!" Carl shook his head in frustration then sat down hard on a kitchen chair.
Fine!" Jesse hollered. "You want to be a man, you want to fuck some pussy, fine, then you get yourself another girl besides this Miranda person."
"Mother of God." Alice shouted. She cringed at Jesse's choice of words. Never before had she heard such filth from his lips. She didn't know he knew such language.
"Don't fuck my customer's, Carl. You want cunt, you get it from someone else, or better yet you go buy it. I won't have you humping my customer's, you hear me."
"For God's sake, dad, stop this, will you. I'm not fucking Miranda."
"Carl!" Alice screamed. "Don't say those things!"
"But, I'm not, ma. We kissed, that's all. I'm not interested in Miranda for sex."
"So now you admit it." Jesse shouted. "We kissed, you say. So, you did kiss this cock teasing slut."
"I swear to God, if you call her that one more time, I'll ... I'll " Carl stammered. He was going to threaten Jesse's life, but that was his own father. He couldn't bring himself to say the words and in his frustration slammed his fist to the kitchen table putting a deep split in the wood. Alice jumped three feet in the air when Carl's fist hit the wood. It scared her half to death, but Jesse, he just bitched about the damage.
"You call yourself a man, huh. A man don't go around breaking things like this, you sorry cunt fucker!"
"God, Jesse. stop with this talk." Alice begged.
"Shut up, you!" Jesse told him wife. "You just keep your mouth quiet!"
"Don't yell at my mother." Carl said, calmly. He was angrier than he'd ever been and it had a calming effect on him. His emotions had past the violent stage and as they slipped beyond rage to a peaceful self assurance, Jesse shut up. He could see the anger in Carl's eyes. The fierce determination that demanded Jesse stop his yelling, and Jesse kept still hoping Carl would let him sit at the table and talk.
"Okay," Jesse said. "We'll talk." he slowly moved to a chair and sat down. Carl took his seat too and Alice just watched the both of them staring at each other. She had never seen her husband back down from Carl, but then, she'd never seen Carl defend himself this way.
"So, what do you want me to say?" Jesse asked.
"I want you to listen." Carl said, still staring Jesse down. "For the first time, I'd like you to just sit there with your mouth closed and listen to what I have to say." Jesse gave a loud huffing sound from air being forced out his nostrils, but Carl gave him that and continued.
"For a long time now, you have put me down. I understand your fears about me, dad. I do. I know you think I'm not right up here, but you're wrong."
Alice listened to her son speak. He was perfectly articulate and sensibly calm. It was the first time she'd ever seen him so confident, and it felt good.
"I have a problem reading some letters, I know that, but I've been working on that. I've read the books in the library and I think I've made great progress." Carl said.
"What are you talking, you've read the books in the library" Jesse laughed. "Nobody reads a library full of books."
"Well, I have, and I'm learning all the time." Carl went on. "I may not seem like a man to you, dad, but I'm a man. I understand the responsibilities of being an adult and I want to have them more than anything in this world. I want to find another job, not one connected with the family store, and I want to fall in love and have a family of my own. I want to make love to a woman."
"Oh, God help me." Alice wailed.
"And, I want to take care of her for the rest of her life. I want to marry Miranda Saunderson, dad, and I think she wants me."
"What makes you think this Miranda wants you?" Jesse asked, remaining calm.
"She invited me to her place last night and she kissed me." Carl said.
"What, so now you think you'll ask her to marry?" Jesse laughed.
"Not right now, no, but soon." Carl said.
"Come on ... Alice, help me out here. Tell this boy the truth. Don't let him hurt himself this way."
"Carl." his mother said. "Do you think Miranda feels the same about you as you feel about her?" she asked.
"Jesus Christ, Alice, that's not what I meant." Jesse's voice started to raise. "Tell the boy it don't mean nothing when a woman asks him to a movie. Tell him woman kiss all the time and it means nothing."
"Miranda wouldn't have kissed me if she didn't like me, and besides, she told me she did, twice."
"Okay, so she likes you, Carl. That's not the same as she wants to marry. Alice, please, say something to this boy."
"I'm not a boy!" Carl snapped.
"Okay, okay, man then. Carl, Miranda is a nice lady right?" Jesse asked. Carl nodded "She's pretty, she's a business woman, right?" Carl agreed. "Okay fine, what the hell would a pretty, bright, desirable business woman want with you?"
"Don't start again, Jesse." Alice said.
"What, I'm speaking the truth." Jesse yelled. "He's a cold meat platter maker in the back of his father's store, for God's sake, think, Alice. Why would this girl want him when she could have a lawyer, a doctor maybe?"
"She likes me, dad, she said so."
"So, she likes you, big deal. Carl, you gotta understand about women. They say they like you just to get something from you, that's all."
"Don't tell the boy that." Alice snapped.
"I'm a man, damnit!"
"Man, schman, what's the difference? Son, women just want money from men or sex, that's all. This Miranda just wants something from you."
"I don't have any money." Carl said.
"Right, now we're getting some place, for Christ sake, you stupid, she wants your dick, just like I tried to tell you before. The little cock fucking slut wants my Carl's dick, Alice!" Jesse pushed away from the table then stood up. He was ranting again and Carl joined in.
"Don't say that about her, I'm warning you!" he yelled. "Miranda isn't a slut!"
"Please stop this." Alice begged, but it was too late. The two men were screaming at each other again.
Alice wouldn't listen to it. She ran out of the kitchen to the living room. There was nothing more she could do. Jesse wouldn't give in and she feared Carl wouldn't either. It would have to end the way it ended, and Alice knew it. As she ran toward the stairs, the front doorbell rang. Alice didn't want to answer it but when she saw Miranda through the lace door curtain opened the door.
"This is a bad time for you to come here." Alice said. "Carl can't come out."
"Is he alright?" Miranda asked. She could hear the yelling from the kitchen and became concerned. "Is everything alright, Mrs. Vanderhorn?" she asked.
"Fine, just fine, now go away. I'll tell Carl you were here." Alice started to close the door but before she could Carl came running into the living room. He was trying to get away from Jesse. When he saw Miranda at the door, his heart skipped a beat. Seeing her again was just the strength he needed. He smiled at her, then went to her.
Jesse followed his son into the living room. He was winning the argument before Carl ran out and wasn't about to let him get away. Jesse saw Miranda at the door and laughed. He figured she was just the right person to pay a visit.
"So, the little lady has come to see, Carl." he said. "Come in, come in. Get out of the way and let Miss Miranda inside, Alice." Miranda stepped into the house and Alice closed the door. The room was silent. Carl didn't speak; neither did Alice, and Jesse was too busy gloating to talk. Miranda didn't know what they were arguing about but she could sense it was a bad time.
"Perhaps I could• come back later?" she said.
"Don't be stupid, missy, come in. We were just talking about you." Jesse laughed.
"Come on, Miranda. We'll go see a movie." Carl said. He wanted her out of there before Jesse said something stupid, but before the door knob turned, his father had let it come out.
"We were discussing why a girl like you would want a boy like our Carl?" Jesse said. "He don't have money, you know that, missy. Carl hasn't got a thing you might want, unless of course, you wanted cock. Carl has lots of cock."
"Jesse!" Alice screamed.
"Never mind, Alice, she should know what the boy has to offer. That is what you're after, isn't it, Miranda?"
"I'll come back another time, Carl." Miranda said scared half out of her wits. She didn't know what to say to Mr. Vanderhorn. Why was he talking to her that way, she wondered.
"Maybe you can call me." she said to Carl. Jesse ran over and slammed the front door forcing Miranda aside. He wasn't letting her off that easily.
"Nobody goes nowhere." Jesse yelled. Alice felt faint. Her knees became so weak she had to sit on the steps.
"We just want to know why you want our son, that's all. It's a simple question. We want you to tell him yourself that the only reason you told him you liked him was to get in his pants. Tell him, Miranda, go on. Let the boy hear it from you so he'll know the truth." Miranda wasn't going to answer Mr. Vanderhorn's lewd remark but if she didn't, Carl might thing it was the truth.
"I told Carl I like him because he's a gentle, sweet, tender man with a bright head on his shoulders and yes, I'd like to make love with him sometime, but that isn't why I said it."
"You want to make love with me?" Carl smiled, feeling his heart soar.
"Yes, Carl, I would. I really would."