Chapter 10
The atmosphere of the hotel room was sick after Audrey had scurried out, leaving him alone with Doris. Wan faced and with an odd smile, Doris sank into a chair. "Funny," she said. "I thought it was Leslie you were with."
"It was."
"Then your loyalty must be less than absolute. But I've known that for a long time, haven't I?"
So she had learned or guessed about Claire. "And your loyalty? Audrey told me about you and Jack Home."
"And no doubt you were eager to believe her and thereby to justify yourself."
"Not so eager. Not eager at all."
"Oh? A little thread of sentiment. Max? Don't tell me you still love me. Or maybe you'd better-we both need a good laugh." She paused and covered her eyes. "Anyway, Audrey told you the truth. I did spend the night with Jack and we did make love. Several times."
Her words turned to poison in Max's mind, but he kept his voice level. "Must have been good."
"If we're splitting up, that's none of your business. If we stay together, what Jack and I did must be unimportant. Which will it be, Max?"
"I think that's up to you."
Max had a sinking sensation as he said the words. He was passing up his best chance to be rid of Doris and all their mutually inflicted pain. "If Leslie had meant more to him, he would never have passed the decision to Doris. But it seemed that Doris's wishes, Doris's happiness, still meant something to him. If his loyalty was, as Doris had said, less than absolute, it nonetheless existed.
"I don't see why it should be up to me, but," Doris shrugged, "if you want it that way. I need time to think. Our next stop-over was to be up north, at my cousin's. I'll drive up there this afternoon. You stay here."
"All right."
She lit a cigarette and blew a smoke ring. "This was to be a second honeymoon, remember?" She waved the smoke ring away. "Some honeymoon. Max, I do wish you'd put some clothes on, I'm so sick of looking at you...."
That afternoon she put her cases into the station wagon and drove over to Jack's apartment. She hadn't told Max that she was going to do this, but she wanted to see Jack at least once more before departing for her cousin's home.
She found Jack's apartment key under his door mat. as he had said she would. She went in and awaited his return from the university. It would be almost an hour before Jack would be free, time enough to think-and perhaps too much time.
She hadn't planned to be unfaithful to Max again until she had left him-if leaving him was to be her final decision. But now she was weakening: finding her husband in Audrey's intimate embrace had reopened the possibility. In broad daylight, it was difficult to believe that last night had actually happened, and she couldn't help wondering if Jack could satisfy her again.
If he could, perhaps she should marry him. She didn't love him but she was realistic enough to know that she could learn to. And it might be better for Max if they dissolved their marriage. Oddly enough, having reached fulfillment made it much easier for Doris to admit that her earlier inadequacy was a major reason for Max' straying.
Thoughts of last night, thoughts of Max and his women, thoughts of trying for fulfillment again, induced a gentle humming sensation in Doris. Hell, I'm getting eager, she thought, and Jack still isn't back here.
She tried to calm herself but she was getting increasingly eager, and after a time, with a somewhat naughty feeling, she slipped off her panties to be ready for Jack. But no, she decided, that was silly: she might as well go all the way in her preparations.
So she went into the bedroom and found a clean pair of pajamas. She stripped off her clothes, and she was just pulling on the jacket when she heard the apartment door open. She didn't bother with the buttons. Hastily, she stepped into the pants and was pulling them up when Jack entered the bedroom.
He smiled at her. Nothing had to be said. He walked to her, and the pajama pants fell to her ankles as her arms encircled his shoulders and his came around her back. The excitement built in a mighty rush as he held her and kissed her and caressed her. but she forced herself to go slowly as she undressed him.
Yes, last night had been real. And this was going to be real. And this was going to be good.
They moved to the bed and he began to croon to her how much he loved her and how much he needed her. She tried to stop thinking. She tried to give herself to the stroking, flexing, exciting man who was caressing her.
But thought intruded: I must finish! I've got to again! I must!
And suddenly she knew that she wasn't going to. With something like terror, she recognized that no matter how she worked, how she strove, never in this world would she succeed.
Then why had she last night?
The answer, obvious though it was, came like a stroke of revelation. She had reached her success by not trying. Instead of investing all her will and energy in a hideous effort, she had allowed her body to do as it pleased, as it knew best! She had simply let that happen.
But if that were true, it wasn't Jack who had turned her on at all, good though he was. She had turned herself on. Jack's presence wasn't necessary: the same thine might have happened with any other attractive man. Maybe even happen with Max, if she weren't so conditioned against success with him.
She had the answer, and it brought with it a tremendous sense of happiness and relief. She relaxed and laughed aloud as she reached for Jack. With great and delicate pleasure, she took him. Yes, she thought, this was going to be good after all. And she wanted this to be good for Jack too, because this would be his very last time with her.
And with that thought, she gave herself entirely to pleasure.
Leslie couldn't believe it.
She had been waiting for him all day. And because she had had only him in mind, her need and her anticipation of the night to come had built with every hour. She had thought about that, had planned-the things they would do, the ways in which she would give him pleasure. She had been ready to take him into her arms the moment he came through her door.
And now he was sitting in her living room, sitting against the red glow of sunset, and telling her that he was leaving with his wife that very evening.
"But we love one another! We had an understanding, Max! Not in so many words, but you know we had it!"
He nodded. "Yes, but I had an understanding with Doris, too. I still owe her something."
"You do not! She's not happy with you, is she? Set free, she might find happiness; and we've already got it. But if you stay with her. we all lose."
"Maybe, but I promised her 'for better or for worse.' and she hasn't released me from that promise-"
"But she can't keep us apart-"
"I'd better go now, Les."
Then she lost her temper. She had thought her winnings were secure and they were slipping through her fingers and it was too damned much. "You rat! You think you can throw me over just because you're tired of going to bed with me-"
"You know it's not that-"
"I know I'll get you for this! You think I'll ever sign that contract-"
"I don't expect you to-"
"I not only won't sign it, I'll lay the blame on you! I'll tell 'em I'm not signing because you goofed the whole deal. I'll tell 'em that because of you I'm switching publishers. I'll tell 'em so much, I'll make your name mud with our company. Now get the hell out of my house!"
Even as Mar left, she wanted to call out to him: Come back! Come back! Max-just one more time....
But he was gone and he wasn't coming back and she was alone. Her temper had left her dazed and it was hard to realize that her affair with Max was over. And so suddenly!
Why? Where had she gone wrong? She had operated badly at first, of course, but thereafter everything had been going so perfectly. What had she overlooked?
Audrey's words came back: And I can make you a guarantee Those two are in love. I mean really in love. lack's word? came back: Whatever may or may not be wrong between those two, they still love one another. And Leslie sat down and wept.