Chapter 2
Sarah's life had become a pressure cooker of problems. First there was Owen. Or rather there was not Owen. He was never home and when he was he relished degrading her. Sarah hated it but she had to have a man sometimes.
That was the next problem. Just plain fucking. Sarah could get no loving from Owen and would not from anyone else. All the guys at the office gave up on Sarah long ago. Never did she give any of them the slightest encouragement. After mornings like these she wanted to but didn't. She had wanted a cock to come inside her so bad all that day she could hardly keep her own hands from massaging her clit when she visited the ladies' room. Sarah thought of driving across town and picking up a total stranger just to get balled.
Beneath all this there was something else that troubled Sarah more than anything. It had welled up that morning when she had kissed Matthew. It was something she was fighting to keep down where she couldn't see it for what it was, where she could control it and not let it make her do something she shouldn't. Sarah wouldn't let herself see it but she knew it was there waiting to leap out and drive her insane with desire.
Then there was the eternal problem of money. But this was the only thing Sarah was tackling with any success. Owen was out spending her money so much of the time that he didn't really know how much she was making.
Each week Sarah cashed her paycheck and faithfully forked over forty hours worth of it. She complained often until Owen smacked her. This didn't stop Sarah from working overtime. She then kept the excess for herself and the kids. Matthew helped out by contributing all of his paper route money and Lisa her babysitting cash.
The kids. That was Sarah's biggest worry. It was bad enough they didn't have a father, but now they didn't have a mother several nights a week. They knew she loved them but that wasn't really enough. A mother should be there. Matthew's and Lisa's lives were now beginning in earnest. Sarah didn't want them to become bitter and unhappy before they started. It looked like the odds were against them and Sarah couldn't think of anything that would really help. Sarah couldn't face another divorce, not yet. That would still leave them fatherless anyway.
For now Sarah had to try to keep the lid on the cooker. But she couldn't keep her true desires from simmering beneath.
By that Saturday morning Sarah had a chance to deal with one of her problems, the kids and their growing up.
The night before Owen had confiscated her check money and left her enough to pay a few overdue bills. After all, Owen couldn't arrange his golf dates without a phone. But Sarah had put in fifty-three hours the week before and the extra was going toward a little shopping trip she and Lisa had planned for some time. Lisa had been helping her mother conceal the overtime from Owen by cleaning the house and cooking dinner for herself and Matt in the evening.
That morning they got up and made breakfast. Matt was making his monthly collections that morning. Sarah and Lisa were sipping coffee after doing the dishes and discussing the ads in the paper.
"Mom," Lisa blurted, "Matt wants to know the facts of life."
"He what!?"
"He asked me if I knew the facts of life yet. He and I talk over everything, Mom. His school library doesn't have books like that."
Sarah laughed a little out of surprise. "Well, what about the city library, Lisa?"
"It's a restricted file and somebody's always there watching you while you're looking through the books, some old lady usually."
"That would discourage a young boy as shy as Matt," her mother sympathized.
"He asked me because he thought Owen would laugh at him and because he thought it might embarrass you if he asked you. Would it, Mom?"
"A little, I guess, but I wouldn't be mad at him. He's growing up now, Lisa. It's right that he should be curious. By the way, what about you, Lisa? I told you about periods, but what about the rest?
How much do you know?"
"Mom," Lisa began in that tone kids reserve for square parents, "both of us know the basic facts of life. That much is in our science tests. A man and a woman have intercourse and the sperm fertilizes an egg in the female and she gets pregnant. Everybody knows that."
Sarah marveled at how little of this she had known at Lisa's age. "Goodness, daughter, what else is there?"
"Oh, Mom! Everything!"
"For instance, young lady."
"For one thing, VD. The kids hear a lot about it but all they know is that the school board won't allow the teachers to explain it or how to prevent it."
"And what else?"
"Well, gosh, Mom, there's a lot more to sex than just being able to make babies, isn't there?"
"Exactly what does that mean, Lisa?"
"You know, Mom," Lisa said, blushing a little.
Sarah thought perhaps she was being a little too arch and parent-like because of Lisa's surprising frankness. Sarah realized how repressive her parents had been and she decided to be understanding with Lisa.
"I really don't know what you mean, Lisa. Go ahead and tell me. It's all right."
"All right," said Lisa, taking a deep breath. "What Matthew really wants to know is how to fuck with a girl. And not just lay down and get between her legs. Really how to do it to her good, Mom. That's what I want to know, too. How to fuck my man so he'll love me like crazy."
Sarah was not ready for this, but she was committed.
"I can help you in two ways, Lisa. First, I can tell you two what I know from having lived longer and done more than you both. I can tell you, Lisa, what I've done to please the men I've known. 'Fucked,' as you say. What I've done to them to drive them a little crazy for me. And I could tell Matthew what some men have done to me and with me that made me get all quivery and excited inside and made me want to 'fuck them good,' as you say. But I'm...."
"Momma, you mean you've been to bed with men besides Owen and my real father?"
"Well, Lisa, there were stretches when your father was on the road for a long time. And I didn't remarry for several years. I could tell Matthew some of the things I learned in those days, but I am his mother and there are limits to the love and understanding between a mother and son."
"Why?" Lisa asked simply.
"Let's not be changing the subject," said Sarah, though her mind was suddenly asking itself the same question. "Now, where were we? Oh, yes. On a personal level Matt will have to find out these things from a girl friend."
"But he doesn't have any girl friends, Mom!"
"Well, not anything serious, but that will change."
"No, Mom. Matthew doesn't have any. I mean it. He doesn't even flirt. I've seen him at school."
"I knew Matthew was shy but not that shy."
"I know, Mom. He's really crazy about some of them, too."
"At any rate, Lisa, I won't be able to tell him about the techniques that turn me on as a woman because I'm family. That would be incestuous."
"So?" said Lisa.
"Lisa! Really, there are limits."
"I don't see why, Mom. I think Matt looks like a real good stud. I wish he weren't my brother. I'd let Matthew bust my cherry anytime."
Sarah was inwardly aghast at her daughter, not at what she was saying and desiring but the fact that Sarah herself was secretly yearning for the same thing.
"Lisa, dear daughter, back to reality, please. What I can do for Matthew and you is to use some of that extra money I've saved to further the sexual education of my kids."
"How's that, Mom?"
"Never mind. You'll see when we get downtown."
Sarah spent the day in bookstores. She started the kids' own personal sex library. First Sarah wanted to make sure they knew all the scientific facts about reproduction. She bought them a beautifully written book that explained the entire process from beginning to end in great detail. It also covered birth control, venereal disease, so-called deviant sexual behavior and some of the emotional aspects of sex. This book made sex beautiful, even to Sarah, who wondered. The book should have. It cost thirty dollars.
Downtown Sarah discovered that the paperback bookstores had the same books on sexual technique as the other stores and were less expensive. Sarah bought all the "Sensuous" books. She bought several editions from the freer-thinking Scandinavian countries. Sexual diversity and pure pleasure for its own sake were the themes in these books: positions, devices, perversions, anything but violence. There was even a real photo of two men fucking a petite, large bosomed girl, like herself, in one of the books. Their expressions were such that Sarah knew they could not be shamming.
It was fortunate that Sarah had had the foresight to send Lisa window shopping elsewhere because Sarah then began browsing through the pornographic novels. All of them left her cold-except one.
Sarah waited until her female presence cleared out all the starving men in the narrow aisle. Then she began reading the book in earnest. Just looking at the cover had convinced Sarah she would dig it.
On the cover in the background of the picture was a table with two settings and two candles burning that illuminated the scene in the foreground. A woman, about her own age, Sarah guessed, was leaning back against the kitchen sink where the dinner dishes awaited washing. The woman was wearing high-heeled slippers. Her long hair was falling casually out of a French twist. She was wearing a full-length, see-through robe that was opened and falling down over her shoulders. A boy, at least a head shorter than the woman, was standing close in front of her. Eagerly the boy was sucking one of the woman's lush full breasts. He was naked, his clothing laying scattered about the kitchen. He was leaning against the length of the woman's long legs and thighs and belly as he was sucking her big tittie and looking up into her eyes yearningly. The woman looked down at him seductively while her one hand held him behind the neck, urging him and holding him immobile at the same time, and while her other hand disappeared between their pressed bodies far beneath the boy's waist.
Sarah bought a copy and slipped it into the bottom of her purse. The title was The Sensuous Mother.
The kids really liked their new sex library. They learned a lot both scientific and sensuous. So did Sarah.
Of course, it was silently understood between the three of them that Owen was not to know about it. It would tip him off to Sarah's extra money. Besides that, Owen was a prude, despite being a bedroom hypocrite. To Owen sex was pornography.
Sarah's Sensuous Mother remained hidden. That same night after the kids had fallen asleep and before Owen got home, Sarah got the book out of its hiding place in the closet. She began reading it.
Sarah realized the people and plot were not very real, but she nevertheless felt a kinship to them. The pressures and unhappiness of the outside world made them turn to incest.
By the end of the first chapter Sarah had her short nightie pulled up over her large, erect nipples and was lazily stroking her clitoris with her forefinger. She was hardly aware of what she was doing, she was so engrossed in the sensuous mother's search for a boy lover. By the end of the book the mother had seduced her young son and they were happily fucking one another every night and sleeping together without the slightest regard for the taboos of the outside world.
Sarah experienced several small tingling orgasms during the three hours she spent reading the novel, but when the cock-craving mother finally seduced and stole the virginity of her thirteen-year-old son, Sarah came all over the three fingers she had inside her cunt. Sarah came so hard she spread her legs out into the air and placed the opened book down against her wet, matted pussy hair and rubbed the pages in between her cuntlips against her clit. Sarah soaked the pages with her jism.
During the next week Sarah bought several more porno novels. She didn't like any of them nearly as much as the ones about family members fucking each other incestuously. Particularly Sarah got the hottest reading, while stroking her clit, when the books were about young lewd mothers seducing little neighbor boys and eventually their own hesitant, virginal sonny boys. Sarah loved it when they lived happily ever after sleeping and fucking with each other whenever the mothers could make their little boys' dicks hard enough.
Sarah's only real friend was Marianne. She was the first black girl to work in the office and from the way the men acted, the best looking woman in any shade. But Marianne was a lot like Sarah. She was polite but kept her distance from the other women and especially the men. Sarah was a family person. Marianne had been a joiner but people couldn't seem to accept her sense of freedom and sensuality. Sarah and Marianne saw kindred spirits in one another. They started having their lunches together.
Sarah wanted to invite Marianne over for dinner but Owen was also a bigot besides a sadist. But Sarah was worried about her plunge into porno and thought she could talk with Marianne about it. She invited Marianne over for a Saturday evening dinner anyway. They went shopping together during the day.
Sarah bought for the kids. Marianne kept trying to make Sarah loosen up and spent just a little on herself, but Sarah felt better knowing the kids would be in a little better style.
By noon they were worn out. Deliberately they had made no plans until Sarah took Marianne to her house for dinner. They went back to Marianne's apartment, deciding to do whatever came into their heads as long as it did not involve any more exertion than loafing required.
Marianne insisted that they go one more place, though. Philipe's. Sarah had never heard of it but she never forgot it either. A few months later Sarah became a regular customer because of her son Matthew.
Philipe's was an erotic shop. It was small and cramped but somehow intimately tucked away in a basement under a beauty salon. There was one department for erotic clothing, one for various devices of delight, one for books and films, and several other areas Sarah never visited that first trip.
Sarah was aghast and barely able to keep her composure. Marianne got a kick out of Sarah's blushes. Sarah couldn't even look at the section with its immense latex penises with those springy ticklers on the ends. She managed to look more casual in the clothing section. Most of the panties were crotchless. Some of the nighties had the nipples uplifted and cut out. Some of the G-strings for men made Sarah's pussy just a little wet just to hold them up and look at them. One was made to stretch until the penis burst through a hole in the material. Sarah imagined the gigantic penis of her dream lover growing up through the hole while she straddled him and slipped it through the lace-trimmed slit in her panties.
Marianne could not persuade Sarah to buy, though. She only looked. Marianne bought a baby doll nightie that was very sheer, very short and very lavendar. It was probably the tamest nightie there. What really raised Sarah's eyebrows was that Marianne also purchased a pair of those elastic men's panties with the hole for his erection to pop through. To top it off, M. charged both items to her account. Marianne really was very shameless and naughty.
Finally they went to Marianne's apartment. Saturday afternoon with her best friend and no worries ahead for the rest of the day called for a little celebration. Marianne fixed Sarah a Pink Lady. After Sarah finished it, she said, "That tasted like another one, M."
After the second one, Sarah said, "Marianne, I think I'm getting just a little bit drunk."
"Well, good! It's about time you loosened up some. And I'm glad I'm a party to it, too."
As they drank and talked Sarah began looking around Marianne's apartment. She never really had before.
"You sure do have a lot of books, Marianne."
"Yeah, television just doesn't do it for me, so I read like crazy. Want to borrow some of them?"
Sarah stood up, swaying just a little.
Woooooo, I wasn't ready for that."
She went to the bookcases that lined one whole wall. Once there she saw that Marianne had all kinds of books including a huge library of pornographic books.
"You read these kinds of books, too, Marianne?!"
"Every word, honey!"
"Marianne!"
"Can't deny it, Sarah. They're a turn on for me."
"How long have you been reading porno books, M?"
"Oh, wow, longer than I can remember. You know, Sarah, I used to think something was wrong with me. I'd read where very few women enjoyed dirty books like men did. But pretty soon I discovered I was different period."
"Like how? I never noticed anything that . .
"That's why we get along so well, Sarah."
"But really, Marianne, different like how?"
"Being black for starters. Being black and working where we do for seconds. Do you realize, Sarah, I was only the third black woman ever hired by that company?"
"How do you know that?"
"I used to fuck the personnel director."
Sarah still wasn't used to all of Marianne's quirky jokes. The personnel director was Miss Mellowfellows. Marianne could say something like that without cracking a smile.
"Besides," Marianne went on, "I'm tall. Five-ten. Men don't like being looked down on by a woman, especially a black one who is polite and won't spread her legs apart for them."
"They don't have any right to expect that."
"Men do, Sarah, and don't ever believe they don't."
"Is that all that makes you so weird?"
"I'm thirty-one, Sarah, and never even wanted to get married. That is very bad, again especially for a black woman. I left my home back east because my folks, as much as I love them, wouldn't let me alone. Always trying to get me hitched up with some 'decent' local boy. They were pitch black and glued to the ghetto, Sarah. I'm me and nobody else. It took me a long time to appreciate myself as a good and unique person just as I was. I was always trying to change myself into what other people said was right and good and normal. It made my life miserable. That's why I came out here and began doing exactly what I pleased.
Sarah was surprised and moved by Marianne expressing her deeply felt emotions. It brought them closer together.
"Sarah, I'm proud of the fact that I have a nice big apartment in a lily-white section of town and I'm proud of the fact that I keep my private life private. That's one thing I've always liked about you, Sarah, You never asked about my love life or wanted to talk about husbands or boy friends."
"That doesn't mean I wasn't curious."
"There are men in my life, Sarah, more than you'd imagine, too."
"Marianne, we've talked about men at lunch a lot."
"Yes, but you weren't trying to wheedle anything out of me. You weren't wondering anything about me and trying to confirm or deny like all the rest of the girls in the. office."
"Confirm or deny what, Marianne?"
"Come on now, Sarah, you know what they say about me behind my back at work."
"Marianne, I swear I don't."
"Now, Sarah...."
"Really, I don't."
"Really?" asked Marianne uncertainly. "Well, now I would like to know what gossip I missed."
Marianne laughed and hugged Sarah right there on the large plush sofa. Sarah caught her laughter.
"Well, what, Marianne?" insisted Sarah.
Marianne sat back. The tears in her eyes were from more than laughing.
"Sarah, do you think I'm a Lesbian?"
Oddly, Sarah wasn't stunned by that question. The drinks had made her even more honest and forthright.
"Marianne, I think anybody could go for you. And I don't doubt they do, men or women."
"If I were, what would you do, Sarah?" asked Marianne expectantly.
"I'd be going to lunch with you, going shopping with you and having you over for dinner just like I am tonight, Marianne."
Marianne reached out and put her arm on Sarah's.
"Sarah, you're all right, girl."
"What turns you on is your business-and mine only if you want to share it with me. Fair enough?"
Marianne leaned over and kissed Sarah on the cheek.
"Fair enough, Sarah."
"Marianne, there is one thing I want to ask you. Can I borrow some of your books?"
"Sure. Which ones?"
Sarah got up and went back over to the shelves and picked out several she'd spotted that were right down her alley, pornographic and incestuous.
"Mommies do love their little boys," teased Marianne.
Sarah then told Marianne all about her growing porno library in her closet. She told her how it excited her and made her all wet at night in her own bed. Sarah said she'd bring some of them over because there were now too many to hide anymore.
"You know, Sarah, there is a way to make reading them even better than ever. That goes for being with a good man, too."
"The only man I've had for six years is Owen and you already know I'm not getting anything out of that."
"That's all the more reason."
"For what?"
Marianne got up and walked over to Sarah by the bookcase. She took a small jar off the top shelf. Sarah was pretty sure she knew what it contained.
"Marianne, I don't even smoke cigarettes, much less those. Owen would kill me. Really he would!"
"Who's going to tell him? I'm not."
"Nobody, but...."
"He could use some, too. But he probably wouldn't and I don't want you getting into any more trouble than you already are."
"What do you mean already?"
"You already told me he's no good to you and the kids."
"Yes, but these are bad enough," Sarah said, holding up her books. "Smoking grass would be too much."
"Well, it's up to you, girl. You can smoke here with me if you change your mind."
"But it's almost time to leave for my house, Marianne."
"Now, Sarah, we've got at least an hour, and besides, I thought we weren't on a schedule today."
"Even so, I wouldn't want the kids to suspect."
"Hell, Sarah, I'd bet they know more about weed now than you ever will."
"They are more up to date than I was at their age."
"They'll be able to tell you've been drinking, not that you've been smoking weed."
"Well, I am a little tipsy, Marianne. That's true."
"Just to prove my point, Sarah, I smoked a whole jaybird just before you got here this morning. I've been high all day. I'm just now coming down."
Marianne winked and smiled at Sarah, eager to share with Sarah her wicked sensuality.
"Come on, Sarah, The kids will never notice. It'll just seem like we're all having a good time, that's all."
"I'd better not, Marianne. I'm still not over how much I get turned on by reading about mothers seducing their own little boys yet."
Sarah realized she had let slip out a little more than she wanted, but she and Marianne were too close now for holding anything back, so she decided it was all right.
"Whatever turns you on, Sarah. Do you mind if I smoke one before we get ready to go then?"
"Whatever turns you on, Marianne," laughed Sarah.
They both sat down again and at least Sarah learned how to smoke one from her girl friend.
They were both silent for some time. Marianne was inhaling deeply and enjoying the results. She also was directing her exhalations as much as possible in Sarah's direction. Soon Sarah began to lose her sense of urgency about leaving for dinner. She just sat there and relished sipping her drink. After a time, Marianne got up and gestured to Sarah as if to say she'd be right back. She went into the hallway toward her bedroom.
Sarah sat there and looked at the smoldering joint in the ashtray. She realized she was getting high from being close to the smoke, but it didn't bother her as she thought it would. It felt extremely relaxing and quite different than just having drinks. Without really thinking about it Sarah picked up the jay and took a short puff on it. She inhaled slowly. It burned and stung her throat on the way down but she figured that meant it was working. Sarah then closed her eyes and held her nose and blew as she had seen Marianne do a few minutes ago.
"I changed my mind," Sarah yelled out to Marianne.
"I thought you might. Good, isn't it?" Marianne yelled back.
Then Marianne came back through the hallway door. Sarah watched her with sudden interest. Marianne was wearing the lavendar nightie she'd bought at Philipe's. It was held up by two thin straps that dipped very low before beginning to swing across Marianne's large lush breasts.
Marianne walked quite slowly across the living room and posed herself before Sarah. Marianne's long milk-chocolate legs led Sarah's eyes down to her slight ankles and the silver high-heeled slippers she wore. Then Marianne leaned over and reached for the still smoldering jay that Sarah still held lightly in her lips. Sarah could not help but gather in the firmly swaying breasts of her black friend. Marianne dragged in deeply and held her breath. Then Sarah noticed something.
"Marianne, those aren't the panties that came with the nightie. My goodness, where on earth did you get those?"
"Like them, love?" Marianne said, turning in a circle.
"They're so much smaller!" exclaimed Sarah.
Sarah stared at the yellow G-string which contrasted sweetly with the silky, brown skin tone of Marianne's hips and flaring bottom. A small triangle of yellow net covered Marianne's pussy mound inadequately. Her rich, thick, curly cunny hair overflowed every side of the sheer yellow triangle. As Marianne turned on the balls of her feet, Sarah could see the thin yellow strands disappear completely into her asscrack, leaving her wide brown expanse of ass open to Sarah's gaze.
"There isn't any rear to your lovely panties."
"I know, Sarah."
"No man could resist that, Marianne."
"No man does, Sarah. And no woman could-if I were that way."
"I couldn't ever wear anything like that, Marianne."
"You're wrong, Sarah. Come with me and I'll show you."
Sarah took another light but burning tug on the jay and followed Marianne's undulating display of black hips and thighs into her black-walled, mirror-lined bedroom. Inside, Marianne led her to the bed and sat her down, brushing against her slightly in doing so. Marianne went to the closet and opened the doors.
"Since we should both have something special like this and since you would not buy one for yourself, I'll just have to give you one of mine."
Marianne then reached in and pulled free a long pink nightgown that opened down the front like a robe. In a moment Sarah was out of her clothes and backing up to where Marianne held it open for her. Sarah let the gauzy chiffon material slide down over her naked body. Then Sarah turned to look up to the taller Marianne.
Marianne tilted her head approvingly. Marianne subtly thrust out her hips to Sarah. Sarah looked down and Saw Marianne's pussy hairs overflowing the yellow triangle of her own panties and brushing and entangling with the lighter but just as bushy down of her own pussy.
Sarah thought of how painful her life had been and how good she felt now in contrast. She looked up to Marianne. Sarah saw the jay she was holding. She reached over and guided Marianne's hand to her own lips. Then she let her hand down and leaned her head back. Marianne pressed the jay further in and held it while Sarah drew the smoke in deeply, basking in the searing cascade of smoke in her throat. Marianne held her softly behind the neck and ever so slightly drew Sarah into her so their bodies molded together. As Sarah hit long and hard on the jay for the first time, Marianne inhaled the smoke left over as it rose to her nostrils.
Marianne was thrilling inside at the feel of Sarah's heavy, darkly nippled breasts rising up into hers.
"Now, you've got one just as nice as mine, Sarah," Marianne said to her softly.
"Hmmmm, I love it already, M. Thank you so much."
"I've got lots of nice things like that, Sarah. My best girl would have one anyway."
Sarah sighed in thanks, still holding the smoke. Marianne twitched at the sharp movement of Sarah's nipples against her breasts. Then Sarah stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Marianne with her moist lips. Marianne sighed and let her arms slide down along the long filmy sleeves of Sarah's nightgown. Marianne kissed her back but had to control herself.
Marianne knew she could seduce Sarah then. But if she did, Sarah would later feel she had been drugged and tricked into it. It would shock her into a rejection of Marianne. Marianne knew this. It had happened to her before. Marianne would wait. It would be worth it. She looked down once more at the nakedness of Sarah's firm petite hips and ass and the lush motherliness of her big-nippled titties and she knew it would be worth it.
Sarah was lost in her high, aware Marianne was helping her dress to go to dinner, but dreaming of other things. For an instant Sarah saw what it all meant to her. Sarah wanted her son Matthew to fuck her. Sarah Wilkers wanted her fourteen-year-old son Matthew on top of her fucking her to a rich cream cum. Fucking her every single night, even the seven nights a month she would bleed sweetly, fluidly over his cock as it drilled in and out of her deep, tight cunt. Sarah wanted to be Matthew's incestuous momma cunny. Humping under and over him every night and in the morning, too, before he went to school and she went to work. Squealing under him and just as much squealing over him as she was holding out her arms to the sky and sitting up and down on his big thick cock and listening to the beautiful sounds of her cunt squishing through the flood of cum she would make him spurt into her, into his own mother's open, hotly craving pussy.