Chapter 3

As usual, Lew was not at home when Brenda re-turned at six o'clock. She knew he spent two or three evenings each week with Valerie, but she wondered, without caring, where he passed the rest of his time. He seemed neither to work nor to be desperately short of money. He was permanently "up to something," something shady which is why she called him a spiv. Brenda hoped to, be free of him before the bomb exploded but she would have liked Valerie to be out of it too. She'd spoken to Valerie many times, but to no avail. Innocent, unsullied Valerie imagined herself purely loved where she herself loved as purely as any human being can love.

More than ever before, Brenda wished Lew would come home, if only for a few minutes. For the first time since she had become his "thing," she had tentatively accepted an invitation to go out with another man, with Peter Buxton, one of the general practitioners at Richter's. She had promised to meet him at the Martinez at eight o'clock, but warned him that she might have to telephone him, either at home or at the restaurant, to tell him she was unable to keep their appointment. Foolish girl! If Lew had appeared, had thrown her across the bed or the kitchen table, she would either have forgotten Peter or at least have telephoned to break her appointment with him. Lew was busy elsewhere, vainly endeavoring to seduce Valerie, who loved him too deeply to cheapen herself in his eyes by allowing him to have his way with her.

Peter was waiting in front of the Martinez Restaurant, in Swallow Street, to pay for Brenda's taxi as she stepped out of it, resplendent in the cream satin, calf-length evening gown which she was wearing for the first time since she fled from France.

After a thrilling Spanish dinner, Dr. Buxton took her to the Cafe de Paris, to hear Shirley Bassey (the "Tigress of Cardiff's Tiger Bay") to drink champagne and to dance to the music of diminutive Bert Ambrose. She enjoyed herself immensely but that did. not prevent her insisting that Peter take her home at one o'clock. She would have lilted to stay until dawn. Peter danced so well-and Ambrose is still King; but she did not want to arrive home too long after Lew, who was accustomed to finding her in bed and open-thighed when he re-turned from his abortive campaigns of seduction.

At the door of her building Peter kissed her for the first time. It was a chaste kiss, which gave Brenda the delightful sensation that she was a virgin again. She ran up the stairs as light hearted as a college girl coming home after her first innocent date.

Lew was in a bad mood, a very bad mood. He had taken Valerie to see a sexy Italian film, with ludicrous, oh so very English subtitles, and then he had hurried her home to her apartment, quite sure she would invite him into her living room, into her tiny bedroom, into her single bed, and in between her thighs. Valerie, however, suspecting him of being in a dangerous state of mind and matter, had pleaded migraine and had gently, lovingly insisted on his contenting himself with a series of rather audacious kisses outside her door. Their kisses had in-creased his already considerable lust after female flesh.

On the homeward underground he had made several unsuccessful and humiliating attempts to make acquaintance with this girl and that, and had finally hurried home knowing that the ever faithful Brenda would take all he had to give.

Holy Christ! The filthy bitch had failed him. Women! Cheap whores! A man turned his back, and his "steady!' was up the first dark alley, taking off her panties for any "gigolo" or pimp who wave a large penis under her infidel nose!

Fuming, swearing, kicking the furniture, opening one bottle of stout after the other, Lew had worked himself up to the pinnacle of frustration and jealous anger, which was not in the least diminished by Brenda's smiling, bright eyed, almost dancing interruption of his accusatory soliloquy.

"Where the hell have you been?" he screamed, before she had time even to greet him.

"In the West End! Dinner in a wonderful Iberian restaurant just off Regent Street. And dancing at the Cafe de Paris."

"So, now you do it for food and champagne!" he sneered, thrusting his distorted face to within six inches of her.

"Do what?"

"This!" he exclaimed, throwing her backwards across the table and thrusting his hands under her skirts to clutch crazily at the most exquisite panties in her large, thrilling collection. She fought him off, punched his nose with all her strength, and sprang furiously out of his reach.

"Keep your filthy hands off me! Stay where you are and listen to me, or I'll scream for help and have you put away for five years! There's been nothing like that this evening. I've been out with a man, not a beast; and I shall be going out with him a lot from now on, unless you start taking more notice of me and less of Valerie."

"You're not going to boss me about." he mumbled, pouring another bottle of stout into his glass. "I shall see as much of Valerie as I want. That's what you want-she's told me as much. But as long as you're living in my flat, you'll keep dear of imagine boys in their white ties and tails and you'll be here when I get home. O.K.? "

"Idiot! I'm a fool to tell you this, but I came home at six o'clock having warned my friend that if you were at home and if you were prepared either to stay home with me or take me out some-where, I'd phone him to break my appointment. As usual you were out, you gave me no idea where you were or when you'd be back and you hadn't shown up at half past seven, so I went out with a new friend rather than spend the evening alone, waiting for you to come home and make love to me merely because your ladylove wouldn't give in to you. I don't mind your running after Valerie. On the contrary, since she's got you under her skin, she's welcome to you. But if you think I'm going to stay here twiddling my thumbs until you throw me out when Valerie agrees to come and take my place, you're crazy."

"Big-head! Where d'ye get this idea of yourself? Valerie'll come here whenever I ask her to. Only she doesn't want to drive you out. I've got other bints too, so I'm not depending on you."

Brenda knew he was boasting stupidly, but she pretended to believe him, as an excuse for setting herself free of him.

"All right," she said, "I'll get out and clear the, decks for you and all your female admirers."

Two or three long steps took her into the bed-room. She locked the door behind her and began frantically to pack her suitcases. She ignored his pounding on the door, his shouted threats and his entreaties. When she returned to the living room, Lew was dozing in a dilapidated armchair. He stirred as she went around the room picking up odds and ends which belonged to her. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

"It's too late to go tonight." he whined. "Wait till tomorrow, and I'll help you with your bags! We can have a nice night together and part on good terms."

"There's no point in our hating each other. We're both friends of Valerie, so we shall meet from time to time, but you've hurt me. I never minded your seeing Valerie. I love her, and she-likes your company, so it was all right by me. But when you come home after an evening with her and start abusing me because I've spent an innocent evening with one of my colleagues, well that's the last straw, and I must get away from here-at once. I would just like to ask you to let me leave my big case here until tomorrow."

He shrugged his shoulders to express reluctant granting of her request. She picked up a suitcase in each hand and walked towards the door. He sprang to his feet, and reached the door as she stepped out onto the landing.

"A farewell kiss'" he suggested.

"A farewell 'kiss, yes. But none of your kisses which start something instead of ending it!"

He took her roughly' in his arms and tried to bestow upon her closed lips precisely the sort of kiss she had refused. It was not easy for her to break away without responding to his fervor. Her flesh wanted him but her spirit and her head insisted upon her cutting cleanly the bonds to which she might otherwise have remained enslaved. She pushed him back against the wall and was halfway down the stairs before he was in a position to pro-test her abrupt flight.

In her tiny room at the Commercial Hotel she felt really free for the first time in her life and she silently vowed to guard her freedom jealousy.