Introduction
"A wrathful men stirreth up strife; but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife," says the Bible. And ever since the Bible, books of remarkable diversity have advised against becoming or remaining angry. Even Thomas De Quincey, in his Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, published over a hundred years ago, said: "Call for the grandest of all earthly spectacles, what is that? It is the sun going to his rest. Call for the grandest of all human sentiments, what is that? It is that man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep."
These are noble-sounding ideas, but modern psychologists have raised serious questions about the entire subject. Anger and hostility, the experts now feel, are emotions that are entirely normal for every human being, and things that should be released rather than bottled up or forgotten.
In an important new book, Intimacy: Sensitivity, Sex, and the Art of Love, authors Gina Allen and Clement G. Martin, M.D., state: "Recognizing that one is capable of hostility is part of understanding and accepting the self. All of us-men and women-are naturally capable of hate. If these had not been part of our ancestors' natures we wouldn't be here. For aggression is necessary to reach a goal and that goal could be the preservation of life itself. Hostility is a natural reaction to interference with the drive to reach a goal. By sending emergency messages from the brain through the body it prepares us physically for greater effort.
"That's one reason why it is so important that we express hostility when we feel it. Otherwise the body is kept constantly on the alert, with no relaxing relief and all sorts of disabling consequences, from headaches to ulcers to high blood pressure.
"It's helpful to say, 'I'm mad!' and then to do something about it. Sometimes all you can do is kick or pound a sofa or a bed. Or bat at a tennis ball, or knock a golf ball around the fairway, or hurl a bowling ball down the alley. These activities get rid of the extra fighting power our anger has generated in our bodies. But they don't put a faltering relationship on its feet again.
"To do that you have to be able to say to your intimate partner, 'I'm mad and ready to fight.' But be sure you know why you're mad so you can communicate it to him honestly. Too often we explode with an anger which we haven't traced to its source. Then expressing this emotion can be destructive. A husband opens a bill and screams in rage, 'I'm mad because you're the most extravagant woman in town. I should have known you would be. Your mother spoiled you rotten and drove your father to the poorhouse. Is that what you're trying to do to me? Well, I won't take it!'
"He's getting rid of his hostilities, but in the process he'd wounding his wife and chipping away at their marriage. Had he taken time to analyze why he was really angry he would be able to say, 'I'm mad because you charged five hundred dollars' worth of clothes at the dress shop when you know I am so worried about our finances that I haven't even bought a new overcoat, which I need much more than you need dresses.'
"With that statement he begins to rid himself of his anger and makes her aware of the reasons for it, without stripping her of her dignity or undermining their relationship...."
Some people, of course, find it practically impossible to analyze their own emotions as well as is described here. Such a person is Elsie, the unfortunate protagonist of When She Was Wild..., this perceptive novel by a new writer, D. V. Holloway. Elsie goes "wild" in two senses in the course of the story: "wild"-promiscuous sexually-after the failure of her marriage, which happens largely because she was "wild"-angry-at her husband to begin with and never fully recognized what was happening to her.
Elsie came from a poverty-stricken family and married Harold Levenson when he was a poor but struggling sales clerk. Harold was determined to make a fortune, and Elsie set about helping him do so. They worked together and after a time were well on the road to riches, putting enormous effort into two very different businesses: insurance and antiques. Their work was highly cooperative, and their marriage appeared to be an ideal partnership in every sense.
Underneath the surface, however, Elsie secretly resented the fact that she was shouldering half of the burden but was getting little of the credit. Her anger and hostility remained buried until the critical turning point, which came when she had to make an important sale for Harold by giving her body to another man. And although she found that this act was far from being physically repugnant, the necessity of it added fuel to the fire within her.
Mr. Holloway does not dwell heavy-handedly on Elsie's psychological motivations, but tells a fast-paced and entertaining story. There is no doubt, however, that her experiences would make a fascinating case history for any psychologist or psychiatrist. If she had been able to obtain help, of course, her story would have been entirely different. As it is, it can provide a valuable lesson for any husband or wife-or any human being who has ever felt angry or hostile. And who among us has not?
-The Publishers Chatsworth, Cal. June, 1972