Chapter 7

The beleaguered girl sat in a stupor. Nightfall came and still she did not stir. A fever crept over her and she began to tremble, but she mustered no energy to move about. The only sound through the empty house was the melancholy striking of the mantle clock.

She felt fear no longer; she only felt a dull ache sweeping through her body. She tried to focus her eyes on her image in the mirror but she could not. She reached up and touched her cheek and was shocked to find it wet with perspiration. Her eyes were blurred with water. Finally she stood up.

In the mirror now she saw herself and the image was that of a tired old woman. The hazy sight caused her to shrink backward. Got to get myself together, she mumbled. What to do? What to do? She knew she could not take the trip now; she only wanted to find relief from the gnawing pain in her bones. Warm bath, take a warm bath, she told herself. She stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the water, letting it run full of hot steamy water. Though it felt scalding, she threw off her clothes and stepped in; the pain of the extreme heat made her wince but she wanted it hot-she wanted to burn away the dross of the vile old man from her skin.

She sat in the tub until the water was tepid. For the first time in hours she felt human again. Coming into the bedroom, she felt extreme exhaustion. Sleep, go to sleep, she said. But no, she could not sleep, not now. She had to do something, to talk to someone, to find some relief. She rushed to the phone and called Phil's number.

No answer. She waited five minutes and called again. No answer. She waited ten more minutes. She called fifteen times in the next hour. He was not there, and suddenly she felt inconsolably lost, bereft of hope, and utterly lonely.

She threw on a sweater and slacks and went out of the house. She walked down the street briskly, feeling a dull pain growing into an acute ache just over her line of vision. She didn't know where she was headed; she simply walked on, as though she were part of some mournful procession. After several blocks she was on the campus of John's college.

Students drifted about under the lamplights that dimly lit the picturesque campus. She went by the student union and heard much merriment within-loud music and laughing voices that seemed to mock her solitary sojourn. A young couple came bouncing out of the building and down the steps, they flashed by her chattering happily; they even spoke to her as they went along. The old feeling of despondency swept through her, and as she walked along she yearned to be here safe in these academic groves among friends. "Phil," she muttered aloud. "Where are you?"

She knew he lived in an apartment house near the campus-he had mentioned it once at her house. She circled around the main campus, going across the campus green where other lovers were sitting on benches and sprawled on blankets. She decided that she would walk by his apartment-just to be near him and where he might be was enough.

She came to a row of apartment buildings. Confusion gripped her; all the buildings looked alike and she couldn't remember the name of his. She pretended to be strolling by, but she looked at the name of each apartment house as she passed, hoping that the right name would come to her. Now and then a student came out of one of the buildings, but she was too frightened to ask if they knew Phil.

You can't go home, she cried to herself. The thought of going back to that house alone horrified her. She stumbled along the street. At one of the buildings she saw a great deal of activity: many young people going in and out, bustling about. Evidently a Friday night bash was in process. Throwing caution away, she decided to go inside the building, to follow the many others going there, hoping desperately that she might find him somewhere.

She looked on the row of mailboxes inside the lobby; sure enough there was his name. Did she dare go up to his room? And what if he were with another girl? It would kill her, she knew. What if he had just been playing around with her? Had it all been a scheme to get to John? All manner of terrifying thoughts gripped her.

A procession of young people moved down the hallway and outside to a big courtyard. Cautiously she walked behind the others. She came out onto the gaily lit area and saw many couples dancing around the swimming pool. Evidently the party had been going on for hours now and had reached a fever pitch. Loud rock music blasted the air; the dancers worked in bombastic rhythms.

She went by the large table where all manner of hard drinks were being handed out freely. Someone thrust a glass in her hand and patted her bottom. As she weaved through the large, jostling crowd a pair of hands grabbed her from behind and pulled her away. Before she knew it she was in the middle of weaving, gyrating dancers. The hands held her waist, a dark face came to hers and mashed against her mouth. Hands were all over her body.

"Hey, baby, you're a groove!" the voice called out. "Oh, wow, chick, let's go ball!"

Frantically she pulled away. All around the shadows of the pool she saw people indulging in erotic games. A couple sat beneath a clump of hedge and openly made out, the male's head sunken deep in the divide of the chick's thighs. She tried desperately to get through the throng of crazed dancers. She stumbled at the edge of the pool and almost fell into the icy water. She held her balance and made for a narrow pathway between canopied tables. Next she saw right before her a young man sitting between two girls-they were partially shaded from the rest of the party by a high hedge. She stood a moment dazed and with her eyes fixed on the little erotic scene. Both girls were naked to the waist and the young man was fondling first one girl's breasts and then the other. The girls were alternatively kissing his face, his neck, their hands going all over his bulging crotch. She couldn't tear herself away from her narrow vantage point. Now the young man was pulling one of the girls over and spreading her legs; the other girl was taking his cock out of his pants -she bent and took the bulbous head into her cheek and then took it out and jacked it furiously. Now the other girl was ready, and the girl with the cock in her hands helped guide it to the waiting love-hole. The young man began hunching down into the gaping pussy while the other girl pushed against his buttocks with her pelvis. Very soon the three of them were wrapped in a tangled, distorted unity of erotic pleasure.

Finally she averted her eyes, pulled herself away. The party place had become one heaving mass of flesh. Her head felt as though it would explode, and now she knew that she had to get away before she became lost completely. She weaved through the throbbing crowd, knocking into people, feeling hands groping for her, pulling away desperately. Finally she reached the entrance to the boiling din.

She ran as quickly as she could. Far behind her now she heard a calling voice, but it seemed only a taunting spectre. The voice called again but she dared not stop or go back. But very clearly she had heard her own name being called out And then another pair of hands grasped her, stopped her frantic escape. She seemed to go to pieces then-everything inside seemed to explode. It was pointless to strive anymore; she simply yielded to that irresistible force pursuing her.

"Jill... for God's sake, Jill!"

"I don't care ... I don't care ... it doesn't matter," she stammered, falling.

"Jill ... what's wrong ... what are you doing here ... Jill, are you all right? For God's sake! It's me, Phil."

"What? Who?" She opened her eyes and tried to focus. And then she saw the face, that clear and sensitive face with the smiling, melting eyes. It was Phil. She threw her arms around him and wept uncontrollably.

"What's happened to you?" he demanded, picking her up.

"Hold me, darling," she cried. "Please."

"It's all right, baby," he soothed, leading her away. "It's all right. I'll take care of you now."