Chapter 4
Charlotte rang the doorbell of her three neighboring friends. Karin answered the door. She was surprised, but thrilled, to see Charlotte. But she tried to be calm.
"Charlotte, what a surprise!" she said. "Come in."
"Hi Karin," said Charlotte. "Is Anne here? I'd like to talk to her."
"No. She and Suzanne went out." Karin looked down to the floor for a minute. "Is there something on your mind?" she inquired, lifting it back up. "No, nothing in particular," replied Charlotte. "I just wanted to talk to her about something."
"Well, as long as you're here, why don't you stay for a while," said Karin. "Is something wrong? You can talk to me about it, if you want."
"Thanks, I'll stay for a while," said Charlotte, sitting down on a soft furry lounge chair. "No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to talk to Anne."
Karin felt the unwelcome pangs of jealousy disturb her heart. She didn't like the idea of Charlotte becoming friendly with Anne. In fact, she didn't like the idea of Charlotte becoming friendly with anyone. She wanted to feel she was closer to Charlotte than any other person. She brushed the pangs aside. She was a nicer person than Anne-eventually, Charlotte would confide why she had come.
Charlotte sank into the comfortable chair, kicking her legs in the air. Karin watched her with pleasure. She adored the looseness of Charlotte's movements, the sensuality of her air. Her heart throbbed at the thought of her naked body.
"So Karin," spoke Charlotte, "is anything doing?"
"Not much," Karin replied. "We're having a party Saturday night. You and Marie are invited."
"Really?" said Charlotte. "I can't believe it."
"Why not?" Karin inquired.
"Well, you've had so many parties and you've never invited us before," Charlotte replied.
"I always wanted to ask you," said Karin, "but Anne and Suzanne were afraid that you'd disapprove."
"Disapprove of what?"
"They have some very strange friends who do some very strange things," Karin answered.
"Oh, come on now," Charlotte said. "I don't give a shit what someone else does as long as they don't inflict it on me. And neither does Marie," she added, with emphasis. ' Karin bristled within at the mention of Charlotte's best friend and roommate. She lowered her tone and spoke a little uneasily.
"Anne said that after talking to you last night, she's changed her opinion."
"Oh, that's good," Charlotte replied. "We had a good conversation. I like Anne a lot." Charlotte thought back. "I can see how she would think I'd disapprove, I guess," she laughed.
"She mentioned that you'd had a feminist conversation," said Karin, a bit uncertainly.
"A lesbian conversation, not a feminist one," Charlotte replied. "They're not the same thing, you know."
"I know," said Karin. "But sometimes I wonder."
"What do you wonder about?"
"Oh, why women are encouraged to think so highly of men, when all the while their sisters, warm and loving, are close at hand. It is kind of a male thing, the way we're conditioned into being their sex objects."
"Oh, I don't know about that," Charlotte replied. "I look at it this way. Men are important to me because I dig sex. I can understand why they've manipulated things so that women are available to be fucked. But it's up to the women themselves not to let men take advantage of them. It's the same thing with men who let women take advantage of them. And there are plenty of those, too. Just this morning, Marie and me were complaining that there's too many saps for men. We can't figure out what's wrong with them."
Karin glumly stared at the girl. "But why bother with men, if all you're interested in is sex? You can get that from another woman."
"Because I like men," Charlotte replied. "I don't resent that I'm regarded as a sex object, as long as that's not all I'm regarded as. I look at men as sex objects, so why shouldn't they look at me like that."
"I don't know," said Karin. "It seems to me that sex should be more meaningful than that, whether between men and women or women and women."
"Meaningful sex is nice," Charlotte remarked, "but there aren't always people around that you have meaningful relationships with. And then again, it depends what you consider a meaningful relationship."
"I mean a closeness-somebody you can talk to, somebody who understands. Someone you can trust."
"Well, according to that definition, Marie and me have a meaningful relationship." Karin looked distressed to hear it. "But I don't particularly want to fuck her," Charlotte added.
Karin sighed with relief. "Maybe you don't feel as close to her as you think. Otherwise, maybe you would want to fuck her."
Charlotte looked straight into Karin's eyes. "I don't think so," she replied, sensing the train of Karin's thoughts. She would try and set the confused girl straight. "I really dig Marie, but she doesn't turn me on. But if I ever went gay, I'd want Marie more than anyone I know."
"But don't you think it says something, that you don't want her." Karin was pushing it.
"I think it says that so far, I'm strictly heterosexual, that's all. I like Marie more than any woman I know."
Karin grew fidgety, sitting on the sofa. She found Charlotte's statement of affection for Marie disturbing.
"It's funny, the topic of this conversation," Charlotte said suddenly. "Me and Anne were talking about the very same thing, just last night. It's one of the reasons I came to see her."
"Really?" said Karin. "Why?"
"Well, she was trying to convince me to go bi, and she made a good case."
Karin grew nervous and excited upon hearing this.
"What did she say?" inquired the girl.
"She said that why fuck only men when you could double the fun by fucking men and women," Charlotte replied. "It makes sense, only I'm not sure that fucking women would be fun."
"That's because you're fighting it," Karin insisted.
"That's what Anne said, and I was wondering about her first experience with a woman."
"It was with Suzanne," said Karin. "They became lovers while schoolgirls together in Paris."
There was a silent pause. Charlotte glanced at Karin, wondering why she was so afraid to refer to herself as a lesbian. Surely, she must be aware that she and Marie had heard all the gossip about her. Charlotte wondered if she herself should force Karin to admit it. She decided to play games with the girl, to see if she could get her to admit it.
"How about you, Karin," asked Charlotte, a note of daring in her tone. "Which way do you go?"
Karin didn't know what to say. She didn't expect that Charlotte would come right out and directly ask her to her face. She knew she wouldn't lie, but she felt nervous about admitting it. It was stupid, really, as Charlotte was the last person bound to disapprove, especially after the conversation they'd been having. Karin had no excuse for remaining silent, yet her instincts told her not to reveal a thing.
"I, I, I dig women, myself," she said, not daring to look Charlotte in the face.
Charlotte raised her eyebrows. She didn't know which was more interesting: Karin's admission or the discomfort she obviously felt in discussing the subject. Charlotte continued to pursue it, wondering what Karin would do next.
"Only women? Don't you go for men at all?"
Karin shook her head. "I don't like men at all," she practically whispered.
"Well," said Charlotte, "that's your preference."
Karin looked up at Charlotte, a little surprised that her tone was not disapproving. "Yes, my preference," she repeated.
"Well, as long as you're happy with it, I don't see anything wrong with it," Charlotte said. She knew that Karin felt uncomfortable and was trying to make her see that she was feeling uncomfortable for nothing. Charlotte's opinion of her would not change, just because she knew Karin was gay.
Karin smiled appreciatively. That was what she loved about Charlotte. The girl always managed to make her feel good about herself, to accept herself for what she was. Charlotte always accepted anything Karin said, without moralizing. Karin could tell her everything, confess all her sins, as it were. Still, Charlotte would not think the less of her.
Charlotte provided Karin with a security she desperately needed, the security of knowing that anything she did was alright. Charlotte was the only one she could trust to understand.
Karin made her mistake in assuming that just because Charlotte was not a moralist by nature, she felt some special affection for Karin. Karin did not perceive that Charlotte would react the same way to anyone about almost anything. Charlotte's interest in Karin was only half-compassion; it was also half-psychological. Karin did not see that Charlotte patronized her, just a bit. Karin was so hard on herself, such a moralist in her own mind, that she could not conceive of understanding without coupling it with love. Unfortunately for her, it was a love that Charlotte did not possess.
"You know, Charlotte," Karin said, almost dreamily, "you're really a wonderful person."
"Not really," Charlotte smiled. "I just don't see anything wrong with people doing what they want, as long as they don't hurt anyone else."
"But not everyone is like that, you know," replied Karin.
"That's true," Charlotte admitted.
"You'd be surprised how many people look down on me, just because I'm a lesbian," Karin remarked.
"I'm not surprised," Charlotte declared. "There's a lot of ignorant people around. What surprised me is that you take them so seriously. I would think that you feel secure enough in your own decisions to laugh at the ignorance of those who would condemn you."
"It's harder than you think," Karin replied. Her voice trembled with emotion.
"Oh, I don't know," said Charlotte. "Anne doesn't worry about what other people think of her."
"Anne is crazy," Charlotte declared, with a hint of disgust in her voice. "She doesn't care about anything."
"You don't seem to like her," Charlotte noticed.
"She's very cold. Suzanne too. Maybe it's in their blood-T don't know.
"I believe that myth refers to their sexual appetites," Charlotte laughed. "But Anne, and Suzanne too, always seemed friendly to me."
"They're friendly, but when you get to know them well, you find out that they don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves." Karin sounded a little bitter, Charlotte thought.
"But you can't expect people to care about you the way they care about themselves," Charlotte insisted.
"Well, they don't care about anyone, except themselves," said Karin.
"How about each other? Don't they care about each other?" Charlotte asked.
"No, not really. They're supposed to be lovers, but you should see them battle it out when there's a piece of ass up for grabs.
They'd cut each other's throat for it," insisted Karin.
"All's fair in love and war," quipped Charlotte. "Look, they've done nothing to offend me, and I can only go by how they treat me."
Karin stared at the wall in silence. Charlotte could not know what it was like unless she lived with them. They were cold-hearted bitches who had no feeling or compassion. They were so selfish it was disgusting.
But Karin thought she would drop the subject. She didn't want to talk about Anne and Suzanne. She didn't want to talk about Marie. She didn't want to talk about anything else but her and Charlotte. She wondered how she could bring the conversation back to lesbianism.
"Charlotte, do you think you'll ever sleep with a woman?" she suddenly asked.
Charlotte thought for a while. "It's hard to say. I can't truly say that I would and I can't say that I wouldn't. It would depend on the situation. For instance, if I ever found myself in the spot where I wanted to fuck a particular woman, I would go ahead and do it. But I don't think it's something I would plan in advance. It would have to be spontaneous."
"Do you know any woman you think you'd like to make love with?" Karin asked.
Charlotte understood what she was getting at. She wondered if she should innocently evade the underlying meaning. She was in a daring mood. Charlotte thought she'd confront Karin.
"Is that an invitation?" she coyly replied.
Karin blushed, caught unawares.
"Don't be embarrassed," said Charlotte. "If that's what you meant, I'm flattered."
Karin smiled sheepishly. "I wouldn't mind making love to you. You're very appealing to me."
"Thank you. But no thanks, just the same."
Karin frowned. She had thought that Charlotte was going to sleep with her, that's why she had admitted it so openly. Charlotte's rejection shook her somewhat. Karin hastened to restore her face.
"I just thought if you wanted to try it out, I'd do you the favor," she said.
"Well, like I said, it would have to happen spontaneously. I'd have to be in the right place at the right time."
"It would be spontaneous if you decided to do it right now," Karin replied, still hoping.
"That's true," Charlotte had to agree.
Charlotte considered what Karin was saying to her. She had come across the hall to visit her neighbors, half-hoping that Anne would seduce her. Anne had not been home, but Charlotte had found her proposition. She wondered if she should take Karin up on her offer, just out of curiousity.
The trouble was, Charlotte just didn't find Karin appealing. Not that there was anything wrong with the girl; she just wasn't Charlotte's type of person. Karin was timid and shy, fearful of offending. Charlotte liked people who were confident and aggressive, daring and envigorating. Karin possessed none of these qualitites.
But then again, Charlotte considered, maybe that's just the reason you should do it with her. You wouldn't have to worry about your own performance. You could find out all about fucking a woman without feeling like a novice. Karin is bound to be more nervous than you would be.
Charlotte felt the old hormones stirring as she thought about what it would be like. It would be exciting, if for no other reason than its prohibitive position in society. Why not, she thought? Why judge something without first experiencing it? But with Karin? Charlotte was still dubious.
"I'll tell you something," said Charlotte to Karin. "I'm almost tempted. But what if it turned into a disaster or something?"
"Don't worry," Karin quickly said. "I'll be gentle and understanding with you. I realize it will be your first time."
Charlotte had to stifle the smile that was spreading on her face. She wasn't worried that Karin would be rough with her; she was worried that Karin would not be aggressive enough for her tastes. But what the hell. The worst that could happen would be that she wouldn't like it. She had wasted many an afternoon before. Why not take advantage of this opportunity?
"Okay," she said. "Go ahead, seduce me."
Karin stared at her, hardly believing her own ears. It was like a dream come true. It was a dream come true.
"I wouldn't want you to think of it like that," she finally said, "as a seduction."
"I'm only joking," Charlotte said. "Come on, what do we do? Should I take my clothes off?" Charlotte began unbuttoning her shirt. Karin's heart jumped with excitement and anticipation.
"Let's go into my room," said Karin, "in case someone comes home."
Charlotte followed Karin inside. Karin felt like she was living a dream. It was too good to be true, a fantasy come true. She had been dying to kiss Charlotte for months; now she would get to love her with her whole body. Karin creamed her panties in excitement.
Charlotte sat on the edge of the bed, stripping. She was quickly naked to the waist and Karin stared with joy at the hot bouncing tits, milk white with blue marble veins transparent through the soft skin. Her brown round nipples were pointy and enticing. Karin trembled as she anticipated stroking the hot flesh with her palm.
Charlotte unzipped her jeans and flung them on the floor, along with her panties. Once she made up her mind to do something, she put all reservations out of her mind. Now was no time to be nervous, for she knew it would interfere with the purity of the new experience. Besides, she knew there was nothing to be nervous about; just something new and strange to be excited about.
"Aren't you going to get undressed?" she said, looking up at Karin. She was not nervous about sleeping with a woman,-but the way Karin looked at her made Charlotte feel a little uncomfortable.
"Oh, yes, of course," said Karin. She slipped off her clothing.
Charlotte sat on the bed, waiting for Karin to come to her. Karin sat down beside her and tenderly gazed into her eyes. Charlotte wanted to get right down to it. She knew that Karin was taking it too seriously and it bothered her.
Oh, it's too late to turn back now, she philosophized, deciding to get done what she had taken off her clothes to do. She lifted her lips and pursed them, waiting for Karin to kiss her.
Karin put her wet mouth over Charlotte's pink swollen lips, tenderly running her fingers through Charlotte's thick silken hair. Charlotte was so soft, so warm, so beautiful. Karin kissed her with all the passion she felt. Her tongue said, " I love you, Charlotte," as it roamed the hidden nooks and crannies of Charlotte's inner moist mouth flesh.
Charlotte closed her eyes and told herself that the physical sensation of kissing Karin should logically be as enjoyable as kissing a man. A hot eager tongue was a hot eager tongue, male or female, and one furious with frantic desire should be as pleasurable to her as ever, regardless of sex. The sensations of physical stimulation should be the same.
But kissing Karin was not all that thrilling. Karin was too soft, too mushy about it. She kissed in a sentimental manner. Charlotte would prefer her to be hot and eager to satisfy her own lust, and less attentive of Charlotte's needs. Charlotte could take care of herself.
Well, Charlotte told herself, this is just like fucking a dud of a man. You've been through this before. It's not the most thrilling kind of sex, but now that you're in it, make the best of it. As far as Charlotte was concerned, the best would be to have a fantastic orgasm after being highly aroused.
She grinded her lips against Karin's, trying to put a little more energy into the action. Karin moaned low, smattering passionate kisses all over Charlotte's neck and throat. Charlotte felt herself growing hot, in spite of Karin's obvious emotion. The physical stimulation was still there.
Charlotte eased down on her back, pulling Karin on top of her. It was a drag, to have to be the aggressor in your first lesbian experience, but Karin did not move fast enough for Charlotte. She wasted to much time expressing herself with her lips. Charlotte thought she could express herself much better by applying her lips to Charlotte's pussy instead of her throat.
Karin's heart beat with excitement as Charlotte became more aggressive. She knew it would be like this! She knew that once she got Charlotte into bed, once she acted out her love for her, Charlotte would find herself unable to resist that love. Charlotte would realize the attraction, the chemistry that existed between them. She would finally see that they were meant to be together.
It would be a long rough road, Karin knew, but eventually, she and Charlotte would marry, as good as if they were man and woman. They would spend the rest of their lives together. Karin knew that it would be a gradual process; after all, Charlotte was taking a giant leap by just going to bed with her. But it was a start that was bound to lead to a wonderful ending.
Karin slithered on top of Charlotte, rubbing her belly against the hot soft flesh of Charlotte's smooth gleaming body. She was so beautiful, Karin thought, so wonderful to touch. Karin would remember to be patient with her, go slow, understanding that this must be a strange experience.
But Charlotte had gotten over the strangeness once she had made up her mind to go through with this; gotten over the strangeness in a negative sense. She relished the strangeness of a new experience, this kissing and carressing of a female body. It made the act all the more exciting. But Karin was ruining it with her too-careful attitude. Charlotte could tell that she wasn't letting herself go, thinking more about Charlotte's experience than her own. Charlotte felt stifled by it.
"What are we going to do to make each other come?" she asked. She wanted to get right to basics and not waste precious time. Besides, Karin was making her nauseous.
Karin stared at Charlotte, lifting her head in surprise. Charlotte didn't sound nervous at all.
A bit bored, maybe. Well, if that was what she wanted, Karin would give her the most wonderful orgasm she ever had experienced.
"What would you like to do?" Karin asked.
Charlotte was annoyed, but she tried to hide it.
"You're the one with the experience," she said. "What do you recommend?"
"Let's rub pussies," Karin suggested. "Don't you worry about what you do to me, I'll be just fine. I'll use my fingers to make you come. Just leave it to me. You'll love it, really."
Karin thought she was being reassuring, but Charlotte thought it was ridiculous. It was a too self-conscious type of sex. It had as little to do with animal passion as holding hands. Even less. You can hold hands with more sexuality than this, she thought. But she was here and she supposed she would see it through.
Karin ground her hot creamy pussy into Charlotte's chafing the tender pink pussy hair with her massive furry muff. Charlotte felt hot licks of stabbing desire shoot up her thighs, across her belly, straight to her spine. She was getting horny.
Charlotte buried her head in Karin's neck, determined to ignore Karin's part of the sex and concentrate on her own. If Karin was fool enough not to get her own pleasure, that was her own problem. Charlotte twisted her head down lower until she came to Karin's throbbing purple-veined tits. She had always wondered what it feels like to suck a nipple, especially since guys got off so much sucking hers.
Charlotte took the hard brown titty tip in her mouth and lapped at it with her hot eager tongue. She frantically sucked, chewing on the ruddy bouncy flesh. It was fascinating, the way the nipple responded to her sucking. Charlotte reminded herself that nature had designed nipples for that very purpose, to be sucked by babies to provide them with nourishment. No wonder men went crazy over tits, she thought, this is terrific.
Karin felt herself grow nervous as Charlotte sucked frantically away on her hot titty flesh. She had expected to call all the shots, but here was Charlotte sucking tit on her own and loving it. Karin didn't know why, but it made her feel uneasy. Not needed, in a way.
"Don't do that," she said, pulling her tit from Charlotte's mouth. " Concentrate on the feeling in your cunt, it will be better this way. You shouldn't try to do too much your first time."
Oh brother, Charlotte moaned to herself. This chick is out of her fucking mind. I'm sorry I ever got myself into this.
But Charlotte willingly let go of the tasty nipple flesh. She wasn't one to force anything on anybody. If Karin didn't want her tits sucked, Charlotte wouldn't suck them.
Charlotte lay passively back, knowing that's what Karin wanted. She had been really into sucking her tits-it was a sexual experience she'd never had before, but Karin had ended it. Now, Charlotte just wanted this to be over with as soon as possible. It had been a mistake to think she could fuck Karin and enjoy it.
Karin kissed Charlotte's silky throat while rubbing her hot dripping pussy against Charlotte's throbbing cunt. Twisting her hips to the side, she stuck two fingers in Charlotte's snatch, feeling for the hard hungry clit. She slowly rubbed the hot little button, delighted to be touching Charlotte's secret parts. She knew she was the only woman on earth ever to stick her fingers in Charlotte's sweet hot pot and it pleased her.
But she was wrong. Charlotte stuck her own fingers in there quite frequently, whenever she took it upon herself to come without benefit of an available partner. Now that she thought of it, this was a lot like masturbation, Karin rubbing her pussy. In fact, it wasn't even as good. Having Karin rub her pussy for her seemed ridiculous, when she could very well rub her own. The thrill of another person's touch, the illicit excitement of another woman's touch, was missing. If Karin felt any excitement, she kept it to herself. Charlotte was missing the stimulating excitement of another human animal, panting with lust.
So she lay there, wishing this would end. She decided she would fake an orgasm, then go home and masturbate. She wanted to get away from Karin. Charlotte couldn't stand her stupid fingers playing around in her pussy. Karin was a sexual lame, lesbian or straight, and Charlotte wanted nothing to do with it.
"Ahhhhhhhh," she moaned, raising her hips and streching her muscles as if she were experiencing the tingling release of sexual climax.
"Are you coming?" Karin asked excitedly.
"Oh yes, yes," Charlotte lied. She relaxed her body. "Whew!" she said, as if in relief.
Charlotte hoped that Karin wouldn't expect her to finger Karin's pussy. What was the point? Karin could take care of herself very well, considering her view of sex. Charlotte sat up.
"Do you have the time?" she asked, as if she just remembered something.
"Yes," replied Karin, glancing at the clock in puzzlement. "It's almost three."
"Three!" Charlotte exclaimed. "I'm late. I'm supposed to meet Marie in twenty minutes." She hurried to put on her clothing, strewn on the bedroom floor. "I hope I can make it."
"Going so soon," said Karin, trying not to sound as depressed as she felt.
"Got to," Charlotte replied. She was standing by the bed now, buttoning the last button of her shirt. "See you around," she said, as she started from the room.
"Let me walk you to the door," said Karin, rushing to get a robe from the closet.
"Don't bother," ,said Charlotte. "I don't mind. See you, goodbye."
Charlotte hurried out of the apartment. Karin was left sitting naked on the bed, wondering what was wrong.