Chapter 14

"Get out of here or I'll call the cops!"

Teddy's threat was loud with harsh intent, but quivery with amazement ... as Helen and I barged our way in as soon as he opened the apartment door a crack.

"Small world stuff," Helen said rather deliriously. "The underdogs have united to get your goat, Teddy Bear!"

"Come off it! That'll be the day!" he guffawed, his cock-suredness suddenly rising. "How in the hell did you two find each other's company? That's a bitchen bit of mystery...!"

"No mystery. The gentle gods sometimes deal fair and square," Helen assured him.

And Teddy notified her, "You are just ripening yourself again for a ton of trouble, Mrs. Wallace."

"Oh no, you can't touch me with a ten-foot pole any more. I'm free and clear of you ... ever since Harve died. I have absolutely nothing to fear ... except a bit of conscience for the few lies I might have to tell the investigating police detectives!" Helen blurted.

"You want the cops over here?" Teddy asked with strong curiosity.

"Only if need be," she shrugged. "That is, if you don't fully cooperate with Steve and me...."

"Screw you both. And get out!"

"We're in," I growled. "And we're going to stay right in here until we get ... some satisfaction!"

"You filthy son of a bitch!" Teddy cried out. "You've already ruined me for weeks, maybe months! But I'll get even with you. I'll see that Shirley gets screwed to death now!"

"Wanta bet?" I breathed, restraining myself under previous orders from Helen.

And she said quickly, "Let's get down to business. Blackmail is a dirty rotten word and we're blackballing it, Teddy, nipping the foul flower once and for all!"

"You're really going to the cops with it?"

"Not on your life! Steve and I aren't interested in creating a nasty scene that would be very embarrassing. And so ... you are going to destroy the evidence of blackmail yourself, Teddy Bear!"

"Hah, hah, HAH!" he howled mirthlessly. "Let me get this straight. You expect me just to hand over your water color together with those snaps of Shirley?"

"Exactly. You'll burn them in that big ashtray in the middle of your coffee table," Helen instructed him.

"Go to hell, you dreamers."

Helen smiled secretly for a moment. Then she methodically opened her large pocketbook ... and pulled out a revolver!

"Good Christ, Mrs. Wallace!" Teddy's words came through a brittle laugh. "Who are you trying to kid? You wouldn't pull that trigger on any body in a million years!"

"No I wouldn't ... to kill them," Helen admitted in casual agreement. "The gun is just to hold on you until Steve does his job. But I can promise you a pistol whipping if you don't get us those pictures right now."

Teddy gulped. Then, "I'll call your bluff."

"All right. Ready, Steve?" Helen asked brightly. "The paint and brush are in my purse. Please get them out and proceed."

"W-what are you going to do?" Teddy asked, watching me uncap the paint can.

Helen said, "Tell me, Teddy. Did you see the James Bond movie Goldfinger?"

Again he guffawed. "You silly bitch ... you wouldn't murder me like that in cold blood!"

"Of course not," Helen said disdainfully. "But-like Mr. Goldfinger, I'm prepared to have your skin painted ... with a very special paint; I mixed it myself ... for skin irritation that will leave permanent pockmarks!"

Teddy twitched nervously. "I-I don't believe you a single bit!"

"Well ... you'll see! Steve ... Teddy, stand still! You are right-I could never kill you. But I might accidentally shoot you ... in the groin!"

"Why have you still got such a big burr up your butt?" he asked her in amazement.

Helen smiled a little sadly. "Because you made my life a living hell of constant worry with your blackmail-and because I think Steve and Shirley deserve a right to happiness ... as I experienced happiness in my marriage before you soured the sweet, tender grapes."

"Ah-hah! The Lady Macbeth of Fort Lauderdale," Teddy said sarcastically. "I may cry me a river...."

"Oh, you will!" Helen assured him. "And after your precious skin ... your Achilles heel ... is blemished and made ugly by my paint, you'll also probably dig a hole for yourself and crawl in!"

There was a long silence. All the hot air seemed to have whooshed out of Teddy, as if out of a pricked balloon ... and he squirmed.

"All right, w-what the hell-I lose this one," he said at last. "You can burn the stuff! It's all taped up underneath the coffee table."

I fingered under for it in a flash. "Is this really all of it, Teddy?"

"E-everything! I swear...!"

I struck a match and the small bonfire in the large ash tray came a second later.

It was in the second that Teddy screamed, covering his crotch with his hands. For abruptly ... Helen had struck his shoulder as hard as she could with the pistol butt.

She cried, "God ... damn ... you!"

And Teddy yelled hysterically, "Go ahead ... kill me ... but I've still got the last laugh!"

"What's that?" I panted.

"Shirley is getting it but good tonight ... from Madge Carpenter and her crew!"

Helen's intake of breath was in horror, and my mind went into instant flip-flops.

"Level with me, Helen. I can take the bad news."

"Steve, this is sick-ghastly!" she said in pain. "The most notorious leather-lovers south of the Florida state line! And Madge herself is the biggest bull dyke alive; she'll tear Shirley to shreds!"

"Touche, touche," Teddy cackled.

"Teddy! Where have they taken her, for God's sake?" she demanded impatiently.

"On the schooner," he hissed.

"Oh god," Helen husked. "My God, Steve...!"

For a blinding moment, my mind conjured up images of hellish horror ... then my sanity exploded and I charged Teddy like a raging animal, hooking savagely with rights and lefts to his face and body.

Teddy was not in any trouble yet. He was backing away, blocking all punches rather easily, then ... he managed to scoop up an ash tray and fling it into my face! I ducked ... but not quick enough. The ashes did their intended trick in my eyes. And Teddy, in close now, landed a hard left to my ribs, followed it with a right to the kidneys, hammered away, putting his weight and shoulders behind every punch until....

Suddenly he screamed ... then I heard him fall to the floor.

"I'm not really like this, Steve," Helen said brokenly. "I'm not really like this at all. But I had to fight fire with fire."

I rubbed my still unseeing eyes. "W-what did you do to him?" I panted blindly. "You didn't ...!"

"Steve! I had to do something, for God's sake!" she cried. "Yes ... I butted the pistol into his sore crotch! The pain sent him out like a light."

"Oh, Jesus," I breathed. "Jesus, Jesus ... now I've dragged you into all this unspeakable filth, Helen! I've got the real shakes...."

"Well, shake 'em off, Steve!" she ordered with pique. "We've got to get your eyes shaped up again and find that damned schooner!"

"I want you out of this, Helen!"

"Forget it, I'm staying in," she said flatly. "Maybe I'm-a bit kooky for excitement. All I know is ... I want the perverse bastards in this town to learn a lesson. Never tangle with a Black Widow!"

"All right, then ... just one question. The paint in that can was actually harmless, wasn't it?"

There was a long pause. Then she chuckled ... enigmatically!