Chapter 7
Don't Bangkok
I changed out of my uniform in the airport john and took the next available That International Airways flight to Bangkok. The airline had to book me first class as there was no room to sit economy, and they needed me urgently in Bangkok. So I sat back in my seat sipping Singapore slings and immensely enjoying being on the other end of the stick-until we hit a bit of turbulence. I began to feel very sick. Then I had a sneezing fit and began to shiver despite the coziness of the cabin.
I arrived at Bangkok shaking like a leaf, took a cab to the hotel, and reported to the captain whose crew I was joining. He took one look at me and ordered me straight to bed. I had at this time seen very little of the city which I was dying to visit. A doctor was called in who diagnosed flu and a very severe case of upset stomach.
I saw at once that the doctor was more interested in me than in my condition. He took a very long time examining my chest, although it was as clear as a bell, and then insisted upon listening to my heartbeat (first time I realized my heart was below my navel!) by placing his oily little head right against my left breast and telling me to breath hard.
"You stay bed," he said. "I see you tomorrow."
At nine o'clock the next day, I was awakened by a knock at my door. I opened it; the doctor walked in.
"You better, no?" he asked.
"No!" I replied sharply. "I'm still asleep," I added. "Good," he said. "I listen to your chest and heart, please."
We went through the whole rigmarole again. When it was over, he sat down on the edge of my bed, smiled politely and asked, "London girls very sexy, no?"
"No, not this one," I replied. "This girl very ill. This girl not like men."
He bowed and smiled. "Dr. Chang" (I can't give his real name in case he's still in practice-which I doubt) "very interested to go to London," he said.
"Good for Dr. Chang," I said.
Dr. Chang told me London was naughtier than Paris.
"Now, look here, Dr. Chang!" I said. "Fuck this! Let's talk about me!" I demanded.
"You say you want to fuck me?" Dr. Chang asked.
"No, Dr. Chang. No, no, no!" I insisted, for he was getting closer and closer.
"Ah! I see," he said. "You fuck tomorrow. I take you to see lovely house of entertainment." He bowed and left.
I was all alone without a friend in the place. The crew had gone, the captain giving instructions for me to fly home on one of our other aircraft as a passenger as soon as the doctor said I was fit enough to travel. The next day the doctor called punctually and once more carried out his examination. He couldn't have paid more attention to my heart even if I had been suffering from angina. Then he resumed the conversation where he had left off the previous day.
"You say yesterday you visit house of delightful entertainment, no?" he asked.
I gave up. "Which house?" I asked.
"Bangkok special place of pleasure called House of Lotus Blossom," he answered.
What goes on there?" I asked, wondering if this screwy little idiot was planning to take me to some sort of garden.
"Whatever lady like," he replied, and with a bow or two he backed out, nearly shutting himself in the door.
The next day I was definitely a little better, but very weak, and having awakened early, I was dressed by the time the doctor arrived. He displayed no emotion, but before leaving he said, "I call this evening for visit to House of Lotus Blossom. I hope you in athletic mood."
I felt like saying, "Look, you little creep, why don't you get lost," but instead I asked, "What is the House of Lotus Blossom?"
Without replying he bowed profusely and backed out of the room. I suppose it was sheer curiosity and boredom that made me go. Three days sick on one's own in a Bangkok hotel is enough to make anybody go anywhere. I'd done as the doctor had instructed and rested and read in my room all day.
He arrived punctually at eight-thirty, and we went to a smart restaurant. I won't deny that I looked around to see if there were somebody else I could ditch him for, but I was out of luck, as the only alternative males were Chinese and over seventy. Dinner consisted of about a hundred different courses and took about a hundred hours to' eat. If I partook of one dish he would say, "You like, no?" If I refused a dish, he would say, "You no like?" By eleven o'clock I was ready for bed, but he was ready for the mystery house.
We arrived at last. On the outside it was a simple building of four stories. We went in, and a smiling That greeted us and exchanged whispers with the doctor, who eventually turned to me and said, "We will make a tour. You choose what you imagine, like dinner dish."
By this time I could hardly wait to find out what all the mystery was about. However, it didn't take me long to discover that I had been taken to what must have been the most extraordinary brothel or house of pleasure in the world. (I purposely write "have been" for I heard afterwards that it was closed by the American military authorities, probably rightly so, because it was having a bad influence on personnel on leave from the Vietnam war.) With discovery came determination. At no price was I going to have any part (especially that little protuberance between his short legs) of that creepy Dr. Chang, but at the same time the idea of the inner workings of the place appealed to me.
We walked from the hall into a long broad passage with scrolls hanging from the walls and a large seated Buddha contemplating his navel at its end. We passed a series of doors behind some of which considerable activity seemed to be taking place. Then our guide approached a door and opened it, standing back bowing for me to enter, and I walked in.
At first I thought I had strayed into a children's party. Two little girls about twelve years old were seated on cushions in front of a low table with a teapot and little round teacups placed on it. They rose and twittered. I was really embarrassed and sat down. They passed me a cup and poured out tea. Dr. Chang sat opposite. The guide stood bowing. For once I felt flummoxed. What on earth were these children going to do? We sat for a few moments in silence, which made me drink more tea than I'm accustomed to, and this made the little girls pour out all the more of it. I wondered how long this would go on.
Dr. Chang watched us smilingly. "You no like little playthings?" he said at last.
Suddenly understanding the implications of what he had said, I jumped to my feet in horror, knocking over my teacup. The little girls looked disappointed as I backed out of the room. Once outside I asked Dr. Chang if we could see some of the other sights. We went into another room a little farther down the corridor. I was greeted by a very beautiful girl of about sixteen, but I had had enough and refused to sit down. Dr. Chang then showed some sign of emotion for the first time.
"You no like young lady for pleasure?" he asked. I wasn't about to divulge my experience in Perth to this nosy little blighter and the fact that I was still very much into men.
"Look," I said. "Let's get one thing straight. I don't like young or, for that matter, old ladies for pleasure."
He looked as amazed as a nun at an orgy and bowed and asked if I'd like to go home. This threw me into a quandary for I wanted to see more of this fantastic place, but I didn't want to become involved in it. I said I would like to look around and asked if I could please do so without getting mixed up in it, at least until I had made up my mind that I wanted to. (After all, there might have been an attractive young stud behind one of those ornate closed doors!) I knew this was dishonest, but Chang was such an awful horror I didn't really feel guilty.
The next stage was a change of scenery, for we visited two little boys who were also drinking tea. (I couldn't help wondering how much of the stuff was consumed there!) Hoping I would embarrass Dr. Chang I asked him if little boys were to his taste, but he only bowed politely and quoted an old Chinese proverb about pleasure being everywhere if you only take the trouble to look for it. Then we saw an assortment of males and females who would appeal to all tastes-the men were dressed as girls and the girls as men (as at the Elle et Lui Club Paris).
While we were walking about every now and again a door would open and an inscrutable Asiatic or a bewildered Westerner would come out. I couldn't help noticing the difference in their expressions. The Easterner looked perfectly matter-of-fact and pleased whereas the Westerner had that hangdog guilty look which comes of partaking of delights which though enjoyed at the time are abhorrent in reflection.
After we had visited a number of rooms on the first two floors, I began to understand the set-up. There were young boys and girls, then pairs of each as well as mixed couples of boys and girls on the ground floor. There were also singles. There were transvestites of both sexes on the next floor. In another room on the same floor there was a gigantic Negro who looked at me the way a bull looks at a cow. He was one of the largest men I've ever seen. A boy was lying on a bed, and an assortment of whips and canes hung on the wall. When we came in he turned over and showed us his buttocks, which were red and bleeding from a recent beating. There was a girl in the next room whose ass was in exactly the same state. There was also a room with chains hanging from the walls while a naked girl lay manacled to the bed. For the first time in my life I was now right off sex-if that's what sex is all about! I would have screamed if Chang had tried to touch me.
We climbed to the third floor, and here for the first time the guide appeared almost human. "I speak English," he said. I looked amazed and asked, "Why didn't you say so before?" He merely looked at Chang and smiled.
"This is the most interesting floor," said the guide. "Here we pamper to extreme personal tastes. In this room we provide ducks for pleasure. You would be surprised at how many requests we have for them. They accommodate the penis with ease, and the sensation is very pleasant."
(I made a mental note never to eat duck in Bangkok. Maybe that accounted for all the stews who were stricken ill there. You could never tell what your duck had been stuffed with, or by whom!) The room was empty, but smelled of poultry. The guide continued his commentary.
"The vocal cords of the ducks are cut so they are perfectly silent during sexual intercourse."
I couldn't imagine anything funnier than the thought of a guy fucking a duck while it quacked happily away! We went into another room.
"Here," said the guide, "we serve refreshments and discuss special requests."
Dr. Chang tried to get me to say something, but I ignored him. The guide was far more interesting and seemed to have no plans to involve me. We sat down to the inevitable tea.
"Yes," said the guide. "This is the floor of requests One of the most difficult requests came from a woman who had traveled the whole way from Paris to make love to a monkey."
Finding a monkey which can make love to a woman is apparently not difficult. (Girls, please note if you're feeling that way inclined!) Unfortunately, however, a monkey is liable to bite when passionate. He told me this quite seriously. He tried to explain this to the woman, but she wanted a monkey which would: one, make love and, two, not only not bite, but kiss her instead! The guide explained that this is a very hard thing to find. The hilarious thing about this story is that it was told in the matter-of-fact way a garage mechanic in England might say it's hard to get a certain spare part.
"We experimented with several monkeys," the guide continued, "but none of them could be trusted. The woman was offering a huge sum of money. At last somebody had a good idea. Why not extract the monkey's teeth, and then the woman would think it was trying to kiss her when in fact it was actually trying to bite her! This plan was adopted, and everything turned out all right in the end."
I only just managed to keep my tea down! Now that the guide had broken his silence, there was no stopping him. He went on to say how popular animals were and how they usually exhausted two donkeys every year. I asked him what sort of clients he had.
"The very best in Bangkok," he replied. "We have politicians, soldiers, businessmen, and a surprising number of foreign visitors." He added, "I was at an American university and I can see that you are shocked by the goings-on here. Westerners are very hypocritical. Here in the East we are realistic. You are not. Let me give you an example.
"Three years ago a very beautiful American girl came here after working in Vietnam. She believed in free love and had a very nice partner on the ground floor. She told me she was completely emancipated, and she certainly was sexually. One night I took her to dinner with an old client of ours, a very, very distinguished Chinese and a collector of porcelain, from which he had made a fortune. He was an old man and belonged to the past, but was a clever and civilized man, and such men will soon be extinct. This American girl was always going on about how she wanted to meet a real Chinese, and that is why I had asked him if I could bring her to dinner, for she was a real beauty, and he was an admirer of beauty of of all kinds.
"Well, everything was fine to begin with. There were eight of us. We talked of the folly of the Vietnam war, which pleased the girl. Then we went to have dinner. Out of politeness to the girl, a special gourmet treat had been planned. We were to have fresh monkey brains. Now, if you have never had them, let me tell you that few things are more delicious, far better than your British oysters, and like them they have to be eaten alive. However, monkeys being more active, this is much more difficult than eating oysters. The traditional way of preparing the monkey (which was the way our host chose of honoring his guest) was to bind the monkeys tightly to upright pieces of wood with the tops of their heads sticking through round holes in a flat piece of wood attached to the upright stakes. Then the tops of the monkeys' skulls were removed with a sharp knife, and their brains were eaten while still moving. They're delicious, very expensive, and one of China's oldest delicacies.
"When the monkeys were brought in, the American girl screamed and rushed to free her monkey and took it to the window threatening us with her knife not to stop her. One by one she did the same to the rest of our first course. Naturally we were all too polite to say anything, but our host was very shocked. For the rest of the dinner, conversation was strained. The American girl glared at us and refused to eat or to answer if she were spoken to. I was very angry by the end of the meal and rose to apologize. The American girl left without even thanking her host. When we were in the car I tried to reason with her and said that when I was in restaurants in New York where they boil lobsters alive I didn't take them out of the restaurant and free them in the street. But she slapped my face and called me a savage and opened the car door and jumped out while we were still moving. That was the last I saw of her. Now, don't you think she was both hysterical and bad-mannered?" he asked.
I was so amazed at this story and his indignation that I couldn't speak. All I could think of was how much I wanted to meet this American girl and shake her by the hand! (I suppose our own country is just as cruel in different ways.) I didn't say anything, but sat wondering how soon I could get out of this place before I was asked to partake of monkey's brains or bullock's balls or something even more repulsive.
"However," he continued (and as I had decided he probably wouldn't repeat his material, I stayed on to listen) "hypocrisy is your worst vice. In the East if a man comes in and wants to beat a woman or go to bed with two boys, we understand because we know we all have such feelings sometimes. Everybody in the West pretends to be shocked by things they probably want to do themselves in secrecy. However," he said getting up, "Let us continue our tour, for I have talked enough, and it is for you to choose what you imagine for your pleasure with Dr. Chang."
But for once Fiona had really had enough. "No, no, no!" I cried. "Thank you very much indeed. I think my period has just started, so I must go home."
It was the only excuse I could think of to put him off, but I should have known nothing would ever put Dr. Chang off. He said something disgusting about that suiting his imagine if I didn't mind. Recoiling at the thought of his repulsive little head between my legs I said that I did mind very much and was going home.
We walked down the stairs, and it was all I could do to stop myself from running because I was in such a hurry to get out of that awful place. He offered me more tea in the hall, which I declined. His eyes then caught sight of a large glass bowl on the table.
"Ah, please let me tell you a very funny story before you leave about a countryman of yours, an Englishman of great note who was in Bangkok. He came to us and said he'd heard it was possible to get a certain fish with a big mouth by which it attaches itself to other fish. If a man inserted his penis into the fish's mouth, the fish would suck him off. Apparently it takes three fish to jerk a man off, and it's supposed to be a marvelous sensation. Well, it's always our intention to satisfy our clients, so we said we had knowledge of these fish and would procure some for him. However, we added that it is not a pleasure we recommend in the House of Lotus Blossom. He came back in two weeks' time and was very generous. He asked if he could have three fish and one of our beautiful girls in a room. We provided him with the young lady and the fish, but we understand that it was by no means a success. The experience caused your countryman a great deal of pain-which served him right! Apparently the fish had sharp bones in its stomach, but we know it did him no serious harm for we have seen his name in the papers, and he must be alive and well."
That was the last straw-first the monkey and now the fish! I decided to disappear like a gust of wind up a panty leg while I was still in one piece. Remembering the American girl, I left without saying good-bye. The guide is probably to this very day saying the English are ridiculous.
"Do you know," he will recollect, "one of them darted out of the room when I told her one of her countrymen had once made love to a fish!"
Dr. Chang, however, was not so easily shaken off. Indeed, he seemed determined to send me right out of my mind by requesting that we return to his house so I could smoke a pipe of opium. I told him frankly that in my view it was absolutely disgusting for a doctor to propose that one of his patients should indulge in narcotics and that my one wish was to be taken safely and swiftly back to my hotel. He didn't say another word until I was getting out of his car. He leaned forward and asked if he should send the invoice to the hotel or to the airline. (I was now fit to travel and only too delighted to leave!)
"You send it where the hell you like," I snapped. "In fact, you could try sticking it up your ass. That should give you great pleasure to quote honorable Chinese proverb," I shouted at him and continued, "If you think I'm going to pay a man who suggests I smoke opium with him and who takes me to a disgusting place like the House of Lotus Blossom it's you who needs a doctor, not me!"
As I lay in bed I realized on reflection I was being unfair to Dr. Chang, because Bangkok has a lot of marvelous things to see and do, and I was really very pleased to have seen the House of Lotus Blossom. On subsequent visits to Bangkok I had a marvelous time visiting all the glorious temples of the famous Buddha and spending money like mad on silk and gold. However, I never went back to the House of Lotus Blossom. A flight was coming through Bangkok the next morning, and I was home sweet home, back to England and to the lovely-pint-of-beer-in-the-local type of Englishmen.
In the morning I struggled into my uniform (in those days we had to travel in uniform even if we weren't a part of the operating crew) and found that the skirt was inches too big around the middle. I pinned it around me so it looked reasonably respectable, and I went to the airport with the crew who were taking the aircraft to Colombo. I was flying straight through to London Heathrow.
I tried hard to rest, but it was a trooping flight. I had a seat next to a snotty-nosed kid who kept asking me why I wasn't working because I was dressed like all the other "Ladies," and they had to work. There was no other empty seat on the aircraft, so I was stuck with this horrible child all the long journey to London. Occasionally I'd go up into the forward galley and chat with the girls. They were very nice and extremely sympathetic about my plight, especially as it was my very first flight.
There was another change of crew at Colombo and a stopover of about fifty minutes before proceeding on route. The new crew were very friendly. I was feeling a little stronger, and the galley girl asked me if I'd like to make the captain a cup of tea and take him a few biscuits. Only too eager to please and of course to look the men over, I went to the flight deck with the tea and biscuits. The men were all busy at their various tasks. I returned to the galley.
A second later, the engineer dashed out and asked for a sick bag for the captain and dashed back into the cockpit. A little later, the captain buzzed for me. I went in. He handed the engineer a soggy, very full sick bag, apologizing profusely. Before handing the bag to me in order to dispose of it, the engineer stuck his hand into it and licked his fingers clean saying, "By God! That's good!"
I turned green and ran out of the flight deck. They all burst out laughing. I was standing in the galley clutching my none too steady tummy when the engineer came out and said, "It's okay, luv. It's a joke we play on all new stews!" The captain only poured the tea into the bag and added the biscuits. I stared at him in disbelief and then started to laugh. I went back to the flight deck and told them how horrible they were!
I slept the rest of the way to Kuwait and yet another change in crew. There was a steward in charge of cabin staff this time. I'd heard about him. He was supposedly the biggest bastard in the world to fly with. I must say he looked pretty mean, because he was so big and boot-faced. In other words, he looked a real tough nut to crack! His name was Tony Walters. The three girls with him looked very unhappy.
After we had taken off he called me into the galley and started chewing me out because I was sitting down while the others were working. He said there was nothing wrong with me and that I was just faking: I was exhausted from the long flight, and the strain of my illness was beginning to make itself felt.
"Look," I said, "I've been really sick. I'm not on your crew, and I'm not bothering you. You leave me alone!" I demanded.
"You just wait till I get you on a flight with me. "I'll make you work your ass off," he added.
"I always work my ass off," I replied and turned my back and walked away from him.
When we landed at Heathrow I took the crew transport across to the maintenance side of the airport where my car was parked. I also had to check with crewing on my next flight. Tony came along, too. I looked for my name on the board and saw that I had a week's leave to recover before going off to New York with none other than the sperm head Tony Walters as my Number One! I was just getting into my tiny sports car called Oswald when Tony thrust his bullhead through the window.
"Lucky you," he said. "A flight with me! m get you, you lazy little bitch!"
I wound up the window, almost trapping his red face and bulging neck in it, and roared away from him.
I drove like a mad thing back to my apartment in Chelsea. All my roommates but one were away down route. Jackie, a tiny dark-haired girl, was cooking herself breakfast. I changed out of my uniform and sat down to tell her some of the things that had happened to me. I told her about that bastard Tony. She knew him by reputation and wouldn't swap her flight with me, although I begged, pleaded, and bribed. I was stuck with it, but I had a whole seven glorious days off! I decided to whizz down to the south of France for a bit of sunshine and to escape completely from airlines and airline crews!